I finally gave up on sleeping as the sun rose the next morning. I dressed quickly and headed out before anyone could stop me. I decided on walking the distance to Gale's small house on the edge of the District. The trip would take an hour on foot, but I didn't mind, I already missed my afternoon hikes through my woods in District 12. I arrived as Gale and Clara were sitting down for breakfast.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Clara asks cautiously as I sit down with coffee. I am suddenly embarrassed she and Gale has witnessed my bout of jealousy.
"I am fine Clara," I give her a reassuring smile, "never better".
"I don't believe you," Gale cuts in, "I can tell when you are lying."
"I am fine, I promise, there was no reason for me to get upset last night, I don't know what came over me."
He eyed me like he was still unsure, but thankfully changed the topic. I feel the most ashamed of being jealous of Gale and Clara's happiness. Watching them here together, laughing and teasing each other, I couldn't be happier for my friend. We talked all morning until I couldn't put it off any longer: I needed to head back to the group before it left without me for District 3. I know Peeta wouldn't let that happen, but I still didn't want to push my luck. Gale followed me to the door.
"You have to tell him, you know that right?" Gale looked at me with a serious expression.
"I will," I replied without meeting his eyes.
"You have to Katniss, it is going to be hard, especially for you, but I can promise you life is better on the other side of the conversation."
When I looked at him, I knew he was right. I had to take a chance and tell Peeta exactly how I felt. I waved at Gale and Clara one last time and then headed off in a brisk jog toward the hotel and Peeta.
"I was worried about you Katniss, no one knew where you were!" Peeta's voice is raised and he keeps pushing his hair back like he doesn't know what else to do with his hands.
"I told you last night I was going to Gale and Clara's this morning to say goodbye, not my fault if you were not paying attention," I was rising to the fight in part because of my jealousy, and I know that isn't fair, but all the anger I felt last night bubbles suddenly to the surface and I can't help yelling back.
"I was under the impression that we would go together, and not at the crack of dawn. You had to have left before it was even light! Why didn't you come wake me? And why didn't you tell me you were leaving the feast last night? I was worried then too, until I ran into Effie and she told me you wanted your own room. What is wrong?"
I was about to do it, I really was, I was about to spill everything I was thinking and feeling. I didn't want him to worry, and I didn't want him to be mad at me. I wanted to tell him I loved him, I was ready to talk about getting married, I was ready to plan a future. The timing wasn't right though, and after a few seconds of silence Julia walks up to where we were standing, oblivious to the heated energy between us.
"Are you guys going to ride your horses today, or with Effie in the carriage?" It isn't fair for me to hate her, and I know that, but I couldn't help but be annoyed at her voice. The same voice that was laughing so loudly at Peeta's jokes last night.
"I am going to ride outside" I said in a short clipped tone, hoping she would take a hint and leave me alone. I stalked off to get my saddle out of one of the carts.
When Peeta decided to come with me, Julia followed. The entire trip was filled with Julia babbling happily to us both, Peeta participating in the conversation politely but not with his usual charm, and me, riding silently trying to collect my thoughts for when Peeta and I would get a chance to talk again.
By the time I get to the feast for District Three, the party is in full swing. Peeta and I are coordinating, as always, in midnight blue outfits: a short strapless dress for me and a black suit with blue accents for him. We still haven't had a chance to talk, but I am feeling better now that Julia had to go help Effie get other people ready for the party.
I sense it the second we walk in the door. There is something extra in the air, a buzz of hushed excitement. I scan the crowd for the source, tightening my grip on Peeta's arm.
"What's wrong?" I can tell by his eyes that he can feel it too, probably a leftover effect of the games.
"Something feels off," I reply. He silently nods and leads me back toward the door, heading against the flow of our group from the capitol, who are all pouring into the party now laughing and joking with each other.
I look around me again and try to figure out the source of tension. We are in a room with all of the important members of government including President Paylor, her trusted advisors, all the important decision makers of Panem. Peeta and I are definitely not the center of attention anymore, the positions we hold are so unimportant I have a feeling we could have skipped the tour all together if it weren't for Effie's insistence. I spot her now heading toward us with a smiling Beetee. The second Beetee sees my face his smile falters and he does a quick scan of the room, feeling something as suddenly as I did.
They are about three feet away when the bomb goes off.