Patton's Plan
A week after the momentous occasion of their physical joining, LaSalle and Percy were being careful to be undetected, or so they thought. Patton had been watching the two agents closely since they had pulled that mirror twins routine last week.
Patton "Triple P" Plame, notorious computer super genius, loved a challenge. He had a sneaking suspicion that those two were "knocking boots," especially after the blow-back response he'd received when they were working on another case and he had approached and asked if he was interrupting…Man! The simultaneous and extremely forceful, "YES!" from LaSalle and "NO!" from Percy had taken him aback so much his only response had been a stunned, "Ooookkkkaaayyy." Patton was not malicious and definitely had no plans on ratting anyone out, especially not his friends, but he relished the challenge of cracking those two, and his plan was to get them to admit it. Game on!
One night later that week, the team was getting ready to head home from their favorite after work hang-out, Pride's bar, when Patton set his plan in motion. As they were settling their tabs, Patton started peppering Sebastian with questions. "Hey Sebastian, a friend of mine asked me if I thought a single, red-blooded, American male could be just friends with an equally single, beautiful, hot-blooded, American female. My answer was I don't think so because something would happen to change the dynamic; an innocent hug that is held a little too long, an accidental touching of hands, maybe simply a deep meaningful look into each other's eyes over a shared joke that is suddenly anything but funny. What do the stats say Sebastian?"
That was all that was needed to send Sebastian, the other resident genius and conspiracy theorist and possibly the only other person in the whole world that loved a challenge maybe even more than Patton himself, down the rabbit hole of theory and conjecture. His rant lasted a good 20 minutes during which time Patton watched LaSalle and Percy out of the corner of his eye. Oh man, this was working better than he planned! They looked sooo uncomfortable, LaSalle kept fidgeting like he couldn't find a good spot on his chair and Percy looked like she was going a little green around the gills. So, of course, when Sebastian came up for air, Patton's next question was, "What do you guys think?"
If looks could kill, he'd be lying dead on the floor. It was all he could do not to burst out laughing. As it was, it took all his concentration to not even crack a smile. They both started talking over each other, "yeah, people can be just friends…it's 2016…people can control themselves…we're not wild animals." At that point Percy released a wide yawn saying, "Wow, look at the time, I've gotta run, gotta be up early for work. See you guys tomorrow. LaSalle piped up, "Yeah me too, nite fellas. Percy I'll walk you to your car."
Once Chris had Sonja in her car, they drove to her house where he parked his truck around back and met her on the front porch. Sonja looked at him and said, "Shit Chris! Do you think they know?" LaSalle shook his head, "How could they? Percy, we've been careful, nobody knows anything." He reached out and drew her toward him, "come here baby." "Baby?" Sonja cocked her head to the left and raised one eyebrow. "Yes, Baby, or do you prefer Sweetheart, maybe Snuggle-bunny? Personally I prefer Sweet Cheeks, and I ain't talking about the ones on yo face, tho they're nice too." Sonja's jaw dropped as she exclaimed in a breathless rush, "Christopher!" LaSalle leaned down and said softly, "Yes Baby, I wanna hear you say my name just like that, over and over again." He grinned at her shocked expression, swooped her up and carried her into the house to engage in a serious round of name calling.
The next day at work, the two agents were alone in the squad room as Pride had been called away for a meeting with the Mayor. They went into the kitchen to get coffee, Chris was trailing and as he passed the kitchen door he looked back to sweep the rest of the office to make sure the coast was still clear. He went to Sonja, grabbed her around the waist and walked her backward into a corner against the wall. He faced her, covering her completely and bent down to nuzzle her neck. Sonja whispered, "What are you doing?" We agreed no PDA in public or the office!" Chris replied, "Well, I just checked and no one else is here, but ok." He started to back away when Sonja grabbed him by the belt loop and pulled him back against her, "Ok, just this one time she breathed as he lowered his lips to hers. The kiss quickly turned hot as their tongues warred and Sonja seriously thought about climbing Chris, in fact had started to wrap her leg around his when they heard the roll up door announce Patton's arrival. They broke apart breathing hard. Chris replied, "Damn Woman! Ok, I hear ya, no PDA with you, we'll be indecent before we realize it… whew I need a cold shower!" Sonja said Shhhh! Straighten up your clothes and hurry up! I'll bring you a cup of coffee to your desk, MOVE! Chris grinned and tossed over his shoulder, "I love it when you're forceful," as he made his way, rather stiffly to his desk.
Patton rolled in yelling, "Hey, good morning, is anybody here?" LaSalle answered from his desk, "Yeah man, we're in here." As Patton wheeled his way into the squad room Percy was coming out of the kitchen carrying two mugs of coffee. He looked at both of them and asked, "Are you two ok?" They paused and blinked at him. It was Percy that answered, "Yeah, why?" "Well you both look kind of flushed like you might be running a fever, is something going around?" Patton asked innocently. LaSalle and Percy looked at each other slightly stunned then LaSalle said, "Naw man, we're good but don't you think it's hot in here? We might need to crank the air down a little." Patton thought about it, "Now that you mention it, it is rather warm in here. I'll get that thermostat, by the way, how's the coffee, is it good and hot?" He grinned as the turned away to go adjust the thermostat. Percy stuttered out, "Umm yeah, the coffee's hot and fresh, I just made it. Would you like me to bring you a cup?" Patton called back, "Yes please and thank you."
About 30 minutes later they all met in the kitchen for their second cup of coffee and Patton decided to bring his little game to a head. After all, he had only wanted to make them a little uncomfortable not neurotic. So, as they were sipping their coffee he said, "I want to ask you guys something. I know it' none of my business but I'm gonna ask it anyway… Are you two boning, knocking boots, bumping uglies, gettin busy?" Both LaSalle and Percy just stared at him with their mouths hanging open. LaSalle recovered first and exclaimed, "Patton, naw man! This is my partner and you know I care about her, hell I'd give my life for her, we would for each other, but why would you come at us like that?" Patton just held up his hands and replied, "Hey man, if you guys are, it's ok, I'm really happy for you, you're two of my favorite people and you both deserve to be happy. I was just curious, you know I would never tell anyone." Percy, having recovered somewhat asked, "Patton, what would make you ask that though?"
"Well" Patton began, "I don't know if you know, but I've been working on some new toys for you guys to use in the field. Percy narrowed her eyes and asked suspiciously, "what kind of toys?" Patton cleared his throat and answered haltingly, "Oh, surveillance toys, tiny cameras attached to "no-see-um" nano-drones. You can send them ahead of you around corners, into blind alleys and back rooms, stuff like that. They allow you to see everything, scope out the situation without being detected. They will be excellent for your safety." LaSalle nodded and said, "Cool."
Patton again cleared his throat, "Yeah, well, I was testing the drones and I have one set to each of your personal body signatures. When you came in this morning the drones detached from their docks and have been hovering in the air space above you. When I got here I called them back to dock and download. Imagine my surprise when I saw you two almost burn the kitchen down without even touching the stove. I almost needed a cold shower."
LaSalle couldn't help it, he snorted with laughter while Percy gave him the evil eye, exclaiming, "Chris this is not funny! Patton I promise if you tell anyone I will personally make your life a living hell! You know that cute chick Monica you wanted Pride to hire at the bar?" Patton perked up, "Yeah, she was super-hot and I still think Pride should have hired her instead of Buckley." Sonja smirked, "I know you do. I also know that Miss Monica doesn't know about Angela, Tina Pamela, Renee or Becky does she?" It was Patton's turn to gasp like a fish out of water, finally getting out, "You wouldn't!" Sonja smiled evilly, "try me." Patton just shook his head, "Percy that's cold!" LaSalle just grinned, "That's my girl. See Patton good ole detective work will never be replaced by electronic gadgets, so Roll Tide!" The partners hi-fived each other loudly.
Patton smile and said, "See, now there's the dynamic duo I've been missing. This is how you guys keep people from finding out, just be yourselves around each other. Don't be all stiff and weird, that's a dead give-away that something's up. Also, you might wanna be careful about PDA cause seriously… a few more minutes and y'all woulda been butt naked and getting freaky up in here." Since they didn't have to hide any more, at least not in front of Patton, LaSalle gave Percy a look like he was imagining just that scenario as he licked his lips and waggled his eyebrows. Sonja flashed him a slow sexy smile and Patton exclaimed loudly, "Oh Lord, help us all!" The three burst into fits of laughter as Pride walked in and asked, "What did I miss?" Which caused them to laugh even harder.