Fix You
Summary:
After Anastasia left Christian things got really bad, they haven't seen each other in over two weeks and Anastasia just won't eat, what will Christian think when he goes to her apartment and sees her?
This one-shot is based just after Fifty Shades of Grey after Anastasia leaves Christian but it is altered a little bit so they are apart longer and he goes to her apartment, instead of taking her to Jose's show.
There are themes of self-harm in this one-shot, viewer discretion is advised. Enjoy!
I don't think I have ever cried this much in my entire life, I felt so broken without him... But I knew he could never love me the way I needed him to and I was physically incapable of performing the duties he expected, so I had to leave. It has been just over two weeks since I have seen him and it has been miserable, other than going to work I haven't left the house... I have a routine going now work, cry, and cry some more, sleep. I can't manage to eat either, I have only managed to keep down a granola bar and that was the day after I left Christian and I have noticed it in my body, my hip bones stick out more and my stomach is flatter I know I should eat but I have kind of given up...I miss Christian so much but I cannot bare to go back to him if he can't give me what I need out of a relationship too.
When I was with Christian he helped me explore my sexuality and figure out what I liked and what I never wanted to try again, the belt was one of those things. I will admit the sex was good and I enjoyed being tied up but there was a limit that he did not respect and I cannot be with a man who can't respect my limits when I am trying to respect his 'no touch' rule! But it is so damn hard, I love him and I want to show him how much I love him by touching him but he will not budge! A sob escapes my lips as I sit down on my couch, tears flowing down my cheeks again. Of course he has tried to email me and call but I never answer; mostly because I cannot bare to hear his voice—if I did I know I would crack and run back into his arms in a instant.
My stomach growls and churns, I know I should eat but I don't want to... No food really appeals to me lately the only thing I can manage is tea or water to keep me hydrated at least, I don't even think I have anything in the fridge, I haven't gone shopping since a couple days before I left Christian I haven't even gotten around to checking if there is anything in there. I pick up Kate's laptop that she left here when she went to Barbados with Elliot, and open up my email to look if I have anything from Christian just for the hell of it I know I am only going to cry more but who the fuck cares anymore. I have one form him this morning,
From Christian Grey
To: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Answer me... Please...
Anastasia,
You haven't been replying to my emails or phone calls, I am a bit worried about you... I don't know what to say in this email because I feel so lost without you...I am sorry that I hurt you and I just hope you can forgive me.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprise Holdings.
As thought tears well up in my eyes, oh Christian! I miss you so much but I just wish that I could give you all that you need, all that you want but I can't... I aimlessly delete the email and close Kate's laptop and lay down on my couch trying to control the unstoppable tears that are running down my cheeks causing them to sting.
I am awoken by a loud knock on the door; I sit up, wiping the sticky dried tears from my face before walking to the door, who would be visiting at this hour... Well I know one person who would but I am really hoping it isn't him. I swing open the door and almost slam it again when I see the person who is on the other side but I stand frozen, its Christian.
"Hello Anastasia, may I come in?"
Silently I move aside from the door and he walking in taking off his jacket and hanging it on a chair, then looks at me with sad disapproving eyes.
"You have lost weight...A lot of weight." He whispers pulling me into his arms
"Plea...please Christian I have cried so much lately... Don't make me cry again." I whisper as he pulls me closer.
"Oh baby, no... Don't cry." He strokes my hair but I can't help it tears well up in my eyes and there is no stopping my emotions now.
"Hush now, Ana"
"I...I'm sorry" I apologize for my crying, he shouldn't have to see this.
"Don't worry about that, when was the last time you ate, Anastasia?" Christian's hand stroked my cheek gently wiping my tears away.
What do I say to that? Should I be honest and say I haven't managed to eat barley anything more than a granola bar in the two weeks we haven't seen each other or lie for his sake...
"The day after I left..." I say quietly and look down at my feet, hoping to avoid his disapproving glare but to my surprise his fingers play at the bottom of my shirt and lift it just above my hip bones, running his hand over them softly, sucking in a harsh breath as he did.
"I did this to you... I can't say how sorry I am Ana" Christian runs a hand through his hair and closes his eyes in what looks like pain, oh fifty... this isn't your fault!
"Don't say that Christian! You had nothing to do with my weight loss, I just can't eat... my appetite is gone." I try and reason with him, I don't want him to blame himself for this.
"You need to eat Anastasia, You are wasting away right in front of me" He leans in and kisses my cheek making my inner goddess stir from her two and a half week sulk, I reaches in his pocket and dials a number which I assume is Taylor's since it is on speed dial.
"Taylor, Can you go over to the little Italian market and pick up some soup and fresh bread and deliver it to Ms. Steele's apartment. Thanks" He hangs up and pulls me onto the couch with him holding me in his arms kissing my head ever so often.
"I have been so lost these past couple of weeks, Ana. After you left I realized that you are more important to me that my playroom, I want you to be mine and I don't want a submissive, I want you, and I want you to be my girlfriend. "I was a bit shocked by his words... I mean it is defiantly something I never thought would come from his lips but here we are and I am speechless, I have no words for him... I don't know if I want to slap him, kiss him or fuck him but I am quickly shying away from the slapping option. I looked up to meet his eyes and they were filled with need and angst, he needed me just as much as I needed him but he would never admit it to himself.
I can't even think little own speak so I kiss him, grabbing his face I smash my lips into his—getting a instant reaction from him, kissing back he moaned into the passionate make-up kiss we were sharing as he wrapped his arms around me, I know touching is probably a hard-limit for him so I shy away from the burning desire to run my hands through his hair while we kiss.
"Do you still love me?" He asks breaking the kiss briefly.
"Yes Christian, I do." I tell him honestly, I just hope that doesn't mess anything up.
"Good."
I hope you enjoyed this one, it was a bit more depressing than my last one but it was just an idea that came to me, let em know what you think!
Also I am going to be posting another chapter to Fifty Shades of Photographs due to popular demand, outlining what happened when Christian got home! ;)
Nicole x.