Lady of Magic
Chapter Three
Walking to Camelot felt like a dream. She was rapidly drawn back to the days when she still served Arthur. Somehow everything seemed brighter then, or perhaps she was just brighter, full of hope and youth and confidence that everything will be as it should.
When Merlin first entered Camelot, it had been a great culture shock, to realize that here was a city that had literally everything and she was just a peasant girl from a peasant village with no background and no experience in the world. Camelot seemed like the most beautiful place in the world.
Now she wrinkled her nose at the place.
"I don't remember Camelot being filled with this much horse dung," She exclaimed, looking distastefully at the filth that littered the sides of the streets.
"Morgana," Sir Gwaine said simply, letting out a breath. They were on top of a wall while the guards were distracted. Merlin had noted that all of the guards were enthralled, which meant marching through would not be too favorable unless she actually wanted to kill every person in her way. It was not the guard's fault that Morgana was an evil witch, and whatever Merlin told herself, she really did not want to kill any innocents. "Looks like she's pulled the maintenance folks."
"Don't go blaming everything on her," Merlin was slightly annoyed at this, "There was always horse dung in Camelot, just not this much of it."
The King climbed over the wall. "Since when were you a climber?" He panted, shifting so that his armor did not catch on the stone.
"I grew up in Ealdor which was the middle of nowhere. Unlike rich pratty princes, we don't get to scale castle walls; we get the old-fashioned trees."
"What do we do?" Sir Lancelot cut in.
"Look there," Merlin pointed, "She's already sent men over."
Indeed, there was a whole troop of them marching in their direction. Their purpose was pretty clear.
"Morgana Morgana Morgana," Merlin tsked, "This is not the polite way to receive your guests."
"Can you stop them without hurting them?" The King asked, perhaps recognizing some of the faces under the helmets.
"Can you swing a sword?" Merlin returned, blowing out a spell. She could not exactly counter Morgana's spell without actually knowing what it was, but she could add one of her own that would make Morgana very unhappy. The guards stumbled and fell over each other in the middle of the street, alarming bystanders when they did not rise again.
"What did you do?" The King demanded.
"Strong sleep spell," Said Merlin, "Which reminds me, in case she decides to do something similar," She waved her hand around the King, and then Sir Gwaine, Lancelot, and Roskin. "That should keep her from tossing one of her own spells at you. Agh," She winced, holding her temples suddenly.
"What's wrong?"
Ow. Right on cue, though Merlin kind of wished the other witch would decide not to try in the first place. Morgana was not exactly weak, and she was hammering on the shields Merlin put around the King and his knights. Merlin had never experienced this before, even though now that she was feeling the headache, she remembered reading about how the caster would experience pain whenever someone tried to breach past the shields around the wards. The good news was, if the shields hold, Morgana was not likely to continue with the fruitless effort, and sure enough, the pain eventually subsided.
She opened her eyes, blinking as she realized she had closed them, and stared up at the King in bemusement. He was cradling her.
"Are you alright?"
"Ugh!" She sprang from his hold, nearly knocking her forehead into his jaw. How had she gotten there?
"Easy," Sir Gwaine remarked, "You just swooned, that's all."
Swooned? Oh good grief. Annoyed with herself, Merlin turned away to stomp in the direction of one of the towers that would lead them off the wall and down to street level.
"Are you alright?" Sir Lancelot caught up with her.
"I'm fine, I'm fine, your half sister is just a good-for-nothing shrew," Merlin cast a sleep spell on another two guards so that she could enter the tower, "Uther raises her all her life and she repays him by trying to kill him off because she doesn't know how to talk to him. If I had known this earlier," She went down the stairs and the knights followed her wordlessly, "I'd have just killed Morgause before she could do anything. In fact, I really should have just killed Morgause as soon as I knew who she was. Why did I let her leave? I should have killed Mordred too, before that little ingrate could do anything important. Stupid brat. If I ever come across them, I'll burn their faces off, see if I don't..."
She whirled around and slammed her fist into the wall, so hard she felt like she might have fractured her metacarpals. By all that was Holy, coming back here was only bringing to the forefront all the mistakes, all the things she had overlooked. If she had just been less hesitant, less soft, so many things could have been prevented, and she might even have come home to help her mother, or prevented Gaius from having his stroke, everything might have been so different...
"Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed, pulling her back, and with the movement came a wave of pain laced with nausea...maybe punching a stone wall was not a good idea. "You crazy woman! Can you heal yourself?"
Could she heal herself? Of course she could heal herself. It was just that part of her kind of liked the pain. It was real, it felt real, and truth be told, it had been a long time since she felt real and grounded.
Sir Gwaine cursed. "She's turning white. Lie her down."
"Merlin, can you heal yourself?"
Of course she could heal herself...it was just taking a little more effort than usual, that was all. She knew she had to, though. The pain was kind of hypnotizing, and that was not good for kicking Morgana's rear. The pain faded, but it was a while before Merlin recovered her wits.
The King knelt by her, looking worried.
He must think I'm out of my mind.
"I'm alright now."
"Are you sure?" He asked. "You're not going to punch another wall again are you? You never were good at it."
Hysterical laughter nearly bubbled up to her lips, but she squashed it ruthlessly down. That comment was so like something Arthur would say to her long ago, but she was not his manservant, had not been for five years.
She really wanted to go home, back to the clinic, pretend none of this ever happened. Figures you ruin my life even now, you prat, She thought angrily, sitting up and shoving him away from her when he tried to help her stand.
She better give Morgana that beating fast. That way she could go home. Just leave Camelot. Anywhere but Camelot.
"After everything you have done, will you really give up on your destiny now?" The great dragon inquired, bringing his head low so that it was almost level with the ground. He had never done that before, always staring down imperiously from his tall height and forcing Merlin to crane her neck, but the beast must have sensed that she was not in the mood for such things.
"What's there for me?" Merlin pointed out. "You think Arthur would take me back?"
"You are Arthur are two sides of the same coin."
"You didn't see him," She said stiffly. "He looked at me like...like I was an abomination." He had been absolutely disgusted, as if the mere sight of her repulsed him, and so furious that Merlin had honestly feared for her life right then and there. She had never seen him so angry before, his lips were white with rage and sparks seemed to shoot out of his eyes. "I serve him for three to four years, I face dangers he couldn't even fathom, and he looked at me like I was the ugliest thing in the world. Maybe you should tell him that we're two sides of the same coin, but frankly, I'm sick of always giving him leeway, of tolerating his ignorance. I give my life for him, I give my heart, and he looks at me like I'm a Dorocha. No thanks, Kilgarrah. It's time I start thinking about whether the ends justify the means."
The dragon rumbled unhappily. "You cannot escape your destiny, Merlin. Trying to will only cause suffering."
"You're all always saying that," Merlin scowled, "And then you turn around and tell me that I'm the most powerful witch the world has ever seen or will ever see. Maybe I'm strong enough to reject my destiny. I'm tired. I'm all alone," She pinched the bridge of her nose, "Arthur has his knights, has Gwen, I'm just supposed to be satisfied with devoting everything to him? Making enemies for him? Rejecting friendships for him? Tossing away my happiness so that he can look at me like I'm the trash littering the streets? Go tell him about our destiny, but I'm sick of...of giving all the time. Of having this shadow of a destiny hanging over my head, and now I think about all the things I sacrificed in order to fulfill this destiny that doesn't even guide me when I'm in a tough spot. I'm making my own destiny. Just fly me out of here, or don't. I know how to walk."
"He knows who you are," Said the dragon, "In time, he will learn to accept you as you are."
"He can learn just as well while I'm making my own future. You should be happy about this," She smiled bitterly, "If I'm not constantly saving Arthur's rear end, I don't have to keep calling you and dragging you away from whatever you're doing."
The dragon's tail circled around her in a wide arc.
"Merlin," Said the dragon, "You will not find peace if you leave Camelot."
"I've made my decision," She said stonily. "Besides, if destiny really is so undeniable, it'll drag me back kicking and screaming, I bet. For the record, I'll miss you. I probably would have screwed up even worse without your help."
"Hm," Said the dragon, "I will carry you from Camelot. In your state, the roads are not safe, and given your stubbornness," he said this rather wistfully, "I may not see you for some time."
She reached out and he leaned forward until his great nose touched her hand.
"Thank you," She whispered.
Once they were near the castle, it was pretty much as Merlin told the King: They marched right through.
While tossing some of the guards aside, of course.
The knights did some of the work, since Merlin was not going to do everything, after all. The King showed himself every bit the swordsman she had known him to be, and more. It was only when they encountered the druids that they started having issues.
"She must have enchanted them," The King shoved an arm in front of her, following his annoying habit of trying to protect her as if she were helpless. "How powerful is she?"
"She's not weak," Merlin replied, "I'm just stronger." She murmured a spell that covered the entire hall with ice, freezing all the druids. "Morgana!" She then yelled, "Morgana, you better come out here right now!"
Morgana did not come out, leaving Merlin to stare for a bit at the hallways that she once frequented every day. The ice started to melt, so she muttered another spell to freeze them again.
"For God's sake," She grumbled, moving forward. "Looks like she's going to make us come to her. Can I bring down the castle?"
The King stared at her. "Can you not do that?"
"Ugh," Merlin scowled, "Figures."
She had forgotten enough that she took a few wrong turns before she found the throne room, though the knights and the King had the grace not to comment about it, other than to gently direct her to the right corridor.
Morgana, as Merlin suspected, was waiting in the throne room, clad in the regal attire of a Queen, complete with Igraine's crown on her head. She was quite beautiful to behold, but her face was contorted due to her constant sneering and she did not look very attractive, for all her beauty.
"What have we here?" She murmured imperiously, staring down at Merlin with a cocked eyebrow from her seat, "The bitch comes back to lick her master's feet after all."
Merlin decided that the crown looked very unsuitable for Morgana. "Your hair is on fire," She said to her.
Morgana blinked, just as Merlin made the crown blaze, and all of the sudden the witch's hair was on fire. She shrieked, whirling from the throne to bat the crown off. The flames dissipated, but at least she was no longer wearing that thing.
"Let's get this over with," The healer announced, stepping forward, "I need to get back to my patients at the clinic. I canceled quite a few of my appointments because of you, you know, so I'd appreciate if we finish this quickly. By the way, Your Majesty," She turned to the King, "I'm not paying for the damages, nor do I care if you get caught in the crossfire, so watch yourself."
Then she threw a myriad of spells at Morgana before the witch could even react.
"You can do a lot better than this, Healer Emrys," Phineas leaned over the counter as Merlin pondered over a prescription, "The King would be all too happy to have you in his services, and he pays very well, I assure you."
"I'm flattered, truly," Said Merlin, withdrawing back a little and feeling a bit uncertain because she was unuse to the attention, "But I doubt my talents can compare with yours."
"Nonsense," Said Phineas, "This is no competition. We all do our best and the best we do. That is all that matters. Won't you consider? It can get cold in these lands during the winter, and you'll be better off with the resources of an entire castle at your disposal. There will be others to gather herbs and what not for your potions. What do you say?"
"I'll give it some thought," Merlin stated, hoping he would go away and leave her alone.
He did not.
"It can get lonely out here," The man's posture changed, and she tensed as he circled around the counter, "The people out here are so...dull. A fine maid like you...could do a little better, can't we?"
He closed in on her as he spoke, and before Merlin knew it, he was pressing her back against the counter.
"You're a shy one, aren't you?" He observed, raising his hand to stroke her cheek. Merlin was frozen in shock. She did not know what to do. Should she push him away? Should she use magic? What was this man doing?
"It's alright, lass. I'll take good care of you..."
The explosion shuddered through her very bones, and Merlin fell to the floor. In front, Morgana was bleeding, but still upright, eyes flashing gold as she summoned another spell. She murmured some gibberish Merlin could not make out, but from her direction came a spray of red light. She knew they hit her, but her attention was on Arthur and his foolish knights, and all she knew was that the shields around them held and the spray never touched them.
Once they were alright, she turned her attention back to Morgana again, summoning the wrath of thunder and lightning into the palms of her hands. She fired them at Morgana but was blinded by her own spell. When the black spots dissipated from her vision, Morgana was gone, and Merlin was staring at a shattered window.
Well there's no way she's surviving that fall, Merlin thought, Unless she turns into something that flies. She wondered if she would still be compelled to heal Morgana if the witch ended up being alive, still. That would be awkward on so many levels...and why was she on her knees?
"Merlin!" The King cried out, and he was suddenly in front of her. "Merlin?"
"Huh?" Merlin blinked at him, and saw his horrified gaze. He was staring at her midsection, and she looked down, already aware that it was not going to be pretty down there. It was so stupid—if she could protect the knights from the blasted red spray, she ought to have been able to protect herself, but her reflexes were not in shape considering she had been a healer all this time. Ugh. Interesting that she still did not feel the pain though...
Oh, now she did. Now she really did.
"Ah," She groaned, slumping to the side as the agony drained her of all her strength. She did not even have the wits left to be upset that Arthur was cradling her again.
I'm going to die, She thought, I think I'm actually going to die. It kind of hurts more than the other times, from Morgana of all people...
"Merlin, I swear to God if you die on me I'm going to have your head for this!" The King roared, "Stay with me! Merlin, don't you dare give up—"
"What do you want?" Merlin asked flatly, grabbing a bag of herbs and sliding her mortar in front of her.
Phineas only looked awkwardly at her, looking very red.
"Have you learned your lesson?" She asked.
"Yes, Healer Emrys," He said meekly.
"What is it?" She asked.
"...No forcing women," He said in a small voice.
"And?"
"Treat women with respect," He went on, "The slightest hint of no is a no."
"And?"
He looked uncomfortable. "The word 'no' is definitely a no."
"There we go," Merlin exclaimed, "That was easy, wasn't it? Very good." She began mashing with the pestle.
After a moment, Phineas pleaded, "Can you make it go away now, Healer Emrys?"
"Make what go away?"
He turned even redder than he was before. "Please, it really hurts. I promise I'll be good from now on...I swear."
"I thought you men would like it," Merlin said coyly, "Having it for so long, wouldn't other boys be ever so proud of you? They'd envy you. What a man. You want me to take it away now? What kind of request is that?"
He fidgeted. "Please, Healer, it really hurts."
"Next time I won't be taking it away," She said to Phineas, "Understand?"
He nodded eagerly. "Yes, yes Healer, of course, I won't bother you. I promise."
She doubted it. This man had the look of a fool. Still, she did not really enjoy the idea of giving someone priapism, even if he deserved it. "There's a really easy method, you know," She said to him, "You can always just cut it off."
He somehow turned even redder, so she went on before he burst a vessel, "Alright. I'll make you a potion. It'll go away in a week."
"A...a week!"
"It's so easy to cause problems, eh?" Merlin lifted the mortar to dump its contents in a bowl, "Not so easy to solve them. Come back tomorrow morning. Your medicine will be ready then."
"...Can't you make it now?"
"And leave other patients on hold just because you're a perverted bastard?" She turned away from him. "That doesn't seem too fair to me." She left him standing at the counter as she retreated to the stock rooms to gather other roots to mix into the bowl.
Merlin woke up to see Gwen, who was smoothing her hair back from her forehead. She looked just as Merlin remembered, though slightly thinner and more tired.
"Hey," Said the other woman, with a watery smile.
"Hey," Merlin whispered, feeling very feeble, even though she was actually quite happy to see Gwen.
"Do you want some water?"
Merlin shut her eyes. She was so tired. "No." The pillows were very soft, and the bed was...definitely not hers. Her eyes shot open.
"Where am I?"
Gwen misunderstood. "You're in Camelot," She said in that soothing voice of hers, "Take it easy. I'll go call a healer."
She looked up and frowned. The ceiling was unfamiliar. This room was unfamiliar too. Five years was a while, and the castle had plenty of rooms she had never been in before. It must be a guest room of some sort.
It was a bit disorienting to realize that this was the first time she was treated as a guest.
"Sire," Gwen murmured outside, and the door opened to let the King in.
Merlin tried to summon her previous irritation, but all she felt was bleak exhaustion and the strange urge to cry at the sight of him, so regal and strong and...many things she could not describe. Gwen followed him in only to pull the door close once he came inside.
The King moved slowly but steadily until he was standing by her bed. There use to be a coiled energy within him, Merlin mused. Back in the day, Arthur had still been an adolescent and it showed through the youth of his posture and the light in his eyes. He had matured enough in the past five years. Amazing how much more of a man he looked now. She had never considered him to look like a boy before, but then such things were relative.
"You're an idiot," He snapped in a dry voice. "All this would never have happened if you had more sense in your head, rather than just panicking," He suddenly sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what it is," He said in a more normal voice, "But I see you, and I revert back to being a prince again." He then looked at her with good humor. "At least now you have to listen to me."
Merlin sighed. Even when she had liked him, Arthur was insufferable. She had no desire to listen to whatever the King had to say.
"I was in shock," He then stated, "But I could have handled it better. I'm sorry."
You sick, twisted, disgusting harlot! Do you think I'm that naïve, Merlin? Or is that really your name?
"You were living with the knowledge for three…four years," He went on, "You had a lot of time to get use to the absurdity of the idea. I…got hammered by two things at once. I was young and impulsive. Surely you know."
Merlin turned her head away.
"But I know that you wouldn't have hidden it all so well if you hadn't been so scared of the consequences. I know I didn't do anything to dispel that."
She was weary of this. "It's in the past now." Hunith is dead, Gaius is dead, none of it matters anymore.
"I know. We can focus on the present, though. Surely you can come back?"
There was a gentle knock on the door before Merlin could answer, and the healer stepped in.
"Your Majesty," The man bowed, "I am just here to check on her."
"Go ahead," The King stepped away to give room.
Merlin glared at the healer. "How long was I unconscious, Healer?"
"For about a day."
"Good. I have appointments next week. If you can patch me up so that I can leave tomorrow at dawn, I can make at least most of them."
The healer glanced at the King, whose expression Merlin avoided.
"I make no guarantees, Healer," He said to her, "But I assure you I will do what I can to promote the fastest recovery possible."
"Your Majesty," Merlin then said, "If you can give us a moment, please?"
There was a bit of hesitation. The old Prince Arthur would have scoffed at her, but he was more mature now, and she had every right to demand this as a woman. After an awkward moment, he said something to the healer before exiting the room, closing the door softly behind him.