Penryn sat on the edge of the roof, her bare feet dangling over the side of the ledge. Her toes felt numb at this point. It was way too cold to be outside without a jacket, but she couldn't bring herself to go back downstairs.
Okay, she was stalling. She had stopped crying almost as soon as she had come up, but it still didn't make it any less humiliating. The apocalypse was over. Everyone got their happily ever after. And still, in some ways Penryn felt like she was more lost than she had ever been before.
She was so lost in her brooding that she didn't even notice anyone's presence until Howler stuck his hand in front of her face and waved it in front of her eyes.
She jumped nearly a foot into the air. "Jesus!"
"Nah. Just me." He knocked his knuckles against her temple. "I was just checking to see if you still in there. You looked like someone had sucked out your brains."
"Since when were you such an expert on Invasion of the Body Snatchers?"
"It was the first movie they showed once they got the electrical grid up and running." He plopped down on the ledge next to her and preened. "As you can see, I'm assimilating to your primitive human ways and observing your strange myths."
"That's...nice." The Watchers chose not to stick to the Angel camp nearby. Most of the remaining humans had been wary of them at first, but all of them (particularly Cyclone and Howler) had thrown themselves into human society and forced the humans to mingle with them. Most people quickly adjusted to the fact that these elite angelic soldiers acted more like frat guys in their first semester away from home in college than demons escaped from hell.
"So, what's up, maggot slayer? Why are you sulking?"
"I am not sulking. I leave that to the angels."
"Angels do not sulk. We brood. In a very masculine, distinguished manner."
"Mh-hm."
Howler poked Penryn's ribs. "Come on, maggot slayer. This is your cue for a witty comeback."
"Sorry, I guess I'm fresh out."
"Now I'm definitely worried. What is it, trouble in paradise?"
"Nothing that wasn't already my fault." Penryn ran a hand through her hair and slowly exhaled. "Okay, I'm definitely moping. Sorry, Howler, I'm not going to be fun company tonight. You should just head back downstairs."
Howler just looked at her for a minute before he shrugged and shook his head. "Nah, I think I'm good."
He laid back and tucked his arms behind his back as he gazed up at the night sky.
"You know what I really missed that about Earth when I was in the Pit?" he asked. His legs dangled over the edge of the roof next to her own.
"Not living in constant fear of starvation and painful death?"
"Psh, you and the Commander have no sense of romance." He swept his hand out broadly to gesture to the sky. "The stars, maggot slayer. I missed your stars."
"They didn't have stars in the Pit?"
"I was too busy living in constant fear of starvation and painful death to take notice."
"What about heaven?"
"Are you kidding? Too many assholes telling you what to do and where to go and who to be to even have a chance to look up." His hand curled into a fist before he tucked it back to rest behind his head. "No. Humans were the only ones who saw constellations in their starscape. My Daughter of Man was the one who taught me all of them."
Penryn fought hard to keep her expression neutral. His Daughter of Man...none of the Watchers had spoken about their wives or children since they'd come out of the Pit.
"What...what was she like?"
She heard Howler suck in a breath as sharp as jagged glass. The time dripped slowly in silence as they both sat out alone in the cold night.
"I'm sorry," Penryn finally said. "We don't have to-"
"She smelled like sheep."
"What?"
"Nea. She was a shepherdess in a tribe that we were all camped out near. She always smelled like sheep. And earth. And grass. She whistled whenever she was watching her animals. Everyone else in her tribe kept away from our camp but Nea was never going let us stop her from keeping her lambs fed."
"She sounds sweet."
"I had thought so, too." Howler snorted. "I didn't know shit. You know, Beliel and Thermo had already fallen at that point. At first, I thought those two idiots were out of their minds. I couldn't believe that they were throwing away over nothing. Turned out I was completely wrong. You know why, maggot slayer?"
"Because you didn't know shit?"
"Pre-cisely, maggot slayer." Howler grinned, but it was directed more to the stars than to Penryn. "Nea is...she had been so quiet and gentle. She didn't need to always be surrounded by comrades, to make wisecracks to get attention, to go looking for trouble because she was bored. She was so at peace, so strong on her own. She didn't need anything or anyone. I have no idea what that's like."
"Yeah." Penryn thought of Paige, of her mother, of Raffe. "Me neither."
Howler nodded. "I thought I would fight a dozen dragons with my hands tied behind my back before I went down Beliel and Thermo's path. But the second I met Nea...I couldn't have fallen faster if someone had cut off my wings mid-flight. There was just no going back.
"Of course, Nea was completely unmoved by my identity crisis. She was entirely unimpressed by my efforts to sweep her off her feet."
"Oh, she didn't immediately swoon in the face of your angelic magnificence?"
"I wish. My girl was a stubborn as a bull. She knew what would be my punishment if I stayed and told me that she wasn't going to be the reason I got sent to hell."
"How did you change her mind?"
"A lot of little things, but mostly being persistent as hell." Howler sat up and cracked his knuckles. "It mostly boiled down to me explaining that as long as she loved me, the rest was just noise. Over and over and over again."
"Maybe she wasn't wrong. The rest does matter."
Howler smacked the back of her head.
"Ow!"
"You know, they say that if you keep saying stupid things, you'll eventually become stupid yourself."
"No one says that."
"Must be an angel saying."
"Liar."
"Guilty as charged." He patted her hair as if she were a puppy. "Look, I get it. You're a human that's fallen for an angel, and as per tradition, you're on a guilt trip." He made his voice go high-pitched. "Oh, he's turned his back on his entire society. Oh, he's going to get cast into the Pit. Oh, he's made an insane deal with an archdemon and gotten his fluffy white wings chopped off. This is all my fault! I can't let him do this."
"Is this seriously your attempt to make me feel better? Because I do not sound like that and it's pretty insulting-"
Howler waved his hand dismissively. "You can act as snarky as you want, but I saw Nea and all the other Watchers' wives go through the same thing. Do yourself a favor and stop angsting now. No one forced any of us to do anything. All of us, including the Commander, made our own decisions."
Penryn signed and ran a hand over her face. "It's not-it's just-this is different."
"What a magical, special snowflake you are."
"It is different, okay? Raffe, he lost his wings because of me, Howler. Again. He still can't pick up his own sword. He had everything he ever wanted back with him and then he threw it away. What happens when he wakes up and realizes that I'm not worth it?"
She clenched her jaw and fought the surge of emotion trying to claw its way up her throat. She dug her nails into the palms of her clenched fists. She had already cried once tonight. No point in giving a repeat experience to Howler.
"Penryn, I'm not going to tell you if I think Raphael made the right call. Trying to decide if you were worth it or not is pointless and stupid." Howler placed a hand on her shoulder. "It literally doesn't matter. The Commander is not idiot. He knew exactly what he was doing and he made his choices. Out of his own free will. Not because you are perfect, but because you two are stupidly in love with other. You don't owe him anything, especially your guilt."
"I...I want to believe that, Howler. I really do."
Howler patted her head again. "Lucky for you, angels are just as stubborn as Daughters of Man. Boss will prove it to you eventually."
With that, Howler departed.
She wasn't quite sure how long she stayed out in the cold after that. Maybe for thirty seconds or for thirty minutes. This time, it was a faint drizzle that awoke her from her reverie.
She tilted her head up and let the rain run over her face as thunder, so distant she could only just hear it, rumbled.
A storm was coming. The last time she was caught in one, she hadn't been alone.
She felt a shiver creep through her spine. Not from the chill, but from the memory of heat.
She stood up. It was time to stop being afraid.
When Penryn came back down to the bedroom, she found Raffe asleep on his back on the bed, with one arm flung over his eyes.
She closed the door as quietly as she could.
Raffe sat up. Not asleep after all.
"Christ, you're soaking wet." He got up and grabbed a towel from their closet. He threw it over her head and scrubbed her hair.
"Raffe."
"You've already survived locusts, hellions, hordes of angels, and the Pit. Are you trying to catch a cold since nothing else can seem to put you out of commission?"
"Raffe."
"Look, I'll give you all the space and time you need. You don't need to sit outside in the middle of the night in the pouring rain to get away. Shit, your hands are as cold as ice." He took her hands in his own, rubbing them to bring some warmth back.
That simple gesture alone made her want to melt.
"Sorry." She interlaced the fingers of his hand with her own. "I didn't mean to make you worry. I shouldn't have ran out like that."
He sighed. "No, that was my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you-"
She cut him off with a kiss, tangling her hands through his hair and pulling him close. His hands automatically went around her torso, crushing her against his body.
"You've never pushed me to do anything that I didn't want to do," she whispered. She leaned back just enough to look into his blue eyes. "I don't think you could if you tried. That's not who we are."
"Penryn." He tilted his forehead to touch hers.
"It's just...I am with you because I want you. All the time. I want you so much and it scares me a lot. I feel like I spent so long trying to survive that I don't know how to be a person again. How to stop being afraid that everything will fall apart. That you'll wake up and regret it all and leave."
Raffe reach up to cup her cheek. His thumb brushed over lips.
"Even if you believe in nothing else, believe in this." His bright blue eyes cut through the darkness, through her, as if he were looking deep inside her. "I will never regret you, Penryn Young. Not now. Not ever."
She couldn't suppress the tremor that passed through her with those words. For the first time, she could actually completely believe in that.
She placed her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him to sit down on their bed. Her fingers ghosted down her own chest, unbuttoning her shirt.
The intensity of Raffe's eyes as his gaze brushed over her increasingly exposed skin made her blush. It was nothing he hadn't seen before, but she was tempted to slow down, just to revel in the way he looked at her.
She shrugged out of her shirt and let it drop to the floor. As she reached back to unhook her bra, Raffe tugged her closer and placed a hand on her bare waist.
"Penryn." The was a raw edge to the huskiness in his voice. His thumb was rubbing slow, tingling circles over her skin. "What are you doing?"
"I'm seducing you." He quirked an eyebrow and smirked. She unclasped her bra and let it drop as well. He inhaled sharply and instinctively drew her closer.
She unsnapped and unzipped her jeans. Hooking her thumbs over both her pants and underwear, she yanked both down and kicked them aside.
She couldn't help but blush harder as he slowly surveyed her body, drinking in the sight of her. Some distant part of brain felt embarrassed to be standing completely naked in front of him while he still had his pants on. The rest of her mind wanted to know how it'd feel to have him touch her.
She took his hands and glided them over her torso, sighing in pleasure. She guided them to rest over her breasts.
"Fuck." Raffe licked his lips and took a deep, steadying breath. His thumbs brushed over her nipples and she couldn't help but gasp. "You're doing a hell of a job seducing me."
She grinned. The bed dipped down as she straddled his lap.
"I had a pretty good teacher," she murmured against his neck. She kissed along the line of his strong jaw as she traced her fingers over the muscles on his back, near his wings. His own hands traced over her body, lingering over her breasts. His caresses started off as slow and gentle, quickly becoming rougher and more demanding, but never painful.
He cupped her cheek and guided her mouth to meet his. He sucked on her bottom lip and then drew her in for a rough, near desperate kiss. She moaned as his tongue teased hers, tilting her head to deepen the kiss.
Raffe flipped their positions, pushing her onto her back. He gripped her hips hard, almost to the point of bruising, as he peppered open-mouthed kisses down her neck, down her chest. He worked his way over her breast and she cried out as his tongue curled over her areola. One hand came up to knead her other breast.
Penryn felt like she was burning from the inside out. She kept brushing her hands over his back, digging her short nails into his skin, trying to find an anchor as he tasted her.
Her hands sunk down to the waistband of his pants. Frantically, she began pushing them off him. No more barriers. She wanted all of him.
"Raffe." She all but begged him. "Please, now."
He lifted his head to look at her. He was an absolute mess-breathing as heavily as she was, his muscles tense and coiled underneath her hands. Black hair disheveled completely, thanks to her. His pupils were dilated, huge and dark inside eyes swirling with want. His desire clearly pressing against her thigh.
She wanted to eat him alive.
"Please," she repeated, tugging insistently on his pants.
He cursed and crushed his lips against hers briefly before scrambling off the bed and all but tearing the rest of his clothes off. He stayed still for a moment, letting Penryn rake her eyes over him (holy hell, her soft gasp did wonders for his ego), before stepping back towards the bed.
"Wait." She rose to her knees and placed a hand on his chest.
"Christ, you're going to kill me."
"Condoms."
"What? Oh." He brushed a hand through his hair.
"In the closest," he said, the same time Penryn said, "Under the bed."
"I wanted to be prepared, too," she said, blushing a little when he arched a brow.
He grinned and kissed her temple. "Christ, you're going to kill me, Daughter of Man."
He knelt and found the box under the bed. He grabbed a packet and crawled back onto the sheets with her.
This time, Penryn pushed him onto his back. She straddled his legs and brushed her hands over his taut body.
She bit her lip. "Can I have the condom please?"
He handed it to her, watching her with hooded eyes. She tore it open and was surprised by how steady her own hands were as she rolled it down his cock. Raffe let out a strangled groan as she ran her hand up and down his length.
"Okay," she said. She scooted her knees forward so she was hovering above his hips. She placed her free hand on his chest to steady herself. "I've never done this before, so I need you to be patient. And tell me if I mess up. Okay?"
The corner of Raffe's lip quirked up and Penryn felt her heart melt all over again.
He reached up and cupped her cheek, guiding her to lean down for a slow, sweet kiss.
"I trust you, Penryn. Completely."
She nodded and sat up. Taking a deep breath, she guided his cock towards her entrance and let herself sink down, let him sink into her. She dug her nails into Raffe's shoulder, closing her eyes as she made slow, careful progress.
When she's finally rested on his thighs completely, she let herself exhale. Raffe placed a hand on her hip, rubbing soothing circles over her skin even as she could feel the tension winding his body tight.
"I...I just need a minute."
It wasn't painful. It certainly wasn't a transformative moment, as if she could feel herself change or become less pure in any particular way. She just felt oddly...full. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but that might have been due to unfamiliarity rather than the situation itself.
Only one way to find out.
When she felt fully adjusted, she braced both her hands on his chest. Tentatively, she lifted up hips and brought them down again. Her surprised gasp mingled with Raffe's moan. His grip on her hip tightened, as if he needed something to hold onto while she repeated the action.
Finally, she opened her eyes. Something inside her clenched when she saw the way he's looking at her.
"You," he said, his voice raw and deep. "Are the most goddamned beautiful sight I've ever seen."
She almost shut her eyes again, because the intensity of his gaze was almost too much. Instead, she interlaced the fingers of his free hand with hers, and sat up straighter.
She fell into a cautious rhythm, moving up and down shallowly and slowly. But the sounds that he was making, and the pursuit of her own slowly mounting pleasure, made her bolder, taking him faster and deeper.
He helped her, guiding her motions to show her how roll her hips and grind against him. All the while, he stroked her clit with his free hand, drawing out more whimpers and gasps.
Eventually, the tension deep inside was too much, yet not enough. She was so close, so close…
She wasn't sure if she was saying it out loud, or if Raffe had simply read her body. He wrapped his firm arm around her waist and sat up, thrusting into her with deep, hard strokes. She clung to him and met his thrusts with frantic motions of her own.
"Yes...yes..yes...Raffe!" The tension inside her finally broke, flooding her with waves of pleasure. As her own toes curled, she felt Raffe tense, and crush her close to his body. He cried out her name as his own orgasm came over him.
They fell back on the bed, panting and utterly dazed. Penryn tried to roll off Raffe, but he kept his arms locked around her.
"Christ," Raffe said when he got his breath back.
"Yeah."
"That was…"
"Yeah."
"I suppose I'm totally corrupted now."
"I'll express my condolences once my ears stop ringing."
He chuckled and stroked her hair away from her face.
"Raffe?"
"Hm?"
"I'm really glad you stayed."
He grinned and kissed her. "So am I."
Sorry this took so long. It's not necessarily my best work, but I really wanted to get this done. In any case thank you for your patience and let me know what you think!