Two days later and the Fireflies arrived just as promised. Gomez and Morticia were in the parlor when they heard them coming all the way from the house's main gate, which opened up for the Firefly's truck all by itself.
Captain Spaulding, a big, beefy man in a garish silk shirt who had greasy clown makeup all over his bearded face and bald head, was driving the old beaten up brown vehicle, while Mama Firefly, an older woman with big bleach blonde hair and way too much rouge on, sat in the passenger seat smiling like a moron with her cigarette stained teeth. The rest of the clan was in the truck's bed. There was Baby Firefly, a beautiful, if slutty-looking, blonde girl with long curly hair wearing tight clothing and a cowboy hat, Grampa, who looked like an old west prospector with a spit curl of white hair in the middle of his forehead, and Tiny, who, to spite his name, was anything but.
All of them were whooping and singing some hillbilly song as they made their way towards the Addams house leaving behind a cloud of dust in their wake.
Gomez and Morticia watched from the parlor window with pensive expressions. They loved all their relatives dearly, but sometimes the country cousins could be a bit taxing and they still weren't sure how long they intended to stay. They could already see from this distance that tied to the roof of the truck was about two or three suitcases and a trunk.
"Ah, good old Captain Spaulding, one of my favorite cousins," said Gomez, trying to get himself in a cheery mood, "Leader of the Firefly clan."
"They do make the Addams family proud," said Morticia, "I just wish they hadn't had to change their name for legal purposes."
"Yes, aliases have divided many a family," agreed Gomez.
The truck approached the house quickly and pulled right up to the front door, so Gomez and Morticia headed over to the entryway to greet their guests. Their butler, Lurch, had already opened the front door and gone out to bring in the luggage by the time they got there.
"Well, hey, big fella," said Captain Spaulding, warmly to Lurch as he got out of the truck. "Don't trouble yourself none, Tiny'll get all our shit down."
Sure enough, Tiny, who was easily eight feet tall, stepped out of the back of the truck like a normal person would step out of a bathtub and began to untie the family's things.
"Spaulding, old man!" cried out Gomez as he and his wife headed outside. Spaulding laughed and headed over to him and the two cousins gave each other a warm handshake.
"Gomez, my man, you are a sight for sore eyes, I tell ya what," said Spaulding.
"Spaulding," said Morticia, in acknowledgement when she approached him.
"Is that the beautiful Morticia Addams I see before me?" said Spaulding, giving her a big smile that showed all of his yellow teeth and black gums. He took her delicate hand in his rough one and gave it a kiss like an old school gentleman he had seen in the movies do.
"Charming as always," said Morticia.
"And here's the rest of the brood," Spaulding said, gesturing to the rest of the family as they dismounted the truck and came up beside him. "You remember Gloria my ex-wife, course we all just call her Mama," he said, gesturing to Mama.
"Howdy," said Mama, with a wave.
"My Baby girl, Baby," said Spaulding, gesturing to Baby.
"Hiya," she said, with a smile.
"My, she has grown," said Morticia.
"My stepson, Tiny, back there and of course Mama's pa, Grampa," Spaulding continued.
"Where's Esmerelda at?" demanded Grampa as he came hobbling over to the assemblage.
"Grandmama is inside preparing lunch," said Morticia, cordially.
"Well the only reason I even came on this damn trip was to see her, so if you'll excuse me, " he said, and pushed past Gomez and Morticia into the house.
"You'll have to forgive him," said Mama Firefly. "He just gets crankier and crankier as time goes on and you know how much history he and your mother have, Gomez."
Gomez nodded understandingly.
"Where are your other children?" Morticia asked Mama.
"Otis and Rufus couldn't make it," Baby chimed in.
"Yes, Rufus is real into his taxidermy lately, and Otis… well Otis is just an asshole, but I'm sure you remember that," said Spaulding with a laugh.
Gomez smiled, warmly. "Of course," he said.
"They did make ya'll something, though," Spaulding continued "Tiny, go haul that thing out the back."
Tiny had just gotten all the luggage down and so went around to the bed of the truck where something large and long was up against the cab of the truck covered by a bed sheet. He picked the whole thing up easily and brought it onto the porch of the Addams house as everyone gathered around it to see. Spaulding excitedly pulled the sheet off with a flourish revealing a stuffed human being with a large fish tail grafted to his lower body.
"Fishboy!" announced Mama and Baby in unison.
"How lovely," said Morticia, sincerely. "We'll put it in the playroom for the children to enjoy."
"Where are the little whipper snappers, anyway?" asked Spaulding. "And Fester too?"
"Oh, they're around," said Gomez. "Must not know you're here yet."
"Do come inside and get settled," said Morticia. "We have everything all prepared for you. Lurch, show them to their rooms."
Lurch groaned affirmatively and lead the way, carrying Fishboy in his arms as he went. Tiny had the luggage and followed him inside with the rest of the family doing the same.
"Not used to being waited on hand and foot," said Spaulding to Gomez as they brought up the rear.
"Well, it's mostly hand," said Gomez. "You've met Thing before haven't you?"
"Oh, yeah," Spaulding said, knowingly, and he and Gomez shared a laugh. Then Gomez took a cigar out of the pocket of his suit jacket and handed it to Spaulding.
"Don't mind if I do," said Spaulding, appreciatively. He put his arm around his cousin, who did the same in return, and as they entered the Addams family mansion together, the large wooden doors of the house closed behind them all of their own accord.
To Be Continued