fools

rating: T

summary: Maya Hart is tired of New York and the pain people there caused her. her hopes were too high, and then he went and smashed them/ in which the aftermath of Lucas and Maya's breakup changes everything

chapter 2: the quiet

Growing distance free of explanation
We're getting deeper in this mess
Take careful contemplation
I'd rather be spitting blood
Than have this silence fuck me up

Lucas groaned, shuffling under his covers to turn his face away from the incoming sunlight streaming in his window.

It had been six days since he and Maya had broken up. She hadn't told him why she broke up with him, but he was pretty sure he knew the reason why. And it was all his fault. His fault for letting a part of him cling on to Riley, wondering what his life would be if he stuck with the safe choice. He couldn't be with Maya the way she deserved, and they way he wanted to. He could tell he was hurting her every time his eyes would drift over to her best friend.

He loved Maya, he really did. Still does, actually, but that's besides the point right now. He let the chasm between them widen past the size of the Grand Canyon. It had started after their one year anniversary, when he made the mistake of mentioning Riley while they were enjoying their dinner. Their relationship began to strain under the pressure of his greatest "what if" and her insecurities that came from her parents' failed relationship. She had confided in him when they first started dating that she didn't want to become them. She didn't want to lose him. Lucas had assured her he'd never leave her, that he wouldn't let anyone or anything come between them.

But he failed. He broke his promise to her, and he hated himself for it.

He hadn't seen her since the day she slipped out his bedroom window, tears streaming down her face after breaking up with him. And at first, he felt a small sense of relief that he wasn't hurting her or himself anymore. He needed a break from being with her that way. But now he realized he'd rather still have her in his arms, even if they spat crude words and hurtful comments at each other. Because that's who they were. Maya and Lucas.

This separation,
time and space between us
For some revelation
You didn't care to discuss
I'd rather be black and blue
Than accept that you withdrew

He had grown used to spending every day in her company, enjoyed weaving her hair into a plait, enjoyed hugging her, kissing her, just being with her. He hadn't spent this much time away from her since he met her, and it created a hollow space in his stomach. Everytime he reached for his phone to call her, his heart would lurch into his throat, swallowing thickly. He wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

She was his best friend. Even before they started dating, he trusted her more than anyone. She held secrets of his that he trusted in no other hands. It hurt going from spending almost every waking moment with her to not seeing her at all for almost a week.

You're better off, he'd try to tell himself, but every time his heart would overrule his head. You still want to be with her, even with the fights. She lights a fire inside of you no one else can.

And he knew that was true.

Aaah, just tell me
Say anything
Anything hurts less than the quiet
Just tell me
Say anything
Anything hurts less than the quiet

His phone vibrated just then, and he immediately grabbed it, squinting his eyes against the harsh glare emanating from the screen.

Riley's name flashed on screen, alerting him to her text. He ignored it, setting his phone back on his bed. He had been hoping that Maya would reach out to him. He didn't know if she was okay, and he hated to think about the fact that she could easily revert to her old ways and add more scars to her wrists. The quiet was painful, more so than any words she could hurl at him. He wanted something, anything from her to let him know she was okay.

Used to give each other the world, every bit
I used to be the one you'd come to
When it'd all go to shit
Now I'm left here in the dust
With the taste of broken trust

They always cared about each other, him especially. Even when he still had his unofficial thing with Riley, he wanted nothing more than for Maya to be happy. And she knew that, so whenever her life would take a downward plummet, she'd appear at his window, petite form framed by the moon.

He'd hold her tight in his arms while she cried, her voice cracking when she'd ask "Why does this keep happening to me? Why?" It broke his heart when she was unhappy, even when they had just been friends. He hated when she'd push others away, thinking she was undeserving of love, incapable of being loved.

He knew this breakup would shake her to her foundations. And he couldn't comfort her because he was the reason she was distraught. He couldn't hold her and promise her that everything would be okay, he was there, he was never leaving. She would go to someone else, probably Riley.

He had broken her trust. And that thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. It was a fragile gift that he had been given to freshman year, and he cherished it more than anything he had ever been trusted with. He let it slip out of his hands, and now it was shattered on the floor.

And I don't wanna walk away
But you left me no choice
Only talking to myself here
Now you've muffled your voice
I'd rather have broken bones
Than feel myself turn to stone

He knew he was going to have to move on from her eventually. But right now, even the thought of liking someone else made him nauseous.

He hadn't let anyone in since that day. He preferred to stay in his head, no matter how unhealthy he knew it was. Her voice drifted through his mind anytime he saw something of hers in his room. One of her sketchbooks, a box of colored pencils, her drawings that lined his walls.

He was going numb. He had locked most of his feelings away in a box hidden in what Maya like to call his "dungeon of sadness." He wanted to feel something, anything. Even pain.

He needed to feel.

I don't mind that I know that you're wrong
I don't mind that you think you're right
All I want is a fight to fight
Anything but quiet

He squirmed out of his covers, his hair matted into a giant knot on the side of his head. He wanted to feel anger, because it reminded him of the energy that would pulse through his body when he argued with Maya. She had never been afraid to treat him like himself.

So he dialed Zay's number, knowing his friend would understand that he needed an outlet. They had both been on the wrestling team since they were young. They knew each other's boundaries and how far they could push each other.

Just tell me
Say anything
Anything hurts less than the quiet

He went home that night, feeling better. He showered and slipped on clean clothes, letting his hand ghost over Maya's scarf that was curled up next to his favorite shirt.

The quiet hurt, but now that he was out of his head, and more out in the open with his friends, he could handle it.

okay, so i wanted to write a second chapter for this story, and when this song came on, i realized it'd be perfect for lucas. a third chapter will be coming sometime soonish, and there may be a fourth (final) chapter of a maya/lucas reunion if you guys want one.

this is not my best work, but i think it's pretty decent. i hope you enjoyed it.

if you're following "and then she was gone" i'm working on the next chapter and will have it up asap

also, i made a new fanfiction account i will also be using. i posted the first chapter of a lucaya au story over there. let me know if i should continue it. i'll be mainly focusing on finishing "and then she was gone", but i'll continue updating this story and working on "the other side," which is the story on my other account.

my other account is: livingthelucayalife (you can find me with this same username on one of my instagram accounts and one of my tumblr accounts)

Review, favorite and follow!

~R5 is my life