A/N: Decided to update today I need to distract my mind off... things. Hahaha. And don't worry this is short.
Disclaimer: Don't own FMA, oks?
The walk to the cemetery was solemn. It was early in the afternoon. The sky was turning dark; it looked like rain will fall heavily at any minute. There were sniffling and whispers of encouraging words, and the people were clothed in black. The atmosphere weighing above them was heavy and full of grief. Riza clutched her hands together and intertwined her fingers as they walked towards the grave. Deep inside, she wanted to get out of there.
It was the day of her mother's funeral.
She did not cry, yet she remained silent during the whole ceremony. Like her, Father did not shed a tear. Her grandfather was weeping, still not accepting the fact that his only child was already gone. Mother's friends were also present, and so was Roy.
"I've always known that Aunt Liz has a lot of friends," Roy said. "But I never knew they were this many."
"Yeah," Riza nodded as they glanced at the people who attended the ceremony. "She always loved tulips," she whispered, looking at the tulips on the people's hands.
"I remember how she always asked me to buy one of those whenever I visit my aunt," Roy reminisced.
Riza glanced at the tulip she was holding. "Then she would place those tulips near the kitchen window."
"Yes she would do just that," Roy gave her a sad smile. "I'm sorry that this happened. Oh god, I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything, Roy," she replied. "Really, you don't. I'm just… grateful that you're here." Riza said as she took a deep breath. "I think it is our turn to place the flowers." She did not wait for Roy to reply. Riza walked towards her mother's coffin, now six feet under the ground. She felt like she wanted to collapse, to leave the ceremony and pretend that her mother was still alive. As she placed the flower on top of her coffin she told herself to be strong. She didn't want her mother to see her crying. Her mother wouldn't want to see her lonely.
"We should return to our place, Ri," Roy's voice shook her from her reverie. "We are taking a long time."
She tensed at that and, unwillingly, they returned back to where they stood a while ago.
"It looks like it is going to rain," Roy pointed out as he gazed at the dark sky. "I don't have an umbrella with me."
His attempts of lightening her mood was all that kept her from crying.
"It's alright. I'd rather have a rainy day than a sunny one, anyway." Riza replied. She didn't need the sun to come out and mock the fact that her mother died.
The gravediggers started to bury the coffin, and Riza averted her eyes to the ground. One by one, the people started to leave the cemetery after the coffin was buried. Her grandfather hugged her tight before leaving. The ones who remained were her, Roy, and Father. Her father seemed like he wanted to be alone; he did not stop the pair from leaving.
"Are you sure we made the right decision in leaving him alone there?" Roy asked as they walked on the way home.
"If I were in his place, I would rather be alone in my husband's grave for a while," she replied, kicking the small rocks as they passed by. "He loved Mother more than himself."
"I know," he sighed. A thunder roared as they walked, and she felt raindrops fall on her skin.
The rain splashed on the ground, and she did not know why but tears began to fall from her eyes.
"Hah, it's raining." Riza said. Her mother wouldn't like her catching a cold.
"I should've brought an umbrella," Roy exclaimed as he walked in a fast pace.
"It's alright, I'm actually grateful that it rained," she admitted. "Roy, I don't want to go back there yet."
She tugged on Roy's suit and he felt her hand shake uncontrollably. "Where do you want to go?"
She removed her hold as he faced her. She knew that he can see the tears on her face.
"Anywhere," she hiccupped. He removed his coat and placed it on her shoulders. "Anywhere but there."
Nodding his head, Roy took her hand and they walked back to the path towards the cemetery. As she was about to tell him that she would also not rather go back there Roy led her to a different way. Riza finally realized where they were heading – to an old, abandoned building near the market. There were no doors, so they entered and sat on the cold ground as they waited for the rain to stop pouring down from the sky. Riza heard Roy take a deep breath.
"She loved you very much, you know."
Riza sighed. Finally, she thought, the weather complemented what she felt. It was a bright, sunny day when her mother died. It did not seem appropriate.
"Yeah, I know."
She found it difficult to explain what she felt, so she cried. She cried as the rain fell, hoping that those tears would be enough to bring her mom back.
"I felt like a terrible daughter," she admitted. "I did not cry when she died, I did not cry at her funeral."
People would normally cry during those times, but not her. She must be heartless.
"No, you aren't." Roy noted. His assurance did not help her one bit.
Riza was at a loss, feeling all these different emotions. "Yes I am! I am mad at her for leaving. I am mad at Father for pretending that I do not exist."
She stopped speaking - she felt tense voicing out her emotions out loud, even though she trusted Roy.
"Let it all out, Riza. Please," she turned her head and saw his eyes, begging. "I won't judge."
"I know you won't," she heaved a sigh. "I am just… not used to this. Mother was the only person I can open up with, and now that she's gone…"
She closed her eyes and rested her head on her hands. It was all too much.
"She shouldn't have caught the disease," she breathed heavily. "She should be back at home, preparing a pot of soup because we got the colds. She should be reprimanding us when we get home." Riza opened her eyes and looked at him. "She should be alive."
"She shouldn't be buried in the ground. I want her back, Roy. I want her back." She broke into tears again, and this time Roy scooted closer to her and held her as she cried.
"We can't bring her back, Ri." Roy whispered.
"I know that," she went on. "I just wish things were different."
Wishing was the only thing she can do. Riza removed herself from the older boy's hold and gazed at him. "I'm glad you're here. I don't know who else to talk to. I'm sure Father wouldn't want to talk to me."
Roy did not object to that. Riza knew she would remind her father so much of Mom – they looked alike.
"I love her," Riza said softly. "I love her more than I love any other being. And to think that I wouldn't see her again is… I don't even want to think about that. Sometimes, I wish it was me instead of her -"
"Don't say that," he cut her off. "Aunt Liz wouldn't want that, and neither does your father."
Her father would probably prefer that it was her instead, Riza thought. Father loved her mother more than her, and now that Mother was gone, Father and she would probably drift away.
"He would," she whispered. "Father would want that, we weren't that close anyway."
"Well, I wouldn't want that," he admitted.
"Wow," she teased him lightly. "This is the first time you actually acknowledged me as your friend."
Roy raised an eyebrow. They both knew that even though their relationship consisted of bantering about books and fighting about a lot of things, they are friends. Riza treated Roy as her closest friend, and she knew that he treated her same.
"Your mother would want you to erase those thoughts," Roy replied. "Please stop thinking that way."
"I'm trying," she confided. "I really am. I never thought it would be this hard, though."
Roy took hold of her hand and squeezed it tight. Riza felt secure, she felt like a heavy weight was put off her shoulders after telling the fifteen-year-old boy what she felt. The time will come when she will move on from her mother's death, but that time isn't now.
"I'll miss her, Roy. I'll miss her waking me up for school," she shared. "I'll miss her bringing me new books from the library. I'll miss her pies and chocolate muffins."
Roy ran his thumb over the back of her hand, encouraging her to speak. "I'd plant a thousand tulips in our backyard if it'd bring her back," she continued. "I'd do anything just so she'd be alive again."
"I hated her for leaving me alone," she gripped his hand so tight it was already losing color, but Roy didn't mind. "I don't know how to leave without her – I don't know if I could. I don't know."
"I tried my best not to cry – she wouldn't want to see me cry, but," Riza wiped the tears falling down from her eyes using her other hand. "but I hope she'd forgive me for crying now."
A lightning flashed, and thunder crashed in the sky. He never let go of her hand.
"She would forgive you, Riza," Roy said. "She would always do."
She gave him a small smile. "Thank you for being here."
The rain never stopped falling. She slightly hoped that it never will.
"Mother loved the rain," Riza said. "She must've loved that it was raining on her funeral."
Roy gripped her hand in reply
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