Days of Our Eds
Summary: One of my favorite things about Ed Edd n Eddy is the age bracket – the kids are literally on the cusp of puberty and I find it just isn't explored often enough. This is a collection of 4 short stories pertaining to some of the kids' daily lives as they continue making the transition from childhood to adolescence.
Note: You'll notice that this is set after Big Picture Show. Rated high to err on the side of caution. *rubs hands evilly*
x x x
It was not hard to notice that the kids of Rethink Avenue were going through the wonders of puberty, and for a boy as deliberately observant as Edd, it was nearly impossible to ignore.
For the girls, this meant the introduction of breasts, hips, and the inescapable dread known as menstruation. For the boys, it meant more obvious muscular development and trying to mask the cracking of their voices over the hysterical laughs of others. Both genders noticed the absurdly rapid growth of body hair (or 'fur', as Ed liked to call it), the persistent development of acne, increased perspiration, mood swings caused by gross hormonal imbalances... and, naturally, their burgeoning sexualities.
Kevin found himself impossibly tongue-tied when it came to talking with Nazz on occasion, and the threat of spending time alone with her was the most bewildering mixture of irrepressible excitement and mortal terror he had ever experienced. Rolf unwittingly found himself becoming more and more enraptured by the exploits of the burly women of the Miss Fieldworker pageant of his native homeland. The stress of talking to basically any girl was soundly comparable to diffusing a bomb, as it seemed even the slightest accidental off-remark was enough to send them into a tizzy of either; a surplus of affection, a dark sea of bottomless sorrow, or simply pure, unyielding rage.
It was all of this and more that made Edd feel, simply put, inadequate.
His nearest and dearest friends had been showing signs of development for ages. Aside from upgrading to an interminable appetite and the reception of a significant boost to his already superhuman physical strength, Ed found the surfeit of body 'fur' to be a severe hindrance to the game of connect-the-dots he played with his plethora of back zits. And though he kept himself well-groomed, the ritual application of hair gel and pimple cream, as well the presence of his cherished magazines, made the evidence undeniable in Eddy's case.
Edd caught his despondent reflection in the cold bathroom mirror. He wrapped his 'skinny noodle arms' (as Eddy call them) around his rail-thin torso, sighed as he wriggled his toes from within the confines of his beloved red socks, knowing full-well that the only thing they were covering were his delicate little kneecaps, having deemed them unsightly for the world to ever see. He wondered if he needed a haircut – those three little hairs poking out from his black ski cap were starting to look a tad unruly.
Being the only person in the entire seventh grade without having experienced any such maturity was rather alienating for him, and he despised it with every fiber of his being. Bringing up the rear was something he was severely unaccustomed to, having consistently been nothing short of a perfectionist symbol for most of his known life. Despite how often he verbally told himself how little it mattered in the greater scheme of things, his insecurities continued to bruise his little ego as he lay in bed at night with the thought that he was, at least where the onset of puberty was concerned, a complete failure.
This, he rationalized, was the reason as to why he was so keen to spend as much time with his friends as he possibly could. He was deeply envious of the changes they were exhibiting and longed to experience it right alongside them. Perhaps, much like the process of osmosis, he would be able to absorb their excess testosterone and use it to jump-start his own delayed growth patterns.
Eddy in particular was something of a joy to be around as of late, as he slowly began to cope with the idea of getting to live outside his brother's shadow. The process of retiring from pulling scams had proved thorny in places, yet his personality had remained intact, with only a single notable change. Double Dee had always been inexplicably fond of Eddy in those rare moments when he had demonstrated genuine kindness to those around him, and in-between bursts of hormonal bravado, it was something he more readily displayed to his friends (behind closed doors, of course. He still had a reputation to uphold!)
That, and Ed was impossibly difficult to approach now that he'd been outfitted with a revoltingly obscene body odor leagues above anything he and Eddy had ever smelt from him before.
Regardless of the generous application of various deodorants and perfumes, as well as an overtly increased physical distance they tried to keep, Ed's consistently generous embraces caused the scent to permeate Edd's clothes just as much as the eye-watering musk from Eddy's cheap cologne – a nauseating cocktail which, fortunately, was easily eradicated with a spritz from May Kanker's patented bathroom deodorizer, which had been tweaked to also perform on fabric with a little help from Double Dee. He had suggested there would be a very lucrative market for her product if she were to end up selling it one day ("I'd be more than happy to be your first customer, May!"), and she generously offered him a share of the profits on the condition that he didn't tell Eddy. The pair shared a bit of mirthful laughter, though he knew it was all-too-likely that his friend would eventually find out one day.
Despite having a bit of fun at Eddy's expense, it was nice to have friends outside the inner circle. The trio had been very close since the tender age of four, and despite the occasional strain and routine arguments, he knew they'd be friends forever.
He just couldn't understand why, at certain times, he wanted nothing more than to stay at Eddy's side for ages. Eddy, the self-appointed ladykiller, who talked a big game but was just as much of a coward around girls as his friends were, and who just as inexplicably often directed those nervous energies toward Double Dee in a misguided attempt to fulfill them. Perhaps there was something there that he was missing. Perhaps he'd be able to figure it out one day, when the inevitable turmoil of adolescence eventually caught up with him.
Until then, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
x x x
The ups and downs of Nazz's life in the past few years had been unusual.
She'd been born at a perfectly healthy weight, but after the introduction of her sweet tooth a few years later, she'd found herself ballooning up at an alarming rate. Still, she'd always been a happy child, and had fond memories of spending lazy summers with all her friends down at the creek, straining the rope swing and nearly uprooting the tree from which it was hung whenever she fancied a dive.
But once she caught sight of her mother's fashion magazines, surreptitiously left in plain view on the coffee table, everything changed. She saw page after page of tall, waifish supermodels, sporting the kind of fashion that Nazz could only aspire to owning in her wildest dreams. Some of them were posed with a number of handsome, well-dressed men with heavily chiseled jaws, and Nazz decided she liked what she saw.
The magazines also contained a fair number of workout guides, and in no time at all, she exercised herself down to a very healthy weight. When she made the dramatic reveal to her friends, Kevin was the most jarred, amazed at how quickly she'd been able to change her physical image so significantly, when all the while she'd seemed so happy. Still, she enjoyed a snack or two every now and again, while also maintaining a strict resolve not to lose control of her life again.
So, it was awfully worrying when, in recent weeks, she'd noticed a significant difference in not just her body, but in her attitude as well. The cravings for sweet and salty snacks were becoming unmanageable, and she was getting them far more often than ever. Despite her everlasting perkiness, there were moments when the tiniest little thing caused her temper to flare. Small incidents here and there that eventually festered into a little black ball of rage that clung to her sweet little heart, slowly infecting it with its poison.
Today was the day that would haunt Nazz for months to come.
She greeted her friends in the hallway grumpily, and they scratched their heads, perplexed, which only added to her ire. She told Jonny that his screeching voice was like nails on a chalkboard when he popped up out of the blue and began telling her about the things he and Plank had gotten up to over the weekend. (It really was, but she hadn't even meant to say it at all!) Her tummy was upset and nobody had even asked her if she was feeling okay. At the onset of algebra class, Kevin lightly tapped her and softly asked if she had a spare pencil. Nazz all but exploded in a fit of rage and was promptly sent out into the hallway by the teacher. As the door shut forcefully behind her, she could hear Double Dee offering to loan a bewildered Kevin one of his own pencils instead.
"What's with her?" Eddy wondered aloud.
Instead of waiting outside the door to cool off, Nazz stomped over to the lavatory and rinsed her face to get rid of the heat she was experiencing. Eddy's words rang out in her head. What WAS up with her? She looked at her gaunt reflection in the mirror, realizing that she'd definitely need to apply a homemade rejuvenation mask to help her complexion. Feeling a sudden pressure in her bladder, she entered one of the stalls to relieve herself.
Today was the day that most students of Peach Creek Junior High would remember as the day that Nazz had screamed bloody murder from the depths of the ladies' toilets and had to be sent home early.
Today was the day that Aunt Flo had decided to pay her a very unannounced first visit, but Ed stated, "I thought her aunt's name was Marion," with a puzzled tilt of his head. (Double Dee felt his face flush at the mention of his detested middle name and found himself standing up a bit straighter.)
On the upside, at least they'd only remember it for a little while.
x x x
Although he was only nine years old, Jimmy knew there was something different about him.
He preferred the term 'unique', but when he considered the other kids in the cul-de-sac, he realized there were a couple of cases arguably more exceptional than his. Still, at this tender age, he was starting to uncover feelings of ambiguity usually reserved for people twice his age, and it all began and ended with Sarah.
It was no secret that he idolized Sarah; she was his angel, his auburn-haired protector. Next to her, he was practically a unicorn made of glass. It was almost amusing to those on the outside – a frail, effeminate boy whose best friend was a vicious monster trapped in the body of a little girl who could go toe-to-toe with the best of them and come out the victor, either with the sway of her youthful innocence or by the sheer physical brutality she was capable of when provoked. The world was cruel, but she could be just as cruel in return, and then play pretty princess tea party with him after she was done beating the living tar out of whoever or whatever it was that had done him wrong.
Yes, he cared about her deeply, but Jimmy recently began stopping to consider his circumstances more often than ever. For one thing, she was the only kid his age who lived in the neighborhood, and although there were plenty of other kids in the third grade for him to play with, he always ended up gravitating back towards Sarah, almost as if he hadn't been given a choice.
Sarah, whose dumb older brother was Ed. Ed, who was part of an inseparable trio that included his two best friends, Eddy and Double Dee. Double Dee, who could easily impress anyone he fancied, chose instead to get all moony-eyed over things like the Pythagorean theorem, and spent so much time with his friends he likely didn't have much time to even pursue a romantic relationship (short of dating one of them, that is!)
Double Dee had unwillingly been the object of Sarah's desires for over a year off-and-on, and Jimmy wasn't so sure how he felt about that.
A four-year age difference was, at this stage in their lives, uncomfortably unmanageable. Jimmy had discovered he was just as miserable without Sarah around as the Eds were when she WAS around. Slowly, the topic of boys had surreptitiously announced itself for discussion between them surprisingly often, and things like fairy tales and playing with dollies began to fall by the wayside.
At times, Jimmy was almost positive that he seemed to be enjoying the discussion more than she was.
Jimmy had once granted Sarah's request for a new hairdo with which to impress Double Dee, and while the result was just as planned, Jimmy was the one who had ended up getting showered with praise over the execution of his friend's hairstyle. "Perhaps Lé Jimmy's Salon is in your future, after all!" Double Dee had left this as his parting remark.
Burning desires to pursue a career in aesthetics aside, poor Jimmy was just unsure what to think. He was simultaneously torn between assisting Sarah's goals to win Double Dee over, attempting to pull off some kind of brash scheme to have her focus all of her attention on himself, and to continue feeding off of cajoling from Double Dee. Of course, in that last scenario, they'd likely get their butts kicked into next week, but in this one exceptional case, Jimmy didn't feel the need to share. He hadn't felt inclined to do so when he and Double Dee had put together the School Safety Club a while back, but at the end of the day, Jimmy had to look out for his own best interests. This was an all-or-nothing situation, but in this case, he wasn't sure what "all" he truly wanted. He was constantly torn between walking all over her for a change, or stepping aside for the benefit of both their friendship and his physical health. It was all just so confusing to the poor boy.
No matter which scenario he settled on, there was no doubt in his mind that he'd be able to pull it off. After all, Eddy had taught him all there was to know on the subject of cunning and conniving. He'd have to send the little weasel a beautifully arranged 'thank you' basket sometime in the near future, in the aftermath of whatever choice he'd decided to make.
Thankfully, Jimmy had plenty of time to figure it out. After all, he was only nine years old.
x x x
It wasn't all that late – only about 8:30 pm – but Edd's bedtime habits were set in stone.
After completing his homework, consuming a perfectly balanced and nutritionally rationed dinner, as well as a final revision of the schoolday's notes, his alarm indicated he exchange his academic novels for a pair of one-size-fits-all footie pajamas and a mouthful of toothpaste. Once he'd settled himself into the confines of his soft bedsheets, he usually did a bit of light reading by bedside lamp until his Mother came to tuck him in. That is, if she were home that evening. Unfortunately, both she and his Father would be abroad on a very important business trip for the next two weeks, but that was perfectly fine by him. After all, he'd learned to copy his Mother's tuck-in techniques ages ago. What would it hurt to be without them for a few more weeks?
After finishing his article in the latest edition of Arthropods Weekly, he clicked off the lamp, tucked in his sheets and rolled over onto his right side, facing the massive poster of the human brain that emblazoned the wall. It was inescapably calming to recite all the quadrants, lobes and synapses as he lay, visually scrolling down the poster even though he'd long since committed the entire thing to memory.
Just as he felt the edges of his brain succumb to sleep, a high-pitched hoot from outside startled him awake. His eyes snapped open and he strained his ears, attempting to classify whatever kind of owl he supposed he may have heard. But as the noise continued, he realized he'd been listening to the happy interactions of Kevin and his father as they struck up a quick game of basketball in their driveway across the street and precisely one house down from Double Dee's own front door. Kevin's father sometimes worked long hours, but between a garage full of luscious jawbreakers and the occasional round of sports, there was no doubt in his mind that Kevin was well cared-for.
"Hey man, walkin' the ball's a foul! Y'aren't goin' soft on me, are ya pops?"
Double Dee felt his heart skip lightly, and he exhaled loudly to reset the cycle. He wondered how many of his neighbors could hear the playful commotion. He thought of his friends, who may well be sitting in the living room with their own parents at this precise moment, noting how much fun was being had down the street, and possibly striking up a bit of parental bonding for themselves. His heart began feeling simultaneously heavier and more hollow as he became significantly aware of the feeling of his own heartbeat.
With a resigned sigh, he realized he'd forgotten his customary glass of warm milk, and hastily kicked off his sheets to go and make some. Sure he'd have to brush his teeth again and he may well be tired in the morning from a slight lack of sleep, but he hoped by the time it was all said and done that Kevin and his father would have finished their game for the night. He much preferred silent nights over the cul-de-sac to engage in a bit of self-pity.
At least getting out of bed would be a momentary distraction from that.
FIN