And now it's time for Zorua Reviews with Zorua- son of Zoroark.

Tonight's Review: M17- Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction

(First Person POV)

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!

Oblivion- SPOILERS!

There's this place, called the Diamond Domain.

And it's ruled by the Legendary Pokemon Diancie,

Who looks like a cat hung upside down with her head in a sugar crystal growing jar.

And her Carbink servants are like,

"You need to make a new Heart Diamond or the whole kingdom will die!"

And she's like,

"Oh, silly, you're exaggerating. It's not big deal."

Zorua scratched his head in confusion.

What a loser!

Why is she in charge of the place if she can't even take the lives of her people seriously?

So Diancie tries to make another Heart Diamond but can't do it.

So the Carbink's are like,

"We need to ask Xerneas for help."

So Diancie goes looking for Xerneas,

But then gets caught by a sillier looking version of Team Rocket!

Delphox Woman and Greninja Man!

But then Ash is like,

"Let her go!"

But they're like,

"You can defeat us, we got a Delphox and Greninja that we've been training for years to be super duper powerful-"

"Thunderbolt."

ZAP.

KO.

"What the hey!?"

So Ash and his friends have dinner with Diancie.

And Serena is like,

"You act like a princess."

And Diancie is like,

"I am."

"Oh, no wonder you're useless and needed to be saved."

"HEY!"

I met a princess once!

Twilight Sparkle is way better than Diancie.

Although Ryu Taylor may disagree.

And the real Team Rocket are like,

"Let's catch Diancie!"

Yeah, yeah, whatever, you guys stink.

Meanwhile there's this little girl and her dad who are watching Diancie.

And her dad is like,

"I like chocolate."

And that's all the character he has.

So Diancie is looking for Xerneas's Fairy Aura.

And Ash and Diancie wish on a shooting star!

"Whoa, this is soooo Disney!"

So everyone goes-

ON A BOAT!

And Diancie makes a diamond for Bonnie.

And Diancie is like,

"Oh, it'll disappear soon, it's not like it's gonna play a major role in the movie's climax or anything."

Then they got to a mall!

I went to a mall once!

I got sick from eating all the free samples in the food court.

Then the Carbink servants show up,

And Diancie . . . lets Ash and his friends attack them . . . ?

Worst. Princess. EVER!

But then Delphox Woman shows up and they fight and fight and fight!

And then Greninja Man shows up and they fight and fight and fight!

And then Chocolate Man and her daughter show up and they fight and fight and fight!

And the Carbink are like,

"We were busting our non-existent rears looking for Xerneas while you ran away!"

Wait a minute, she ran away?!

She wasn't even looking for Xerneas at all?!

They'd be better off with a president!

So they all go to the Diamond Domain which is all dying and falling apart because the Heart Diamond died.

And Diancie is like,

"Oh my gosh, I'm shocked even though I was told earlier this would happen!"

So Diancie starts crying because she's the worst princess ever.

But Ash is like,

"Stop crying and fix it!"

In a nicer, Ash-type way, of course.

Then they finally find Xerneas who gives Diancie a power boost!

Hooray!

But then ALLLLLLLL of the bad guys,

including,

Zorua took a deep breath

Delphox Woman, Greninja Man, Chocolate Man, Chocolate Man's daughter, and Team Rocket,

Zorua took another deep breath

ATTACK ALL AT ONCE.

And this awakens the evil Yveltal from his Cocoon of Destruction.

And Yveltal is like,

"Well, as the very first truly evil Pokemon, I suppose I had best start killing stuff indiscriminately."

"OBLIVION WING!"

Zorua jumps around making lazer noises and explosion sounds.

"LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET IS-!"

BOOM!

"I love you Delphox Woman!"

"I love you too, Greninja Ma-!"

BOOM!

"You may be the worst Princess ever, but as your Carbink servants we are honor bound to protec-"

BOOM!

You know, technically no one is really dying, they're really just being turned to stone.

Zorua turned very serious. completely breaking character.

Believe me. I've seen near death once. . .

. . . .

So anyway, Diancie is like,

"I'm not gonna let my new friends die!"

And Ash and Pikachu are like,

"It's basically the same thing all the other Legendary Pokemon we befriend in these movies go through."

So Diancie uses the diamond she gave to Bonnie as a Mega Stone and Mega Evolves!

And then she creates a Heart Diamond to protect Ash and the gang!

Then Chocolate Man is like,

"To the Chocolate Plane!"

"Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, CHOCOLATE MAN!"

So Chocolate Man and Millis the Girl Wonder fly their ship at Yveltal.

And then, they shoot missiles at him!

Huh, I wonder why no one ever thought to use missiles in the dozens of other times Legendary Pokemon have gone on rampages?

But Yveltal is like,

"That tickled."

KABOOM! And he blows up the plane!

So Diancie is like,

"You know, I'll bet everyone is waiting for me to step up as a true princess and fight Yveltal using my Mega Evolved form, but I'm just a useless princess that makes Princess Celestia look useful, so I'll just let Xerneas clean up my mess for me. I mean, come on, I'm a princess! That's what we do! Why do you think we have servants or six Magical MacGuffin wielding civilians for?!"

So then we have a big epic battle!

Zorua frowned.

Oh wait, no, it's not an epic battle.

Xerneas just shoots a few lazers at Yveltal and he flies away.

Rip off.

So everything is okay because the only ones who got turned to stone were villains, villain's Pokemon, and a couple of servants.

But then Pikachu starts turning to stone!

So Ash is like,

"Line from Pokemon: The First Movie."

And Pikachu is like,

"(Line from Pokemon: The First Movie.)"

And then they're both like,

"A little bit of new material."

"(A little bit of new material.)"

"Unbelievably lame retread."

"(Unbelievably lame retread.)"

"Incredibly not clever slap in the face to the fans."

"Incredibly not clever slap in the face to the fans, old friend. Bleh . . ."

Zorua reared up on his hindlegs and shouted loud.

AWKWARD SIMILARITIES!

I don't know why everyone is so broken up, all they have to do is have their Pokemon cry on him and he'll be as good as new.

Oh right, Mewtwo's memory erasing powers.

But it's okay, because Xerneas brings everyone back to life and then turns into a tree because . . .

Zorua shrugged.

That's what he was when Team Flare found him in Pokemon X!

So Diancie goes back to ruling over the Diamond Domain,

And Chocolate Man opens up a chocolate shop while Delphox Woman and Greninja Man open up a clothing store . . .

Zorua looks really confused.

So . . . is the moral of the story that if you live your whole life as a criminal and cause a disaster that could potentially kill millions of people and Pokemon you can make for it and avoid going to jail by making your own small business?

What a lousy moral!

So the movie was really good. . . except when they just put in Pokemon: The First Movie again. . .

And left out the epic Legendary Pokemon battles we were hoping for. . .

The Pokemon fans are going to kill you Kunihiko Yuyama.

But don't worry, just have some Pokemon cry on you and you'll be fine!

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . .do ya got any Poke Diamonds?! PLEASE! I really need Poke Diamonds! Come on, help a cute little Zorua out, huh? Come on, please!

Come on, how else am I gonna be able to do anything in Pokemon Rumble World?! I can't beat the Protect Diancie Mission, so how else am I supposed to get Poke Diamonds!?

Thank You

(Zoroark here. I REALLY didn't like Diancie. If they at least had her put up a decent fight against Yveltal, I might be inclined to cut her some slack, but she really was a huge Mary Sue. AND WHY THE HECK DIDN'T THOSE CRIMINALS GO TO JAIL?! ('Z'))

.

.

.

Loading code . . .

0100101101100101011011000110010001100101011011110010000001110100011010000110010100100000010000110111001001101001011101000110100101100011001000000101001101100101011000010111001101101111011011100010000001000110011011110111010101110010

decoding . . .

. . .

COMPLETE:

*Tinyurl - objbqa9*