Nothing was truly real. Reality was a complex lie. Time was meaningless. The taste of cake was an illusion. Everything was just a falsehood crafted by beings no one could comprehend, for purposes no one would ever know.

But who even cares about all that. What matters here is that one bunch of people. That bunch. With the people. But not that bunch. This is a different bunch. And two of that bunch were currently sitting around their house. They were watching a movie about a snakes and alligators. It was called Mega Python vs. Gatoroid.

"Dude, this is the most boring porn I've ever seen," said Tails as he masturbated kind of boredly. This wasn't Tails though. This was Tails. Completely different from Tails.

Sonic stared at him. "...Tails, this isn't porn." Also this Sonic was also not actually Sonic. This was actually Armwraps McPuberty, also known as Sonic.

"Then why am I jacking off to it?" argued Tails as he continued to milk his cow. He then took the cow back outside and went back to masturbating.

Sonic then sighed and started focusing on the movie again.

And then someone burst in. She was like some kind of badger or something like that. Unless she was actually some kind of alien from some kind of elsewhere sent to Earth for mysterious purposes of mysterious mysteriousness. But that seemed extremely unlikely.

"FELLOW BEINGS OF THIS PLANET, OF WHICH I AM ALSO FROM! I HAVE MADE A DISCOVERY!" she exclaimed with the loudness of someone who was rather loud and also probably not an alien.

There was a sigh that happened out of Sonic's mouth. Words immediately followed. "What is it this time?"

"THIS!" declared Sticks as she held out a rake dramatically. "WHAT IS THIS ABSURD EARTH DEVICE?"

"That's a rake, dude," Tails said while casually continuing to masturbate. "You use it to rake leaves or something."

"Ohhh..." she said less loudly and more in response before looking down at the rake. "FASCINATING! I, A NORMAL CITIZEN OF THIS PLANET, AM GREATLY FASCINATED BY YOUR SIMPLE EARTH TECHNOLOGY!"

"...sure," said Sonic after a brief moment of silence. "So do you want to watch a movie with us or something?"

"Your Earth entertainment videos amuse me. I ENJOY AMUSEMENT!" Sticks then sat down on the couch next to Sonic and Tails and began watching the movie.

It was at that moment that the TV exploded.

"Goddamnit..." Sonic's hand was now pressing up against his face in a frustrated way. "This is the tenth time this month! What the fuck is wrong with our TVs?"

"I SUSPECT GOVERNMENT SABOTAGE!" yelled Sticks as she clenched her fists with anger. "THEY ARE SUSPICIOUS OF ME! THEY ARE SUSPICIOUS OF MY NORMALNESS! I AM NOT FROM ANOTHER WORLD, GOVERNMENT!"

"The government's here?" Tails was now very concerned. "Fuck, they might find my weed garden!"

"Then maybe you should stop growing weed in my house!" Sonic responded with annoyance.

"Dude, this is my house too," applianced Tails.

Sonic looked at Tails in a way that was angry. "Yes, and if you get caught, then I could get arrested too! I don't want to end up in jail just because you won't quit pot!"

"Man, you need to calm down." Tails then gestured towards his garden. "You should smoke some of this to relax or whatever."

Sonic continued to silently angerize at Tails. The silence suddenly was a lot less silent. "TAILS THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DO NOT-" He then stopped and sighed. "You know what? I'm just going to go buy a new TV. Maybe this one won't blow up."

"REPLACING IT IS FUTILE!" screamed Sticks as he walked out the door. "THIS PLANET'S GOVERNMENT WILL CONTINUE THEIR SABOTAGE OF YOUR EARTH ENTERTAINMENT DEVICES UNTIL THEY ARE STOPPED!"

Sonic was looking at TVs to buy in the TV store. There were no TVs. The store was empty. The store was heavily damaged. The store had burned down yesterday. The store was closed. Why was he in the TV store when it was closed and had been burned down.

"For the love of..." It was at that point that Sonic noticed that Knuckles was also in the destroyed remains of the TV store. Not the Knuckles you're thinking of though. This is another Knuckles. The Knuckles with the largerness and the lack of inexplicable gliding abilities.

Knuckles also noticed Sonic's being-thereness. "Oh, hey Sonic! Are you here to take the broken lightbulbs too?"

"...no?" Sonic replied questioningly. "Why the fuck do you even want broken lightbulbs anyway?"

"So I can use them. Why would I want lightbulbs that aren't broken?" And then Knuckles left while carrying a bunch of broken lightbulbs and bits of glass in his arms, which were currently bleeding due to the broken glass painfully lodging itself into his flesh.

Sonic sighed as he left the building. "Well that didn't help."

And then Amy showed up. But once again, this wasn't Amy. This was Amy. Just like the others, she was a completely different yet still not that different Amy.

"Oh, hey Amy," he greeted greetingly. "Hey, do you happen to have any spare TVs lying around?"

"Nope, but I do have some extra vibrators lying around! They're used, but still in great condition!" she declared happily. "Oooh, and I have one with me right now, too!" Amy then pulled out a vibrator that was still on and held it out. "Here you go!"

Sonic just stared a surprised stare at the vibrating vibrator in Amy's hands. "...where did you pull that out of?"

"My vagina!" she happily proclaimed.

"Yeah... that's not what I need," Sonic said in a voice that suggested a bit of weirded-outness. "Why do you even have that? Aren't you twelve or something?"

"You can never be too young to shove things up your vagina!" Amy said as she put the vibrator back.

"...yeah, I'm just gonna... get back to finding a TV." And then Sonic whooshed off all weirded-outly and stuff.

Every single TV in the entire town place had exploded. And thus, Sonic could not find one that hadn't exploded. But it was okay because he had Netflix and he could watch stuff on a computer with that. And that was what was what was what was what was what was what was what was what was what was what was what he dididiiididdiddddidddddiDIDIDIDD.

"Dude!" yelled the sudden voice of Tails as the sudden mass of Tails' bones and flesh entered the room. "I've been looking at all our broken TVs, and they're like, full of spiders."

"What?" whated Sonic, for this was surprising.

Tails nodded noddingly. "Yeah man, there's just a shitload of dead spiders in them."

Sonic made a facial expression that would suggest confusion. "Why the fuck are spiders blowing up our TVs?"

"I THEORIZE THAT THEY ARE EXPERIMENTAL GOVERNMENT SPIDERS!" Sticks suddenly yelled, for she hadn't left while Sonic was away. "THEY ARE CREATING THEM TO WEAKEN OUR DEFENSES AND CAPTURE ME!"

Sonic sighed. "Sure. Anywa-"

"VIVISECTION WILL FIND NOTHING, GOVERMENT! MY ORGANS ARE THOSE OF A NORMAL RESIDENT OF THIS WORLD! I AM HIDING NOTHING!" interrupted Sticks as her hands aggressively clenched into fists so hard that they looped around into not being clenched into fists.

"Anyway," Sonic rebegan to say, "...fuck, I forgot to think of something to say after that anyway."

It was at that moment that an exploded TV happened through the wall and at the floor. And then it exploded again.

"HAHAHAAAAAAA!" laughed a laugh that was louder than it would have been if there wasn't a hole in the wall, since the laugh came from outside and stuff. "NOW IS THE TIME... FOR KILLING YOU!"

Yet again there was a sigh crawling out of Sonic's face. "...goddamnit, not again."

Robotguy continued to laugh until he stopped laughing. "YOU DESTROYED MY TV WITH YOUR SPIDERS! SO NOW I WILL DESTROY YOUR TV! AND THEN KILL YOU! WITH ROBOTS!"

"Spiders broke our TV too, bro," Tails detailed with explantioningy words that were similar to swords. They weren't actually similar to swords though.

"Oh." Robotguy was disappointed. "WELL, EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T DESTROY MY TV, I WILL STILL DESTROY YOU! WITH ROBOTS!" And then there were a bunch of the robots that always show up and try to murder everyone. Completely lacking in any upgrades or modifications or anything different from the ones that were previously destroyed. It was absolutely terrifying for the protagonist people except for the part where they immediately murdered the fuck out of the robots.

"...FUCK! WHY DO MY ROBOTS NEVER KILL YOU?" yelled Robotguy upsetly.

"Maybe it's because they all suck and you never upgrade them?" suggested Sonic boredly.

"HAA!" Robotguy haa!ed. "I MAY NOT HAVE UPGRADED THOSE, BUT I HAVE UPGRADED THIS!" And then a robot showed up. It was all big and dangerous looking and they had probably already destroyed it over and over again a bunch.

"Oh shit!" declared Tails in horror.

"YOUR UPGRADES DO NOT BRING ME FEAR!" screamed Sticks dramatically. "I HAVE BATTLED BEINGS FROM WORLDS OF EXTREME DANGEROUSNESS! FROM REALITIES THAT WOULD BRING FORTH MADNESS INTO THE MINDS OF THOSE FROM THIS ONE! I HAVE DEFEATED THEM ALL! ...I AM A PERFECTLY NORMAL RESIDENT OF THIS WORLD!"

Sonic was actually a little concerned about this. But then he stopped being particularly concerned. "Well... honestly we'll probably still beat it. I mean, we're the protagonists, so..."

"OH REALLY?" Robotguy then laughed again. "YOU REALLY THINK YOUR PROTAGONISTNESS CAN OUT-DESTROY... THIS SWEET-AS-FUCK PAINT JOB?"

Everyone then noticed that that robot's paint job looked really nice. And the paint was higher quality too.

Sonic's face was now smushed against both his hands very smushedly. "...you upgraded the paint. Not the weapons. Not the defenses. The paint."

Robotguy nodded. "Yes. Yes I did. AND THIS UPGRADE IS THE UPGRADE THAT WILL SURELY BRING FORTH YOUR DEATH!"

"HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK?" Sonic screamed due to the terrifyingness of how well painted the robot was.

Tails shrugged. "I don't know dude, but that is a fucking sweet paint job."

"I HAVE SEEN WORLDS WHERE BEINGS PAINT TO THE DEATH!" Sticks loudly stated. "I HAVE SEEN MANY PAINT JOBS BETTER THAN THIS!"

"Hey guys!" said a voice all suddenly. Knuckles was there and Amy was also with him. Tiny little blood-covered bits of lightbulb were falling out of Knuckles' ass. "Do you have any band-aids?"

Amy then noticed the robot. "Oh wow, that robot looks really well painted! I would definitely fuck that robot!"

"Huh, that is a nice paint job." It then occurred to Knuckles that that was a robot and how Robotguy was also there and stuff. "Oh, Robotguy's here?"

"YES I AM!" answered Robotguy, "AND NOW... YOU WILL DIE!" The robot then began to move.

"Oh, so we're finally actually fighting it now?" said Sonic, who was rather bored and stuff.

And thus began the fancy battle between the bunch of people covered in sports tape and the giant robot.

It was very short because the giant robot died rather quickly.

"Wow, we killed that robot so hard it didn't even do anything!" Knuckles proclaimed excitedly.

"Well fuck!" yelled Robotguy in frustration. "Maybe I should have spent some of the budget on fixing its weapons instead of just the paint..."

Sonic stared at him in the way that would suggest why. "...you didn't even give it working weapons? You just sent it out here and expected it to kill us with nothing but a really nice paint job?"

Robotguy glared with anger and not happiness. "IT MADE SENSE IN THEORY!"

"Dude, if it's any consolation, that robot looked real nice," Tails said sympathetically.

"Yeah, if that robot wasn't broken, I'd be having sex with it right now!" Amy said all happily and stuff while Sonic glanced his eyes in her direction all weirded-outly.

"Robots you can fuck..." Robotguy thought about this idea for a moment. "Yes... YES! THAT IS WHAT MY ROBOTS ARE MISSING! THAT WILL BE THE UPGRADE THAT WILL BRING FORTH YOUR DEATH! AND I WON'T NEED TO PAY FOR PROSTITUTES NOW EITHER!" And then he left so he could start shoving fully functional genitals on his robots.

And then the five kind of just stood there just outside Sonic and Tails' house in the middle of a bunch of pieces of broken robots. And man, some of those pieces were really well painted.

"Well that resolved nothing," commented Sonic after a few seconds of silence.

Sticks nodded with fury in response. "THE GOVERNMENT'S EXPERIMENTAL SPIDER RESEARCH HAS NOT YET BEEN STOPPED!"

"GASP!" gasped Knuckles gaspingly, "THE GOVERNMENT IS RESEARCHING SPIDERS?"

"YES!" she confirmed. "AND THEY ARE USING THAT RESEARCH TO DESTROY THE ENTERTAINMENT MACHINES OF THIS PLANET!"

Knuckles was immediately horrified. "NOOOOOO! NOT OUR ENTERTAINMENT MACHINES!"

"Dude, we gotta stop them!" declared Tails, for he was also horrified even though he was there when Sticks yelled that stuff earlier.

"Heh heh heeeeeeeeeeh..." hehed a mysterious voice hidden in the jungley area nearby. "That... will never happen! Heh heh heh!"

"Oh shit, who is that guy?" questioned Tails questioningly.

The mystery voice person continued to laugh. "I am the one... WHO LEADS THE SPIDERS!"

"Okay who the fuck even are you?" Sonic also asked, for he wanted to know the answer to the question that he asked, which was the entire point of the question being asked.

"I have lived in my cave for years, consuming the spiders... and eventually THEY CONSUMED ME!" the voice then laughed again. "I am the master of the spiders... I am the bringer of spiders, ellipses, and statistical errors... I am... SPIDERS GEORG!"

"GASP!" Knuckles gasped in terror.

"OH SHIT!" yelled Tails as fear filled his flesh.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Amy. Man, this is like the first time Amy's been a part of any of the surprised yelling.

"...oh." Sticks was just kind of relieved. "WELL, CLEARLY THE GOVERNMENT IS STILL UNAWARE OF HOW VERY NORMAL I AM! THIS IS GOOD!"

Sonic once again kind of just stared confusedly for a moment. "...what."

"Heh heh heh..." Spiders Georg continued to laugh as he walked out of the hiddenness of the jungley stuff and into the less hiddenness. "No one ever survives an encounter with me... and neither will you! HEH HEEEH HEEEEEHEH!"

Sonic then whooshed at him. There was a scream and stuff.

"AAAAHGHGHSBHJSSAAAAAHGGGGGGGGG!" screamed Spiders Georg. "BEING ATTACKED! MY ONE WEAKNESS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And then Spiders Georg was immediately not alive. The spiders were surprised.

"You have killed our leader," the spiders stated in a monotone voice of spiderness, "you have claimed the title... of The King of Spiders!"

"Wait what?" Sonic asked in worriedness. "Yeah, no, I'd really rather no-OH GOD..." The spiders then started crawling all over him. And inside him. And inside all his internal organs. He could feel every spider crawling all over everywhere on him and in him and it was extremely weird and unpleasant.

"Dude, you're the king of spiders now?" said Tails all excitedly. "That is fucking sweet, man!"

Sonic said absolutely nothing in response because man, he was not having a particularly fun time.

And so the TVs stopped exploding and everyone went on with their lives. Except Sonic was still stuck with being the king of spiders and was really hard to go on with your life as normal when there are thousands of spiders covering every surface of your body. And thus, things kind of really sucked for him at the moment.

The end.