Therapy at Muzzle Velocity
(insert curiously epic theme music)
[load last save]
Kelly liked to think that she looked like Blasto, when he armed himself to fight of waves of genetically altered Zombie Krogans from destroying the Citidel Orphanage/Children's Hospital in Blasto; The First Hanar Specter 8, Jelly of Justice. Unfortunately though, the yeoman didn't have any rifles, shotguns, or that awesome Unlicensed Nuclear Accelerator, that he'd received from the Hanar Special Techs Division.
Miss Chambers had a full strip of medigel packs (that she wrapped around herself, like a little bandoleer), an empty pistol, and a red cloth that she tied around her head like a bandanna. Screwed as she was, she had to think positive, and be brave like Blasto...
"This one has come to kick posteriors, and mechanically masticate chewing gum" she said serenely "However, this one's gum supplies are currently depleted." The redheaded woman said to her own reflection, in the shuttles small lavatory. She continued to examine herself in the mirror, until she was happy that she looked decidedly bad-ass, then removed the cloth and folded it and put it away.
She didn't want her hair to get all shmoopy...
The young woman stepped out of the Kodiak, and found herself back in the Collector scrap yard. She made a point to keep her Omnitool off, and combat drone unsommoned as she didn't want want to draw any attention to herself. It was still kind of curious that they made no effort to try and attack her, but she kind of suspected that maybe they didn't see her as a threat.
She supposed that it kind of made sense, if she really didn't think about it too much.
Basically all of her speculations, came down to few guesses. The one that seemed most likely however, was that the Collectors probably could see her but were unable to do anything about her. They probably had absolutely no free will, and thus, until whomever ran this place actually knew she was here, she'd be safe.
She hoped anyway...
Either way, she suspected that any hope, of going unnoticed, was all about to be blown to crap, as soon as she initiated phase one of operation 'Save everyone and kick Collector ass'. Kelly frowned.
Alright, so her mission naming abilities kinda sucked. But since it was her operation, she did get to give herself her very own awesome code name, which she promptly dubbed herself 'Red Phoenix' (a cool name, that the redhead had secretly been waiting most of her adult life to use).
And of course, there was that minor logistical issue of having absolutely no real plan of attack.
So... yea ok, she was freakin screwed. Kelly, poked her head back into the massive hallway of the Collector base, and contemplated her next move. Pretty much, she was going to have to get some help, or this mission was going to be over before it can ever even get off the ground.
"What would Blasto do?..." she asked herself.
...Well …In Blasto 3; Sea of love, the hanar was able to rescue his genius, supermodel asari girlfriend, from that evil lab by setting a bunch of bombs, and thus, creating a diversion. The yeoman rubbed her chin, she didn't have any explosives but...
Kelly looked up and saw an entire network of pipes, all different colors, and running in every direction. She raised an eyebrow.
XxxXxXxxX
"...so Vanis, that stupid turian git, somehow managed to set of every god damned alarm across the entire complex. Now keep in mind, that this was supposed to be a fucking recon mission. We're armed with light rifles and machine pistols, we probably be buggered tryin take on one krogan, let alone the entire fucking Blood Pack base. I barely had time to call Vanis a fucking moron when we start to hear the those big sons-of-bitches start busting down the doors, shotguns blazing."
"oh dear..." was all Kelly could say, as she leans foreword in her seat and blows at her steaming cup of coffee. It may seem kind of odd, but of all the people the people aboard the Normandy, Kelly would have to say that her favorite person to talk to was Zaeed Massani.
Maybe it was partially because he reminded her so much of her grandpa Chambers, a grizzled first generation colonist who helped found Eden Prime. Both men smelled of that curious combination of machine oil, and aftershave. Granted, her grandpa got it from managing farm equipment all day, whereas Zaeed got his from oiling his rifles. However, it could also be the way that both men could just tell an amazing tale. Even now, the frigates small mess hall was beginning to become crowded as more and more crewman stopped to listen.
It could even be the simple fact that she never had to corner the man to do her job. The wartime relic was an open book to any who simply were willing to listen. There was no deception to have to work around, no games, or layers of misdirection to go through. The man was so brutality honest, that many just wrote him off as just rude.
However, if Kelly had to pick one thing, she would probably say that it was because she secretly envied secretly him.
In a way, Zaeed represented everything that Kelly could never be. The Mercenary was so...adventurous. Everyday probably brought something new and interesting. Everything he's ever done in the past, be it good or bad, crazy or just plain stupid, brought some lesson that he could take with him wherever he went.
Kelly never wanted to admit it, but her life had become... static. Her job, as much as she loved it, barely paid for her windowless studio apartment in the Citidel's D wing. Her boyfriend, whom she suspected was cheating on her, left another message on her inbox stating that he'd be working late again.
Chalk it up to cosmic irony, that the yeoman had spent so many nights staring up a metal ceiling, alone, wondering if the galaxy had something more to offer.
"Wait a minute, didn't you say that there was a strike team nearby?" Mathews asks. The aging mercenary, waves a dismissive hand at him.
"Son, out on the field, you learn pretty damned quick that when seconds count, backup is always a few sodding minutes away. You don't survive my line of work by pussy-footing around corners, waiting for the heavy hitters to come pull your ass out of the fire."
"So what did you do?" Kelly asked.
"We were bloody fucked. I knew it, they knew it, my team sure as hell knew it. There was five of us, and... I don't know, maybe 30, 35 krogan? Twice that in vorcha and those bloody attack varen." Zaeed leans back, and pulls a out a cigar in total disregard for the sign on the wall. Goldstein raises an eyebrow as she speaks.
"30 krogan? Are you going to tell me that you toe to toe, against 30 krogan?"
"Your bet your ass i did." He lights his cigar, and takes a puff.
"You see, that's the problem with you damn kids. You watch enough holovids and extranet games, and you start to think that space is some sodding western, where the guy with the fastest trigger finger is always going be the one on top.
Not one person ever remembers, that just because you're the strong, that doesn't mean you can't get your ass kicked."
See, let me tell you the dirty little secret about real life." Zaeed leaned into the table, meeting Kelly's gaze "Its not the strong that survive out there; It's the one who keeps his head on his shoulders, the one who hits first, hits hardest, and fights to win." He leans back again, and turns back to Kelly.
"Luckily, Jessie was all dolled up in her favorite, armor piercing ammo converter. Together, we start shooting every pipe we see along the walls."
"The pipes?" Kelly asks
"Always something good in the pipes. If its water, it'll short out omnitools and combat drones. If its fire-retardant-foam, then it'll muck up their guns and black out face masks and visors. The best is when you hit a fuel line. You can watch those fuckers burn"
xXXxXxXXx
She could do this. In her heart, she knew that she could save them. She will save them.
With bravery she didn't know that she had, she marched up to the Vents.
Though the Collectors in the scrap yard had ignored her, she decided that it was best not to take any chances. However, that didn't mean that she had to like what she was about to do. The ventilation ducts were scary, they were stuffy, smelled oddly of old-ham, and were dark as crap. However, she wasn't going to be able to save anyone if she preemptively pissed off the Collectors, and got herself turned into a Kelly smoothie...
How did Joker ever do this? Now that she thought about it; did the Collectors get Joker too? One of the last things she remembered was EDI announcing that Joker was on route to the AI core, and that it was imperative that be made it. She doubted that the Collectors would be too careful with his condition, and made her wonder if the helmsman was alone somewhere, cradling a broken limb inside a pod. She sighed. One more reason, she had to do this.
"C,mon Kelly, you can do this..." With a grunt, she pulled off the Vent cover and activated her Omnitool's flashlight. To her dismay, she saw that the duct went into a deep slope, however, this was where all the pipes seemed to be converging. Kelly had a plan, though crappy it may be, it was a plan.
She let her mind wander as she climbed in, once again, her thoughts went out to Commander Shepard and where he could possibly be...
XxXxxXxX
Miranda Lawson crouched behind a stone pillar, using it as cover, she listening to the transmissions that echoed away inside her helmet. The eclipse mercenaries continued to put up stiff resistance as round after round bounced off her cover, not inches from her face.
She looked over, and saw the commander try and force another powercell into the hulking M96 Mattock heavy rifle. He cursed, and she could see that he was struggling with the jammed weapon.
Years of tactics and training flashed before her eyes. She checked her hud, and saw dozens of red blips move across her motion tracker. The team had managed to establish a foothold within the base, however, they were currently pinned down. If they could launch an offensive, then they could probably spear their way through.
If she was going to save Oriana, then she had to...
"Commander?..." she asked.
"Gimme a sec!" he snapped, and tried again to force the glowing cell in.
"We need a plan" Arcangel's voice toned in "from my vantage point, I can see at least 4 heavies, and two snipers hiding up on the balconies. I can take them out, but I need someone to draw their fire for a minute."
"Understood" she said. "Kasumi, on my mark, I need you to toss a flash bang. Grunt, we need you and Jack to move in and press their right flanks. If you can get them to fall back, then that should put most of the ground troops right into Thane, and Legion's kill zones."
Zaeed nodded. "Good plan, I'll take the Justicar, and the salarian here, and press their forward line. The turian and the quarian can cover us, but we're gonna need some fire support." He looked to Jacob.
"Roger, I've got a full load of rockets, and when the commander gets that big ass gun working, we'll give em hell."
Like everything else in her life, Miranda was methodical in her tactics. She turned to the geth "Legion, can you give me a number crunch?"
"Affirmative" the geth's plates shifted, and whirred as he procsessed hundreds and thousands of variables, all in the matter of seconds "Given our current position, we estimate a 32.33 percent chance of survival." he said, his flashlight eye meeting Miranda's gsze from across the room "Rounded up."
This bit of news caused the Operative to sigh. "Well, we've dealt with worse. Alright, everybo-"
"Ah, son of a... Screw it!" Everyone turned to the commander, as he threw down his heavy Mattock Rifle, and kicked it away. Switching out for his bright yello Cain, he jammed the safety off and the weapon began to emit an unholy whine. He peaked over his cover, then turned his head back with a smirk.
"Alright chums, lets do this!" To everyone's horror, he leaped over and charged the entire Eclipse Mercenary fighting force. "COMMMANDAAAHHHH SSHHEPAAARRRDDD!" The nuke launcher shining like a small star, the high pitched noise of his gun was soon drowned out by the sounds of every one of the eclipse firing at once.
Tali sputtered "I.. wh... Oh Keela, he just ran in..."
"Save him!" someone cried, and everyone else jumped out of cover and charged forward.
"Oh god!"
"Sick to the plan guys! Stick to the plan!"
"Bloody hell, Shepard!"
"Eat this!" Shepard said, and was soon followed by a thoomp!
xXxXXxXx
Inside one of the many maintenance rooms, Collectors milled about and tended to many of the valves and gauges that breathed life into the entire Collector base. None of them seemed to notice, or care, that one of the air duct covers suddenly popped off. There was a few seconds of nothing, then Kelly poked her head out for a second then quickly brought it back in. Another few seconds of nothing, then finally her combat drone floated out.
Lying on her stomach, Kelly watched the screen of her omnitool, and carefully pressed the keys, as she guided Mister Zappy around the collectors. Kelly would never claim to be an expert, and lord knows that it was certainly showing at the moment, she somehow managed to awkwardly guided the her little friend to one of the bigger valves.
Through the drone's camera she could see what looked like a red warning symbol. She frowned, and moved the glowing sphere to another pipe, hoping to find something that looked a little more friendly.
It would be really mean to hit something dangerous. Kelly just wanted to make a mess, and hopefully the Collectors will be too busy trying to clean up, whatever she managed to spill, to worry about anybody guarding the pods.
It was a solid plan... she hoped. Finally, the Yeoman stopped at one of the other lines, and noted a much friendlier looking blue label.
Blue probably meant water or something.
Through her screen, the drone's proximity alarm buzzed. She changed screens, and she could see that one of the drones had finally taken notice, and was moving to intercept Mister Zappy! As quickly as she could, she the small glowing sphere back to the line, and pushed the 'attack' button.
-ZAP-
What happened next, is what Kelly would call a catastrophic-poo-storm. Evidently, the protheans used a different color code system for their labeling. Because the second the the pipe was hit, it immediately burst into flames. In fact, it was more like a flamethrower.
The screen immediately went blank, as Mister Zappy, and the Collector Drone, were immediately engulfed in a flash of bluish white flames.
"Oh dear!" Kelly poked her head back out of her vent, and she saw the chaos that she'd sewn. Mister Zappy did what combat drones do (when they've taken too much damage) and vanished. The Collector however, was flailing about on fire. "Oh gosh, I'm really sorry! I didn't think that there was anything dangerous insi- EEEK!"
She just barely managed to duck her head back in as the rest of the pipe exploded, sending flaming debris and shrapnel all around the maintenance room. This cased a chain reaction as more fires exploded, and soon the entire room was an inferno.
[[ Achievement Unlocked – You should stick to stamps ]]
Kelly scrambled back up the ducts, from whence she came, as fast as she could on all fours. Behind her, she could feel the heat on her but as more and more explosions rocked the vents, and clearly indicated that the fire she started was completely out of control.
Oh man, somebody is going to be really pissed at her...
XXxXXxXX
"The horror... The horror..." was all Crewman Hadley could say, as he was forced to watch the god awful show which was happening directly across from his own coffin sized prison.
It was a pretty common fact amongst soldiers, that war; was hell. In fact, it was often even described as surreal. In moments, when the mind was pushed to its brink, many would often enter moments of hyper-reality, when they would often feel disconnected from the world around them. Some would describe it as a sense of sheer fragility, wrapped up in a feeling of pure invincibility. Nothing about it, truly made sense, nor would ever truly be put into words.
"...My God that's hairy…" He said in a deadened tone, that many would often associate with PTSD.
Directly across from him, Power Engineer Ken Donally pressed his bare ass up to the glass of his own pod again. Though Hawthorne couldn't actually hear anything, his mid inserted the sound of a wet squeegee, being pulled across a clean pane of glass. Nearby, a Collector drone, tilted its head as so many English soldiers did in the past, and joined them in a look of WTF.
Ken's... well... Ken's ass, was best described as a weapon of mass destruction. Best used as a last resort, entirely effective, and was often unleashed at the cost of many innocent bystanders, along with his intended target.
The base rumbled.
Everyone looked up at the small opening in their respective pods. This was it, they were probably going to be processed at any second. The thought of being melted down caused the man to shiver.
Ever since Kelly's escape, a Collector Drone had been assigned to their level, and had since been the victim, of what can only be called Scottish Psychological Warfare. Though Ken didn't want to feed into a stereotype, he secretly wished that he had some blue paint on half of face right about now. Screw it, he'd wear a damned kilt, if he could give the Collectors one last Fuck You, before he died.
His time on death row has been one big reflection on his entire life. His achievements, his short comings, and every choice that lead to this moment was currently on trial. Surprisingly, he was oddly okay with the fact that it all had to come to an end. Nobody lived forever right?
But god, what he would do for another chance. There was so many things he still wanted to see in life. So many what ifs, that made up every one of his regrets.
Speaking of the what ifs, he looked over to one pod in particular. The biggest one he regretted.
Gabrielle Daniels looked through the glass of her own pod, and frowned. Ken's 'pale moon' attack, had made the propulsion engineer laugh, when first deployed. So at least he could live with that. He'd gotten one last laugh with her, so it was entirely worth it.
"I'm sorry Gab..." he said, and placed his hands on the glass.
She returned the gesture. Unfortunately, whatever she said she said, he will probably never know.
The base rumbled, much louder, this time. In fact, that was a little too loud. Ken craned his neck, to look.
-KABOOM-
Ken, and everyone else inside their pod, found themselves ragdolled against the walls. The Collector Drone, that had been standing near his pod was also thrown, as it fell it accidentally discharged its rifle, and unloaded a full burst at Ken's pod. Ken was showered in thick chunks of glass, and he moved to cover his face. After a few seconds, he found that he was nearly upside down in his own pod.
Donally opened his eyes, and saw that the entire upper half of his coffin was full of holes. Had be not been thrown to the ground, he'd probably be breathing through a couple of new airways in his chest and head right about now.
"Holy shite!" he said and gripped the sides for leverage. Suddenly he noticed that the the rest of the glass, that had been holding him in, was completely spider webbed in cracks. Thinking fast, he pressed his back against the pod and kicked with all of his might.
It worked! The remaining glass shattered and Ken spilled out onto the floor.
"Ah! Fuck! Bugger me with a stick!" he cursed as he noticed that several pieces of glass were stuck along his legs and arms. He'd have to deal with that later however, because he looked over and saw that the Drone was starting to get to its feet.
The adrenaline taking care of most of the pain, ken pushed himself off the ground and made a mad dash at the giant cockroach. Just as the Collector managed to bring his rifle up to bare, Ken tackled it at a full sprint.
Ken Donnaly was by no means a pushover. Sure, he didn't compare to anybody in Shepard's squad, but that sure as crap didn't mean that he didn't know how to fight. As it turns out, being a Scottish engineer, aboard a star ship, will in fact make you the but of every star trek joke in human existence. Throw in some kilt/highlander/bravehart jokes, and Ken has been in more barfights, than every other crew member aboard the Normandy, combined.
Ken and the collector slammed into the the barrel of the collector rifle, and tried to pull it out of his hands. The Scotsman managed to get a foothold, on its very large head, and pulled at the gun with all of his might. Finally, Ken finally managed to wrench the rifle out of its hands, and landed on his back with a thud.
"OOF!..." he fumbled with the gun for a second, and orientated it so he was holding it correctly.
"Hah! Its time to kick some fucking daddybags!" He pointed the rifle at it, and pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, it didn't fire, and to make things worse, the gun started to heat up in his hands. Ken dropped it, and watched in morbid fascination as it started to... decompose.
"Dahm it!" it must have been some sort of IFF feature, in case their weapons got taken from them.
At the sound of heavy footfalls, Ken looked up and saw the Collector (which he was now noting to be a full foot taller than himself) had gotten back up, and was now stalking towards him. It made a an odd chittering noise, and he could see the monster's massive clawed appendages. This monstrosity was probably going to tear him apart. Ken looked over at Gabby's pod, then back at the collector.
He took a brawler's stance.
XxX
Inside the primary control room, far from where Kelly was at, a giant insect like creature moved from panel to panel, as it was coordinating missions on at least two different colonies, and watched over the status of the larval Reaper.
This thing was biological terminal of the Reapers. It was Harbinger itself.
One of its panels, shifted from green to yellow, then a rich red. Clearly something had gone wrong somewhere. Readouts showed catastrophic failure and fire on maintenance deck 12. Harbinger dived into the memories of the drones that were operating that area. Every single Prothian's memories, every experience, was all available to him, and he could access it at any time. Harbinger was an intelligence that exceeded the mind of any being, and could easily handle the sensory data of every collector.
Soon it found itself looking through the eyes of a drone. Living its final moments, it saw it watching the readouts of a large gauge, when something bright and shiny caught its eye.
Like a home movie, it turned its line of sight and saw a glowing sphere of a combat drone. It saw that it was hover right next to one of the primary h-cell fuel lines, and moved to grab it. Unfortunately it never actually made it, as it suddenly arched a bolt of electricity and breached the line. One of the last things it saw, as it was being immolated to death, was something small and red sticking out of the vents. It took Harbinger only a second to realize, that it was a human face and red hair.
One of the human's was loose, and it was sabotaging the base.
PUT OUT THE FIRES. FIND THE HUMAN AND KILL HER.
The order was issued to every Collector aboard the station
xXx
Ken continued to see stars, even after he'd closed his eyes, and fought back a wave of nausea. Predictably, he was getting his ass kicked by this thing. It was no krogan, but the prothean's thick exoskeleton was just too hard to try an break with his fists.
He opened his eyes, and suddenly realized that he was on the ground. His vision clouded and he could just make out the Drone's legs stalking toward him again.
The engineer viciously kicked its legs, as hard as he could, and was rewarded by seeing the giant insect-like being tumble to the ground. Ken shambled to his feet, and put a little distance between them.
Thoughts spinning in his head, he brought up his fists. He'd be damned if he was going to lose this thing now. This was the second chance that he'd prayed for, and he'd be buggered if he didn't use it to save everyone. To save her he thought.
He'd heard skittering movements behind him, and groaned. He turned, and sure enough, more fucking collectors were landing on his level.
Awesome.
A moment later, the Drone was on its feet, and coming at him. Too tired, and too hurt to effectively dodge, Ken hit the monster with an uppercut, and sent it staggering. He then quickly followed with a one-two to its face.
The collector responded by backhanding him so ferociously that he actually bounced off the ground, and finally landed on a heap.
Horror welled up in him, as he realized that he'd failed. He was going to die here, and there was nothing he could do about it. Black spots dancing within his vision, he watched as the collector began to advance upon him. Ready to end his life.
Without being able to do much more, Ken smiled at it, and gave it the finger.
The Collector exploded into flames.
"...Huh" he said and examined his own finger. Did he do that? Holy shit, that's an awesome power if he did. For good measure he did it again, but alas, special fuck-you-fire powers really were to good to be true.
"Oh my god! Ken are you okay?" Donally looked up, and smiled for real this time. Kelly Chambers, omnitool still aglow from the incendiary tech she'd launched a second ago. She dashed, and was suddenly at his side.
"Oy, Kelly you're a sight for sore-"
(((Paragon Action)))
Ken was cut off as the Yeoman threw her arms around his neck. For a long few seconds, Ken said nothing as Kelly tried not to cry and continued to hug him.
"I s-saw you f-fall and..." Kelly swallowed as she fought back a sob "I-I thought that... I thought..." she sobbed again, and ken put an arm around her "Its okay Kelly, you eat enough haggis, and believe me you can survive damn near anything." Kelly choked, a sound that might have been a laugh, if you squinted at it.
Kelly pulled back, and gave him a puffy eyed, snot nosed smile.
The sudden sound of gunfire reminded them of the other collectors.
"Shite!" the engineer cursed, and with Kelly's help, she pulled him to his feet feet.
"Come on!" Kelly said, managing to sound confident again. "I know a vent we can escape through!" She tried to pull him along, but he didn't move. He was staring passed the collectors, at one pod in particular.
"I'll be back for you... I promise." he said, and finally followed the Yeoman.
[[ Achievement Unlocked – The Maintenance Man ]]
With the maintenance man, Kelly now has access to omnigel. Which means that she can seal doors, and even set up traps for the collectors. Ken can also repair repair damaged vehicles, thus unlocking the mission to aquire the M-34 Infantry Fighting Vehicle.
(((Choice)))
Recruit the Pretender
Recruit the Custodian
Recruit the Loudmouth
Aquire the M-34 (warning: 2 squad members recommended)