Chapter 3: Oh, Oh, Oh, It's Magic, You Know?

Noctis spent most of the time between the Belouve Mines and the nearby haven clinging desperately to the inside of Ignis's shirt. It was warm and soft inside, smelling like fresh soap and the tint of the cologne Ignis still used despite the fact that they were weeks into the never-ending camping trip from hell.

Yet the only thing that kept Noctis from panicking was the heartbeat he could hear like a gentle song. He wasn't sure if it was the adrenaline finally dying down (nearly getting stepped on had definitely taken its toll on him) or if it had something more to do with his tiny size, but Noctis was absolutely exhausted. And surrounded by warmth and a comforting presence of his advisor, as well as knowing that Ignis was not going to allow anything bad happen to him, Noctis was able to conk out for about an hour.

He only woke when he felt something gently pulling him out of the warmth.

The light was bright and Noctis had to cover his face with his hands. He also immediately covered his ears when someone screamed something—

Noctis loved Prompto, he really did, but it would have been better if his best friend had gotten hit with a silence spell at that moment. At least then his head wouldn't have wanted to explode.

Thankfully the area silenced and Noctis was thankful to see that Ignis was looking down at him. His advisor spread his fingers and Noctis scrambled up to notice the blue light around them and the camping gear they had left up before setting off to the mines. There was a half-drunk Ebony open on the table, as well as a plate from breakfast that Noctis had forgotten to clear off.

"Thank god. Not dead. Not dead," Noctis told Ignis as he climbed off the table, but realized at the blank stare that the other man couldn't hear him.

He could see his three friends sitting around the table, staring at him, and Noctis crossed his arms in front of himself at the scrutiny. He could tell that Prompto was trying his best not to say anything; his mouth was twitching though from laughter or crying Noct couldn't be sure.

Gladio looked outright horrified. More than once he leaned up and then back down, as though if he got closer he would be able to convey his thoughts telepathically. Nothing worked though, and Noctis finally plopped down on a bottle cap, using it as a chair.

"Well. This sucks."

Noctis crossed his arms and tried his best not to frown, but what else was he able to do? Everything had gone to shit so quickly… one minute he was just himself, and now he was the size of a marshmallow…

Noctis looked back up at his chamberlain, who was careful not to breathe too hard in his direction, lest he nearly fly away again. Just how was he supposed to talk to his friends if they were so big and he was so tiny?

Wait.

Noctis jumped up, nearly knocking the plastic cap backward in the struggle. He grabbed at his pants pocket, fumbling for his cell phone.

It felt the same as it had before, even though he logically knew it was much, much smaller. He doubted that the others would have even been able to see it, but… it was worth a shot.

Noctis shook his hand toward Ignis, but the other man didn't seem to see him from the distance.

Sending a prayer to the astrals, Noctis clicked the home button, watching with amazement as the phone immediately responded. It was just like normal.

Making sure not to drop his phone, Noctis hit the green call button and hit the speed dial, raising the phone to his ear. He leaned against the cap and waited. Maybe, just maybe...

The entire planet seemed to tremble at the screeching ring. Noctis smashed the phone against his ear, covering the other with his other palm. This time the cap didn't withstand his hit and Noctis found himself flipped on his back, the cap on its side as it precariously wiggled and then-

Slam.

Noctis was getting really sick of sudden darkness. However he was lucky since it seemed that the gods had taken pity on him, and ending up under the cap was one of the least terrible things that could have happened. It also meant that when Ignis answered the phone Noctis could actually hear him… rather than be yelled at by the man.

"Iggy?"

There was a panicked motion as someone tried pulling the cap up, but Noctis let out a quick yelp. "Leave it! Leave it!"

The cap gently rested back down and Noctis stared up at the crack of light coming from the ground.

"Noctis? Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Under the bottle cap?"

"Under the bottle cap. Please don't squish me."

Ignis's voice was breathy, panicked, barely holding himself together. Noctis knew that sound, had grown accustomed to telling exactly what was wrong with his Advisor just through the way he spoke.

To be fair, it didn't take a genius to deduce that, but… well. Noct was doing his best.

"I assure you I won't. Though I worry you will suffocate under there, Noct. Would it be alright if I lifted it?"

"If you promise to speak low… and you don't laugh."

"I promise no one will laugh."

"And tell Prompto if he starts crying again I'll crawl into his sleeping bag and surgically cut off his balls."

Silence, and then- "Surely you don't intend for me to repeat that?"

"Iggy."

"... very well."

The line went silent but the sound of thunderous voices echoing above him at least allowed Noctis to know that Iggy was saying what he needed.

After a moment it quieted again and slowly the cap lifted up and Noctis slowly stood, though he was careful to not remove his hand from his ear.

"Now everyone take a step back."

They did as he asked, thankfully. It was so strange seeing his friends as giants. Even looking at them made his stomach flip. Ignis was the closest, with Goadiovand Prompto far closer to the tent.

"Noct, are you injured?" Ignis whispered into the phone, though the reverb made the feedback a bit annoying.

"If you don't count me being the size of a grape as injury."

"I would have compared you to the size of a kiwi."

"Glad to hear you're enjoying this, Specs."

Noctis stared out to Ignis whose entire face morphed, and guilt nibbled at his stomach. "Shit, sorry, Ignis. I'm… lemme check. Can you hold on a second?"

It was difficult to look himself over while holding his phone, so Noctis pushed it into his pocket and began looking himself over. There was a small scrape on his cheek and a crescent-moon mark on the fleshy part of his right arm, but otherwise he seemed to be okay.

"Think I got bitten by one of those imps." Noctis grabbed the phone and shifted it to his other ear. "But otherwise, just… small."

"I'll moogleMD imp bites, but I believe that you may have been infected with Mini."

"You don't say."

Ignis's brow quirked. "The good news is that from my knowledge it is completely reversible."

Noctis waited. "Okay. So, Iggy. Come over here and kiss me."

Ignis nearly dropped the phone.

"Pardon?"

"I need a Maiden's Kiss. You're a maiden, you got lips. Kiss me and I'll pop back to normal and we'll pretend like this ever happened."

Red dusted Ignis's cheeks. "Noctis, I hardly think kissing you would be appropriate."

Noctis shook his head. "Gotta be you, Specs. I know we've been pretending like it isn't happening, but we both know that caravans don't rock like that for no reason."

Noctis pointedly turned his body to his two friends, flipping them off. He doubted they could see him, but it sure did make him feel better.

But when Ignis did not come forward, Noctis realized that…

"Oh."

"It wouldn't have worked either way. Maiden's Kisses are for frog, not mini."

"My bad. Forget it."

Ignis's face fell further and Noctis squished down another question… who the hell was Ignis dating? And how had he never realized?

"Then what's the cure?"

Ignis scrunched his nose. "Other than time? I haven't the faintest."

This shitty day couldn't have possibly have gotten shittier.

"Well… guess we better start researching."

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