"He's not really my friend, you know," Yuuri informed the Uber driver. He had no idea how long they had been on the road, or how much longer they'd be on the road, and the silence had finally gotten to him. "This is actually a kidnapping. Did you not notice the blindfold?" It was actually a sleep mask, but the effect was the same. Yuuri couldn't see a thing.
"Lies!" Phichit gasped, swatting Yuuri on the shoulder. "I am your best friend. Best possible friend. There are no better friends than me in the entire world and you know it."
"Did you see that?" he demanded. "Now he's using physical violence to subdue me."
There was a dry laugh from the front seat. "Yeah, dude. I can tell you're terrified."
"I'm resigned to my fate," Yuuri corrected primly. "You notice he's not even denying the kidnapping part."
"I'm kidnapping you out of love, Yuuri. It's a love abduction."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what serial killers say right before they—" The car turned abruptly, and Yuuri fumbled for the oh-shit handle to keep himself upright. Pavement gave way to gravel, and a moment later he felt the engine quiet as they slowed to a stop.
"We're here!"
Having been forbidden to remove the blindfold until Phichit gave him permission to do so, Yuuri unbuckled his seat belt and opened the car door, but stayed where he was. "I forgive you for not saving me," he told the driver as Phichit paid for their ride. "Please don't blame yourself for my impending demise." Then there were hands on his, pulling him to his feet.
"Good luck with your… whatever," the voice laughed, and the car started to pull away.
"My unquiet spirit totally won't haunt you for eternity or anything, so don't worry about it!" Yuuri shouted after the retreating vehicle. Gripping Phichit's hand tightly, he allowed himself to be led off the gravel and onto grass. The sun was warm on his face, and the air was heady with spring flowers.
"You're in a better mood today," Phichit observed as they walked.
Yuuri shrugged. "I guess," he said. "I mean, I'm still incredibly homesick, Victor Nikiforov still doesn't know that I exist, I'm still going to have to take at least an extra semester of classes thanks to Professor Just-Because-You're-An-Olympian-Doesn't-Mean-You're-Exempt-From-My-Attendance-Policy-You-Entitled-Millennial Goddamn Flint, and King probably still hates me. But I had the spoons for basic hygiene this morning, so go me?"
The floral scent was getting stronger now. Much stronger. "You bantered with Uber Mike. Having non-essential spoons to spend is good, right?" Yuuri made a noncommittal noise, and Phichit sighed. "Look, you were eighth at Worlds this year and tenth in the Olympics so the Victor thing is in progress, you're going to camp out in front of the dean's office until she agrees to review Flint's bullshit decision, which she will since she isn't an ageist old goat, and King absolutely does not hate you. In fact, he's been PMing me so much that I can't keep up with his messages, and coming from me you know that's saying something. He's worried, and more than a little afraid that you hate him."
Yuuri opened his mouth to protest, but was stopped by a finger on his lips. "Later," Phichit's tone brooked no argument. "First things first." Without further warning, the sleep mask was yanked from his face, and Yuuri found himself blinking against sudden brightness.
The world was a green and purple blur. One of the blankets from their apartment was spread out on the grass, and on top of it sat a red and white plastic cooler. Phichit handed him his glasses, and as he slid them into place, the fuzzy shapes around them resolved into an intimate little grove of lilac bushes. The plants were in full bloom, branches nearly bowing under the weight of the flowers. Yuuri gasped. "Phichit." His voice was an awed murmur. "Is this..." he trailed off.
"It's Michigan hanami!" Phichit was beaming at Yuuri, delighted by his reaction. "I couldn't find any cherry blossoms, except for some little ornamental trees in people's yards, but lilacs are basically everywhere. Mackinac Island even has a lilac festival, but the hotels have been booked up for months and they're really expensive and anyway, I didn't think I could get you to put up with the blindfold for that long."
"No, this is perfect." And it was. If sakura blossoms were Japan – subtly sweet and graceful, with beauty in their very uniformity – then surely the bold lilac, with its powerful fragrance and infinite variations in size and color, had to be America.
And best of all, they were completely alone. Even in a small town like Hasetsu, hanami would have them fighting for space, everyone's blankets nearly overlapping in the struggle to fit everyone in for the sakura viewing. It was fun, but loud and stressful as well. Here, there was nothing to distract from the flowers, just the rustling of trees in the breeze interrupted by occasional birdsong.
No sooner had they slipped their shoes off and made themselves comfortable on the blanket than Phichit had the cooler open, pulling out treat after treat. Mochi, onigiri, milk pudding, dango; each colored a delicate purple instead of the traditional cherry blossom pink. "So this is what you've been doing with Ketty all week after practice." Yuuri admired a butter cookie and its decoration of sugared lilac blooms before taking a bite. "It's good," he grinned. "Different, but really good!"
"It was her idea to adapt the traditional recipes," Phichit admitted. "But we had to make sure I wasn't going to poison us first. Gods bless the internet."
"I'll drink to that." The violet stuff in the clear plastic carafe turned out to be lemonade. The lilac flavor worked oddly well against the sour citrus.
They made quick work of the festival sweets, and Phichit produced his Dominion cards with a flourish. Yuuri pulled up his favorite "quiet time" playlist on his phone, and they listened to soft music as they played. The two roommates were evenly matched and knew each other's preferred strategies intimately, but managed to keep themselves from getting too competitive. By the time the sun had turned golden and was starting to hang lower in the sky, Yuuri found himself lying on his back with his head in his friend's lap, idly watching the clouds.
"Feeling better?" Phichit was running his fingers through Yuuri's hair.
He considered the question. "Yeah," he sighed finally. "I think this is exactly what I needed. Thanks, Phich."
"Pay me back by helping me drill my triple axel."
"I'd do that anyway." Yuuri was warm and comfortable. He was pleasantly full of wonderful food, he'd won their little Dominion tournament by a single match – and now didn't have to do the dishes for three weeks – and Phichit's fingernails on his scalp were halfway to lulling him to sleep. There was only one thing keeping the day from being utterly perfect.
"Do you mind if I text King?" Then he winced. Way to go, Katsuki. Phichit plans an entire afternoon to cheer you up, and all you can think about is someone else.
But Phichit only nodded. "I was hoping you would," he said. "Guilt/avoidance spirals aren't a good look on anyone."
Three days ago.
Deltatangofoxtrot: then she dragged us out to applebee's
StandardDeviation: Ew.
Deltatangofoxtrot: ikr? we're in nola where like three different cuisines were fuckin invented and she wants to eat some crappy chain food we can get back home
KingElsa: That's a crime against travel. What's the point in going places if you're not going to sample the local specialties?
Deltatangofoxtrot: i mean i still proposed
lukewarm_mess: wait, what
Deltatangofoxtrot: we were already there and all
Deltatangofoxtrot: i figure i have our entire lives to teach her the right way to food and also tourist
KingElsa: !
StandardDeviation: Woah, grats man
lukewarm_mess: congratulations!
KingElsa: ＼ ( ) ／
Deltatangofoxtrot: ty ty XD
KingElsa: ( ﾉ ヮ `) ﾉ *: ･ﾟ
KingElsa: °˖ (^ ^)
lukewarm_mess: have you set a date yet?
Deltatangofoxtrot: nothing firm but we're hoping for autumn
Deltatangofoxtrot: we met on halloween
StandardDeviation: You want to get on that right away then
lukewarm_mess: yeah definitely, reserve your venue at the very least
Deltatangofoxtrot: …
lukewarm_mess: my family is in the hospitality business and even in a small town we have scheduling conflicts
lukewarm_mess: because people wait til the last minute
Deltatangofoxtrot: is it too late to elope
lukewarm_mess: waiting drives the price of food and stuff up too because they have to make the suppliers scramble
StandardDeviation: It's never too late to elope but
KingElsa: GASP
StandardDeviation: That has to be what you both want
KingElsa: NO ELOPING!
StandardDeviation: My wedding was just a courthouse thing with four people there
StandardDeviation: Then we went out to lunch at a nice cafe
StandardDeviation: It was what we wanted and it was the best day of my life
KingElsa: There should be dancing and cake and laughter
KingElsa And champagne! And wonderful food
StandardDeviation: But not everyone is okay with that
KingElsa: And everyone should be there to celebrate. EVERYONE!
StandardDeviation: *cough* Exhibit A *cough*
Deltatangofoxtrot: i don't mind having a big thing, i just have no idea how to plan one
KingElsa: And my groom had better ransom me properly!
lukewarm_mess: whose wedding is this anyway ( _ )
StandardDeviation: Nobody does fox, if the gods wanted us to know how to plan weddings they wouldn't have given us the internet
Deltatangofoxtrot: i spent like two minutes googling and then had to eat a whole pint of cherry garcia
KingElsa: ! Is that a proposal, Mess?
StandardDeviation: My cousin just had a big event-style wedding, do you want me to ask her for links
Deltatangofoxtrot: omg i will be your best friend
Deltatangofoxtrot: i will fight ninjas for you
Deltatangofoxtrot: and nazis
Deltatangofoxtrot: and spiders
lukewarm_mess: not if you're going to be all groomzilla at me, king
Deltatangofoxtrot: i will name my firstborn after you
StandardDeviation: Stan? .
lukewarm_mess: what if I want something small
Deltatangofoxtrot: or devi if its a girl
StandardDeviation: Devi is pretty. Okay, I approve
lukewarm_mess: family only, maybe on the beach
KingElsa: A hundred people?
StandardDeviation: I'll PM you when she gets back to me
lukewarm_mess: twenty. MAYBE.
Deltatangofoxtrot: srsly you are my hero
KingElsa: …Per side?
lukewarm_mess: in total
KingElsa: ( ｡ •́ ︿ •̀ ｡ )
KingElsa: You're breaking my heart.
Deltatangofoxtrot: STICK TO YOUR GUNS MESS
KingElsa: Stay out of this, you… you elopement advocate! My tender soul lies in pieces at Mess' feet. I can't go on.
StandardDeviation: Oh lord
KingElsa: Bury me in silk and seed pearls!
KingElsa: Scatter rose petals and string quartets on my grave!
StandardDeviation: *facepalms at the sheer extra*
lukewarm_mess: we can have our dogs be ring bearers though
KingElsa: G A S P
KingElsa: *clasps hands together*
KingElsa: You do love me!
Deltatangofoxtrot: those two deserve eachother
lukewarm_mess: (⁄ ⁄⁄ ω ⁄⁄ ⁄)
StandardDeviation: *nod nod*
lukewarm_mess: anyway, back to the travel food thing…
lukewarm_mess: does anyone have any suggestions for good places to eat in chicago?
StandardDeviation: Summer trip? Nice
lukewarm_mess: autumn trip, actually. peach and i are making plans to drive out for a weekend
Deltatangofoxtrot: superdawg for hot dogs
Deltatangofoxtrot: giordanos or pequods for pizza
StandardDeviation: I've never been, sorry
KingElsa: I always make it a point to go to Alinea.
Deltatangofoxtrot: O.o
KingElsa: The chef there is a mad genius.
Deltatangofoxtrot: damn king how much do you think a poor college student can afford
lukewarm_mess: oh, is it pricey?
Deltatangofoxtrot: does the pope shit in the woods?
lukewarm_mess: ?
StandardDeviation: He means yes, mess
lukewarm_mess: um. ok?
Deltatangofoxtrot: like really yes
KingElsa: Maybe a bit. It's worth every penny, though.
lukewarm_mess: wait
lukewarm_mess: does that mean he does though?
KingElsa: I… also don't understand that phrase.
lukewarm_mess: i mean why would he go outside when he lives in a palace or something
lukewarm_mess: doesn't make any sense
StandardDeviation: It's just a stupid saying, guys
StandardDeviation: A mixup of two other stupid sayings. It was in a movie
KingElsa: English is weird.
lukewarm_mess: *nods* ESL SOLIDARITY
iamworthy: Excuse you, AMERICAN English is weird. PROPER English is normal
iamworthy: *goes back to lurking*
KingElsa: *fistbumps Mess*
lukewarm_mess: AESL SOLIDARITY?
iamworthy: Also cheers, fox
Deltatangofoxtrot: ty ^^
KingElsa: Actually, I'll be in Illinois myself in October. I need to make reservations before they get booked up – thanks for reminding me!
Yuuri blinked at the chat window. What were the chances that he'd be in the same state as King, at the same time? Not that his Skate America schedule would leave much room for socializing, but… maybe? If the timing worked out? If they were close enough to drive? If he and Phichit left a day or so early, or stayed a bit late?
He tapped out a private message before he could second-guess himself.
/msg KingElsa what dates, if you don't mind me asking
*KingElsa 20-27 Oct. Why?
He sucked in a breath. The competition was scheduled for the weekend of the twenty-fifth. Their visits would absolutely overlap. And if KingElsa was talking about making reservations at a Chicago restaurant, he must surely be staying in the general area of the city, right?
/msg KingElsa that's when we're planning on being there
Do you want to meet up somewhere, Yuuri didn't type. Wow what a crazy coincidence, was keyed and deleted. Do you like me, because I think I might like you and Phichit even agrees because he stopped giving me a hard time about you and he only stops teasing when he doesn't want to scare me off of something… yeah, no. All the no. Nope, even. Hell nope.
Yuuri realized that he had been staring into space for over a minute. It was too long a pause. Whatever he said was going to be weird and awkward now. Just like Yuuri was weird and awkward. The little blinking cursor was mocking him. King hadn't replied yet, either. He must be waiting for Yuuri to finish his thought. Which was a problem because Yuuri was waiting for Yuuri to finish his thought. His ears were burning, his breaths starting to come shallow and quick. Say something! he commanded himself in desperation. Anything!
Yuuri closed his eyes, held his breath, and keyboard mashed.
/msg KingElsa do you think you want ot meet for coffe emaybe
And he waited.
KingElsa didn't reply.
Of course he doesn't want to see you in real life, the cruel little voice of his anxiety whispered. He's rich and successful, the top of his field he said. The restaurants he goes to have actual chefs and menus with no prices listed. He even manages his depression without help. And who are you? You're just a mediocre skater with three prescriptions and a therapist, whose college professor is flunking you for missing too much class. You're too jittery, too awkward, too shy, too boring, too everything. Too Yuuri.
His hands were shaking as he typed, his vision starting to blur around the edges as he hit the enter key, but he wasn't so far into his head yet that he didn't notice the two new lines displayed on the screen.
*KingElsa I'm sorry but I really don't think I'll be able to
*lukewarm_mess KingElsa: you know hwat never mind so rry it was a dumb idea im sorry i'pp just go now
Well. There was really nothing more to be said, was there?
Yuuri slammed the laptop lid closed just as the panic crashed over him like a wave.
"Don't look," Yuuri cautioned Phichit before taking a deep breath and opening his SMS app. There were a lot of messages from KingElsa. He'd known that King was texting him; it was why he had shut off his notifications.
"Of course not," Phichit huffed in mock offense. He had already stuffed his earbuds into his ears and pulled up something to watch on YouTube, but he continued his slow petting of Yuuri's hair. He really was the best friend ever.
Yuuri deliberately didn't read the flood of texts that he'd received over the last few days. At best they'd be super nice and he'd feel even worse about ignoring them. At worst…
Even Yuuri's broken brain had a hard time believing that KingElsa needed seventy six individual text messages just to tell him to go fuck himself.
But what to write? Sorry I'm a human trash fire but you knew that when you met me, unless you didn't actually believe me at the time, in which case: surprise!? No. That sounded like he was fishing for reassurance, and Yuuri wanted things with King to go back to what they had been before, not force the man to be kind to him out of obligation. It was best to just keep things short and honest.
hi
I know it's super late in Europe so you're probably asleep
but I wanted to say I'm sorry for freaking out at you
It was odd how tapping out three little sentences could make him feel so much better. Yuuri had built the situation up in his head until it was a towering monster of guilt and fear and then he hid from it, even though he knew from long experience that running away could only feed that particular type of beast and make it stronger. It wasn't slain yet – wouldn't be until after King saw his messages and they were able to talk, probably tomorrow – but just facing it was the hard part.
"It's getting late," he told Phichit, raising his voice slightly to be heard over whatever his friend was watching. "We should probably call Uber Mike to come get us, maybe get some dinner?"
"Dinner with Uber Mike?" Phichit was back to teasing him, and all was right with the world. "I didn't realize you two had hit it off so well!"
"Funny. You know what I—" A new word bubble appeared on the screen.
Mess!
3 3 3
I missed you!
Phichit rolled his eyes fondly at Yuuri's expression and went back to his video.
I'm so sorry
I missed you too
You don't need to apologize.
I just got really nervous
about asking you to meet irl
it's totally okay if you don't want to
I did!
I mean, I do.
It's just… complicated?
I understand complicated
My time is pretty booked while I'm in the US
Even when I'm free I'm already going out with a bunch of people
and I know you don't do crowds.
well I feel dumb
If/when we do meet I want you to feel comfortable!
Don't feel dumb.
I just can't help thinking that there's no way someone like you could be interested
in someone like me
You are many things, but you have never been dumb!
many things like…
a mess?
The lukewarmest of messes! 3
I had to look that word up when we met, you know.
Your English is better than mine.
And I never went to university at all, much less had a double major!
So you're super smart and hardworking.
And you can dance better than me.
you've never seen me dance
Whose fault is that, I wonder. .
it's embarrassing
I don't want you to think badly of me
Solnyshko. That is NEVER going to happen.
I know. I do
I just
wait what does that word mean
It means sunshine. Because that's what you are.
if you say so
I do say so!
But…
but?
Ah, and there it was. The 'but'. The pet name was so sweet – and Yuuri had never been given a nickname before – but King was just using it to cushion a blow. He had always been so kind and thoughtful that way.
The dreaded ellipsis kept appearing and disappearing below Yuuri's last comment. King must be struggling for words.
To tell the honest truth, I'm also kind of scared to meet face-to-face.
Yuuri let out the breath he'd been holding. Was that all?
that makes total sense
I could be an axe murderer
No! I trust you.
I trust you and I do want to meet you one day.
And see you dance!
I just…
More ellipses. A longer pause.
I don't want things to change between us.
And I'm terrified that they will.
Even if you don't see me any differently other people will want a piece of you
And I'm selfish, Mess
I want to keep you to myself for as long as I can
Yuuri blinked. Who was this man?
Are you an idol?
A movie star?
Haha no, nothing like that
But I do model, among other things
It's a rather public lifestyle
I understand
Of course he did. Even a dime-a-dozen skater had to deal with publicity when competing on the international stage. Public interviews and sponsorships were all part of the package. Yuuri had even featured in a few magazine ads of his own, including one very embarrassing Calvin Klein ad in which he'd worn a pair of jeans so tight they might as well have been painted on. Nothing else; just jeans and a smile. The thought of what King – or anyone! – might think of him if that was their reference…
He shuddered in sympathy.
let's make a deal then
you be king and I'll be mess
no expectations
no judgment
just us
No dance videos?
no
well
:/
maybe someday
Nobody's ever asked me to just be me before, you know
I'll probably be awful at it
you seem to be doing just fine to me
"Whoops, our ride's here!" Phichit was apologetic, but Yuuri smiled at him as he rolled off the blanket so that it could be folded and stowed in the now-empty cooler.
I have to go, uber is here. ttyl?
Of course. I'll be here!
Sparing a last fond glance at his phone, Yuuri blacked the screen with his thumb and slid the device into his pocket. He and Phichit kept a companionable silence as they walked back through the empty park to go meet their driver – Uber Christina this time – and head home.
If Yuuri had remembered to turn his notifications back on, he would have seen King's final two texts well before dinner, before Mario Kart, before toothpaste and pajamas and goodnight hugs. It was just as well. The sharp intake of breath, the hands covering his mouth, the tears prickling his eyes; these were private things, and not to be shared with strangers or even beloved friends.
You're one of my reasons, you know.
Good night, solnyshko.