I heard that you've been
Self-medicating in the quiet of your room,
Your sweet, suburban tomb.
And if you need a friend,
I'll help you stitch up your wounds.
Missing You - All Time Low
"Clary, are you coming?"
"I'll stay a bit more, if you don't mind"
Clarissa Fray was a twenty year-old girl that lived in New York. There was nothing special about her, perhaps her bright red hair and incredibly pale skin. Other than that, she was like any other New Yorker. She was another ant in the concrete jungle that was her city. If she were asked to describe herself, she would say that she was average – in a good way of course. She was average and she loved it. She was the typical girl-next-door that lived in a small flat, liked coffee and worked as a barista.
Despite all of this, her talents weren't average. In her free time she would paint and sketch and after work she would go to a dance school. That's where she shone. When she worked on her art, she put all her heart and soul. She had some sort of double life, in which she would disappear in the crowds during the morning and she would be in the spotlight during night, whether she appeared on dance recitals or presenting a new picture for a museum.
Her friends would describe her as a burning flame, full of passion and fire. She was loved and was considered an essential piece of her closest ones' lives. When she was younger, her green eyes were always shining bright, reflecting the kind and happy soul that lived inside. Her laugh reminded them of birds chirping at the break of dawn. Her smile lit the whole room. That was until her parents and brother died, when she was seventeen.
The smile was gone. Her laugh became forced and raspy. Her eyes didn't shine anymore. She was devastated, her soul weeping inside of her, broken. The once chatty Clary Fray was quiet, her fire dying a bit more every day. She'd lost her family and, although not involved in the car accident that took their life, she also lost herself.
That's why she loved dancing. For the two or three hours she would spend on the dance school her mind was free of any self-destructing thought. She could feel her soul fly and her spirit soar. She was happy dancing, she felt free and wild. Whether she did ballet or hip hop she let her worries fade, turning the anger and sadness into passion and sweat. She exercised her demons one step at a time. She loved it so much that she would often stay after everyone left. Today was one of those days.
Her classmates nodded, even if they already knew that she wouldn't come with them to have coffee. While all of them loved dancing as a hobby, Clary had found her life on dancing. They understood, after all they'd seen her through her worst. They knew she could probably become one of the best dancers in New York, but she wasn't interested in making money out of it. She did it just to relieve her damaged spirit.
She looked at them and watched them leave the studio. She breathed deeply, stretching her muscles and turned up the music.
oOoOo
"Girls" announced Maryse, the owner of the studio. When Magnus, one of the male dancers, cleared his throat, she quickly added "and boys" which seemed to please him. "We have a new pianist for our ballet rehearsals"
The girls quickly started to whisper, wondering who he'd be. They would often bet on his age, looks and, above all, how long it would take him to resign. Like Hogwarts and the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, their pianists didn't last more than a year. So far, the causes had been a car accident, an affair with one of the dancers, a suicide and multiple migrations. They were giving him 5 months until something made him quit.
That's how Clary found them. She'd missed a train and, therefore, was a bit late. No one said anything, though. When she asked what she had missed, one of the back-up dancers quickly told her about their new musician. She also gave him five months. Everybody was asking Maryse about him when they heard the door closing.
There was a boy, and he had a bag with him. He didn't look older than twenty-four. He was lean and his hair was blonde, almost golden. He was wearing black skinny jeans and matching t-shirt and hat. His rockstar look, complemented by the sunglasses that were resting atop of his head, contrasted with the light pink of the walls and the tutus that some of the dancers were wearing. He smiled when he saw everyone looking at him, a light blush coloring his cheeks.
Maryse moved towards him. "I'm glad you could make it, Jace. I'd just told them about you". He nodded, still smiling. He walked behind Maryse, who went back to her spot and introduced him.
"Ladies and gentleman" she said the last part while looking at Magnus, who nodded in appreciation "this is Jace, our new member". Everyone smiled at him and said hi. He returned their smiles and waved. Maryse looked at him, asking for permission. He nodded "Jace has a special condition of his vocal cords, and he finds it difficult to speak, so I would appreciate it if you didn't make him speak much"
Everyone agreed and introduced themselves to him, one by one. Once they were done, Jace spoke for the first time "Thank you for everything, guys". His voice shook slightly and he cleared his throat a few times, but his words and diction were clear.
After that, Maryse took him with her and showed him around, telling him everything he needed to know for his new job. The girls took this as an opportunity to talk about the musician. From what Clary could tell, they were pretty impressed by his looks. Even Magnus was. They shut up the moment Maryse came back.
oOoOo
Ballet was one of Clary's favorite disciplines, so she felt kind of disappointed when it was time to wrap up. She helped Maryse put everything back in place.
"He's good, isn't he?" the older lady asked. Clary nodded. Jace had played really well. He played with his eyes closed, feeling the music. Clary could tell he liked his job. "He's my son, but he didn't want anyone to know. He doesn't want anyone to think that he's here because of me rather than for his talent." They were kind of similar, the redhead thought. Same expression, same warmth on their eyes.
Soon everyone was changed and ready to leave. Magnus looked at Clary, who shook her head. He nodded and motioned everyone to leave. She was staying behind tonight. Magnus noticed that she danced till late mostly every day and wondered if she was starting to lose control of her fears and inner demons.
He saw Jace packing up and decided to wait for him. After all, he was one of the very few men that dared work in a dance studio. The blonde smiled at him, showing his gratitude, and walked faster towards him. He was almost up to Magnus when soft, slow music started to play. He turned and saw a girl dancing on stage. Her eyes were closed and smiled softly. She looked like a bird, innocent and free.
Jace looked at Magnus, back at the girl, and at Magnus again. Magnus seemed to understand the question he had wordlessly asked. "Clary always stays here after we're done" Jace looked back at her and furrowed his brows at Magnus. "Dancing is her drug. She has some personal demons and this is her haven. This is the only place in which she is completely safe and liberated"
Magnus opened the door for him. Before leaving, though, he looked back at the redhead. He couldn't help but wonder what had happened to her.
oOoOo
She stayed behind the following day as well. And the following, and the day after that too.
Every day, Jace would glance at her ever so often. He would see her with her guard up, smiling politely when needed, but it never reached her eyes. She hardly talked unless she was directly addressed. Once she was alone, though, she transformed. She looked relaxed and comfortable, like she had a weight off her shoulders. He couldn't deny that he was intrigued by the redhead.
That's why, one day, he decided to stay after every one left. He would often go with Magnus and the other boys to a nearby pub and have a beer before heading home, but today he felt like being alone with his music.
He accompanied the others to the door but, instead of following, he closed the door and went back inside the studio. Clary was already there, setting up her iPod, and she was surprised when she saw him walking towards the stage. "What are you-"she didn't finish her sentence when she saw him pointing at the black piano. She understood, so she nodded. He nodded back.
That's how, that night, he found himself playing for her. He played the piano, touching softly the keys and putting all his frustrations on his music, while she danced to it. They wouldn't look at each other but, somehow, Jace knew when she wanted a more upbeat song or something even slower.
Maybe it was the fact that, for once, she didn't feel alone. Perhaps it was the way she could feel him in his music, or perhaps it was the way the songs spoke to her. Whatever it was, there was something that made this night special for her. That night she felt whole and safe.
Once she was tired, she just lied on the floor, listening. She lied there for a few minutes and forgot the world, feeling the caress of the soft notes that lingered in the air. She closed her eyes and sighed, standing up. She looked at him, who was looking at her. She nodded at him, and he nodded back. She left, and he left.
oOoOo
What had been intended to be one night became every Thursday night.
It was their new and private tradition. Every Thursday, everybody would leave and then he would sit by the piano while she danced. This was their way to find peace in a buzzing city. This was her way of winding down. This was his way of talking to her.
Every Thursday he would catch himself looking at her, in trance by her movements, struck by the beauty of her dance. She would look at him too, and would smile at him. He didn't know how much she liked being alone with him and the comfort he brought her. They did it for themselves, but they also did it for each other.
They never talked about it, they never said goodbye. They would just nod at each other, no words were needed.
oOoOo
She was particularly zoned out that day. She kept running into the other dancers and she kept messing up the steps. Everyone could tell her mind wasn't in it. Everybody knew why. Every February 4th she would be like that, then the following day she would go back to normal as if nothing had happened. A day a year, Clarissa Frey allowed herself to feel pain and get lost in the darkness of her heart. A day a year, the other dancers would see the real her, the one that felt, not the one that pretended.
Jace seemed to realize as well. He could see that her skin was paler than usual; her hair looked flat and less shiny. Her green eyes showed hurt rather the usual nothing. Jace was surprised to find that he hurt for her. He was worried for her and started to wonder when he'd started to feel like that towards her. He looked back at their long Thursday nights, trying to decide in which one he'd started to notice the way her clothes clung to her body and how prominent her bones were. Once he settled for one, he went on to find which Thursday was the first in which he thought of her as beautiful. Once he had that one, he added that day as the day in which he realized he liked her.
He allowed himself to think about her calming presence and the fire of her hair, trying to find what it was that made her so special to him. He knew she was attractive, but she was so much more to him. He liked what he saw when her guard was down, and he liked what he saw when she danced and let her thoughts fly. He knew she was wounded, but he could tell that she'd been way worse and that she was getting better every day, or at least that's what Magnus said.
That night she didn't dance. She just lied on the floor, letting the pain consume her. She could feel the pain lessening every day, she felt stronger than the day before and she could feel her heart starting to close the bleeding wound. She was starting to accept that they were never coming back. She was starting to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. She smiled lightly.
He watched her smile, and felt something grow inside of him. Maybe he truly had butterflies on his stomach. He kept playing for a bit, until the song came to an end. He just stared at her, in silence. She didn't say anything either.
Something inside of him made him stand up and walk towards her. He sat next to the redhead, and looked ahead of him, mirroring her posture. He took his phone and started to play some music, suddenly not feeling like playing himself. He turned to her and noticed her looking at him. She was smiling but Jace could tell that she'd been crying. He wiped the remaining tears off her cheeks and cleared his throat. "It's going to be OK" he told her, talking to her for the first time.
She looked at him, really looked at him. She had only heard him talk once, and it hadn't even been addressed to her. Now he was talking to her, to comfort her. She felt his kind words, his deep voice, wrap around her, making her feel warm and protected. Feeling bold, she laid her head on his shoulder. She breathed in deeply, taking in his delicious fragrance. There was something about him that made her heart beat a tad bit faster and that melted her inside when she caught him looking at her. She was falling for him but, for the first time in her life, she didn't mind. When the two of them were alone, in the darkness of the studio, she felt invincible.
He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to him. "Everything is going to be OK" he repeated, kissing her red hair. She peeked at him, but he was looking straight ahead. She smiled and moved her body closer to his. Both of them were staring at the wall, too wrapped up in their thoughts to even care.
Sitting there, in his arms, Clary realized that he was right. Everything was going to be alright. They were there for hours, listening to the background music, the sounds of the city and the beating of each other's heart.
Hold on tight,
This ride is a wild one,
Make no mistake,
The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,
Now don't lose your fight, kid,
It only takes a little push to pull on through,
With so much left to do;
You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you.
Thank you so much for reading this
xoxo
MissChemicalReaction