The Last Six-Pack Beer
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic.
It happened too fast.
Lindow had barely blinked, barely taken a stance to raise his God arc that would protect him from the incoming attack of the Aragami but it was coming fast still.
He wouldn't be able to protect himself in time.
He was going to die.
Accepting the fact that he was going to die in his chosen field was something he considered but never actually faced. He had trained hard, after all, until he could no longer walk. He repeated the simulations until he thought he could read the movements of the most predictable Aragamis well, often staying in the training room well past midnight.
Until Faye had to come and help him walk back to his room.
Inevitably, his thoughts turned to her, his sole solace in this hell hole. Her worries, her fears, her obvious but unspoken affection for him that ran more than the skin deep friendship they projected. She had never said anything about him working too hard, or scolded him about drinking too much beer. She knew. In place of common held comforts, these vices would have to suffice to serve as a security blanket. He would only see her sad but understanding eyes, feel her fingertips brushing his hair matted with sweat from his forehead, and have her tuck him in bed like a mother would a child. He never responded to her silent requests because they both knew it would be impossible, that there was little light in their future ahead unless she suddenly discovered something earth-shattering in her research so he would continue to fight while she spent every fiber of her being, aside from the part of herself she spent taking care of him, in research, compiling and analyzing precious data they could use against the Aragami.
Still, his end facing him in the eye made him regret every moment he could not openly reciprocate her affection.
Likewise, he knew she would curse herself for not finding something potent enough to prevent his death.
He would leave it to Eric to take care of her for him in his stead since he obviously wouldn't be able to perform that function any more- no more Prince Charming to swing around a sword and hold all evil at bay.
The thought sucked more than he would ever admit.
He didn't close his eyes to resign himself to fate. Rather, he continued to raise his weary arms, God arc tight in his grip, in hopes he could still prevent the inevitable. Survival was still instinct.
And then Faye jumped in front of him, taking the steel of the Aragami's tail that was aimed for him, piercing through her ribs, with open arms, acting as a human shield for him while she was still air-borne. Her blood flowed as she held tight to the Aragami's tail, stopping it from inflicting any life-threatening damage from Lindow.
Lindow could only stare in shock and horror. This couldn't be happening. Not to Faye.
"NOW!" she managed to scream desperately, blood trickling from the side of her mouth, as the Aragami swung its tail with her pierced on it, trying to throw her off.
He snapped out of it and used his God arc to cut through the Aragami in one clean motion. The Aragami fell just as it sent Faye flying to the other side of the battle field, her blood drenching the ground as she landed with a thud.
"FAYE!" Sakuya screamed and ran after her, leaving Soma to finish off the remaining Aragami which he did with a grimace.
Eric followed soon after clearing his section, panic and grief etched on his face.
Lindow could only stare agape, horror struck, as Faye lay on the ground, breathing her last.
Sakuya shouted orders, trying to stop the blood flow, but it was no use.
The Aragami had skewered her internal organs while he was flinging Faye around like a rag doll. It was no use. He knew. It should have happened to him after all.
He stood rooted to the ground, unwilling to believe the reality of his situation, of the grisly death his job had bestowed on the very person he had been most adamant to protect. It was ironic, really, he thought as he finally, slowly, walked over to Faye, a hysterical Sakuya shouting and crying beside her, trying to futilely staunch the blood flow, an equally grief-stricken Eric trying to comply to Sakuya's orders. He knelt beside Faye, near her head, stroking her cheek gently. She smiled up to him sadly, as if in resignation.
"It's no use." He repeated, more for Sakuya and Eric than himself. Sakuya glared at him.
"How can you say that?" she yelled at him, tear-stricken. "She's your best friend! If we transport her now-"
"She won't survive until then. She'll just die in the jeep." He told them quietly. He had seen many a horrifying deaths in his short time as a God-eater to know that there would be no miraculous comeback from damage this severe. Sakuya was still a greenhorn, after all, introduced to him by Faye herself.
"I love you, Lindow." Faye murmured, her hands weakly reaching out to touch his face. He held her there, his hand holding hers to his cheek. It would be the last touch he would receive from her.
"Mm. I know. Well… you know how I feel, Faye." He murmured, bending his face down to kiss her.
It would be their second and last. The first was when he first got Faye drunk but she wouldn't remember that. It was just a kiss after all.
A slight blush appeared on Faye's cheek, even on the brink of death.
Sakuya and Eric both stared at them in shock. This was certainly news to them since it was familiar for Lindow to make Faye blush with his inappropriate comments, normal for the two to banter and bicker like an old married couple. They assumed it was because they'd known each other since childhood, before Lindow pursued blood and Faye, research. Besides, they'd never been heard to mutter words of endearment to each other.
Eric gritted his teeth. He'd been gunning for Faye, too, after she tried to defend him from Aragami with a metal pole when he was assigned as her bodyguard in one of her excursions to gather information on Aragami.
"I love you, Faye." Lindow murmured lowly with a bitter smile. "Though you probably already knew."
"Yeah, I do. I see a daffodil on my desk every time you come back from your missions." She replied weakly with a smile. Lindow kissed her palm. "Don't starve, Lindow." She murmured weakly, her voice growing fainter with each word. "Eat a lot, drink a lot and don't die." She told him, clutching his fingers with what little strength she had left. Her tears started to flow. "Don't regret my death but don't you dare die. Live long and see the world free of Aragami for me, okay?" she insisted. "I'll chase after you in afterlife if you come too soon. Grow some more and be an old man, okay?" She was probably too weak to put more conviction in her words. Lindow could barely nod, could not bear to tell her that it wasn't up to him, but he couldn't offer a smartass comment like he usually did to rile her up and see her explode comically on him.
"An old man with a beer belly." He quipped which made her smile.
She turned to Sakuya. "Take care of each other, okay?" she told her. Sakuya nodded with tears streaking down her face.
"Ah. I'll take care of this idiot for you." She whispered, squeezing Faye's free hand. Faye inclined her head to Eric on her other side.
"Thanks for being a good friend, Eric." She murmured. "Thank you for protecting me on our missions." He could only nod numbly, clutching the free hand Faye offered. No more sunny smiles and smart quips to make him blush. He wondered if there would be anyone else to make him feel the way Faye could stir him up. He doubted there'd be any. To both him and Lindow, she was one of a kind.
Soma had approached them and Faye offered him a smile. "Soma-kun, you're a gift to us. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, okay?" she whispered. Soma could only nod.
Out of most people, it was Faye that openly teased him, gave him sweets, pinched him and ruffled his hair, treating him exactly like the little brother she never had despite the circumstances surrounding him. He had often thought she would make a good doting mother if she and Lindow ever decided to have kids. Well, that would never happen now.
He bent down awkwardly to hold her hand briefly before standing back up to scout for any Aragami to disrupt their pathetic farewell party. He didn't want to see her finally close her eyes, and pulled his hood forward to cover his face. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he walked off a little distance from their group.
"Lindow…" Faye whispered. "I'm scared." She admitted. Lindow gripped Faye's hand in his tighter.
"I'm here." He assured her, lifting her so that she lay on his lap. "I won't leave." He promised. His expression remained stoic even then. There was no point in shedding tears, really. He didn't want to cause Faye any more sorrow.
"Thank you." She said and closed her eyes.
She stopped breathing.
Her hand was now limp in his grasp.
There was a content smile on her face drained of color, pale as death, but still warm.
She had finally breathed her last.
There was a moment of silence before Lindow released Faye's hand, shrugged off his trench coat and covered her with it. Then, he lifted her in his arms, savoring the last of her warmth against his chest. "Let's move out." He ordered them stoically. Eric and Sakuya mechanically stood up and followed him back to the jeep as did Soma. The crackle of radio had been curiously silent for the whole of the ordeal but he knew they heard every bit. And, like always, there would a funeral arranged for a fallen comrade, only this time, the elevator ride with his elder sister to the hangar later would be one of the most unbearable and somber he would experience.
He rode in the back this time, with Faye still in his embrace.
She looked to be too peaceful to be dead, he thought. Then again, she wasn't that peaceful when asleep as she tossed and turned in her sleep the few times he was able to sneak inside Faye's bedroom, the few times she actually got a full night's sleep, and watch her sleep or just lay beside her, pretending that everything was normal with Faye waking up beside him like married couples do.
He never once let her go until he was instructed to leave her for the mortician to work on her.
He did finally, with a heavy heart, and stumbled out the morgue into a forgotten and desolate part of the hangar, leaning on the metal wall cool against his skin before slumping to the ground.
He raised his hands to his face, staring at them, streaked with Faye's blood.
Faye was dead. Gone forever. He realized that goodbye had never been on their lips, because he knew she would haunt him forever.
He had never wanted to say goodbye after all. And he had a feeling neither did she.
His hands shook with unbridled rage at himself and he slammed his fist against the wall behind him.
He closed his eyes and let himself be swamped with memories of Faye.
Their drunken kiss. Her tiny quirks. Her smiles. The way she would hold his sleeve, open her mouth as if to say something then shake her head and wish him safety and good luck on his every mission. The way she sometimes followed him around whenever he came back from training like a lost puppy in their earlier years and the way she would smile delightedly when he gave her something- anything at all- for her birthdays, Christmas and Valentines. Her written letters with her exquisite handwriting she had given him over the years. The laughs they shared. Their petty fights. The heart-to-heart talks. The beer she would use to bribe him with. Every touch, every gesture…
His face contorted in sorrow and he took out the tiny doll she made for him for good luck from his pocket and pressed it against his forehead.
He regretted not showing how much she meant to him. He regretted that he put work first beyond everything else because he thought he'd be more capable to protect her that way if he became good at what he did. Most of all, he regretted having made her feel she had to hold herself back from expressing her feelings for him unless it disrupted their work. Teasing was petty and he was never sure half the time if Faye was happy with the way their relationship turned out to be, never having been able to confirm each other's feelings until the minute she died. Still, being him, he selfishly hoped Faye understood.
"Hey." Sakuya greeted him as she approached him warily with her hands behind her back when he raised his head, the small doll's head poking out from his fist. She sat beside him, pulling one knee to her chest. He regarded her with an inclination of his head. "Service is tomorrow, at 7am." She informed him after a minute of silence.
He swallowed. "Got it." He replied, gripping the doll tighter. An awkward silence passed before Sakuya spoke again, her eyes sad, downcast, grief etched in every line of her face.
"Does Faye… does Faye have anyone else we should inform about her death?" Sakuya asked softly. Faye had never, if ever, talked about herself, when they hung out. She was usually the one badgering her with questions.
"No. Her parents died a while back before we moved to Fenrir. She was the only one left." Lindow replied in a hollow voice. Now she, too, was gone.
"I… see."
"Research was the only thing that kept her in Fenrir. She had always been smart. She drew up strategies depending on the type of Aragami for me to use when I first became a God-eater. They've been pretty useful so far." He smiled wryly. "She always said I'd be one of the finest captains of a unit one day."
"She wasn't wrong though, was she?"
"No, she's never been wrong."
There was silence again that Sakuya chose to break with an awkward statement.
"You… haven't cried for her yet." She told him, almost reluctantly.
"… I don't need to." He replied stoically. "It wouldn't bring her back anyway."
Sakuya flinched, expression sorrowful, at the offhand response but she supposed it was his defense mechanism now that Faye was no longer available to second-guess his motives with her years of experience and through her keen observation.
"Still, if you want someone to talk to-"
"She's dead. There's no one to talk to." Lindow said, irritated, raising his voice. He blinked when he realized his mistake and scratched his head awkwardly.
"My bad. I'm sorry." He apologized. Sakuya gave him a sad smile.
"It's okay. I'd be worried if you were acting normal anyway. Anger is good, but don't be mad at yourself or others. " Sakuya gently reminded him. She knew it was what Faye would have said. Lindow nodded. Sakuya stood up, dusting off her skirt.
"I'll leave you to it then." She told him. "If you ever need someone to hear you out, just knock on my door. I still have the secret beer stash Faye's been hoarding for you so…" she trailed off uncertainly, having brought up Faye's name again unintentionally. Lindow nodded with a brittle smile.
"Yeah, I'll take you up on your offer some time." He replied. Sakuya walked off, having apparently achieved her mission.
He sighed and patted his pockets for a cigarette. Faye had a habit of going through his clothes and confiscating his lighter and cigarette boxes- the one vice she would not condone- so he had to repeatedly look for hiding places to keep his stash. He was surprised, therefore, when he was able to successfully unearth a lighter and a half-full cigarette box from his pocket that Faye apparently missed searching. As he pulled one out, a piece of paper came with it and fell to the ground. He picked it up and noticed it was Faye's handwriting.
You idiot, it read. I give up. Smoke your lungs away, fine. If the Aragamis won't get you then this cancer stick will.
Hey, Lin. You know how much I care for you, right? I'm sorry I always nag but you should know I'll always want what's best for you-even if I have to sacrifice myself to get it for you. You and your sister are the only ones I have left, after all. Still, in the event that I die, I hope you still get to live a happy and full life. I wouldn't want to be forgotten, of course, but it would suck if the people who you'll meet in the future won't get to see how awesome you are, both as a friend and as a prospective mentor (hint, hint, you should pass on your knowledge if you can't pass on your genes to the next generation) because you're still so hung up about my death. Wow, that's a narcissistic assumption on my part that you'll actually be affected when I die because, you know, we've never mentioned the 'l' word but I get it.
Anyway, I wrote this because I'm going with you on a mission today to observe and collect statistics on Vajra and as relieved that I am that you'll be there to protect me, I still have to ask myself what I can do to make myself more capable. I know kendo but it really doesn't work much on Aragami so I'll just have to settle with a not half-assed job at data gathering. Again, since I'm rambling, you probably get I feel pretty nervous. It is a Vajra, after all. Case and point. So…
Don't die on me today. Or ever. Because I'd gladly sacrifice myself if I have to.
Here's to hoping we both shall live to fight and drink beer another day.
Hehe.
Love,
Faye
He clutched the paper in his hand to his chest, tears leaking through his eyes. He noticed a can of Faye's precious beer beside him where Sakuya had been sitting previously. It had a red ribbon tied around it. Sakuya must have left it there for him.
Faye would never cease to amaze him, he thought, as he popped the can open and took a large gulp.
She always found the best beer to supply his alcoholic tendencies with.
He would have to treasure her last gift to him.
Although, he would settle for cheap rationed beer forever if it meant he could get another chance with Faye.
A/N: It's been a long time since I last wrote something I wanted to post. Please feel free to comment. Criticisms are much appreciated. I've only watched the anime and am waiting for more.