Shadows of the Past
Hi guys. This is a small fanfic about my favourite character Ron. This is my very first fanfic. English is not my mother language-I'm a Chinese living in Germany-so I'm sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes.
It was just the day after the end of the war. People were still grieving over those who were fallen in the heat of the final battle. One of them was Ron Weasley. He was sitting in a dark corner in Hogwarts far away from his family and thinking about everything that has happened in these past few years. It was not that he didn't loved his family, no, he loved them dearly, but for now all he need was a little space.
He was still coping the fact that his brother Fred was dead. Fred, the one who always tortured him, who made fun of him, who seemed to take every situation to take the Mickey out of him. But also the Fred who was the first one who he told about his crush on Hermione, the Fred who always protected his younger brother despite the fact that he always seemed to prank him and the Fred that could always lighten up the mood by telling one of his jokes. He never ever thought that he would ever die.
At least he died with a smile on his Face, Ron thought.
Tears streamed down his face as he thought more about his dead brother. As he more thought about it, he more came to the conclusion that it should be him that should have died, not Fred.
Ron reflected on his past actions. He thought about how everything began as he met Harry Potter on that fateful day on the 1st September 1991 on the Hogwarts Train. How he have met the insufferable, know-it-all, yet kind, beautiful, smart and love-of-his-life Hermione Granger and how he have insulted her. He reflected on all his past mistakes: the silly argument with Hermione in their third year, the abandonment of Harry in their forth year just because he was too jealous about Harry and couldn't see the truth through his thick head. His love affair with Lavender in his six year and how he again and again has hurt Hermione.
I seriously don't know what she sees in me, I always hurt her with my remarks and actions, she should have stayed with Krum, Ron thought as he stared onto the floor.
He then thought about the horcrux hunt and about his action during the hunt. He had done something that he was sure he would never forgive himself about it even if his friends and family would forgive him.
I'm such a good friend aren't I, Ron thought as he laughed up, leaving Harry and Hermione when they needed me the most. Haven't I told Harry that I would always be there for him. Well so much for this promise. I'm so pathetic and useless, I mean what I have ever done to deserve Harry and Hermione's friendship? They would be better without me. I mean Harry is the Chosen One and Hermione the Brightest With of her Age. Who am I? Just a stupid sidekick who stood in their way and made everything complicated for them.
The more he thought about this, the more he felt having a frog in his throat. He always had these insecurities and felt inferior. Growing up with six siblings wasn't the easiest thing. He love all his siblings to death, but he always felt overshadowed by them. Bill was the oldest and coolest and he couldn't do anything wrong. Besides he had an awesome job: he was curse breaker. Charlie also had a great job, he was always in the company of a few dragons. Percy, despite he was a huge git, he was the smartest among them all. And although he had made a huge mistake, he realized his mistake and found his way back. Ron admired him for that. Fred and George were the pranksters of the family and could always lighten up the mood. He especially now felt sorry for George. He couldn't imagine how it was for him to lose his twin. It was already hard enough for Ron to cope with Fred's death, but Fred and George were inseparable and best friends. They were always there for each other and now they were cruelly separated by fate and war. At last, but not at least there was Ginny, the baby girl of the family. She already special by being the only girl and the first girl in the family for ages, but she was also sporty and popular.
With all this siblings he felt that he could never reach anything, because it was already done before. It didn't help that he had Harry and Hermione as best friends. He already knew that others didn't think much of him. Fred, George and Ginny were always teasing him and taking the mickey out of him, his own mother was favoring Harry and overlooked him and Hermione was always criticizing him. He remembered when he got his prefect badge. Nobody thought he could become prefect. He remembered all the shocked faces from his family and friends when he told them about that. They couldn't believe it and he remembered how it hurt him when he seen their faces.
He looked up. The place around him was a wreckage. Almost everything was destroyed and you could see the scars of the war. Almost nothing remembered of the wizard school anymore, which has become a second home to him during these past years.
"Ron? Is that you?" said a familiar sounding feminine voice.
He turned around seeing Ginny standing a few meters in front of him with a concerned look on her face. Her clothes had holes in them and her hair was blowing in the direction of the wind as the roof was destroyed because of the war, so the wind could blow around them. Finally their eyes met and Ron could see the grief in her eyes and the scars that the war had left on her.
"Ron, what are you doing here?", Ginny asked with a concerned voice. "Why aren't you with our family?"
Ron waited a moment, searching for the right answer, the he answered: "I…I just needed a bit space. In the moment I just can't see our family, because of Fr…Fred, you know. I just couldn't watch it all anymore."
Ginny looked at him softly with her chocolate brown eyes, the she sat beside him. "I know what you mean. I couldn't bare it anymore seeing them in pain, seeing Ge…George in pain." Tears were streaming down her freckled face as she said that, then she broke down sobbing and hugged Ron tightly. Ron was surprised by her action, but hugged her back after a short shock second and awkwardly rubbed her back.
"Oh Ron", Ginny chocked out as she continued to sob," why did Fred had to die? Why did anyone had to die? Why is life so cruel?" Ron rarely saw Ginny cry and now she was sobbing in his arms, but he was already at the verge of the tears himself.
"I don't know, Gin. I don't know…" His voice trailed off as he said that. He couldn't think of it anymore. The topic Fred was becoming slowly a sore point for him.
"It should have been me." He said quietly, so that Ginny almost didn't hear it. She broke off immediately off him, looking at him incredibly.
"What did you just say?", she asked with a hint of anger in her voice.
Ron immediately realized his mistake and tried to calm down Ginny. "I didn't say anything."
"What did you just say?", Ginny screamed as tears continued to fall off her face.
Ron backed a little bit off from Ginny because of her sudden outburst. "It should have been me", he quietly answered her lowering his had.
"Don't you dare…DONT YOU DARE RONALD WEASLEY!", Ginny shouted furiously. "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT! I ALREADY LOST ONE BROTHER! I DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE TELLING ME THAT HE SHOULD HAVE DIED INSTEAD!" After the small rant she was breathing heavily and wiping furiously her eyes.
"Ginny…calm down." Ron said trying desperately to cool off this situation.
"Why…tell me why you think that." Ginny asked pleading. Her eyes were clouded in sadness.
Ron gulped. He didn't wanted to make Ginny even more uncomfortable and burden her with his worries, so he stayed quiet. After a while of uncomfortable silence, Ginny said softly: "Harry told me, you know."
Ron snapped out of his trance and looked straight at her confused. "Harry told you what?"
Ginny took a deep breath and looked him into his eyes. "Harry told me about the horcruxes, you know, how the locket has influenced you and…and what it did to you."
Ron's face paled. His sister now knew all what happened and also knew about his "great" departure during the hunt. "So, do you…", Ron started trying to find the right words. "You know about my mistake then, right?"
"Yes, I know." Ginny whispered in his ear softly without a trace of anger.
Ron looked down ashamedly. She now knew about his departure, how he had left them during the hunt, when they needed him the most. She would never look at him the same way again, she would be disgusted of him, seeing him as a disgrace to the whole family. He was waiting for her angry outburst, when she suddenly surprised him with these simply words: "And I don't really blame you for it, you know. I understand why you did that."
Ron looked at her incredibly. It was now his time to question her. "Why…why won't you blame me?"
Ginny looked at him sympathetically. "You know, you weren't the only one who was influenced by a horcrux by a way." she said.
Those words surprised Ron. He now just realized that Ginny was also under a control of a horcrux in her first year, when Riddle's diary made her do all these terrible things. To this day, Ron felt guilty about this whole incident. She was right under his nose and he didn't notice. That was the main reason why he was so overprotective of her. Sure, the point that she was the only girl and just a year younger than him played a huge role in his overprotection, but her first year was it what made Ron swore that he would never ever let somebody hurt his sister anymore. That was why he always overreacted when she got a boyfriend.
"Yeah", said Ron, "but I don't think this is comparable to your experience. He possessed you, you didn't do all these things willingly. But I knew what I did. I…I knew what I did and I just left them."
"Riddle didn't only possess me Ron."
Ron looked curious at her. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear what that damn thing did to her, but he was curious enough to ask: "What did he also do."
"He told me things. He twisted my mind, saying that nobody in my family loved me. Saying that I was just a silly little girl, that would never get Harry Potter. He said that he was my only friend and he wanted to love him, only him and…"
"Stop!" Ron shouted. His face became a little bit green as he heard all of this things that this monster has done to his sweet little sister. "In don't…I don't wanna listen more to these things. I can't believe what this bastard did to you. And to think that I nev…never noticed something."
"Stop blaming yourself. You couldn't have known this." Ginny placed a hand on his shoulder. "You remember what you told me after my first year?"
Ron thought back. He remembered how he comforted his baby sister after a nightmare in the summer break after her first year. Ginny was desperately giving herself the fault for all the things that happened in Hogwarts, but Ron convinced her otherwise. Stubborn as they both were it took an hour and more to convince her and now and then their debate became a small shouting session between them.
"That was different." Ron finally said. "It wasn't your fault, but my departure was my choice only so…"
"How, how is it different big brother?" Ginny interrupted him. "Riddle twisted your mind, am I right? He told you your biggest fears and turned them against you, so you would leave Harry and Hermione. How is it different from what I have experienced? Tell me how is it different?"
"It…" Ron stuttered as he was searching for the right words. Ginny's words left him thinking whether she hadn't be right about it all, but then he shook off this thought and said. "It didn't really twisted my mind. The thoughts that I had, they…they were already there. The thought that I was useless, that they didn't need me, that Harry fan…fancied Hermione. These thoughts, they were already there. They just grew stronger with each day." As he said those words, he realized how stupid he was for thinking these things. Harry never fancied Hermione. He loved his sister, he could see it now. And Hermione loved him, even if he didn't know why. They didn't thought that he was useless, no they valued his friendship even if he didn't deserve that.
"And then you were totally consumed by the thoughts and you left, because you couldn't take it all anymore." Ginny stated softly.
Ron nodded "And then I left."
"What then happened. After you left I mean?" Ginny asked.
Ron gulped. He didn't wanted to tell Ginny what happened after his departure, because he didn't wanted to upset her more, but he then decided that she had a right to know about it."
"I was then caught by snatchers." He said
"You were what?!" Ginny cried.
"I…I was caught by snatchers." Ron said nervously. "Don't worry, I didn't got hurt or something. They were rather stupid, so I could easily tricked them." He said after he noticed the worried look on Ginny's face. She calmed down. Ron decided to continue his story then. "I then want to Shell Cottage to Bill and Fleur, where I lived for a while. I thought I lost them forever, but then I heard something."
"Heard what?" Ginny asked curiously.
Ron took out his deluminator and showed him Ginny. "I heard Hermione saying my name and it came through this. This thing can consume light and let it out of this thing again. Dumbledore gave it to me. This man is a fucking genius." Ron said as he stared at the magical device in his right hand. "As my name was said, a light came out of this device and flew through my heart. The next thing I knew I landed in the Forrest of Dean in front of a small and frozen lake." He withholded Ginny that he first landed in Godric's Hollow, because that was rather irrelevant for the story and he didn't wanted to upset her more. Ginny listened with curious and slightly wet eyes interestedly the whole time.
"There I saw Harry and a doe-patronus . The idiot jumped into the lake with the locket on his neck. And out of instinct I also jumped in there to save him. In the lake I surprisingly also found the Sword of Gryffindor and took it with me."
Ginny widened her eyes as she heard about his life saving action. Harry never told him how dangerously close they both came to death. He just told her that Ron made it somehow up for his mistake.
"After I saved Harry, he told me to destroy the Horcrux. He opened it with his parselmouth, but…but the horcrux fought back." Ron said as he thought back at this horrifying memory.
"What…what did it do?" Ginny asked with a quiet voice, her face turning white.
"I…I don't think I wanna talk about it." Ron said uncomfortably.
"Please, Ron." Ginny pleaded. "I wanna help you. You didn't let me down when I got tortured by Riddle and I won't let you down either."
Ron looked at his sister in a new light. He couldn't remember her trying to help him that desperately. She has grown, we all did. She isn't the shy, little girl I used to know anymore. He took a deep breath and then he said. "He showed me all my deepest fears. That my own mother would trade Harry for me. That you all would get rid off me and laugh in my face, because I'm useless and stupid. He showed me how Harry and Hermione had a great time after I left them and then…then their images came up and they kissed, right in front of my eyes. I was terrified and confused and for a moment the dark side in me took over and I thought about killing off Harry." Ginny gasped as he spoke of that.
"But then I looked into his eyes and I didn't saw the Boy-who-lived or a famous friend. Now I saw someone who stood the whole time beside me, who I had gone with through thick and thin. I saw the scrawny, little and shy kid that I met in the Hogwarts train. What I saw wasn't an enemy or a rival. I saw my best friend and brother, the person Harry, a nice and noble person who would give anything for his friends and family. And that's when I killed off the horcrux."
Ron was panting heavily after his little speech. He saw Ginny looking at him proudly as he finished those words with tears in her eyes. She the punched him hard in his arm.
"Ouch, what was that for?"
"For being stupid. How…how could you ever think these things?" Ginny said as she furiously wiped her eyes.
"I…" Ron started, but he was interrupted by his sister.
"Who had defeated the huge chess game of McGonagall in his first year? Who faced his fears in his second year and joined Harry on his trip to the acromantula? Who told Sirius in his third year that he had to kill them all first before he kill Harry? Who had…"
"Stop!" Ron shouted. Ginny stopped her little rant. "Okay maybe I did all of those things. But what about my mistakes? What about when I abandoned Harry in our forth year or when I made Hermione upset in our sixth year?"
"Ron everyone make mistakes. This is human. Your jealously was a human reaction and a love crisis is also normal. Besides you weren't even together with Hermione then. It wasn't that you cheated on her or so. You didn't even realized that she was in love with you." Ginny said calmly.
"Then why did you all rub my mistakes and stupidness in my face, huh? You all always praise Harry or Hermione and every time something goes wrong I'm the scapegoat, because I'm apparently always the foolish and dumb one! I was always the butt of the jokes of you, Fred and George and sometimes all of those things made me question whether I really belong to this family!" Ron panted as he finished his small rant. Ginny looked him shocked. Ron immediately felt bad for saying this. There he was telling his sister about his worries while at the same time many people were grieving for their dead family members. He felt like a selfish little kid, but he was nevertheless glad that he finally got off this huge rock in his stomach.
"Ron…" Ginny started. She touched his shoulders. "You know we all love you, don't you. All of those things is just teasing between siblings, you know."
"I know, I know. It's just, it doesn't feel better when you all look surprised or shocked if I do something right and you can't believe me if I achieved something. I still remember the reactions of you all when I got my prefect badge." Ron said while lowering his head.
"Ron…" Then Ginny reached forward and hugged him tightly. Ron hugged her back. A few tears were falling down his face. They sat for a while there just hugging each other and enjoying the others company. Then after what felt like hours they broke off and Ginny said: "Ron I'm so sorry. If we had known, that you felt this way, we would never have teased you that way and reacted that way."
"I know." Ron said.
"I promise that I will a better sister to you from now on. If you ever feel this way again, don't hesitate to come to me. I'll help you the best I can." Ginny said.
"Thanks, and I promise to be a better brother and help you with all your problems, especially the one with Harry." He said smirking.
Ginny blushed. "Problems…I don't have problems with Harry." She shouted.
"Oh yes you do." Ron teased her as he tried to lighten up the mood. "I see you all lovey-dovey going at him and looking at him longingly."
"Oh shut it off, you big prat. Like you can say anything. Your problems with Hermione are far worse. I mean I had to wait seven years that you finally get together. I already have grey hairs because of your bickering." Ginny countered.
Ron blushed and the tip of his ears went red. "Well…at least I got together with her. Something you can't say about you and Harry."
"Oh, shut it you." Ginny shoved him as they both laughed. They then looked at each other and broke out laughing. They laughed so hard that they were clutching their stomach and they tried not to tumble over. After a few minutes of heavy laughter, they calmed down and looked forward. For a while they just sat there and watched the landscape. Then Ginny broke the silence.
"Feels like old times doesn't it." She said.
"Yeah, it does." Ron said as he remembered the old times when he and Ginny were still best friends. That was the time when they were alone with their parents at home, because their other siblings were already at Hogwarts. Most of their times they would play in their yard, inventing games or just enjoying the beautiful landscape in front of the burrow.
"We can go back there, if you want." Ginny said laying a hand on his shoulder.
"That sounds great." Ron said while smiling.
"So you'll forgive yourself for it, right? I mean…" Ginny said quietly, but she was interrupted by Ron.
"It'll take time. I think I will eventually forgive myself, but it needs time. I need time to recover. We all need time to recover." Ron said truthfully. "Thanks, by the way, you know, for comforting me." Ron smiled at her.
Ginny smiled at him back. "That's what sisters are for." She said.
They sat for another minutes there. Then Ron said: "We should probably go back. We don't want to make them worry about us."
"Yeah, you're probably right." Ginny said and together they went back to the half-destroyed Great Hall. The roof was completely destroyed, so was most of the walls. But many tables still stood and were intact. As they reached the Great Hall, they met their family standing at one corner with Harry and Hermione. Hermione noticed the two new people in the room and she flied into Ron's arms. Ron gladly hugged her back and from his corner of his eyes he could see Ginny going next to Harry talking with him and his family sending them sad smiles as if they wanted to say "glad, you could join our round of misery and grief".
"Where were you?" Hermione asked worried.
"Oh, you know, just walking somewhere and thinking about things." Ron said while admiring Hermione's face. Despite the fact that she was covered in blood and had some scars on her face, she looked beautiful and Ron couldn't think how lucky he was to have such a great girlfriend.
"What did you think about?" Hermione asked curiously with a trace of worry in her voice.
"I'll tell you, but not here, okay." Ron said still keeping his eyes on Hermione.
"Okay." Hermione gave him a small smile. "I'm just glad that you aren't hurt or something." She said as she buried her head into his chest. She then looked up and gave him a small kiss on his mouth.
"I'm glad too." He finally said. And he was glad. Despite all those horrifying things that happened during the war with the climax ending in Fred's death, he knew his family would eventually recover and he would do anything to help them, especially George. He had his family, Harry and Hermione. The future may not seem bright, but it would be getting better, he was sure of that and he would do anything to make sure that his family will recover from the shadows of the past.
I hope you enjoyed my little one-shot. I just love the Weasleys. Ron and Ginny are my favorites despite all the hate for them. I just hate it when they get bashed or something like that (well I hat bashing in general, I think it's a waste of time and just another kind of violence, reminds me of bullying of someone, even if this person is fictional). Please read it and review. Wish you all a lovely day.