Hi, sorry for the late update, life has caught up with me and I have been having a hard time finding chances to write my fics. What with the court meetings and case settlements I had to attend for a personal problem my family and I are experiencing at home, there just wasn't time for me to write my stories. Hopefully, while we are currently waiting for he judge's decision, I can write and update all my chapters. Thanks anyway though guys for supporting this fic and hopefully you will continue to support it. Thanks you ahead and hope you will enjoy it.
(O.O)
Buffy
I hate research and I hate it even more when I have to partake in it. Giles used to be the one who did all this research stuff while I did the slaying stuff. But since my Watcher had decided to leave me to grow up and had gone back to his mother country, I have no choice but to offer my two cents to the research workload.
I am currently at the Magic Box with my sister and all my friends. We're all working together to find a demon that's said to bring in the apocalypse this week. Well, Dawn wasn't really included in the research, but I couldn't leave her alone in the house again- especially not after what happened on my last birthday.
Anyway, it's already 10pm and we still had no clue what this demon was and someone- namely me- was starting to get really frustrated. I was tired from working the entire day and now I'm stuck reading a book I didn't understand.
Who wouldn't be angry?
A few more minutes of mindless flipping of pages and my mind began to wonder. I began to think about the positive thing that came with this apocalypse.
Ever since I started helping in research, I found myself too busy that I stopped running off to see a certain bleached blonde vampire.
This was a good thing because I had been avoiding him.
Why, you ask?
Well, it cause I didn't want to have a conversation with him about what I did to him a week ago.
I did something that I wasn't proud of and I didn't want to be reminded of it by having to see him and have him talk to me about it. So I avoided him like plague, and tried to ignore and forget the entire thing.
Too bad that it's not an easy thing to do.
I'm still haunted by the memory of what I did to him, even without having him nearby as a reminder. I remembered how I felt awful after it had happened not just because I beat him up to a bloodied pulp but because I did the deed in the first place.
I've always known that I wasn't in a good place. Being pulled out from heaven did a huge number on my psyche.
However that should never excuse the violence I did to a defenseless creature.
Defenseless, my ass. He could've fought back had he wanted to.
And that's another thing that bothered me about the what had happened.
Spike didn't fight back.
He was someone who talked with his fists and as a demon, he should've attacked me for what I did.
Instead, he just sat there and took all my beatings, harsh words and he did all of it because he thought he was helping me.
A soulless monster accepting punishment because he thought he could help, how mind boggling was that?
But it wasn't as mind boggling as the fact that he did help me and almost paid a great price in doing so.
I closed my eyes as I tried not to think of the possibility of what would've happened had he not been able to move after what I did to him. About how close he was to dusting that night because of me.
He's fine, Buffy. No need to think of those things anymore.
But such words were useless. Because I can't help but consider the possibility of Spike dusting that night.
My chest constricted as I imaged what my life would be like with him gone permanently.
Strange, right? I've been trying to get rid of him for a long time and him dying would've been the best solution to that.
But then the moment I start to really consider what it would be like when he's no longer there, I start to get this undeniable feeling of loneliness inside my heart.
It was in that instant I'd realized how much the blond menace had began to mean to me.
My eyes widened as I realize where my brain was taking me.
Wrong! I told myself and shook my head to get rid of such thoughts.
He's a vampire and one would think that I'd have learned my lesson by now not to invest positive feelings for undead bloodsuckers.
An image of another vampire came to mind in that particular instant: the tall, broody and souled vampire-kind, and it was that image that served as a reminder just -how wrong it was for me to feel anything good for Spike.
He doesn't have a soul. There's nothing good or clean in him. He's dead inside and can't feel anything real. He's nothing but a thing so that means he doesn't deserve my attention and is only there for my comfort nothing more. I shouldn't feel sorry for what I did nor should I feel sorry for him. He's nothing to me.
I told myself this like a prayer each time my thoughts would venture to the territory of Spike's place in my life or anything good in relation to him. I have to do this because if I didn't my life would get even more complicated than I needed it to be.
And I so don't want to deal with anything complicated at the moment. So I better stop thinking about all this right now.
But of course just as soon as I decided to stop all thoughts of Spike, fate decided to kick me in the behind because just then the bastard walked into the Magic Box through the front door.
"What the hell are you doing here, Spike?" Xander was the one who took the words out of my mouth. So I settled with glaring at the blond vamp.
"Shut up, whelp. I'll leave just as soon as I'm done," he told my friend then purposefully walked towards the table that Anya and her vengeance demon friend were occupying.
"We need to talk," he said to the vengeance demon- Haleck, or Halfeck, or was it Halfreak?
"I thought you didn't want to have anything more to do with me?" she asked him.
"I didn't." He glared at her. "But something happened and now I've decided to hear you out."
"And what if this time it's me who doesn't want anything to do with you? What are you gonna do about it, huh?" She raised a challenging brow.
Spike glare intensified as he said the next words. "Don't fuck with me, Cecily. I couldn't care less about what you want. I'm only here cause someone told me to give you a chance and hear what you have to say. But if you want to be stubborn and stupid about it, fine, because I'm not gonna force you. Though you need to remember that this will be the one and only chance you get to be heard, and there won't be a next time. So you better make up your bloody mind right now, 'cause I don't like waiting."
She stared back at him and contemplated his words before nodding her head in agreement. "Fine, we'll talk," she stated, standing up from her seat and grabbing her coat.
He nodded back at her. "There's a café a couple blocks from here. We can talk there," he informed her as he made his way to the door.
"Anyanka, it seems I won't be riding home with you and your annoying fiancé tonight. I'll still be seeing you at your apartment though so we can finish deciding the maid of honor's dress," she told Anya before walking out with Spike, who opened the door for her. "Such a gentleman as always, William." I heard her say as they made their way out.
"Shut up," came Spike's reply as the door of the shop closed behind them.
Silence was left in their wake. No one was sure what we had all just witnessed, by then Xander was the one who once again spoke what everyone was thinking.
"Uh, what the heck was that about?" he asked, "Since when does dead boy junior go on coffee dates with demons?"
"Um-he didn't really say that he was going on a date with her," Willow pointed out.
"Yeah, but he still only came here to ask her out, and what's up with that?" he asked.
"What's up with what, Xander? Spike came here to talk to Halie and they went out to talk at the café a few blocks from here. How is that suspicious to you?" Anya, who had stopped flipping her bridal magazine, asked her fiance.
"The part where he came here to talk to a demon, honey, a vengeance demon at that," he told his future wife, who cast an incredulous look at her future husband.
Xander choose to ignore the look and instead turned to face everyone else in the room.
"I mean he just came in here to see the demon and didn't even stop to ask what we were doing, which, you got to admit, is not a Spike thing to do. We all know that he's usually the first one to come here and inform us of the next big bad just to score good points with Buffy. But he didn't even do that! Hell, he practically ignored Buffy all together, which is again not a Spike thing to do!" he exclaimed, pointing out several valid points for everyone in the room.
I especially had to agree with the part that Spike indeed ignored me earlier.
"Something must be up. I mean, this is Spike! And the fact he's meeting with a vengeance demon, I think it should be enough to make us all cautious, don't you think?" He asked the last part while looking at me, actually expecting me to agree with him.
I was taken by surprise at suddenly being asked about my opinion regarding Spike's odd behavior and wasn't sure what to say with what he was implying or what he wanted me to say in the first place, but luckily for me, I didn't get a chance to say anything because Dawn, who had been in the shop's corner studying, was the one who spoke next.
"Please!" she said, rolling her eyes at the same time as she joined in the conversation. She stood up from her chair and faced my friend. "Xander, I think you're over thinking this. I mean, just 'cause Spike decided to come here and talk to someone that is not us, doesn't directly mean he's plotting something evil against us. Because-seriously, this is Spike! He's the guy who spent the entire summer with us, protecting me and the Hellmouth together with you guys. He's saved our butts more times than we can count and you people really think that just 'cause he decides to have coffee and a serious conversation with someone who's possibly an old acquaintance of his, that he's already plotting our demise?! Come on! You guys should know better than that!"
Dawn looked angrily at us, but that wasn't what caught my attention in her outburst. It had been the way she said the word old acquaintance that made me think that perhaps my little sister knew more about the subject than she was letting on. I was about to ask her about it but Xander beat me to it.
"Dawn, I understand that you think that Spike wouldn't hurt us because of what happened last summer," Xander told her placatingly, "But I think you're forgetting the fact that he's a soulless vampire and that means-"
"You're a poophead, Xander Harris!" she cut him off, "If you or any one of you would even think that Spike would still want hurt us because he's a soulless vampire then you are all dumber than I thought you were! He's been with us for a long time now, fighting on our side! He's been tortured by Glory, thrown off a tower while trying to save me! He guarded the Hellmouth with you and babysat me all summer and he hasn't even asked for anything in return for his services." Xander opened his mouth to say something to dispute Dawn's statement but she didn't let him say anything. "And don't you say he did it to get into Buffy's pants, Xander, because you know that Buffy was gone that summer, and he could've left but he didn't and instead he stuck around and did all those things for us, despite how many times you insulted him and downgraded his deeds, he still stayed! So don't you dare say that he's gonna do something evil now 'cause he's a soulless demon, because you and I both know that he's different from Angel!"
I flinched at the mention of my ex-boyfriend's name, but no one seemed to noticed because my friends had just started to arguing back at my sister about what a bad influence Spike had been on her and that her trust wasn't rightly placed on the aforementioned vamp. So I just sat silently in my chair and watched, like Anya and Tara were doing, the exchange between my sister and my two oldest friends.
Dawn stood strong with her beliefs and made even more valid arguments regarding how much Spike had changed over the years. When her points weren't accepted, she started telling hard and painful facts about each and every one of the Scoobies and started using their own mistakes against them to defend her friend.
"Like when you called on that Song and Dance demon, Xander? Or when you summoned a troll, Willow? You two did all that and hurt a lot of people, but did you two even stop to think about the consequences of your actions? How many people were hurt or killed by them? No, you didn't! You two just went on with your lives like it was nothing, like those you hurt didn't matter. Yet you guys have the audacity to say that Spike's a murderer and never fail to condemn him for his sins! You guys are a bunch of hypocrites!"
"It's different for us, Dawnie," Willow said, "We never meant to hurt anyone while Spike-"
"Never meant to hurt anyone? But you still did! And just 'cause it wasn't your intent to do it, it doesn't make what you did okay. At least Spike had a reason for doing the things he did, because hey,he was evil! But what about you two? What're your excuses?"
My friends were stunned to silences after that. While I couldn't help the feeling of pride swell inside of me at the wonderful sight of my baby sister going all smart-and-logical-girl on everyone, even though she was doing all this to defend a soulless monster. I simply watched as Dawn stood straight, her hands on her hips, breathing heavily, her nostrils flaring as she glared at my friends while she waited for them to say their next big Spike-insult. When nothing came, she spoke up again.
"Just so you know, Spike isn't planning anything with Halfrek. Believe it or not they are just gonna be talking. I know this because, Spike told me this morning."
After hearing this confession though, it was my turn to look angrily at Dawn.
"And when exactly did you have this conversation with him this morning?" I asked finally joining the conversation. I couldn't help but notice the relieved expressions that crossed on both of my friends' faces as I stood up and waited for my sister to answer.
She winced, probably because of her little slip of tongue, before answering my question.
"I may have visited him before I went to school today," she said in a low voice that she thought I would miss.
"Didn't Janice's mother say she was gonna take you straight to school?" I asked and narrowed my eyes at my lying little sister.
She flinched and took a step back as she answered my question. "Yee-aahh, but I might've told her that you had changed your mind about that and asked her to drop me at home instead."
"If she dropped you home, how the hell did you talk to Spike?" I questioned, gradually getting angrier at her deceit.
"Well, I kinda ran to his place after Janice's mom left," she admitted looking sightly sheepish.
"You ran from our house to Spike's place?" I asked to clarify, and when she nodded, it was then that I lost the last of my control. "Dawn!" I cried angrily. "Do have any idea how dangerous that was?! What the hell were you thinking?! No, you weren't thinking, as always!"
"Hey, that is so not true! I do know what I was doing! And it wasn't even that dangerous because, hello? It was seven in the morning! There was a lot of daylight during that time!"
"It doesn't matter! You still shouldn't wander alone in the cemetery at any time of the day!" I told her. "There are still demons who can walk during the day and they could've seen you and you could've gotten hurt or worse, killed!"
Fear gripped my heart at the thought of something bad happening to Dawn. I hated the feeling and there was only one person I can blame for making me feel such a thing.
"This is why you shouldn't stay friends with vampires, they don't think about these things!"
"Hey, don't blame my recklessness on my friendship with Spike! It doesn't have anything to do with it!"
"The hell it doesn't, Dawn! If you weren't friends with that stupid vampire you wouldn't have to go and visit him in the first place!"
"I wouldn't have to visit him if you hadn't banned him from seeing me! He's my friend, Buffy! Do you really think you can keep me from seeing him just like that?!" she shouted at me.
"Yes!" I screamed back at her, louder than I intended, but it was enough to shut Dawn up. "Yes, I am gonna keep you from seeing him, Dawn. In fact I don't want you seeing him anymore."
It wasn't a good decision but it was the only thing I can think of that could keep Dawn safe.
"You can't do that-"
"Yes, I can," I told her with conviction. "From now on, you will not leave the house without me, Willow or Xander to accompany you, and if you are at Janice's, I want you to stay at Janice's. No more lying where you're going. No more morning visits to the cemetery. No more talking to Spike!"
"But he's my friend!" The desperation rang heavily in her voice but my decision didn't waver.
"Then it's time that stops now! Xander and Willow may have their flaws, Dawn, they weren't wrong about Spike. He's a killer, a soulless monster. The only reason you are not dead is because of that chip in his head, if that stops working he will kill again. And guess who he'll kill first? You. The overly trusting human girl, who happens to be the Slayer's kid sister."
"No, he wouldn't do that! Spike cares about me! Even if the chip stops working he wouldn't hurt me!"
"Cares about you? He's a vampire, Dawn, a soulless one at that. He doesn't feel anything. Whatever illusion that got you to believe that he is capable of feeling emotions should stop now. It's not real. He's not real. The sooner you realize this the easier it is for you to understand my point."
"That's where you're wrong, Buffy. Just because Angel doesn't love you without a soul doesn't mean Spike can't! He stayed, Buffy! He stayed even when you were gone! He stayed to protect your sister and friends! He stayed because he promised you he would! To the end of the world! That's what he told you! And dammit, he did just that and more! How can you still tell me that he doesn't care? How can you still tell me that he isn't capable of loving?! When he was willing to undergo torture for you not once but twice, just to protect you!" I was confused at the last part of what she said.
When did he get tortured again for me, because besides Glory, I know no one who did such a thing to Spike because of me.
Dawn must've saw the confusion in my face because she told me what she meant. Of course, I wished she hadn't though.
"I talking about last week, at the alley by the police station," she said glaring at me.
Realization dawned into me, along with rage. Rage against the vampire who told my sister what happened and couldn't keep our encounter a secret.
"Don't you dare get angry at him," she warned me. "I went to the station to try and stop you one more time, when I saw his wounded form in an alley nearby. I asked what he was doing there, he said he was trying to stop you, but he never told me who did that to him. He tried to tell me that it was a demon who did that to him, but Spike could never lie to me to save his life. Of course after that it wasn't hard to guess what had happened to him, Buffy. I knew you had been there, because it would've been impossible for Spike not to have come to see you before you turned yourself in. I also know how stubborn you two can be and how violent you are towards him when he annoys you enough or when he proves you wrong. So I put two and two together and guessed everything that happened. How could you be so cruel to him, Buffy? How can you be so cruel after everything he has done for you?"
It was my turn to be speechless. My sister found out about the subject I had been avoiding and now I am forced to face it with her instead of Spike.
Spike. The fucking bane of my existence. This was all his fault. Dawn, wouldn't have found out if he just went home after I left him there. At that moment, I didn't care that he had been too injured at the time to even go back to his crypt on his own. Or that he didn't actually tell Dawn the entire story of what had happened. I just couldn't give a fuck about him at that moment because-
"It doesn't matter," I whispered in a low voice so that Dawn couldn't hear.
"What?" she asked, "What do mean it that it doesn't matter."
Guess she heard after all.
"It doesn't matter what he's done, Dawn, or what I did to him. It's none of your business anyway."
"None of my business? He's my frie-"
"That doesn't matter either, because whatever you have with him ends now. I was serious when I said that I don't want you seeing him anymore, Dawn. He's a danger to you, not only because of the possibility of the chip no longer working but because danger follows him wherever he goes and I don't want you getting caught in it. So staying away is the only solution to that, this is the only way I can protect you."
"Danger follows him, huh? Wow, that's funny coming from you, considering you're the Slayer, and danger and you are best buddies."
Okay, should've seen that one coming.
"Whatever, Dawn. Like I said none of that matters now, because you are still no longer seeing Spike."
"That's so unfair!"
"Life is never fair, Dawn! And I would know because I became a Slayer, died twice, lost my mother at a young age, got pulled out of Heaven by my friends and now I have to work at a stinky fast food restaurant so I can pay the bills and raise my ungrateful little sister, who doesn't understand the dangers of being friends with a soulless vampire!"
Shock became evident on my sister's face, then it was replaced by hurt. I felt guilty for putting it there but I didn't want to. It was all confusing and I am hating everything.
"God! I don't need this now!" I told her after seeing the tears in her eyes. I turned to face my friends, who all looked just as surprise as Dawn. "Will, can you take care of Dawn. Make sure she gets home and would be asleep before I get back?" My witch friend nodded tentatively. "Good. I need to go and see Spike. Xander's right, it is suspicious that he would decide to hang out with a demon, a vengeance one at that. I'm gonna check them out and then find out what he knows about this demon of ours too. You guys can go home now. We'll continue this research about this demon tomorrow."
I didn't wait for them to answer and just headed outside and walked towards the café where Spike said he was gonna talk to that vengeance demon friend of his. Once I got there I immediately saw them at the table in the corner of the café through the shop's glass window, and my heart immediately constricted at the sight that I was seeing.
He was smiling. And it was not in that predatory kind of smiling he always showed when I was with him and he wanted to either have sex with me or eat someone. No, it was not that kind of smile he was currently wearing. This one was a genuine, gentle, kind and human looking smile, that made him look ten times younger and cuter. It was something that he has never shared with me, the woman he claims to love, and it was making me angry that he was giving it to a demon ho-bag that ruined my party last Sunday.
Who the hell is she?! And what the hell was he thinking seeing that woman, who obviously doesn't hold a candle to me?!
I was angry and didn't care about how unreasonable I was being, nor about the fact that I shouldn't feel this way towards someone I claimed not to love.
I don't love him but that doesn't make it okay for him to make goo goo eyes on Miss Slutty of the Month! Ugh! Is she touching his hand? Bitch! That's my vamp your feeling up!
I couldn't help it anymore, I wanted to rip that woman's hand off for that contact, and I was gonna do exactly that. I marched towards the cafe and was about to go inside and tear those two demons apart but stopped after what I saw next.
His eyes. I knew that look he was using. It was the very same look I know I had when I stared at Angel. If Spike was using such a look at the woman in front of him, it meant that she wasn't just any ordinary woman he planned on flirting with. No, it wasn't. It seemed their relationship ran deeper than that, and I didn't think I wanted to get in a way with such a thing because even I wasn't that cruel.
I took a step back and walked away from the pair not even taking notice anymore how Spike moved away from her hand when it was about to touch his cheek. I just kept walking, walking as far away as I could from the reality that I had again driven away another man from my life.
(O.O)
Spike
It was late and I was on my way back to my crypt from my meeting with Cecily. I found it funny how I had been too reluctant to meet with her then ended up talking to the woman for nearly three hours until it was the shop's closing time. But it was understandable that we had spent that long talking to each other, we had nearly a century and more to catch up with on each other's past.
Speaking of the past, I had found out tonight that Cecily hadn't really meant what she said to me that night of my death. Apparently her father, my father's best mate and business partner, had threatened her that if she didn't destroy our friendship and turn down my pursuit he will take all of my family's fortune for his own and leave me and my mum with nothing but the clothes on our back. He had wanted Cecily to avoid me and my family because it had not been good for their reputation.
Cecily said that she had been sorry for what she did to me and that she had wanted to explain things to me but I hadn't come home because I had died that night. She had been devastated by my disappearance and would've locked herself up in her room because of depression had her father not done what he did to her next; her father had betrothed her to Sir Kingston, a mean, rude but rich and old business man from America.
Anger and resentment towards her father drove her to make the man suffer for what he did. Cecily, who had apparently used to dabble in the dark arts during our time away from each other, had placed a Curse on her father making the man extremely unlucky. Slowly her father lost all of his fortune and became sick with a terrible disease that made him suffer for a very long time before death finally claimed him. It had been because of this that she had caught the attention of D'Hoffryn, Lord of all Vengeance Demons, and was turned into one herself.
After hearing her story and apology, I had forgiven Cecily for what she had done to me, because I saw no sense in blaming her for what she was forced to do. But when she suggested that we were to rekindle our love again, I declined. As much as I cared for Cecily, I knew I was no longer the same man who had been in love with her. I was different now, and my heart now belonged to someone else. I thought that she would be angry but again she surprised me by telling me ho much she actually understood me and that she would be happy for me just as long as I was happy.
We spent the remainder of the evening reminiscing both our human pasts and demonic achievements and I have to say that the sweet little girl I once knew was quite an amazing and creative demon, because aside from that little slip up at the Slayer's house last Sunday, she made quite a name for herself, not as great as Anyanka, but she still carried her own greatness. At the end of the evening we said our goodbyes, but not before she offered to give me a vengeance wish that would've taken the chip out of my head.
I had to pause then and really consider the gravity of her offer. I could be who I was again, kill who I wanted. No more pig's blood, no more living off scraps and playing poker for money to buy my fags, no more insignificant humans insulting me and calling me impotent, no more Dawn and Buffy... It had been the last two that really got me to say no. I knew that if I no longer had the chip Buffy would never let me touch her again, and Dawn-why she wouldn't be allowed to see me. I would lose two of the most precious people I have in my unlife if I had taken Cecily up on her offer. So I told her no, and thanked her for offering in the first place. She had been surprised at first but accepted my decision an respected it. She then kissed me on the cheek, bid me goodnight and promised to see me again before disappearing in a ball of smoke.
As I walked to my crypt I couldn't help but feel happy at tonight's outcome; which was the rekindling of my friendship with Cecily. Because even though I was no longer in love with her, I still cherished our friendship, more so now because she knew me as a man and knew the changes a demon brought to me. She could understand me on a level no other could, and such a thing was precious to a bloke like me. Tonight I gained a new confidante and it is one I shall treasure through out my entire existence, and I have the good doctor to thank for it.
She was the one who had pushed me to see Cecily and find out the entire truth of what had happened on the night of my death. She had told me that what I would learn tonight would either be extremely satisfying or enlightening and instead I got both. A smile slid to my face as I thought of what we would talk about in our next appointment.
The silly bint's probably gonna go all I-told-you-so on me the next time I meet up with her.
But I didn't think I would mind if such a thing did happen.
I then suddenly paused at my crypt's door as a wonderful smell assaulted my nose.
She's here! I thought excitedly. This night just keeps getting better and better by the hour.
A smirk graced my lips as I opened my crypt's door and entered to search for my special guest. Using my vampire enhanced eye sight, I scanned the crypt for her and found her standing in the middle of the room with her back to me.
"I see you've finally decided to stop avoiding me, haven't you, pet?" I said as I slowly approached her. My tongue sliding on my teeth as I thought of what would be happening tonight.
I was but a few steps away from her when another scent hit me.
Tears?
"Buffy? Luv, are you crying?" I asked gently as my hand reached out to her shoulder and slowly turned her to face me. When she was turned to me, I saw the most heart breaking look in the face in the woman I love. "Bloody hell! What happened? Who did this to you, pet?"
"Are you leaving me now?" she suddenly asked looking at me with beaten and defeated eyes.
"Wha-who the hell gave you that idea?!" I demanded, wanting to know the wanker who hurt my Slayer.
"You..." was all she said, draining all my anger and replacing it with confusion. "I went to see you earlier while you were with Anya's demon friend. I saw you two together and I saw you smiling at her, giving her the look that I used to look at Angel, and I thought-I thought-" she couldn't finish her sentence as she cried even harder.
But she didn't have to, it didn't take a genius to figure out what she thought after seeing me with my old friend. It flattered me no end that she would cry at the thought of losing me but at the same time I was crushed at the fact that she still didn't know me enough to know that I wouldn't ever leave like that. I had wanted to berate her for even thinking such a thing, but I didn't because I knew that wasn't what my girl needed at the moment.
"Shhh, hush now, pet. No need for those tears, old Spike here would never leave you. I love you too much to let you go," I told her while taking her in my arms.
"B-b-but wa-what about that demon, Havek? You looked so happy when I saw you with her earlier." She looked up at me with such a broken expression.
"First, it's Halfrek, and yes I had been happy when we were talking earlier, but it wasn't like that the entire time. You only saw the near end of our encounter and you weren't there when I was threatening to kill her earlier in our talk," I told her, cupping her face with my right hand and wiping the tears that attempted to fall again from her eyes. "But, luv, even if I had been happy meeting with Ce-Halfrek the entire evening, I never would have gone with her and left your side, because, whether you believe it or not, I do love you and I am never the type to leave the woman I love. I'm here to stay, Buffy. You need to believe that."
She continued to stare into my eyes and in that moment I thought that I had finally got to her, that I had finally got her to believe that I love her.
The searing kiss she gave me afterwards though was unexpected, but definitely welcomed.
(O.O)
Buffy
I kissed him after that confession of his. Kissed him like my life depended on it. I wanted him to know that I was better, that I deserved his loyalty, that his decision to stay with me wasn't wasted. In that moment, I simply didn't care about the smaller details. Details about a soul, Dawn, Halfrek, or even me not actually loving him back, in that moment I didn't give a damn about all that. What had been important to me in that time was the fact that I wanted him to feel me as I wanted to feel him.
He began kissing me back with the same intensity. Rolling his tongue inside my mouth and sucking the air out of me, he was devouring me whole and I was letting him. His arm, that had been wrapped around me, slid lower towards my waist and brought me closer to him. Close enough that I was already feeling his steadily growing erection, and so I moved my hips and rubbed against the bulge in his pants eliciting a growl from him. The sound only encouraged me to continue with our coupling. I started removing my shirt, while my mouth continued its assault on his. He did the same thing and removed his own clothes. Once all articles of clothing were removed we continued our sexual dance.
We continued our kissing before I pushed him down on the cold crypt floor. I straddled his waist before pushing myself on him with no warning. He arched his back as my folds wrapped around him.
"Fuck, Buffy!" he screamed.
His hands went to my hips to steady me, but I grabbed them before they could and pinned them to the side of his head while my mouth went back to his, tasting every inch of him. I clenched my legs, feeling him swell inside of me.
"Bu-Buffy, move, pet," he begged as he tried to move beneath me.
I ignored his plea, while burying him deeper inside of me, and focused on my continued assault on his mouth before slowly moving to his jaw line down to his neck, then nipped my way towards his ear.
"Do you want me, Spike?" I asked, whispering on his ear.
"Yes-god,yes! Buffy!" he said loudly, nearly screaming the answer.
"Do you promise not to ever leave me?" I asked, biting his ear.
"Fuck! No-I mean, yes! Never, luv! Never gonna leave!"
"Good." I said before I slightly pulled myself out and buried him again.
In, out, in, out. I rode him in a steady but fast rhythm. He moved along with me, meeting my push with his thrust, and when we were close, I engulfed him deeper inside of me and arched my back as we came together. I shuddered as the last bit of my cum left me before I fell on top of him. We were breathing heavily, savoring the aftereffects of our orgasm. I suddenly felt him shift beneath me and I noticed that his left arm wrapped itself on my lithe frame, while the other moved to my head and began stroking my hair affectionately.
I knew that I should stop what he was doing, because he would again take it as me accepting his feelings, but I was too tired at the moment. I was tired of everything going on with my life and I just wanted one moment of peace and the feeling of being loved, even if that love wasn't really real for me. I wanted to be swallowed in that illusion for a moment before I get thrust back into reality of all things dark and evil and bad.
So I allowed us to lay there in each other's arms, naked and still covered with sweat and each other's fluids, until we fell asleep.
I woke up in the morning naked, lying on something soft and arms wrapped tightly around me. I looked around and found out that I was in some underground cave on a very soft bed and that the arms around me belonged to Spike. At first I was confused, not knowing where I was and how I got there nor did I understood why I was allowing such an intimate position between me and the vampire, but then the memories of the night before came rushing back as my mind started to wake, so I immediately wiggled out of his grasp, waking him up in the process.
"What's wrong, pet?" he asked, his voice still groggy from sleep.
"This was a mistake," I said out loud, "I shouldn't have let this happen."
"Great! Should've known last night was a fluke," he muttered to himself before sitting up to face me. "What happened to the girl who had been crying to me last night at the thought of me leaving her?"
"Again a mistake. A moment of weakness that will never happen again." I stood up from my bed and started looking around for my clothes.
"A mistake? Why would you say that?" he asked, standing up to approach me. "Last night was no mistake, luv. Last night was the first time since you came back that you had ever been honest with yourself. You were afraid of the thought of me leaving you because you needed me here and you wanted me here. That much was clear from last night, so why the bleeding hell would you say that it was a mistake?!"
"Because it is! I don't need you, Spike, and I don't want you! You're a soulless evil thing, with nothing good inside!" I screamed at him before continuing my search for my clothes.
"So we're back to that, huh? Me being a soulless, evil thing? Please, Slayer, sing me a new one because that one is getting old and an obvious lie. Last night was the proof that denies that statement!"
I was getting angry and frustrated because I knew he was never gonna let this one go. I hastened my search for my clothes because I really wanted to get out of there and away from him and his confusing and complicated reasoning and implications. When I had remembered that I had removed them upstairs, I walked towards the ladder leading to the upper part of his crypt. But then he grabbed my arm and stopped me from leaving.
"We can be good together, Buffy," he told me, "You just need to give us a chance. Give me a chance."
God there he goes again, saying those things to me, making me even more confused! I really hate him for making me feel this way!
"No, Spike," I told him, taking back my arm away from him. "We'll never be good together. You'll never be good for me, because you're not good, you're an evil vampire, for Christ sake! You're always forgetting this fact and have been fooling yourself into thinking that you can amount us to anything good! I'm sick of you and Dawn always thinking that a soulless vampire can be a good person, because they can't! The mere thought of that is just wrong and impossible!"
"Impossible? You're looking at impossible, pet! I've been trying so hard here, doing good by you, fighting the good fight, protecting your friends and your sister while you were gone! How can you still deny the possibility of a vampire changing its nature for you when I'm standing right here in front of you!"
"I'm not denying, Spike, I'm stating facts! All the things you've been doing? All those so called good deeds you've done, you only did it for your own selfish reasons! You only did it to make me like you! And as for protecting my friends and sister? Well, you sure did quite a good job at that considering some of them still got hurt under your so called protection over the summer, and Dawn? You say you've been protecting her? How is it protecting when you're the one who's endangering her in the first place!"
"What the sodding hell are you on about? What do you mean that I'm endangering the Bit?"
"What I mean is that I know that you let my sister visit you here yesterday morning and most probably been letting come to your crypt anytime she wants!" The surprise and guilty look on his face was enough to prove to me the truth of my accusations and assumptions of what my sister and this vampire were doing behind my back. It made me even more angry at him for deceiving me all this time "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? How many demons can get to her because of what you two have been doing?" He looked like he was about to answer but I didn't let him. "Do you have any idea what the consequences of you're recklessness can do to her? Of course you don't! God! And you expect me to believe that I can trust you with my heart when I can barely trust you to keep my sister safe!"
"How can you say that to me after all I've done for Dawn?!" he yelled at me.
"You've done nothing for her but endangering her by letting her hang out with you!" I screamed as I answered him. This seemed to finally get him to shut up. He glared at me with an intensity that I had not seen since that time I had threatened Drusilla. It should've frightened me or at least made me take a step back, but I didn't, because if I backed down now I'd never be able to say what I wanted to say next. So I strengthened my resolve and stood straighter to look more dignified and serious, despite my naked appearance, and told Spike what I told Dawn last night. "So that's why I've decided to ban Dawn from seeing you."
"What?!"
"I said I'm banning Dawn from seeing you," I repeated. "And unless I ask you to, you're not allowed to see her either."
"Bloody hell, you can't do that!"
"Yes, I can, Spike, because she's my sister and it's my responsibility to raise her. So if I decide that I don't want her hanging out with you, then you two are no longer allowed to hang out with each other."
"Slayer, you know that I care about the Bit and she's like family to me, she also sees me as her friend, so why the bloody hell would you do that to us?!" I asked. "If this is because you are angry at me for making a big deal out of last night, then I am sorry. I won't mention it again, but don't take this out on my relationship with Dawn!"
"This has nothing to do about what happened between us last night, because I was serious when I said that what happened was a mistake. But the reason for banning you and Dawn from seeing each other is that I want my baby sister to have, as much as possible, a safe and normal life and she can't have that having a vampire for a friend..." I explained to him. "I'm sorry, Spike, but you can't be a part of Dawn's life anymore."
I turned away from him to avoid seeing whatever expression appear on his oddly expressive human face, and slowly walked to the ladder. I paused for a moment and waited for whatever excuse he'd come up with next. But when none came, I climbed up the ladder to the upper levels of the crypt, searched for my clothes, got dressed and left without so much as a goodbye to the vampire below.
TBC
(O.O)