THE RULES:
The Relationship: Cannonish
The Trigger: Lab Scene 2x02
Angry Sex!
I failed miserably on the angry sex rule... Sorry about that *hides in shame*
Thank you Kwills341. Super Beta!
The moment the door closes I let my head fall down to hide my disappointment. From whom, I don't know. I'm alone in my new lab at DYAD, and the only thing left is the smell of Rachel's strong perfume. However, if I close my eyes and search carefully, I can still find Delphine's sent, much less intense but so much more intoxicating to me.
I shouldn't be surprised really, and if I'm true to myself, I'm not. I knew this would happen; her half-hearted agreement when I asked her not to deliver my blood samples to DYAD was all I needed to know she would do the exact opposite. I imagine that was the first thing she did the next morning, when she arrived at the institute.
Damn it, Delphine! I want to trust her so much, to believe every word that comes out of her lips. But every time I think we're making progress, she does something to prove me wrong, testing my ability to remain by her side. How can I do that, though? When every step she gives in the right direction is negated by two steps that only guide her further away from me. When, with every opportunity I give her to prove that she's on my side, she fucks it up!
One of these days she's gonna do something I can't find it in myself to forgive. I'll say something to her that I can't take back, or she will do the same. One day we're gonna wake up to find ourselves hating each other… I just know it! Until that happens we'll keep going behind each others' back and pretend we don't know what's going on.
Fuck! What was I thinking anyway? We started bad; the foundation of our relationship is a fucking lie, there's no way everything else build on top of it can survive. Why do we keep doing this to each other? I don't want that; I don't want to one day wake up and realize I hate her, that I can't look at her face, her beautiful, angelic face and not think about how much she has hurt me. I don't know how much time I have left - weeks, months, years? - but I know this is no way to spend it.
I gather my things to leave; there's no point in staying here. Not yet. When we start to work it will be a different matter, but for now I'm still free to go any time I want and I decide to go out and enjoy my fake freedom while I can. Not only because DYAD will be onto me, but also because I don't really know how much longer I have left until my lungs will no longer allow me to go about my life without concern. I still have no idea how fast this disease will progress, but, at least now, Dr. Leekie seems genuinely invested in keeping me around for the time being. If for nothing else, at least as a case study.
I walk out the door without bothering to say anything to the startled security guard at the entrance. Actually, he seems more scared than startled and I start to wonder if he thinks I'm Rachel with a wig. He has to be, at the very least, confused and maybe that's why he doesn't say anything as I leave the building so early in the afternoon. It makes no difference. That they want to keep me happy seems quite obvious, providing everything I requested. I bet Delphine will even make sure I get a freaking leather couch for my lab. I should've asked a lava lamp as well. Go nuts about it!
The air outside is cold and I shove my hands in coat's pockets, deciding where to go. I don't know much about Toronto and start to walk with no specific destination. When my coat is no longer keeping the cold wind from reaching my bones, I enter a little coffee shop and sit by the window, watching people outside going about their lives, either on a fast pace and a frowned expression or with leisure steps, smiling and talking to whomever is walking with them or on the phone.
"What can I get you?"
A voice pulls me back inside and I turn my head to the waitress. "Uhmm… I don't know." I answer looking up at her. She has short blonde hair with a few deep blue locks, a pierced eyebrow and a pleasant smile. "Maybe something hot."
"Yep, seems like a good idea." Her smile widens. "How 'bout some hot chocolate?"
"That sounds great." I smile back. "Thanks!"
"Hey, no problem." She goes back to the counter and starts to move around it.
I watch her carefully. She's petite in size, not as small as me, but still shorter than most people. She's in loose jeans and sneakers, a black polo shirt with the coffee shop logo on it. As she works, she occasionally looks my way and when she notices I'm staring back she turns her face away, hiding her shy smile.
Ironically, the waitress reminds me a little bit of the Delphine I met in Minneapolis. Playing innocent in all things, dressed in a somewhat youthful outfit. I often wondered if I'd be in this same situation had she not be the one they decided to monitor me. Their intention was obviously to take advantage of my passion for science, not women. Rachel's earlier comment proves they had no idea about my… predisposition for the fairer sex. Most likely Delphine was sent to befriend me and then I threw them a curveball, caught them off-guard and she was forced to adjust to the new circumstances. Had they sent someone else my current situation would, probably, be very different.
"There you go." The waitress, Monica, her name tag informs me, sets a mug of steaming hot chocolate in front of me.
I look up and see the same shy smile on her lips, "Thanks!", I say.
"Is there anything else I can get you?" Monica asks, not bothered to hide her true intentions and interested gaze.
Sometimes I forget that there are still people like that, who truly speak what they're thinking or who are not concerned about being honest about how they feel, people who have no ulterior motives.
"No, I'm good. Thank you." I say with a smile, but I try not to be too nice. I don't want to send her the wrong signals. Last thing I need is to drag someone else to the mess my life has transformed into in such short time.
My phone beeps announcing a text. "Where are you?" I read Delphine's message. God, for a monitor she does such a poor job in knowing where I am. I set the phone face down on the table without answering her and get back to my hot drink, looking outside the window. It doesn't take long for another text to be sent and this time I don't even bother checking what it says.
I take my time, ignoring the constant beeps of my phone, until I can't take it anymore and turn off the sound. When I leave, dropping a bill on the table, I pick up my phone and put it back on my coat pocket, still not checking anything. I wander for at least one more hour, aimlessly; I'm in no hurry to get anywhere in particular and the hot chocolate did its job; I feel the cold wind on my cheeks, turning them red, but it no longer makes me uncomfortable.
The sun is low in the sky, and I can already see the distinct moon's shape high up when I decide to take a cab and return to Fee's loft. It's become my safe place while running away from a situation loaded with complications, only to find myself involved in much murkier waters. The ride lasts for at least twenty minutes, sparking the realization that I've probably walked a lot more than I initially thought. The phone in my pocket buzzes once again. When I take it out and look at it, I'll probably see more than ten texts and a few lost calls.
I climb the stairs to Felix's loft, but stop before the last step. My eyes drop to the woman sat on it, her head down, looking at the screen of the cellphone she's clutching in her graceful hands.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, unable to hide the bitterness in my voice.
Delphine's head snaps up. The whirling thoughts had consumed her and she hadn't noticed my arrival.
"You weren't picking up your phone." She explains with a soft and somewhat weak voice. "I came here to see if you got back, but seems like no one's home."
Her tone sets me off. She's too malleable; too ready to bend to my will. Perhaps that's just the way she is. Maybe Delphine was always like that and I didn't see it, blinded by my own conviction that everything was still under my control. In a way, I was expecting her to be like that, so I could control her, allow her to know only what I wanted her to. The fact that I suspect she knew all along only makes it worse - that she played along passively; let herself be pushed around in any way I wanted. It makes me wonder what else she did without complaining; especially when she was the pawn being played by Leekie or DYAD.
I walk around her to the door without a word.
"C'mon Fee, open up!" I scream, knocking heavily on the door.
"I told you… No one's home." I hear Delphine's voice right behind me.
I turn. "Don't get me wrong, Delphine… But just because they don't open the door for you, it doesn't mean they're not home." And I see it; the bit of annoyance in her slightly squinted eyes, but she will say nothing. She will not upset me; will say nothing I don't want to hear, even if that means she has to flat out lie.
However, it seems she's right, no one's coming to the door and I don't hear any movements inside. I pull out my phone to call Sarah, but notice one of the many texts that I ignored is from Felix and two calls are Sarah's. I open the text: "Had to go for a road trip. Keys are on top of the lamp." I look around me, then up and see what he was talking about. Delphine observes me, curious, but says nothing as I stretch as far as I can to get to the keys. When she realizes what I'm trying to do, she stands and moves to help.
"Merde…" She says quietly and drops the key. "It's hot." Quickly picking it up, she tosses the key between her hands, blowing on it occasionally, she then hands it to me.
I unlock the precarious lock and slide the door open; Delphine following me and I hear the door shut and the screwdriver sliding into place. Immediately I go to the kitchen and take a cup from the cupboard, reaching for the bottle of cheap scotch. I fill the glass generously, not even bothering to dissolve it with some ice. Delphine leans on the big pillar watching me empty the drink in a few swallows and not saying a word. I refill the glass and that's when she moves to take the glass from my hands.
She waits until I look at her to ask. "Cosima, where have you been?" There's some tension in her voice that I know she's trying hard to hide.
"Went for a walk." I answer her simply and reclaim my drink from her easily because she offers no resistance. She never does.
Delphine is finally getting really annoyed with my answers now. "A walk?!"
"Yes, a walk." I say, passing by her. "If you're so interested in knowing where I am all the time, why don't you plant a tracker on me? That would make your job as monitor all that much easier."
"Is everything okay?" She asks, still annoyed but much more preoccupied, as she attempts an approach, her hand already moving up to stroke my cheek.
No, everything is not okay, because you've lied to me... Again. And I know you will again and again, until you've destroyed us, until there's nothing left to salvage, I want to say. Instead, I just move away from her, avoiding her touch, because I know it will make me melt, it always has, since the beginning. "Yeah, why shouldn't it be?"
Delphine stays quiet, looking at me, nibbling her lower lip, like she does when she's considering her next step, delaying. Maybe she is thinking about coming clean about it and telling me that she has once again betrayed my confidence. She even opens her mouth a little, like she will speak, but quickly shuts it and turns around. I watch her going to the kitchen to fill a glass of scotch for herself.
I sit on the couch and take off my phone, texting Sarah and ask her what's the deal with the road trip. When I look away from my phone Delphine is already back in the living room and moving to sit on the couch as well, but she keeps her distance, sitting on the far corner from where I am.
"If there's something bothering you, I want you to tell me, Cosima." She says low, staring at the cup in her hands. "I've told you, I'm on your side now. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, I want you to understand that."
Liar! The word is on the tip of my tongue and yet it doesn't fall from my lips. The only thing I do is look at her, hum and nod, because I know her words are not that far from reality. Because I know that all she has done, in her mind, was for my benefit, to protect me. The only crime she is guilty of is not realizing, that no matter her motivation, her lies cause more pain than what she tries to prevent with them.
I swallow the last of my drink and get up from the couch, but don't get very far. As I pass her, Delphine grabs my wrist, stopping me in front of her. I look down with an inquisitive gaze and spin just enough to face her. Immediately she wraps her arms around my waist and presses her lips to my belly. I know it's her way of saying she's sorry for something that she can never admit aloud.
Even if I tried to resist her I know it would be useless. So much so that my fingers instinctively weave into her curly hair and pull her closer to me. My hands reach the slope of her jaw and I push her head up, lowering myself to plant a soft kiss on her lips.
"Mon amour..."
Her whisper on my lips, my love. She has said it before, always in French and always when we are like this, trailing a path she's still learning. It did show, in the beginning; her tentative hands, her hesitation growing with every article of clothing discarded, the constant search for my eyes as my hands traveled lower along her skin. For what it's worth and despite my harsh words, Delphine never gave up and she has been proven an eager student.
However, today I'm in no mood to be patient with her. Delphine's latest treason still too fresh in my mind. Instead of keeping the usual slow pace, I put my hands on her shoulders and push her against the couch, straddling her, the skirt of my dress coming up with the movement. My kisses quickly become harder, rougher, her head falling back with the force of my mouth on hers. She's obviously caught by surprise, but just when I think she'll pull back to get out from under me, she tightens her embrace and returns my hard kiss with a groan coming deep from her throat.
I press my hips forward and get annoyed when I feel the cold metal of her belt buckle against me as she returns the pressure. With the same speed I moved to subdue her, I move away, standing and pulling her by the back of her neck for her to follow. She does, offering no resistance once again and it only makes me angrier. How many times has she been so compliant, so quick to accept what others put in her way?
I abruptly step away, leaving her standing in the middle of the room and walk to the kitchen, opening the fridge, for no other reason than the fact that I need to do something and the cold that it provides against my skin it will help me. When I close the door and turn around, she's there; her dark gaze on me, her bruised bottom lip trapped by her white teeth. Her hands move to my glasses and she gently removes and sets them on the bar. Whatever she was considering, it's over, and a decision has been made. Her fingers are cold on my neck as she pushes me up, paying me back in the same coin I've given her. Delphine's lips are hard on mine and the hold on my neck is so tight it almost hurts.
My hands go to her belt and I undo it, removing it altogether and let in fall to the floor with a metallic clatter. I tug her white blouse from her jeans and push it up and over her head, not bothering with the buttons, which ends up getting hung at her wrists. Delphine breaks the kiss and steps back, hastily freeing herself of the shirt. I take the time to work the zipper of my dress and pull it down my shoulders, but don't have the opportunity to make it go all the way down, because she's on me again. Delphine's arms wrap around my waist as she pulls our bodies together, her lips claiming mine. Her tongue pushes its way inside my mouth and explores it avidly, her body gaining an energy I've never known before, more determined, more vibrant.
I make quick work of the black bra and palm her breasts, not gently like the few other times, but squeezing them, my thumbs playing with her quickly hardening nipples. She arches her back, moving to my touch and moans deeply. Her hands leave my back and move to my dreads, and with a little tug, urges me to move down. I do it, my lips traveling lower, my teeth leaving little bites along the way, until I reach her pulse point and nip a little harder, being rewarded with a French curse. I move back again, but this time I grasp her hand and maneuver us around the house until we reach the bed and push her down.
Delphine's eyes bore into mine and I don't break the contact, even as I move to take off her long boots and release the button of her jeans, sliding them down her sinfully long legs. I start to wiggle out of my dress and she tries to sit up, hands coming to help. Still, I'm faster and I lose the dress even as I move on top of her, one leg on each side, my mouth attaching to her right nipple, rolling it on my tongue and pulling it with my teeth. Meanwhile my hand slides down her body and slips beneath the black lacy panties, giving her just a light stroke, feeling biting nails on my shoulders, asking me to keep going down. But I stay put, giving a gentle nip on top of her breast and move a finger to her warm entrance, only teasing not really going anywhere.
"Please, Cosima..." Delphine moans, her hands more demanding.
I look at her, reluctantly removing my lips from her breast and sliding up her body. "Tell me what you want me to do?" I ask against her panting lips.
"You know..."
And I do. It's no mystery what she needs when she's moving her hips like she is now and her nails are carving out half-moon shapes on my upper back. I push the finger that was teasing her inside and Delphine throws her head back, shutting her eyes with a scratchy groan.
"Is this what you want?" I ask, my lips soft on her throat.
She doesn't answer, she doesn't need to, Delphine's nails are scratching down my back and she's moving her body with every slow thrust I give. She's so wet, she always is, every time I've touched her, but never like this. I slide a second finger in easily and start to thrust faster, now and then, my palm lightly brushing her nerve center causing her hips to jump upward in a rush.
When I remove my fingers she growls in disappointment, but I quickly move to remove her underwear and slide up to reach her lips, pushing my tongue inside her mouth, which she sucks with eagerness, again and again. My hips move against her, feeling her wetness soaking through the fabric still covering me.
"Fuck, Delphine..." I manage to say between kisses, my labored breathing matching hers.
"I want you to fuck me with your tongue." Delphine says in a voice filled with desire, her accent heavy.
I've tried it before, but she's never allowed me. She was careful not to sound like she was rejecting me, however the few times I've tried to move down her body, I always felt her hands pulling me up, back to her lips. But not now. Now she's pressing on my shoulders, almost forcing me to go down.
I let her hands push me down, placing one hand on each of her inner thighs, spreading her open, our eyes steady on one another and when I have enough room to move, I slide my hands to her hips and pull her closer to me. I kiss her right inner thigh then the left, and watch her biting her lip again, but this time I don't think it's due to any doubts or considerations. Delphine's eyes shut and she bites down her groan, when I roll my tongue between her lower lips, feeling her smooth wetness on the tip of my tongue and pull back, passing it over the roof of my mouth, relishing the experience of a taste that's uniquely her. But a demanding hand moves to the back of my head and drags me down again, meeting her rising hips and I pass my flat tongue gently over her, barely making contact, teasing more than easing her craving. I want her to beg for it. I long to hear her scream my name in a voice thick with need. I don't care to have her with wavering actions, filled with doubts.
I keep her teetering on the edge like that for a while, until she's shuddering in anticipation under my touch. I move my hand from her waist, along Delphine's thigh and reach her soaked heat, two fingers at her entrance and she spreads her legs wider, opening herself to me, but I won't do it. Not yet. I leave the tip of my fingers there, spinning and look up at her, my mouth briefly losing contact. When I'm met with a dark gaze, I smirk. Delphine gives a frustrated snarl and I can see she's close to her limit.
I'm expecting the hand she has on my head to pull me down again, but am surprised and confused to feel my dreads free. Until I see it moving along her own waist and try to replace my lips. Quickly, I grab her arm by the wrist and pin it over her head, moving my body up with the motion.
"Don't even think about it!" My voice's no longer soft, there's a rough edge to it, that manages to surprise even myself.
Delphine widens her stare. "Cosima..." She starts in a too mild tone, a stark contrast with my own.
"Are you gonna beg?" I can't help the mocking inflection.
It happens so fast that I can't react. Delphine releases her wrist from my hold and spins us around. I find myself pined to the mattress, she straddles me, both my hands seized by hers on top of my head. Delphine's eyes become dangerously serious, her expression menacing.
Slowly, she lowers her head, deliberately brushing her lips on mine, her curly hair grazing my cheeks. "Non... But you are."
I don't give credence to her words. The few times she'd gathered the courage to do it, I could see her drown in uncertainty. It was not that it wasn't good or that I didn't come, but she's still too green to make me beg.
I sneer. "Am I?"
Delphine kisses me hard, pressing my head into the pillow as she shoves her tongue inside my mouth, her hips thrusting down against me as I move mine up, matching her urgent need, hooking my legs behind hers. One hand is freed when she moves her lips lower to my neck and squeezes my left breast, moving the fabric of my bra to the side and her mouth starts to explore it. Her tongue spiraling on my nipple and then her full mouth on it, pulling with her teeth.
Meanwhile, her right hand curls around my side, pulling me slightly up the bed, as it travels lower, until it reaches my waist and moves inside my panties, cupping me on the front. This time, she does not seek permission. With her lips still caressing my breast, two fingers glide smoothly down my center, touching everything on their path, and are pushed inside me.
I arch my back, caught off guard by her unexpected daring. "Holy shit!" I moan as I feel her long fingers fill me again and again. My left hand grabs her curls and pulls her to my mouth, where I welcome her with a bite to her bottom lip.
Delphine's thrusts are deep, firm, and steady, so different from the tentative woman from before, and yet somewhere inside me something tells me this is the real Delphine. Confident, with no hesitation; a woman who knows what she wants and is willing to aggressively pursue until she gets it. I wish this was the woman I'd met in the beginning. Perhaps, had she been honest about who she is, we wouldn't have had so many misunderstandings.
She removes her fingers from inside me, gathering the wetness that's dripping on my underwear and I feel them slick their way up, past my clit, and settling just above it, building a pressure that I know my body won't be able to contain for much longer.
"Delphine... Oh my G... Fuck!" I moan loudly, when she moves a finger down to brush the tip of my nub and quickly pushes her fingers back inside me.
"You only have to say it, Cosima." Delphine encourages, curling her fingers inside me every time she thrusts.
I try to free my other hand and she allows it, using her now free arm to support her upper body, using the new position to increase her leverage. Without pause, Delphine begins to fuck me, hard. The palm of her hand rolling on my clit, while her fingers work me like an expert.
"Fuck, you're a fast learner." I say between hungry breaths, because it's true. I can accuse Delphine of a lot of things, but never a lack of interest.
Her fingers are steady thrusting inside me, finding just the right spot and applying just the right pressure, but my clit is not left unattended. Somewhere in the distance of my muddled attention, I hear her say. "Okay... I'll take that."
And I crumble around her fingers, my hands on her back pulling her close to me until I feel Delphine's entire upper body melt into mine. Her fingers remain inside me, moving in a lazy rhythm as I open my eyes and look at her. She seems to be back to the person I know, the sweetness has returned to her gaze, but I'm not ready to let go of this version yet.
I reach lower to bring her hand to my lips, and she watches me closely as I wrap my tongue around her fingers and suck while she licks her lips.
I extend her hand to her lips. "Do you want some?"
She let's me push them inside her mouth a few times and then those same fingers pull me by the neck. "I've told you what I want." And our lips crash in a sloppy kiss.
With a shove I push her down and this time I don't wait. Moving down her body, my hands caressing her sides along the way, I tug her to my mouth and plant a soft kiss on her clit, before I move my lips to cover her. My tongue slides inside and then up, easily finding her button where I give a hard lap. One of her hands is again on the back of my head, making me meet her quivering hips and the other grips my left upper arm, nails digging my skin, pulling me as if it were possible for me to be buried deeper in her.
Two fingers go in, feeling her pulsating walls, tight and warm. My tongue moves lower, licking my fingers and then up, joining them for a few moments inside her to collect some of the abundant wetness and up again. The entire time, her hand is not letting go and when I reach her clit again, the strong hold turns into a firm grip around my dreads.
"Cosima, là... N'arrêstes pas." Delphine is not asking. She is not begging. With her hips propelling forward against my mouth and her hand scratching my scalp, Delphine is demanding.
The tip of my tongue finds the point of her clit and I hold it hard, spiraling roughly and sucking. My fingers curl inside her, thrusting forward, pushing deeper, harsher than I've ever dared before with her. I wonder now if perhaps it was also my fault, for always treat her too gently, too softly. And it's with this thought that I feel her legs clamping around my head, her upper body rushing up from the bed and her right hand joining the other for brief seconds, before she collapses back down.
She still as her eyes closed when I reach her face. "Yeah...?" I ask her lowly.
"Oui..." Delphine answers me, opening her eyes, her stare tender once more.
"I think I would like to see this Delphine more often." I laugh a bit.
Her expression becomes serious. "No... You really wouldn't." She says, holding me tight in her arms.
I still believe one day we will reach our breaking point, but I refuse to think about it tonight. Right now I just want to enjoy the time we have left, before the weird world we live in drive us away from each other.