"You know whose pretty?" Nino brushed my arm, tugging at the sleeve. His chin on the hand propped up on the desk. It was early in the morning, the majority of us had came in early to converse and hangout before our first class started. Still tired, I lazily looked up from my phone to follow his gaze. In the corner, Alya, Mylene, Marinette and Alix leaned against the solid row of table by the entrance. No one particularly was noticeable. My brain was still full of LadyBug, of our patrols the night before.
"Alya?" I tried, they seemed like they had a thing.
"Huh? Well yeah-No, she's like one of the boys." We were in eighth grade, the once diverse group of childhood friends segregated with hormones and genders. No one really perked my interest the way LadyBug did, but it wasn't like she was giving me the time of day. Nino smiled sheepishly, playfully pulling at his bracelets. I saw his canine tooth before he glanced back at me. "Really dude?" He leaned over his elbows, as if leaning in for a whisper. "Marinette."
I stopped everything, straightening up my slouching posture and strained my neck to look over his shoulder. Marinette was idly stroking her short hair, trading the two pigtails she'd usually wear for a side one. She was obviously not listening to the chattering group screaming about nothing, she just looked lost in thought, stopping to bring her gaze to the girls and smile when they addressed her. As usual she wore pink skinny jeans, but a white lace tank top that hugged her curves. I didn't think girls could have curves, just women. You could tell she was a sporty type but her uninterest in any school sports and her deep love for design and school work left me wondering. Although she rubbed off to be awkward and boring, I never realized how mature she's gotten, how she no longer looked like the quiet tiny girl who you could walk on. No, she looked like she could trample over anyone who would try to treat her like that. Her fingers reached up to earrings, the ones that looked too childlike for the girls who based their every look on the magazines. The magazines I was in. It must've been some sort of gift when she was younger. My thought went to a secret boyfriend who obviously didn't know fashion sense. I felt a cold breeze penetrate me, it was her icey blue eyes widening as we made eye contact. I raced my eyes to Nino's who looked smug that he could get me interested, me, in the girls in our class. "Looks the same as always."
"Yeah, well, your blushing tells me otherwise." He found his place back, and offered a wave to Marinette who still looked stunned, tracing the invisible line our eyes created. She smiled at him and past a shy one towards me with a blush. Alya eyed them suspiciously, hooking her arm around her best friend's, also giving us a wave.
"She doesn't like me anyways."
"Who could not like you?" He was suddenly quick and quiet, as if to fiercely whisper to me. I rolled my eyes. "And trust me, I don't think that's true."
"What do you mean by that? She always withdraws when I talk to her, and can barely speak when she does."
"Yeah, or maybe she just doesn't know how to talk to such a beaut like you. I know you don't."
"Huh?" I tapped the surface of the desk impatiently.
"Dude you're just as bad as conversing with Marinette. Face it, you're both lost causes.." I had noticed that I couldn't easily talk to her, not the way I could with others who were blinded by my beauty, by popularity. No, when she talked to me she talked through the model Adrien Agreste, like the human I was, something I only really experienced with Nino. My layers of hiding couldn't throw off her eyes that read me like an open book, while I struggled to read her's. Nino's expression relaxed as he kept his sight rested on her, tapping absent mindedly on the desk. I started to chew on my cheek, not really understanding the sudden urge to smack him from her line of vision, like they were sharing a connection I wasn't apart of but should be. A connection Nino shouldn't be apart of. Kind of like seeing your bestfriend's friend call your bestfriend their bestfriend….But reversed? I winced trying to figure that one out. I took a different approach to portray my feelings.
"Sorry. Doesn't she seem… I don't know." I really didn't know. "Bossy?"
Nino lifted an eyebrow. "How so?"
"Well you know her, she tried so hard to become class president, be apart of that gaming competition, the class movie.." I pulled back each finger counting with every excuse I could muster.
"Yeah and dude, if you haven't noticed, right after all those incidents she took charge to save us from akuma." His hands gesturing, emphasizing the last part of it. "Brains and beauty." He added unnecessary. My brain was like a tumbleweed in my skull. Shouldn't that be my job as Chat Noir?
"I'm sorry, I just don't see it." Sudden anger flared my voice, self pity. She had such a loving home, looks, an actual personality people were interested in. And what made it worse was she wasn't even a hero and she did my job better. The only job I had left that wasn't controlled by my father or looks. I clenched my fist, letting my nails dig into my skin.
"Hey Nino!" Marinette sang, ignoring me like usual. Nino coughed, straightening up at the sudden directness.
"Mar! Alya! What's up?" I blacked out the rest, squinting my eyes in childish anger over nothing. I ignored them the best I could, ignoring Nino's 'Sorry, Marinette, he's just a little distracted' when she talked to me, ignoring Alya's glare, Nino's huffing. Blinking, I stared at the teacher, lectures going through one ear and out the other. Not that I'm too proud walking away from Nino's shouts, his concerned, but I wanted to wash my face of this tiring emotion after class ended. I gripped the sink, almost dry heaving, my phone ringing as my father's contact popped up. Get away, silently screamed but the invisible bruises on my wrists from old memories told me otherwise. I picked it up, my voice it's usual calming facade.
"No Natalie?" I quietly laughed, wincing at the heated pain that closed my throat. Dad wouldn't bother talking to me if he could get someone else to it.
"Adrien. Did you pass my message?" His voice monotone as usual.
"Huh? I-uh," I shook my head, wiping absently at the streaks of water from clearing my head. "What message?"
His sigh was like rolling darkness, sending shivers down my spine. "Natalie didn't inform you?" I could only pity Natalie who would get a scolding for a simple slip of the mind. "Adrien, your classmate, Marinette Dupain-Cheng who was the winner of the bowler hat challenger a few months ago." I waited for him to continue, but the pause stretched unnecessarily long. "Adrien." His voice boomed.
"Yes, what?"
"I wanted you to bring an envelope, informing her of an opportunity for her to study fashion under me." Surprisingly, there wasn't the same icey edge in his voice, as if he was remembering her impeccable stitching details. My knuckles were bleach white, matching the sink's porcelain. "Do you understand?" I nodded, fully knowing he couldn't see. That I couldn't see.
"Yes, I will."
"Good. Natalie will deliver the letter to you. Now, remember your schedule for today. You have a modeling job at 3. Goodbye Adrien."
"Goodbye," I said numbly before hanging up. Nino practically ambushed me when I stepped from the boy's bathroom.
"See! Told you he would be okay, Mari." He slung his arm and weight around my neck, I struggled to strain my neck beneath him to find her. She was smiling, could it be she was making fun of me? Laughing halfheartedly, I patted his back.
"Uhm, Adrien?" Marinette's warmth pulled me up straight, I minded my expression careful not to lead on to much of my inner emotion that was spiraling out of control. Teenage angst probably. I gave her my best modeling persona, my heart raced as a hurt emotion passed through her, like she read my every worry. Her recovering smile sent relief through me. "We were going out for lunch, are you in?"
"Yeah! Marinette's parents bakery, free food?"
"Weren't we going Le Stella, Nino?" Those reservations did not come easy. Nino only answered with a side glance to both of the girls by him.
"Yeah… But, free food. You're always paying too…" The three of them lined up, shortest to tallest, comfortably forming a chain I wouldn't be apart of. Nino one one end, Marinette at the other being the shortest. "C'mon, relax man!"
"Nah, my dad called me anyways." My phone vibrated with impeccable timing. Giving Nino, and only Nino, a smile, I turned when something caught my sleeve. The blue eyes staring through me, pleading to understand. She looked startled by her own actions. "Marinette, my phone.." I jammed my hand into my pocket.
"Oh-Yeah, just, you know. We'll be there.." Painfully recoiling. Nodding, I pried my attention from her and walked away before something-whether it was the invisible hands that seemed to choke me or just from her stare alone- would pull my heart down. I left knowing Marinette still had her hand extend towards nothing, Nino wringing his hands together, and Alya rolling her head, annoyed.
...
I remembered the month of hell. Right when the third quarter started my eighth grade year. After giving Marinette the invitation on the behave of my father, I stopped going to school in fear I'd get closer to her. Filling up my schedule the best I could to please my father, I didn't want it to come from someone else, especially not someone else my age. Skipping school, ignoring phone calls from Nino, devoting every night in hopes of seeing LadyBug. No, I wouldn't tell her of my struggles-Never put unnecessary stress on her. It still pained me though, whenever I'd run into Marinette lugging her bag of art or fabric materials in my empty house, stopping briefly to direct her to Natalie before having converse in any conversation. And during the days I did go to school, it hurt even more seeing Nino devote his time to Alya and Marinette than me. Granted I asked for everything I got for being short with my bestfriend, rarely giving him the time of day. It was when I started going down in my grades, particular one day where I came into class to find that I was partners with Marinette. According to Alix, there was an odd amount of people in the class, and Marinette chose me knowing I wouldn't be able to help, convincing the teacher I would do my part at home. She had done everything, and gave me a passing grade of a 100. But it had only brought my grade up to an 80. The same day, my father called me in, even when it involved putting Marinette's internship on hold.
"This is unacceptable. If word got out that an Agreste… Getting this." He shooed the progress report off his desk with disgust, as if it was a rotting piece of trash.
"Father, you know I've been busy," for you. "I'm doing the extra work like you've told me."
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's fine, Adrien." Hope lit up my face like a Christmas tree, right when I was about to thank him, he shot me down with an arrow of soul crushing disappointment. "I'm not surprised. I'll fix this. Get out of my face." He turned on his swivel chair, away from an expression that even he would flinch at. The next day, in an effort to redeem myself, I found out that I had the highest grade in the school, towering over Marinette's 99.3 with a 99.5.
"Congratulations, Adrien!" Marinette inched towards me, influenced by our recent distance the past months. She held a red envelope in her hands, addressed to me. "Madame Dion said you've been getting schooled at home, and ontop of all those modeling tours your on.. You earned it!" She was obviously upset. Marinette whose even topped Max, the once-smartest kid, for the last four years. But a single glance could tell me her happiness was genuine. Not risking the feeling of guilt I'd be faced with if I glanced a second longer, I turned away from her.
"Thanks." I mumbled, finding something to look at besides her eyes. Something that wouldn't remind me of the guilt. Of the memories she shared with Nino and my father I'd never get to have.
"Um," She shifted on her feet, finally taking a chance to extend the envelope towards me. "-I-Uh, This is for you." With a final smile, she shyly left it on the desk I was clutching for support, for stability and jogged back to Alya with- Were those tears in her eyes? I was only put to ease when I saw that she was grinning madly, along with her best friend.
It was around 6:30 when I changed in the locker room from my fencing uniform. I opened my locker, a stale stench of sweat from my fencing uniform and perfume? A small pile of valentine cards fell to my feet, it didn't occur to me that it was already the 14th of February. Could Marinette of given me one? I took out her crumpled envelope from my pant's pocket, still sealed. No, Marinette was taking everything from me. My friends, family.. No way it could've been out of affection. She was making fun of me, she had too. Only she, who can look past everything that I am and strip me raw could. With a wet eye roll, I crumpled her letter in my hand, not even picking up the fallen letters that sprawled along the floor, I even left my locker wide open. Still clutching the paper, I walked out of the school to see a red dart in the skyline. Usually LadyBug did her patrols later, but I guess even she had to sleep early on school nights. The winter night's crisp air impaled my lungs like razors, a burst of light that covered me in my leather costume blinded me as I raced up a side of a building, like a cat climbing on curtains. LadyBug was already there, standing on the edge of the building, her defined back towards me and arms stretched out. I half expected her to yell "I'm the King of the World!" A grin crept on my face, and I silently sneaked behind her, glancing from a side to see her hidden expression.
"I know you're there, Kitty." She turned over her shoulder, her raven hair brushing past it in their usual pigtails until she turned her body completely towards me and leapt from the ledge towards me.
"Nothing gets passed you, huh?" I rolled on my heels, bending slightly towards her with my hands behind my back. Happy I gained two inches on her in the last two months. "Sharp as a knife, my Lady is."
Pulling an escaped lock behind her ear, she gave a small chuckle. It was calm, pleasant. I got the feeling as if letting waves brush past you, a scary amount of calm and secureness I couldn't get with anyone but her. But the way she breathed in the winter's air, and relaxed slightly into my side, I got a feeling she did to. Right when I was going to smoothly put my arm around her shoulder to watch the dancing lights of the streets below, she took a step away. "What's that?"
I followed her finger to my palm, still clenched with Marinette's note. Still complete and udderly calmed, I unraveled it from my hands to show Marinette. "A letter, from Marinette. You remember her? We saved her a couple times." She nodded after a long pause, her face unreadable despite a flash of emotion I couldn't register in her eyes.
"Are..You going to read it? Why do you have it with you." I wondered if she knew her voice was about two notches lower, almost like a hush.
I bit my cheek, deciding to take a seat on the elevated part of building. "What? Jealous?" I teased. Not seeing any reaction, I took her question seriously. "I don't know."
"You… It's a love letter, no?" She flinched trying to word her sentences right, could she actually be jealous? Awkward? I smiled.
"No, Marinette doesn't like me like that. It's fine." Shoving my the thin part of my claw into the envelope, with one jerky motion I opened the sealed letter. "Want to read it?" Maybe she wouldn't be so awkward if she read it for herself. Maybe she thought something was going on between us?
Her face looked almost horrified. "What? No!... And what's with 'It's fine?' And.. She gave it to you?" Still astonished, her sentences were no longer coherent.
"What?" I winked up at her, giving up on answering the jumbled mess. "LadyBug, my dear, I am fairly desirable in and out of this costume."
"Okay…" Flexing her hands, she brushed her sides nervously as if trying to hold on to something that wasn't there.
"Hey, hey," I got up now, "There's nothing between us, okay? I mean, she's not my type at all. I actually don't like her." I knew it didn't seem right, but I had to protect her affection for me, my affection for her that seemed to be wavering.
"Yoo-You don't?" She furrowed her eyebrows, blinking something from her eyes. With a cross of the arms. "I thought she was your friend?"
"Oh god no." I laughed, someone who was out to get my best friend and my father's approval was not someone I should take lightly. I smoothed the aftermath of clenching the letter tightly. "I wonder, could it be a love letter?" I amused. It was a constant thing, to have girls confess their love for me. Imagine is she fell for me.
Something was caught in her throat, "And if it is?"
"Does it matter? I'd never go out with someone as controlling as she is." I puffed. "Oh, right, you don't know her as well as I do. Let's just say she's capable of wrapping people around her finger.." Like Nino, my father, our classmates, our teachers… Me. "You're so much better."
"How-What the fuck?" It probably was the first time I've ever heard her cuss. Her words sounded like they were being caught on something.
"I know right?" Confusing where her anger was directed to. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to unravel the letter. A part of me expecting it to be some cruel joke, showing that she really did intend to steal my place at school, as Nino's friend, my father's prodigy, the school's beauty. I know it's selfish, but I'm just as shallow. Shallow enough for the other part of me wanting, needing, it to be a love letter from her. I'm tired of feeling like I was choking, drowning by myself. Maybe if I understood as much as she understood me…
"Give me it." I've never heard her voice so raw.
"Huh? Oh, jesus- Do you know her? Is she a friend? Lady- I'm so sorry…"
"No." She spat. "Give me back my letter."
"Huh?" I laughed, taking a double take to see her smiling face, but it was stone cold. I extended my hand to her face, reflection gleaming from her cheeks. Were they wet? "Wait, what?"
"Give me it, Adrien." She sounded numb, like she'd just watched her dreams crash and burn. And when I didn't, a handprint was on my cheek. The pain in her eyes betraying her composure and shaking hand that just bruised my cheek.
"Marinette…" No no no no no no no no… It wasn't her..
"Now." Her eyebrow flinched, as if she was controlling her face from breaking down and lost a grip on it. But she held it even tighter now. She swiped it away painfully, and left without a single glance back. I sat there, until my miraculous ran out, thinking about all the connections- the ties that now connected. They seemed so blunt and open, an infant could've put the two and two together.
I lost everything.
She took everyone, and she took LadyBug.
The tears stung and burned as they were exposed to the freezing weather, to every raw emotion I was bleeding. Not even the cut where her nail grazed me could compare. I surprised myself by laughing. I won't have her take anything from me anymore. Nothing. She could've never liked me, the note was probably from Alya, she was just as excited after handing it to me. Maybe she didn't like me now that she knew I was Chat Noir? That I "hated" Marinette, and was no longer good enough for either her or her best friend. LadyBug. I was myself around her. She knew me inside and out. And she was gone. I had no one. I understood why I was laughing, the despair of knowing no one actually cared- Or facing the fact that part of you has died was blinding, numbing enough that you can only laugh or choke up something of a sob.
That night, I swore to never get attached to people, never to open myself up. Because I'm already open. There's no depth in me, right? I nodded, convinced. It was my motto, whenever I had girlfriends who would distract me, thinking they knew everything I lead on, whenever I was with Nino, even when I was in the presences of Marinette. I am, or became, everything she hates. And vise versa. It was the only way I can protect myself- Protect my comfortable life and for her to protect herself. God knows what she's gone through. If I can't read her, I'd become someone she could no longer read too.
…
I really struggled with this, I wanted to make it longer.. But I also wanted it to be quick? Idk- It happened three years before the original story's time life. More to come, quick chapter. I'll be fixing mistakes like usual soon. :^) XOXO Thank you for all the reviews! Really, it motivates me so much. And yes, I'll be working on a Date under Paris' Sight Sky… Maybe even Steamy Night?