To a man who needs no introduction, Happy Birthday to the one and only EVAunit42.
Heya folks it's Watermalone here with a 'special' update.
I'll get right into the story here, no need for extra words! Without further ado, I present, Happy Birthday Mr. E!
"You don't own SVTFOE! You don't own SVTFOE! YOU ALL DON'T OWN SVTFOE!" Haha just kidding, although I actually don't own SVTFOE… Or Oprah…
"Star, you know how much of a bad idea I think this is..."
"Oh relax Marco, we could be doing something actually dangerous. Remember the fluffy pillow dimension?"
"... And how it was so ironically named? There were iron spikes... EVERYWHERE!"
"Exactly! Now get in the box already."
"But I mean, what if this guy is a psychopath? Or a serial killer? Or secretly a little alien guy in a gnome cap? Or-"
"Marco. I'm not going to repeat myself."
*Sigh* "Fine. But if we die, I'm blaming you."
"Good!"
The blaring sound of horns startled the man awake as he tumbled out of bed.
"AHHHH WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!"
Carefully, he peered over the edge of his mattress to investigate the source of the alarm.
"Oh wait, it's just my phone." He reached across the bedspread and shut off the alarm, wondering why he didn't leave it off the night before.
The last night was absolutely brutal. Four chapters, all punched out on what seemed to be a never ending conveyor belt of letters and sentences, another missed dinner, then responding to emails, messages, and reviews, all adding up to a whole two hours of sleep. At least today was his day off.
Plopping back onto his bed, he eventually drifted back to sleep.
One day to relax, he thought to himself, that's all I need.
The idea of a day off for him was quite foreign at best. On most days, if he wasn't working, he would be toiling away on his computer, stamping the keyboard incessantly in hopes of creating a written masterpiece. But today was different. Today, he was oddly... complacent with being free of tasks.
Post-lunch, the man contemplated what needed to be done. He could probably get some shopping done, after all his old hoodie was a getting a bit tattered and worn. Or maybe call up some friends and go get a bite to eat for dinner. Maybe try out that new Assassin's Creed game.
Staring at the clock on the wall, he watched as the hands slowly ticked away, dragging the day along with the passage of time.
12:37 AM
And he was bored again.
*THA-DUMP!*
The sudden thumping outside his door captured his attention. He wasn't expecting any visitors...
Cautiously, he opened the front door. Yet to his surprise, there were no signs of life, only a single, relatively large cardboard box.
"I didn't order anything..." His eyes instinctively wandered to the mailing address. It very well could've been an accident that he received... whatever this was...
Curiosity took over immediately. What was in the package? It was large and (giving it a slight kick), pretty dense. It could be a nuclear weapon! Sent in secrecy and meant to detonate the moment someone opened the package! Or blueprints to build a giant cyborg shark-alligator hybrid, capable of decimating cities upon cities! Or a vacuum cleaner. It could just be a vacuum cleaner.
"That's strange," he leaned across the top surface of the box, "it says-"
Before he could finish that thought, the exterior flaps swung open, a blonde figure forcing its way through the opening, startling the man.
"I JUST CAME 'CAUSE I HAVE TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON YO-"
"AHHHHH!" The sudden 'jack-in-the-box' type scare caused the man to trip backwards on his feet and fall backwards into the shoe closet door, rendering him unconscious.
"Oops."
"... -lright...?"
Murmurs...
"-ey! You..."
No... louder...
"Helloooo?"
Shouting?
His blurry vision slowly came to focus on the two figures standing above him, their faces slightly obscured by the halo of light that shone off the backs of their heads. Head spinning, body aching, he grunted and blinked, hinting pain in his groans.
"Ughhh... what happened?"
"You fell. Well, you tripped backwards and hit your head on the closet door." The first voice that spoke was sharp and cool. Youthful, but with a commanding and mature undertone.
"There was lots of blood! But don't worry, we fixed you right up!" The second voice was higher pitched. Bubbly, happy, charming, and innocent. Smooth and sweet, like chocolate.
Peculiar... they seemed almost... familiar...
No. It couldn't be...
It wasn't possible.
Completely implausible.
And... yet somehow...
He sat up instantly, the creaking of leather and a wooden frame notifying him that he was indeed lying on his couch. Dizziness set in where pain had sat earlier, threatening to force him back down.
"Woah, slow down there. Don't push yourself!"
The advice went completely ignored as he sat himself straight up, feeling the blood rush up his veins and collect at the crown of his head, utterly speechless.
"You- you guys a-are…"
"Real? Yep." The Latino boy responded.
"And you're…"
"Here?" The blonde girl spoke.
If it weren't for the sheer fact that he was afraid of hitting his head again, he would've fainted.
"I can't believe it… STAR BUTTERFLY AND MARCO DIAZ ARE IN MY HOUSE!"
"And," Star began, "we're here to celebrate your birthday!"
"Wait. What?" How did they know this?
Detecting his confused reaction, Marco interjected. "Internet."
Ah that explains… wait… No, that didn't explain anything!
"How did you guys find me?"
Star reached into her purse and pulled out the famed cutting utensils themselves.
"With these!"
His jaw instantly dropped at the sight, his feelings of concern and confusion replaced with excitement and awe.
"Oh my gosh it's your dimensional scissors!"
Marco dragged Star's arm downwards and stared directly into the man's eyes. "So… Mr. E is it?"
"Actually, my real name is-"
"What's your occupation?" Marco's eyes narrowed.
"Um… I'm currently working as a transmission and-"
"What's your education level?"
"Well, I was enrolled at the University of-"
"Driving record? Criminal record? Medical history?"
Before he could answer, Star slammed her palm against Marco's mouth, silencing him.
"Sorry," she said apologetically, "he's just scared you're a 'cycle-pad' or whatever."
"Psychopath." Marco's muffled voice corrected her.
"Right, that."
The man spoke up, cutting off their argument, "Uh… I don't think I am.."
Giving Marco a quick glance, Star removed her hand. "Good enough for me! Now, what is your first wish, Mr. E?"
The man (now aware that he was being referred to by his online handle), cocked his head in confusion. "Huh? Wish?"
"Yeah!" Star elaborated, "Today is your birthday, and so we're here to make it, *giggle* magical!" With one swift motion, she lifted the all-too-well-known pink magical wand out from the depths of her purse, spurring concern in Marco's expression, and uncontrollable excitement in Mr. E.
"Wait, Star, you never mentioned that we'd-"
"I WISH FOR A GIANT REMOTE CONTROLLED ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOT!"
A brilliant pink light shone from the magical artifact, its stream funneling towards the floor, coalescing to a single point. For a second, nothing happened. The man's smile dropped.
That is, until a giant green fifty-foot robot fell from the sky and crashed in his living room, causing everyone's jaw to drop all at once. A small controller, complete with joystick and an assortment of buttons landed in his lap, went completely ignored in the wake of the titanic mechanical humanoid.
Star was first to speak. "ROBOT WAR!"
Marco, still in shock, put an arm in front of her in a pathetic attempt at preventing her from using the wand any further. "Star, no. This is going to go horribly, horribly wrong."
"Psh!" Star waved him off. "What's the worst that could happen?"
Another ribbon of pink light struck the ground, gathering at a single point.
(One giant-robot-fight-based city demolition later…)
Atop a hill in the outskirts of town, the trio stood paralyzed by the view before them. Rubble lay everywhere, the main core of the city was ablaze, buildings were broken apart like graham crackers, the wail of sirens echoed into the atmosphere, and, in the middle of it all, the unresponsive carcass of a certain green robot lay mangled and shredded on top of what used to be a highway conjunction.
"That… was… SO COOL!" Mr. E raised his arms in joy.
Marco's eye twitched.
"I know right?! Especially because I won!" Star boasted at the victory of her equally gigantic pink robot that stood triumphantly in the center of all the chaos.
"Only because you gave yourself a sawblade launcher!"
Marco clenched his teeth in rage.
"Well, did you wish for a sawblade launcher?"
"... No…"
"You should've… BECAUSE IT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!"
"HAHA IT TOTALLY WAS!"
Finally, he snapped. "YOU GUYS JUST DESTROYED HALF OF THE FREAKING CITY! DOES ANYONE CARE TO COMMENT ON THAT?"
Star and Mr. E blinked before answering simultaneously. "IT WAS AWESOME!"
Marco facepalmed. "No, not awesome! How are we going to fix all of this? There's going to be an investigation, probably forensic reports and, oh god, I don't wanna get sent to jail! Do you know what they do to people like us in jail?! I SURE DON'T BUT I'M TOO YOUNG TO FIND OUT!"
"Sheesh, relax Marco," Star spoke without any hint of remorse, "I can just… poof it back to normal." As easily said as done, Star aimed her wand at the city, an explosive beam of energy shooting forth and engulfing the entire scene. In a bright flash, the city returned back to how it originally was, clean, quiet and above all, intact.
"Wha- ugh I can't believe you!" Marco shouted, unphased by how easily the destruction had been repaired.
"Believe me? I fixed it! What else do you want?!"
"Fixed it? Star, you're avoiding the issue!"
"What issue Diaz?!"
"SOMEONE COULD'VE GOTTEN HURT!"
"No one did! I think I handled that perfectl-"
"THAT'S IT I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" Star looked taken aback by Marco's sudden outburst. "You and your dangerous ideas always cause so much damage and you never think once about the consequences!"
"YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH? I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU AND YOUR WET BLANKET ATTITUDE YOU...YOU…"
Marco's eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare say it."
"Safe Kid."
The words hung in the air for a moment before Marco turned on his heel and stormed away from the scene.
The instant the situation had spiraled out of control, Mr. E, who stood on the side, feared the worst. Was all this caused by him? They never would've gotten into so much trouble had he not wished for it in the first place…
His attention focused on Star. "Um… Hey Star? I-I feel like this was all my fault an-"
"No, no it's not.." She sighed, kicking a small pebble down the hill on which they stood upon. "I just… sometimes Marco can be so…"
"... It was kinda our bad." Her eyes grew grim with sadness.
"I guess… I mean… I just want him to have fun, show him the brighter side of life. But he always just goes and…"
"You know he only does that because he cares about you." Silence followed that remark.
Star looked up at him and took a pause before she began to speak. "Do you know the reason why we came to find you?"
This struck Mr. E as odd. While it was true that it was his birthday, why him? Why now? He wasn't the only fan of their show in the world and certainly not the only one with a birthday.
His confusion was evident as Star continued to speak. "It's because we know about your writing."
"Wait, you mean you've read my online fanfiction?" Mr. E began to grow nervous. So many stories involving the two main characters, and well, their personal lives.
But why were they so interested in what one fan had to say?
"Yes, I mean, of course we've read it, the internet is pretty constant even across dimensions." That statement actually made no sense but the man had learned not to question the laws of physics.
"Point is, we like what you wrote. Well, maybe not everything, there were a few that were considerably awkward. But, we love how you paint our relationship."
Oh, so they have read it all...
"It's true, me and Marco, we have a lot, and I mean, a lot of differences, but coming to Earth was hard. And what's even harder is growing up there. I'm different, I'm weird, I'm wild, but I'm still scared. However Marco, he changed all of that. With him, I felt safer, more comfortable…"
"So, that still doesn't explain why you guys came to me…?"
"I'm getting to that. But even though Marco is my best friend, I can't help but feel sometimes we're just too different. He's a safety obsessed goodie two-shoes, and I'm a crazy and danger loving nutcase!"
Realization of where this was headed dawned upon him. "You're afraid that what you guys have will never be what I've written…"
"Yeah, I guess so…" Star stared off into the evening sun slowly setting below the horizon. "That fight you just saw, was just a sliver of what we've been through recently. It's hard when your best friend is scared of you, and you're too stubborn to realize it…"
"But Marco isn't scared of you."
Star glanced back at him curiously. "How do you know?"
"Because I can empathize with you guys. Believe it or not, I know what it's like to be with someone on two different sides of the same coin. It's not hard to work out if you just know how to say sorry"
"I mean, we usually end up making up after each fight…"
"That's not what I mean." Mr. E now spoke with the confidence of a therapist. "You both need to understand what one person means to the other. Do you like having Marco as your best friend?"
"Yes, of course but-"
"Then," he said, cutting her off, "you also need to remind yourself that an argument is not worth losing him over. Could you imagine what it would be like if just one day you two stopped talking to one another?"
Droplets of tears formed in her eyes at the statement. "N-no… I-I could never go through that…"
"Then embrace that feeling! He's an important part of your life, one that you should fight your stubbornness for. Find some middle ground and learn to apologize, both of you need to remember that it's not always only one person who is at fault."
Star wiped her eyes with her arm. "You-You're right… I need to find Marco… Right now."
"Good! But one problem, where is he?"
"I… have… no idea…"
That statement was definitely not assuring. How could he explain losing a fictional character in the real world?
"Could he have gone back to your dimension?"
"No, he doesn't have my scissors." Despite the fact that this limited his possible location to anywhere on the Earth, it was still a large radius to begin an investigation.
"Um… Do you remember where my house is?"
"Yeah…"
"Let's check there first, I don't think he would dare attempt to go anywhere else in a different world."
"Alright… here, let's take the dimensional portal." Star whipped out the dimensional scissors from her purse and tore apart the fabric of space and time, disappearing through the swirling vortex.
Mr. E was bewildered by the sight of the portal. While it was very cartoon-like, it was still a major part of his favorite fandom, hence he had trouble containing his excitement (and fear), before holding his breath, shutting his eyes, and diving headfirst through its mystical surface.
Reopening his eyes, he found himself staring at his own front yard. "So this is how you guys got here…"
"Well that, a series of pulleys and wire, a flight of stairs, and a rubber chicken." Mr. E raised an eyebrow. "It was a good idea! Besides, we had to pack ourselves somehow."
The man simply shook his head and began to make his way to the front door.
A slow creak of the heavy wooden door echoed through the hallways of his home. "Hey, Marco?" Silence was his only reply. "You there? Star and I wanted to apologize for being reckless and-"
It wasn't apparent at first, but they heard what sounded like shuffling from inside the shoe closet.
Star and Mr. E exchanged worried glances before slowly creeping their way towards the source of the noise.
Cautiously, Mr. E reached for the closet door handle, his hand slightly wavering as it inched closer to the metal knob.
Applying all his might, he swung the door open, revealing a terrifying sight.
Inside the shoe closet, sat a very frightened (and angry), tied up Marco. Bound with ropes and gagged with a handkerchief, his muffled cries appeared to be directed behind Star and Mr. E.
"Marco…?"
"AHHH!" An earsplitting shriek came from behind Mr. E. Instinctively, he whirled around to see a monstrous green arm clutching Star in a death grasp.
"YES! I'VE FINALLY CAUGHT YOU, STAR BUTTERFLY!"
From the depths of the shadows came a small robed figure, tiny and menacing, one that a fan such as Mr. E knew all too well.
"Ludo? He's real too?"
"Urgh- of course!" Star struggled against the grip of Man Arm, trying to gain access to her wand.
"Enough of your blathering! Monsters! Get the wand!"
If television had taught this fan anything, it was that in order for the heroes to prevail, one of them probably shouldn't be tied up in a corner. Swiftly diving into the closet, Mr. E slammed the door shut and began to work on the ropes that restrained Marco's arms and legs.
The monster army closed in on an increasingly frantic Star. Had it not been for her ridiculous argument with Marco, they wouldn't be in this situation. Again.
Maybe it was time for her to stop endangering Marco…
"HIIIIYA!" The shoe closet door flung off its hinges, revealing a rather intimidating and threatening-looking Marco Diaz.
Leaping forward, Marco landed a flying side-kick across Man Arm's jawline, forcing him to release the princess, who collapsed to the ground and rolled towards cover behind the couch.
"Mr. E! Catch!" From behind the sofa, a small pink object was tossed in the direction of the man, who dove forward, grabbing hold of the item in his fingertips.
A quick examination of the remote controller in his hands immediately gave him an idea of what to do. Punching the button on the center of the controller identified with a red dot, he pocketed the device and dashed out the door.
Meanwhile, Star and Marco were doing their best in fighting off the monsters. Marco flailed wildly across the crowd landing quick punches and equally swift kicks in the guts and necks of their enemies. Star, trying her best to recover from her capture forced spells out her mouth, directing them at random angles.
But it wasn't enough.
Slowly, Marco was being overpowered by sheer numbers. Star was losing ground between the line of charging monsters and her small haven.
"YES…. YES! WE ALMOST GOT THEM!" Ludo cried out in happiness in the background. "EVERYONE! CHAAARGE!"
With that battle cry, Marco dove behind the sofa alongside Star, narrowly missing being swung at by a giant spikeball.
"Agh… Star?"
Star lowered herself down from the top of the couch, her wand still freshly glowing from firing a mass amount of spells.
"Yeah Marco?"
Her eyes seemed to sparkle with a knowing emotion behind them, like she understood the intent behind his next statement.
"I-I wanted to say… that I acted like a jerk back there… After what had happened, I realized that all this arguing isn't worth it…"
Star's lips curled into a slight frown. "No, it was my fault too… I should've considered whether or not you were comfortable in the situation…"
"GRAAAGH!" The couch they had been seeking refuge from had been tossed aside by the monsters, exposing Marco and Star to the incoming onslaught.
Marco sighed, taking a hold of Star's hand. "I don't know how much I've got left in me.." He smiled sadly.
Star chuckled, slightly blushing from Marco's brash act. "Me neither… But I guess that was bound to happen huh?"
"Yep. No choice but to go down fighting."
"Mess-up twins?" Her grasp tightened on Marco's hand.
Marco grinned. While the present circumstance seemed grim, he couldn't but help inwardly laugh at how Star was so confident even in the face of dismay.
"Mess-up twins."
Releasing each other's grip, they took defensive stances in the looming shadow of the army before them.
"GET THEM!" Ludo's commanding shriek came from behind, victory just barely within reach.
The monster army slowly closed in on the duo, whose confidence and bravery were wearing thin, yet undying in the presence of each other.
Right before the first monster could lunge at the two, a loud groaning sound came from outside the house, pausing everyone inside in their tracks.
"What the heck was that?"
In quick reply, a giant pink arm smashed its way through the ceiling, through the floor and embedded itself in the basement.
"That, Ludo, was backup."
Star and Marco turned towards the front door, where a triumphant looking Mr. E stood. Manoeuvering the joystick with ease, the responding giant pink arm ripped the roof off the house, revealing its attached head gazing downwards on the smaller figures beneath it.
"Ummmm…" Ludo raised a finger in disbelief, until he quickly spun around and sliced a portal open with his pair of dimensional scissors, jumping through before uttering another word.
Slowly, the other monsters came to, however face-to-face with said fifty-foot robot which now was priming several chainsaw launchers, aimed directly at them.
"Anyone want a piece?"
The monsters followed their leader's example and pathetically scampered into the portal, closing the instant the final scales had crossed its line.
Relief washed over the household. Mr. E pressed the centre button on the controller one more time, deactivating the robot, still holding onto the roof.
"YES! WAY TO GO MR. E!" Star dashed over to the man and wrapped him in an extremely hug.
"Haha yep, that's my motto, if at first you don't succeed, use a giant robot. That works the other 99% of the time."
Marco strode his way over to the two. "Yeah way to go Mr. E! You really saved our bacon there."
"My pleasure! Besides, that was way too cool." He turned to Star. "So… have you two…?"
Star cast Marco a quick glance, burning a shade of beet red. "Yeah… I think we're good."
"Ahem… good! But, one more thing, can you maybe fix my roof?"
"Oh right! Totally! It's the least we could do after what you've done for us." Star directed her wand at the sky and shouted, "Restorius Fixous!" A large pillar of light rained from the heavens and shrouded the house in its magical beam, blinding Mr. E.
When his vision returned, he noticed the house was back to normal, or, rather, in even better condition than before. He could see actual sparkles of cleanliness glinting off of the shined surfaces.
"There! All back to normal."
"Yeah… It sure is…" How time had passed… It was already late evening which could only mean one thing.
His birthday was almost over.
As if he could read his mind, Marco piped up. "So… I guess that means we got to be going now…"
"Oh, yes of course… You guys probably have stuff to do… I probably shouldn't keep you guys here any longer…"
"Well," Star interrupted, "it's not that we didn't enjoy our time here, it's just we really should get going…"
"I-I get it… and yeah! This was really fun and all, I just guess this means we won't see each other again…"
"Hey, we may just be fictional characters, but that doesn't mean we don't exist."
Marco interjected, "Yeah, I mean it's true that we're technically not real, but what we do and how we live is changed by how people like you perceive us. Don't think for a second that we would ever leave you. In fact, if it weren't for people like you, we would wouldn't even be real in our own world!"
"So keep writing stories! We'll always live within your imagination. As long as you keep us real, we'll always be real."
Mr. E smiled. "Okay then, I'll remember that… Thanks for the amazing birthday you guys…"
Marco pursed his lips. "But… I… suppose we have time for one last wish…" He glanced at the wall clock.
"Yeah! Anything you want! Name it!"
"Really?" Mr. E grinned mischievously and stared directly at Star and Marco, who grew ever more uncomfortable at his gaze.
"I wish for you two to…"
The portal closed as a very red faced Marco and Star stepped through its boundary and into the main hallway of their home in Echo Creek.
"Boy… That was really…" Marco began.
"Awkward?"
"Yep."
"But I mean it definitely could've been worse…"
"I'm not too sure… That was pretty weird…"
"No kidding… I had no clue how to respond…"
"Heh it was my first time ever doing… that…"
"Really? You seemed to know what you doing there…"
"Mostly just from watching television and a lot of guesswork…"
"Mmmm… It got really intense towards the end there…"
"Yeah but at least we managed to get it all done before sunset."
"Yeah…"
Marco and Star avoided eye contact for the remainder of time they required to make their way back to their rooms.
They stopped right before splitting apart into their respective dorms.
"Hey Marco?"
"Yeah?"
"Even after that last request… Do you think we'll visit Mr. E again?"
"... I dunno Star… He's a pretty busy guy. Maybe we can surprise him on his birthday again next year."
"Mhmm…" Star appeared to be deep in thought. "One thing I don't get…"
"Hm?"
"IF HE WANTED US TO FIX HIS FURNACE WHY DIDN'T HE LET US USE MAGIC?"
"No clue."
Ha... ha... ha... geez I'm an idiot...
Well anyways, in true homage to a great author, I toiled for many an hour to create this. EVAunit42 is an amazing guy, a talented writer, and above all, a person I can say I'm proud to be a good friend of mine. For his gift, I've given him the greatest one possible… HE CREATED REAL LIFE STARCO!
Hopefully I didn't divulge too much of your personal information, I tried to keep everything relatively under wraps. Ah screw that...
Happy 25th birthday good sir! Stay silly and stay frosty!