A/N; This chapter makes me emotional. :'(
Day three
7;15 pm
I think found a so-called 'solution' to my coping mechanism. I'm distancing myself from my family, pushing my anger away from them. I'm writing this in my room as we speak. Is this a good idea? I highly doubt it, but it's worth trying right? I don't like feeling like this. I hate it and I hate myself for not being able to do anything about it. I also blame myself for my cousin's condition.
Gwen comes to my door everyday, trying to get to come out. I don't want to though, but I think me doing this is making her worse. I can hear it in her voice. She doesn't want me to disappear, but I don't want to yell at her over some stupid reason, because I know I'm going to. I don't want that to happen, but now that I'm here I figure that there's got to be another way to fix my dilemma without making other people suffer.
My other friends are worried about me too. Cody, Necxi, Julie or Elaina come to my door everyday to make sure I'm alright or that I'm, at least, alive. I'm alive, I think, if call acting like some kind of emotionless robot living. Since I don't want to feel anger, I kind of got rid of my emotions altogether. My only escape from that is writing in this journal.
I can't help but think about what Kevin would say if he saw us this way. It would probably hurt him, I'm guessing. The only reason why we're like this was because he wasn't with us. And you know what makes me even more angry? I'm starting to blame him for this and I don't want to. Kevin only absorbed the Ultimatrix because he had to save us. It wasn't his fault, but why do I still blame him?
I need stop shunning my emotions. I want to feel, I want to be strong for my big brother. I want to at least have some hope that he'll come back to us, even if there's no hope at all.
Write more later.
Ben T.
A/N; Oh Ben. Who else thought he would take it this way? Tell me in your reviews.
~Ellie~