beautiful unanswerable questions from the dairy queen parking lot

She was sitting on the hood his car in the middle of a Dairy Queen parking lot as he fed her a spoonful of his ice cream. He'd never been happier. Usually, he'd be a little annoyed and tell her to get off the hood of his car, but he has a rule to never be mad at her for at least 24 hours after sex. Especially when they both have Dairy Queen. She had just finished some chicken tenders and was starting her Blizzard, the Oreo Cheesecake one. He reached up and snagged a spoonful.

She smiled at him and shoved his outstretched arm away from her dessert. He shrugged before continuing on with his peanut butter sundae.

It was pretty quiet between them. But a good kind of quiet. A wonderful kind of quiet. A quiet that only happens when it's calm. You don't get that many calm moments just hanging out with your girlfriend while bad 80's music plays in the background in Beacon Hills. He sorta wished that this could last forever. Good ice cream, clear sky, starry night, a not full moon, and Malia.

"My phone died. What time is it?" Malia sighed, reminding him that Malia had to be home at 11:30 when they had school the next day.

He looked down at his phone. He took a moment to appreciate lock screen and Kira for taking it. It was from Lydia's 18th birthday pack dinner yesterday. Melissa had asked for a picture with her boys and the birthday girl, which got Kira into her photographer mode. Scott looked at his mom and girlfriend interacting with each other and was easily influenced into rounding up him and Lydia, who called their parents in. It was the parents (his dad, her mom and Melissa), Scott, Lydia, him, three big forks, and a comically large piece of red velvet cake.

In this one, the parents were all smiling for the camera and standing behind their respective kid. He and Scott both had an arm around Lydia but Scott's eyes were focused on the cake. He and Lydia, however, were both laughing at Liam and Malia attacking each other and members of Satomi's pack with silly string a few feet away. There was less blurry ones, with them all smiling at the camera. He just liked the way this one turned out; it was one of his favorite pictures of him and Lydia.

A minute passed.

"10:47." They had a little less than an hour left together before Malia's curfew.

"Can you help me with the history worksheet that's due on Tuesday?"

"When?"

"Tomorrow, after lacrosse?"

"Yeah, I'll see if I can get the answers from Kira." He looked up at Malia and the grin on his lips suddenly spread. She looked beautiful even with no makeup and her hair in the literal form of a messy bun. She was wearing his sweatpants (he doesn't even mind if she gets them dirty anymore because they're basically hers at this point) and an oversized T-shirt with an eagle on it that belongs to her dad. She looked at him, confused at why he was so blatantly staring at her shovel ice cream into her mouth.

"What?" She said, mouth full of Oreo and cheesecake.

"Nothing. Have I told you how cute you look today?" he looked up at her, batting his eyes.

"Hmmm probably, but there's always room for one more and you've got plenty of time." Malia tilted her head, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

"Ok, wait, I'll do it through Instagram. Say cheese." he warns her before taking a picture. She posed with her ice cream a few times for him and he chuckled. That was one of the many things he loved her for, her ability to let him take pictures of her without making him go back and delete any. Actually, there were getting to be so many things that he loved that he was beginning to lose count.

"Tag me if you post those."

"Got it."

He was deciding on the right filter when the calm silence and bad background music fell over them again.

"Hey Stiles, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah?"

His mind went blank when the question, "How much did you love Lydia?", dropped from Malia's lips. Of all the questions that she could have possibly asked him, that was the last one he could have ever imagined he'd hear. He truly thought that he was about to black out or something. His lips went dry and every word in the English language seemed to fail him. She said it so plainly that he couldn't help but wonder if he was imagining this moment. He didn't even know how she knew about that. Malia looked down at him.

"Who even told you about that?" was all he was able to say with his peanut butter sundae filled mouth. "It was a long time ago."

"Nobody needed to tell me." She shook her head at her cup of ice cream. "And no it wasn't. I could tell. At her birthday thing yesterday, you were overflowing with all these emotions that can only add up to love. And I could smell the affection when you checked your phone."

"Oh God, Malia." Stiles swallowed, running a hand through his hair. "I was feeling all that just because it was her birthday. I was just happy she made it to eighteen, in all honesty, with the record this town has. It's a real milestone, you know."

"I know." Malia said. Stiles gauged her reactions. She obviously wasn't mad because she would have lost control by now. "I wanted Lydia to have a happy birthday too."

Or maybe he was underestimating her. She'd been doing great real progress recently, maybe she learned how to compartmentalize.

"It's just that, Stiles, your heart didn't speed up or anything, meaning you were used to having all these emotions on days that weren't milestones." Malia turned to look at him for the first time this whole conversation. Wow, Scott's definitely a good teacher. She wasn't angry at him at all, like he thought she would be, which was throwing him off. "I don't want more lies. I want to know the truth."

Stiles grimaced. He'd always had a difficult time with the truth because his definition of the truth spared feelings while everyone else's spared nothing. He and Malia have worked on his truth issues for awhile now and it hasn't been fun. He took a bite of his ice cream to avoid talking for a bit, trying to think this through. What did his long and unrequited love for Lydia have to do with their relationship? Besides everything.

He sighed, going through the events of last night. Lydia's party was nothing out of the ordinary, considering everything else that's happened to them. The most surprising thing was that the parents, Derek, Braeden, and Satomi's pack showed up for a bit. Besides that, nothing about her birthday seemed too damaging to their relationship, no big things that needed to be kept secret happened. He doesn't even remember being away from Malia for too long. But she did deserve to know the truth. It wasn't even that well-kept of a secret, considering everyone who's been in a class with Stiles knew of his painful unrequited love for Lydia Martin.

"Ok, if I'm gonna be honest...I used to idolize Lydia Martin. I used to worship the ground she walked on." he started, figuring it was better to rip the band aid off. And it was true, brutally so. He had thought Lydia was everything good about the world all throughout elementary school and middle school and the first half of high school. He doesn't remember exactly when he stopped idolizing her. He doesn't remember exactly when worship started or when it ended. He thinks it might have been somewhere around the Nogitsune. Or was it before then? Was it homecoming? Was it when Aiden died? He doesn't remember when Lydia went from goddess to human (well, technically to banshee).

"I was 9 years old, Malia. My mom had just died the year before. And I don't remember exactly when or where or how I found out that I liked Lydia. But I remember that after my mom's funeral and I came back to school, I couldn't focus on what was happening around me in class because I was staring at the back of Lydia Martin's head so much." Stiles shook his head. He'd spend hours of class debating with himself on whether she was a redhead or a strawberry blonde. How tall she was. If she thought about him when playing MASH. Whether or not she even knew his name. "And the crush just never went away. That's all it was for a long time. A stupid crush."

"But that's not what it is now. It's nothing like Liam's crush on Kira." Malia prompted.

"Well, I know." Stiles looked her in the eye. "But it never really amounted to anything. She never felt the same way I did about her and I think on some wavelength, I always knew that would happen. And instead of devastating me, I guess I found out that I'm okay with that. I don't know how, probably something to do with you." Stiles smiled weakly and chuckled nervously. The shadow of a smile fell on her lips.

"I'm not gonna tell you that I don't love her. I do. She's one of my best friends and my partner in crime when supernatural shit goes down and you guys go off and be badass. And I feel all these things around her, you're right. But it isn't like that anymore because I'm not in love with her."

Malia looked down at the floor and didn't respond. Stiles placed his ice cream down and stood up, grabbing her hand.

"Malia." he whispered, his other hand sneaking up to cup her cheek. "Come on, look at me."

She leaned into his hand but still managed to succeed in avoiding his eyes. Stiles sighed.

"Malia, I'd never leave you. Not for anyone." Stiles said, his words so full of truth he wasn't even sure how he was able to say them. He swallowed. "You have to know that. I know you know that."

"I know," she said.

"It's you I want to be with. So don't worry about Lydia or anyone else. And with Parrish around, Lydia's nothing to worry about, trust me." Malia cracked a grin at that one before her eyes got serious and she sighed.

"I know, Stiles, and that's what I'm scared of." Malia turned away and took a bite of her ice cream, unable to face him. "I'm scared because I believe you when you say all this. I know you're telling the truth. I can hear your heartbeat. But when it comes to human love, then obviously the truth can change. If you loved Lydia for that long and those feelings faded... how do I know that the feelings that you have for me aren't gonna fade away either?" Malia sighed, shook her head and finally looked at him. She was just as lost in this as he was.

"Malia," Stiles said, trying to figure out a way to make this better. Whatever words he hoped to say died on his lips.

"God, you really loved her, Stiles. You were in love with her. I can tell you were because you couldn't even try and lie to me about it. And if we ever get to that point where we could be in love like that, how...how can I trust that I won't just end up as another partner in crime to you? Another best friend? I can't just be your friend, Stiles. I get it, it's not your fault or anything. It's just that you're human and you get to do things like fall in and out of love. I don't get that, Stiles. I don't think I could stand seeing you fall out of love with me like you fell out of love with Lydia. Because coyotes mate for life and as of right now you're it for me."

Stiles was speechless. This had obviously been plaguing her since way before last night. He blinked, trying to think of what to say to convince her that there was no way that could happen.

"I don't know, Malia. I honestly don't know. I just can't tell you what's gonna happen in another 8 years. I can't tell you where we're gonna be or if we're gonna be alive. And some people would think that's scary, the whole not knowing what's gonna happen thing, but I trust whatever's happening here, babe. And what I do know is that it's different with you. Whether we mate for life or not. It'll always be different with you, no matter what. We just have to ride it out. Because, as of right now, you're it for me too."

Stiles leaned down to kiss her. It was nothing like their kisses a few hours ago, which were desperate and passion-fueled. She tasted sweet. Her hair tickled his cheek and she smiled at him in the middle of it when he tucked the loose strands behind her ear. He cupped her face and held her close. This kiss somehow answered those cruel questions. They won't cross that bridge when they come to it, they'll burn it and learn to swim.

"Stiles," she whispered against his lips before kissing him again. "It's 11:07 and my ice cream's melting."

"Oh, shit, yeah we should get going. And yes, you can bring your Blizzard in the car." he answered her unspoken question. "

"Let's get out of here." she giggled, throwing away her trash and climbing into his passenger seat. "And don't forget to tag me on Instagram."

"I won't." he said, putting the key into the ignition. "But before we go let me just say, Malia, my sweatpants are one thing but I swear, if you spill any ice cream in the Jeep so help me God... I will probably start crying."

The way Malia laughed, full of life and love and energy, reminded him of all the little things that he loved.

He couldn't help but feel himself falling for her.