Upon the grass stood a guy who was blue and also a hedgehog. His name was some kind of bunch of letters with an S and an O and an N and an I and a C. Those letters spelled Sonic. That was his name. Also he was a hedgehog and blue and he was standing on grass.

But anyway, this guy's name was Sonic, and he liked running. So he ran constantly. But that took up a lot of energy, so he also drank coffee constantly. That resulted in him having a lot of energy and also an addiction to coffee. Also he had to pee a lot. This annoyed the friend guy who was currently with him currently, this fox guy named Tails who can fly and stuff because he has two tails and a weird spine that can somehow support functional helicopter tails, because he had to keep running to the bathroom every twenty minutes while he was trying to tell stories about all the stuff he did while high. Tails took a lot of shrooms and LSD you see, so he always had a lot of weird stories about what happens when he's all high and stuff.

Anyway, Sonic and Tails were sitting around in the grass outside somewhere and talking about stuff. Then this guy showed up. He was like Sonic except also like some kind of shitty Sonic recolor OC you might see a lot of on DeviantArt, who'd also probably be shipped with every female character possible. And possibly some of the mail ones, depending on whether or not the person who made the OC is into mail delivery people.

"Wow, whose OC are you and how did you escape DeviantArt?" Sonic said very quickly because he does a lot of things quickly, including saying things.

The Sonic recolor guy glared and stuff. "I'm not an OC! I'm canon, bitch!"

"Yeah right man, you're as canon as I am not high right now," said Tails as he stared somewhere off to the right of the recolor.

"So who are you anyway?" Sonic questionated.

"I'm Shadow, the ultimate dark and edgy thing! OF ULTIMATE DARKNESS AND EDGINESS!"

"Huh," replied Sonic. "You're sure you're not an OC?"

"Hmmph, no OC could be as edgy as I am!"

Sonic stared and stuff. "Sure."

Tails looked at Shadow for a moment before saying a thing. "I don't know dude, I feel like we should be worried 'bout stuff. He's all dark and red, like some kind of bad guy or something."

"Are you suggesting that I am the antichrist? Because I'm not!" antichristed Shadow in a way that was completely not suspicious. "I AM NOT THE SON OF SATAN! DO NOT BELIEVE THE LIES PEOPLE SPREAD!"

Sonic shrugged. "Alright then. Hey, want to join us?"

"Sure." Shadow stood there and for a moment there was silence. Shadow then broke that moment with more words. "I am definitely not secretly working for my father to murder you for some reason. And he is definitely not Satan. I am very trustworthy!"

"So what do you want to do today?" Sonic asked while running in place. He had been running in place the entire time by the way.

"Why don't we go to some isolated area where people never go and no one would ever find a body?" suggestified Shadow. "It will be be FUN!"

"Good idea!" Sonic screamed loudly while running in circles around the unicorn. The unicorn then ran off. No one questioned why a unicorn was just suddenly there before not being there.

"I don't know about this, bro," Tails began, "isolated areas are kinda isolated, and it could be hard to get medical attention if some kinda accident happened."

"Or if something intentionally happened!" Shadow declared excitedly. "Not that anything will happen. Nothing bad will happen. Do not act on any safety concerns."

"Don't be so worried. Ooh, why don't we go to that isolated, hard to find cave that people often hide bodies in?"

Shadow nodded with enthusiasm and also his head. "Yes! I agree with this idea!"

So they began to go off and find the isolated, hard to find cave that people often hide bodies in. And then this one guy showed up. He was red and also had one of those weird penises that echidnas have.

"Hey! I'm Knuckles! They call me that because I have knuckles," proclaimed the red guy with the weird echidna penis. "They also call me Abdomen, because I have an abdomen. Same with Wrists. And Feet. And also Vertebrae, and Teeth, and Testicles... I go by a lot of names."

"Knuckles, why are you introducing yourself?" asked Sonic. "We already know you. We're friends or whatever."

"Oh yeah." Knuckles then noticed Shadow. "Wow, I have no idea who you are!"

"The name's Shadow. And it'll be THE LAST NAME YOU'LL EVER SEE!" screamed Shadow in a very loud voice. "I am not a threat to your life," he then added.

"Oh!" Sonic suddenly oh!ed, "Wanna come to the isolated cave where people hide bodies, Knuckles?"

"An isolated cave where people hide bodies? And we're going there with some random guy we just met?"

"Yep!" Sonic replied while his head violently nodded. "So, wanna come?"

Knuckles thought about it for a few seconds before replying. "FUCK YEAH!"

And then they continued on their journey to the isolated cave where people hide bodies.

And then this one girl with a hammer showed up. And she immediately wanted to have sex with Shadow, because the only purpose of females in fiction is to have sex with the male characters, especially the self inserts. Shadow wasn't actually a self insert, but he looks like he could be one, and he just suddenly showed up and was with her canon friend people like self inserts often do, so her tiny female brain full of tiny female thoughts centered around pleasuring males couldn't tell the difference. Also her name was Amy. That's probably a detail.

They were getting quite close to the isolated cave where people hide bodies. Shadow was excited.

"This will be great! And there will be plenty of bodies to necrophiliate too!" he declared.

And then they were right at the place with the isolated cave where people hide bodies. They were about to enter, but then a guy showed up.

"AH HA HA HA HA HA!" said the guy. He was laughing.

"Oh shit dude!" Tails declared, "It's Robotguy!"

Everyone was surprised and stuff by Robotguy's sudden appearance.

"Pfff, who's this clown?" Shadow questioned.

"Oh sure, you may not know who I am now," Robotguy began annoyedly, "but when I put all those years of clown college to use, you'll see! YOU'LL ALL SEE! HA HA HA HAAAA!"

"Oh yeah?" Shadow said while grabbing a thing. "Well, you know what you'll be seeing?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?" hmmmmed Robotguy.

"A BULLET! FLYING TOWARDS YOUR HEAD! AND IT'LL BE FROM MY GUN, BITCH!" Shadow then pointed a gun at Robotguy and shot him in the head. He died.

Everyone was very surprised at this.

"Shadow, what the fuck?" screamed Sonic calmly and in a panicked voice.

"What?" Shadow asked in a voice that suggested he had no idea why people were reacting to him committing a murder like that.

Sonic stared and stuff. "You just shot him!"

"Yeah," Shadow said proudly. "That was great!"

Sonic just stood there. Everyone else also stood there too. Amy was the first to do anything after that.

"Oh no!" she screamed. "The guy I want to fuck just killed a guy! That's so hot but also kind of rude! I'm so conflicted! MY TINY BOOBGINA BRAIN CAN'T HANDLE CONFLICTIONS!"

And then her head exploded. She was dead. It was sad. They then proceeded to have a funeral for her. After it was over they remembered that they were supposed to be going to the isolated cave where people hide bodies. So they went back there and finally entered the cave.

"Well, we're finally here!" Sonic declared.

"Why did we decide to go here anyway?" asked Knuckles.

Sonic thought for a moment. "I have no idea."

"Sonic, I must confess a thing," Shadow began to say via his mouth.

"What?" Sonic replied.

"I'm... YOUR BROTHER!"

"WHAT!" Sonic screamed loudly in a soft, quiet, whispery voice.

"GASP!" gasped Knuckles dramatically.

"NO WAAAAAAY!" Tails said all stuffishly and stuff.

"IT IS TRUE!" Shadow yelled. "OUR MOTHER AND MY FATHER HAD A CHILD! SHE LEFT THE CHILD WITH HIM AFTER HE WAS BORN! I WAS THE CHILD!"

"WHAT?" Sonic yelled. "BUT WHO IS YOUR FATHER?"

"HE IS... SATAN!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Sonic with horror and stuff. "YOU'RE THE ANTICHRIST!"

"I AM!" Shadow declared. "AND NOW WE MUST BATTLE!"

And thus, they began preparing to battle.

"How could you, Shadow?" Sonic questioned with sadness and horror. "I thought we were friends! And also apparently half-brothers!"

"That was A LIE!" Shadow proclaimed. "The friend part. Not the brother part. We really are half-brothers. BUT WE WON'T BE SOON! BECAUSE YOU WILL BE DEAD!"

"ONE OF US BEING DEAD DOESN'T CHANGE OUR BEING-HALF-BROTHERSNESS!" Sonic screamed. "IT ONLY INCREASES OUR DEADNESS!"

"WELL YOUR DEADNESS WILL BE MAXIMIZED!" Shadow declared with a laugh ringing with edginess.

"NOT IF I WIN!" Sonic proclaimed.

Shadow laughed again. "YOU WON'T WIN, FOR LOSING IS INEVITABLE!"

"FOR YOU IT IS!" retorted Sonic.

"NO, FOR YOU!" Shadow bageled edgily. "AND AFTER I FINISH OFF YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS, I WILL SET OUT TO ACHIEVE MY LIFELONG DREAM OF MURDERING THE PRESIDENT!"

"SHADOW, NO!"

"SHADOW YES!"

Sonic glared determinededededededededededededededly for a moment. "Enough talk... LET'S FIGHT!"

"I AGREE WITH THAT IDEA!" Shadow yelled.

"THIS BATTLE WAS YOUR IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"THEN I AGREE WITH MYSELF!"

"OF COURSE YOU WOULD!"

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"IT MEANS THAT YOU AGREEING WITH YOURSELF MAKES SENSE!"

"Oh. Well... YOU WOULD AGREE WITH YOURSELF TOO!"

"PROBABLY!"

"I BET YOU AGREE WITH YOURSELF AS MUCH AS YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE!"

Then Tails intervened. "So are you dudes gonna fight or what?"

"That's about to happen! RIGHT NOW!" Shadow yelled in a voice as metaphorically dripping with darkness and edginess as always.

"OOOOR..." Sonic began dramatically, "WE COULD BE FRIENDS!"

"WHAT. WHY WOULD I BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?"

"BECAUSE FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!" Sonic said.

"OKAY!"

And then they were friends. Shadow stopped trying to murder Sonic and his friend people and stuff. Also no one cared that Shadow was the antichrist. And they had to do less stuff now that Robotguy was dead or something.

The end.