She can't move. She can't even breathe. She stands, frozen, staring at Beth in the mirror, eyes open wide, unable to do anything else than listen to the blood pulsing in her ears and feel the light pressure of that hand on her shoulder, making her knees weak and unreliable. She isn't sure she can keep standing. She won't let her mind wander, afraid to think. But even thinking about not thinking makes her clench her teeth at the words running through her head. Impossible. Not real. Trick. Impostor. Another clone. Beth is dead.
The fingers curl around her shoulder, the thumb catching the seam of her shirt as it runs back in forth in a calming pattern, attempting to comfort her, but still hesitant and unsure. She tries to fight the sense of familiarity in the touch of the other clone's soothing fingertips and strains to keep her thoughts from hoping the impossible. But she can't stop reminding herself of how little she actually knew about that incident when her friend had lost her courage to keep going. And how many times had she told Sarah how impossible it sounded to her? Too many times. And with that, the limits of hope she outlined for herself to protect her from the inevitable disappointment evaporate. Beth is alive. She repeats the thought over and over; she loves the way it feels tumbling through her mind, fitting into different scenarios and alternate realities that haven't existed in the time Beth had been gone.
"Alison?"
Her hand flies to her mouth, failing to hide the gasp that escapes. She turns to face Beth, slowly, finding her balance as she does so. Beth steps closer as she turns, hand falling off Alison's shoulder. "Alison, it's me." But Alison still remains frozen inside, unable to make movements of acknowledgment. The words Trick. Impostor. Another Clone restrain her from taking a step closer to Beth where the toes of their shoes would meet from the proximity.
Beth touches Alison's hand lying limply at her side. Her fingers brush over Alison's knuckles before she closes her hand over three of Alison's fingers, pulling her hand up to her own face. Unable to stop her if she wanted to, Alison feels the hardness of Beth's jawline as her hand is guided to the back of Beth's neck. "I promise, it's me," Beth whispers. Beth's straight, silky hair tickles Alison's knuckles before her fingers touch Beth's skin a little behind her ear. Beth leads her finger along a smooth line of tissue where her hairline melts into the skin on her neck.
Her scar. Alison slides her fingers over it, tip to tip, letting the reality of Beth, live and warm and real, replace everything she'd experienced recently, because Beth is alive, and maybe being subject to illegal experiments isn't the end of the world anymore, as long as Beth is alive. Her eyes gloss over with tears, fingers combing over Beth's smooth scar until she starts stroking the entirety of the back of Beth's neck over and over again, convincing herself of how real she is. Beth flicks Alison's hair off her shoulder before pulling Alison toward her. Alison wraps herself in Beth's arms, sighing with relief and sobbing into Beth's shoulder at the same time. Beth rubs her back, waiting for her to calm down. When Alison's sobs relax into sniffles and sharp, sporadic intakes of oxygen, Beth pulls away slightly, only making Alison grip her tighter. "Don't let go." The sound of Beth's hard swallow reaches her ears after feeling Beth nod and pull her closer, letting her chin fall on Alison's shoulder. Alison strokes Beth's hair a few times before running her fingers down the length of Beth's scar again, and catching her breath when she finds it there, still having a hard time believing it. Beth is alive. Cries break from her soft shudders and into audible gasps again. "I'm so sorry, Ali," Beth cries with her, pulling a hand up to cradle the back of Alison's head.
"I wanted to tell you. I-"
"I don't need an explanation." Having Beth here, alive, holding her, is enough for now. She closes her eyes and finally starts to relax a little, her muscles loosening their tight grip, but her arms still wrap around Beth, head still rests on her shoulder, fingers still trace the scar. Nothing makes sense. Everything she thought she knew breaks into foggy fragments. She should have questions for Beth, she should be angry at her for leaving, for letting her think she died, for not telling her that she hadn't. But she could only let relief flood over her. Now she could face whatever lies ahead. She could do it, because for once, not everything is going wrong. More than that, everything may be suddenly going right. Beth can help get everything back on track. She can help get answers for them. She can protect them. Everything is going to be okay.
Eyes reopening and reexamining her setting, Alison remembers the one pressing nightmare that not even Beth can fix. "Beth," Alison says softly from Beth's shoulder, "Cosima's sick."