Once upon a time there lived King George Toadstool and his wife Queen Melody. For years they had hoped for a child, but it was to no avail. One November evening, however, as she was about to have her shower, the Toad knocked at the door. "I'm sorry to interrupt," he said, "but I know how much thou hast wanted a child. In August thou shalt have a girl, and thou shalt name her Peach."
Sure enough, on August 23, a child was born: Princess Peach Rosina Aurora Toadstool. (I made August 23 Peach's birthday mainly because I want her to be a Virgo.) King George and Queen Melody invited their friends, King Richard and Queen Lillian, and all the fairies in the kingdom to celebrate. Rosalina, a fairy with light blonde hair that hung over her right eye, gave Peach the gift of beauty; the gift of music came from a fairy with curly brown hair and brown eyes named Harmony; and from Amelia, a red-haired fairy with green eyes, came the gift of the derivation of her name, love. However, there was one figure not invited who showed up anyway: a Magikoopa named Kamek. Over dinner Kamek muttered a low curse for the newborn princess:
"May Princess Peach's lovely bed,
Aft finger on a needle pricked
On one score minus four, inflict
A curse where she stay cold and dead."
Rosalina heard it, and she chanted a low spell that went:
"May Princess Peach be saved from death;
Yet may she dwell in lifeless sleep
A slumber so profound and deep
That she shall never gasp for breath."
Another stanza Harmony whispered:
"May Princess Peach awake in sight
Of he who knew her beauty strong,
Her dulcet voice, her sweetest song,
Who sought to save her in the night."
And finally, Amelia uttered a last stanza:
"May Princess Peach, by heaven above,
Awake by Prince with sweetest kiss,
And at a moment such as this,
The Prince shall give his truest love."
As Peach's sixteenth birthday arrived, she was skipping, in her blue dress, white apron, and black hair ribbon, through the forest, looking for a prince. Prince Mario of the Unified Kingdom of New Yorkshire happened to be nearby, and he wanted the forest animals to masquerade as him, so he lent his coat and hat to them, and watch them as she sang:
"I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yet I know it's true
That visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you
I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once
Upon a dream
But if I know you
I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once…"
"The way you did once," they both sang as Prince Mario came up to her; and Prince Mario continued, "Upon a dream…
I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam"
With them were his brother, Prince Luigi, and her friend, Princess Daisy, and together they sang:
"And I know it's true
That visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you
I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way I did once
Upon a dream"
With that tears were in both their eyes; but they were tears of joy showing that they had found true love for one another. "Oh, I'm sorry," said Peach, "but I must go, and my yarn won't spin itself!"
With that she realized that she would suffer the curse that Kamek had whispered; but she went to spinning anyway, singing:
"What goes up must come down
Spinning wheel got to go round
Talkin' 'bout your troubles, it's a cryin' sin
Ride the painted pony, let the spinning wheel spin
You got no money and you got no home
Spinning wheel, all alone
Talkin' 'bout your troubles and you never learn
Ride the painted pony, let the spinning wheel turn"
Just before she began the bridge, it happened. The three fairies knew it would come and so did Peach. She pricked her finger on the needle she grabbed and fell onto the floor. The whole castle, except for the three fairies, sank into a profound sleep. Those passing the garden could mark the wild brier, the thorn, and the thistle grow broader and higher. Few attempted to enter the castle by themselves, and in the attempt to enter it, none succeeded, for around the castle Kamek had placed three Koopa Troopas – colored red, green, and blue – to guard it. All were asked three questions, one by each, and the third always ended in failure.
Prince Mario learned the news from the three fairies, and he and Prince Luigi rushed to tell Daisy and her family about it. The journey to the castle was weary, but after many a month they rode on Yoshi-back to it. Before them were the three Koopa Troopas. Princess Daisy stepped up to them.
"Halt!" they shouted. "Shouldst thou enter the cursed castle, thou must answer us questions three, ere the entrance thou canst see."
"Ask the questions, Koopas, for I have no fear."
"Who art thou?" asked the green Koopa Troopa.
"I am Princess Daisy of Sarasaland."
"Wherefore comest thou here?" asked the red Koopa Troopa.
"To rescue Princess Peach."
"What is thy favourite colour?" asked the blue Koopa Troopa.
"Yellow."
"Thou canst pass," the Koopa Troopas said.
"Is it that easy?" thought Queen Lillian to herself as she went to the door.
"Halt!" the Koopa Troopas shouted again. "Shouldst thou enter the cursed castle, thou must answer us questions three, ere the entrance thou canst see."
"Ask the questions, Koopas, for I have no fear."
"Who art thou?" asked the green Koopa Troopa.
"Queen Lillian of Sarasaland."
"Wherefore comest thou here?" asked the red Koopa Troopa.
"To rescue Princess Peach."
"What is the capital of Transylvania?" asked the blue Koopa Troopa.
"Uh… Philadelphia?" Just then a trap door opened beneath her and she fell into the dungeon. King Richard stepped up, hoping to save his wife and daughter from impending doom.
"Halt! Who art thou?" asked the green Koopa Troopa.
"King Richard of Sarasaland."
"Wherefore comest thou here?" asked the red Koopa Troopa.
"We'll rescue Princess Peach."
"What is thy favourite colour?" asked the blue Koopa Troopa.
"Red. No, green!" And he too fell through a trap door. Prince Mario just rolled his eyes and walked up, confident that he and Prince Luigi could save Peach.
"Halt! Who art thou?" asked the green Koopa Troopa.
"I am Mario, Prince of New Yorkshire."
"Wherefore comest thou here?" asked the red Koopa Troopa.
"To rescue Princess Peach."
"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?" asked the blue Koopa Troopa.
"What do you mean, an African or European swallow?" asked Prince Mario.
"Huh? We don't know that!" the three Koopa Troopas said, and they fell through trap doors beneath them.
"How do you know so much about swallows?" asked Prince Luigi.
"Well, when you're a Prince," answered Mario, "you never know if you'll become the King, so you need to learn about it. Anyway, on to Princess Peach."
They had hardly entered the castle when they saw Kamek, who changed into a mighty Koopa with horns and a spiked back, grabbing Prince Luigi as he spoke: "Fight or die! If you die, you've come in vain, and all of the Mushroom Kingdom shall be mine!"
"I have no option but to fight," said Prince Mario, Pulling out his sword, "and you, my sinister foe, may fight as well!" With fiery breath from the Koopa's mouth, Prince Mario said, "I suppose that means yes, so let the fight begin!"
Behind him Rosalina chanted, "Mario, Mario, he's our man! If he can't do it, oh… no. (Who wants me to swear in a fairy-tale for goodness' sake?)"
Harmony sang, "Gimme an M! Gimme an A! Gimme an R! Gimme an I! Gimme an O! What does that spell? MARIO!"
Amelia said nothing but "Raise the sword above thy head, slash it near the Koopa's arm, and he soon shall lose his charm; quickly Kamek will fall dead."
Prince Mario heeded them not, for he struck the Koopa a blow right at the neck. It had been Kamek inside a cleverly designed robot that soon fell apart. As soon as the robot was destroyed Kamek suffered a fatal heart attack. The Magikoopa was no more. The quest for the Princess could continue.
"Prince Luigi," said Prince Mario, "I shall take care of Peach. Thou shouldst rescue the king and queen of Sarasaland. We have not much time."
"Right away," said Prince Luigi, "and I shall find Princess Daisy ere we flee."
Prince Mario's task was directly ahead of him. There, on her bed, lay Princess Peach, whose hair had grown en masse in her sleep. Prince Mario quoted a little poem in a low voice:
"Year after year unto her feet,
She lying on her couch alone,
Across the purpled coverlet,
The maiden's golden hair has grown,
On either side her tranced form
Forth streaming from a braid of pearl:
The slumbrous light is rich and warm,
And moves not on the rounded curl.
The silk star-broider'd coverlid
Unto her limbs itself doth mould
Languidly ever; and, amid
Her full blonde ringlets downward roll'd,
Glows forth each softly-shadow'd arm,
With bracelets of the diamond bright:
Her constant beauty doth inform
Stillness with love, and day with light.
She sleeps: her breathings are not heard
In palace chambers far apart.
The fragrant tresses are not stirr'd
That lie upon her charmed heart.
She sleeps: on either hand upswells
The gold-fringed pillow lightly prest:
She sleeps, nor dreams, but ever dwells
A perfect form in perfect rest."
In the midst of the room, he walked up to her, took off his hat, ate a few crème de menthe Altoids, and kissed her pretty lips. Her baby blues oped, for she awoke, and the spell Prince Mario just broke. With a weary yawn she said, "Who art thou, stranger? Hast thou sav'd me from Kamek?"
"I am Prince Mario of New Yorkshire," answered he, "and I have sav'd thee from Kamek, for now thou art free. Wilt thou marry me?"
"I shall!" cried Princess Peach; and so the Mushroom Kingdom was freed from Kamek's evil; Prince Mario married Princess Peach, and Prince Luigi Princess Daisy; and they all lived happily ever after.