AN: I have been in a very weird state emotionally and because of that, it has effected my writing. It's really hard to write happy stuff right now and that's sad because I really need and want happy stuff to read. Anyway, I hope this is okay. Warning: there is hinted at child abuse. Don't force yourself to read it if you might be affected by this.

Disclaimer: Nopeity nope.

Nights like this made Fiyero Tiggular wish he could turn back time.

Dealing with this helplessness, being this incapable, took a massive toll on him. If he could turn back time, he would be able to ensure that none of this would have ever happened.

Yet he knew that if he had that ability, their lives as they were now would probably not exist. They would be completely different, which in all honesty, probably would be better. For one of them at least.

Yes. If he had that power, there would be no way that Elphaba would ever be his wife.

These thoughts began occurring a few days after their eldest daughter, Aylin, brought up at the dinner table that she had been given an assignment she needed help on.

The assignment in question required the students to make a family tree that went back at least three generations.

For Fiyero this was an easy task to assist Aylin with. As a young prince, the genealogy of his family had been drilled into him by his tutors who managed to find a way to get the past to stick. In addition, he had many fond memories of his family that made it hard to forget.

For Elphaba, this wasn't. The information she knew about her mother and her family was negligible in comparison to Fiyero's and any information she did have was either given to her by guests of her father, the vague memories she had of her mother, and insults doled out upon her that consisted of her father telling her how different she was from her mother. And when she thought of her father, she thought of the many things that she'd repressed and winced.

So Fiyero went first, helping their 16 year old go above and beyond the assignment requirements,leaving out the parts of him being royalty, as well as having a good bonding experience with her. When Aylin was born, he had to work much more than he did when Glinda Rose, their youngest, was born and he always regretted that.

When they were done Aylin turned to her mother, still calming down from the hilarity of some of her father's stories."So momma? What kind of stories do you have?"

Elphaba was quiet and tried her best to put on a fake smile, being well aware though that Fiyero could see right through it. He frowned and in an attempt to guard her, stood up and turned to Aylin. "How about we get back to this project a little bit later, Aya?"

"No, no it's fine." Elphaba said nodding and getting closer to Aylin. "Let's do this."

Aylin looked between her parents worriedly, her smile gone and then looked at her mother hesitantly,"Are you sure, Momma?"

Elphaba kissed her head,"I'm sure sweet girl. Now let's start."

Things were going well until Aylin started to ask about her grandfather, then things quickly went downhill.

"So what was Grandfather like, Momma?"

Elphaba was silent before answering, swallowing and beginning to rub her forehead. "He was...he was a good governor. Made sure that the people of Munchkinland were well taken care of. Nessa would never want for anything. He made sure she never felt out of place; she had a disability and because of it, things were often more difficult for her. That's about it."

Elphaba, despite not being a woman of religion, prayed to whatever was out there that Aylin would accept that answer and that this whole matter could be led to rest.

Unfortunately, Aylin Tiggular was too much like her mother and father. She was bright and inquisitive, as well as fiercely protective of her mother. She could tell that something was not right in her mother's description and she wanted to get the full story regardless.

"But what about you, Momma? What was your and Grandfather's relationship like?"

Elphaba sighed and tried to keep calm and her breathing in check,"It was...it was difficult, sweet girl. Can we just leave it at that?"

"But why was is it difficult? What made it so difficult?"

Elphaba's breathing grew quicker. Memories she had long repressed regarding the reasons behind her and her father's difficult relationship, came to the surface and was making it very hard to remain calm and not shut down.

Fiyero saw this and quickly intervened. "That's enough, Aya. No more questions, okay?"

"But Daddy, I just want to know! I'm not trying to upset Momma, I promise. Why won't Momma tell me?

While he didn't know many things about Elphaba's childhood, he knew from the bits he managed to pry out of her after some of her night terrors earlier on in their relationship that her childhood was no walk in the park.

"Because it's difficult for her, Aya. That's it."

"But I won't tell anyone! Not even Liir or Glinda Rose! I just want to know!"

"Aylin Tiggular, that's enough. Stop badgering. I know you want to know but right now isn't the best time."

While it could be argued that Aylin got her stubbornness from Elphaba, Fiyero could be even more stubborn, especially when he felt out of the loop. Thus, it was now a battle of Fiyero's stubbornness against a combination of Fiyero's and Elphaba's stubbornness.

"Well when is a good time? I am 16 after all. Isn't that better a time then never? She'll probably never want to tell me. You and her keep so many secrets. Don't you trust me?"

"Aylin Illianora Tiggular, I swear-"

"STOP!" Elphaba's strained voice broke through the chaos and Fiyero could clearly see she was on the verge of breaking down.

"Fae-"

"No, Fiyero. Alright, Aylin you want to know why my relationship was difficult with your grandfather? It was because I basically killed your grandmother and crippled your aunt. H-he never forgave me for that. I have the proof to show it too."

Aylin's eyes widened and she became horrified as she realized what her mother meant.

"Momma...I. I didn't-Momma!"

"You wanted to know, and there you go."

Fiyero walked towards Elphaba wanting to hold her and somehow make it all better "Elphaba, sweetheart."

She flinched and backed away distressing Fiyero further."I -"

"Momma?"

"Mommy?"

Her two younger children looked over the stairwell, concern evident on their faces

Elphaba gasped and began to mutter to herself, upset over how far this was going. That all her children would know that their mother was damaged goods.

"We heard yelling from our room. Are you okay? What's going on? Can I help? Momma?"

Despite Liir being 14, he was still very close to his parents. He hadn't reached the point yet where he wanted to push his parents away as a sign of independence. Puberty hadn't made him into that type of boy. he was still as sweet as ever

This is the straw that broke Elphaba as she became completely overwhelmed, "I have to-I can't-I need to-I need to go."

With that she fleed the house, despite the fact that the sun was beginning to set.

Aylin turned to her father, her eyes watering, feeling ashamed.

"Daddy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm sorry I hurt Momma."

"You hurt Mommy? Why? Why did you hurt Mommy, Aya?" This time it was Glinda Rose, affectionately known as Linny, who spoke up. Both Liir and Linny came down the stairs, distraught that their mother had been hurt and not understanding why their older sister would want to do such a thing."

"Yeah, what's wrong with you Aya? Momma wasn't doing anything to you. She never cries and you made her cry."

Aylin burst into tears all the while trying to mount her defense. The arguing filled the room.

Fiyero, turn between running after his wife and ending the chaos, went for the latter.

"That is enough. All of you stop it. Stop it right now."

At this, Aylin ran to her father and hugged him, crying into his shoulder,"Daddy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm sorry I hurt Momma."

Fiyero sighed and reciprocated the hug. He knew he was going to have to talk to her and the other kids later, but for right now, he just comforted her, then pulled in Liir and Linny."

"Why did that man do that to her?"

He kissed her head,"I don't know, Aya. I don't know."

By the time things were all settled in the house, Fiyero quickly put on his jacket, grabbed a light, and exited the house. It had gotten significantly colder and darker since she had left the house forty-five minutes earlier. It didn't take him too long to settle everything in the house, but he didn't want to go after right away as to give her space.

There were a few places that he was originally planning to look, but when thinking about it again he knew there was probably one place she would probably be: her shed.

For their fifth anniversary, he built her a book shed with an ottoman that he managed to haggle down to an affordable price, a nightstand that he built that got docked from his pay, and collections of books that some of the older ladies gave to him in exchange for odd jobs done around their houses. It was a place where she often went to relax and take a break.

It was also where she went when she was upset as it was a bit far from their house, but it still remained on their property.

He knocked on the door and was a bit surprised that the door swang open. Obviously she was more upset than what initially he thought she was.

"I was wondering how long it'd take until you came to find me."

Her voice was hoarse and broken as he saw her huddled on the ottoman.

"Elphaba-"

"The children probably think I'm crazy now, huh? They didn't know how damaged their mother was."

"Fae, your not-"

She shot up, her eyes red and puffy, her voice trembling. "Don't say I am not broken. i am well aware of what I am and what I am not. I'm damaged goods, Fiyero. Now they know that. They know that-"

Fiyero cautiously approached her and placed both hands on her shoulders,"Hey. Hey! Look at me. You are not broken. Your children, our children, are not thinking you're crazy. They're worried about you, that's all."

He sat her back down on the ottoman, covering her with a blanket and went to get her a drink of water from the water pump outside. He watched her drink it and he took the cup from her setting it on the stand.

"You probably want to talk now, huh? Talk about how none of it was my fault? Talk about what happened growing up."

Fiyero shook his head, and sat on the footrest."I'm here to do whatever you want me to do. If you want me to go, I'll go. If you want to talk, we can talk. If you just want to sit, we can sit."

She nodded at the last idea and Fiyero , Fiyero maneuvered himself so he could pick Elphaba up, sit down on the ottoman, and set her on his lap, stroking her hair.

After a while, she lay back against him and he smiled softly, continuing to stroke her hair and beginning to hum. "Just close your eyes. The sun is going down you'll be one can hurt you morning light you and I'll be safe and sound."