It was a typical day at the Addams mansion. Most of the family members were off doing their own thing in different parts of the house. Wednesday and Pugsley for example were playing hangman with their baby brother, Pubert, in the playroom, Grandmama was in the dungeon mopping the walls, and Gomez and Morticia were relaxing in the conservatory, Morticia pruning the heads off her roses while Gomez stood on his head with a cigar in his mouth.
Suddenly a loud slide whistle sound could be heard somewhere in the house.
"Mail's in," Morticial said, casually.
Almost immediately after she said that a human hand popped out of a nearby flower pot and handed her several envelopes.
"Thank you, Thing," she said, taking the mail. She began to sift through it.
"Gomez, look at this here," she said, gracefully gliding over to him. "It's a letter from your cousins down in Texas."
"Ah, the Firefly branch of the family. I haven't heard from them in ages!" Said Gomez, yanking the cigar out of his mouth. He jumped up and took the envelope from his wife, giving her a kiss on the neck in return.
After tearing into it and pulling out a single piece of paper he ran his eyes over the letter quickly. Too quickly.
"Bonne nouvelle!" He shouted. "It says they are coming for a visit in two days, cara mia."
"Wonderful," said Morticia. "We shall have to prepare." She reached to her left and pulled a long velvet rope that activated a gong so loud it shook the whole house. From out of nowhere the Addams butler, Lurch, appeared.
"You rang," he croaked.
"Lurch, we're having visitors soon. Please make up the guest room."
Lurch nodded and started to walk away.
"Oh, and Lurch," said Morticia, causing the butler to turn.
"Put the good bear traps in there."
Lurch groaned affirmatively and left the room.
"I haven't seen old Captain Spaulding in a crow's age," Gomez said to Morticia while rereading the letter and smiling maniacally.
"It has been quite a while," agreed Morticia.
"They were always the wildest branch of the family," Gomez continued. "A bit crude, it's true, but a hell of a lot of fun at family reunions."
Gomez suddenly noticed something odd on the letter towards the bottom, a reddish-brown stain on the corner of the paper.
"What's this, dear?" he asked Morticia, handing her the letter and pointing. "Blood?"
Morticia took it and calmly held it up to her nose. "Barbecue sauce," she said, confidently.
"I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up," said Gomez.
To Be Continued