Loving a Monster

Chapter 1

Shizuo

After that initial first time when we fucked in the back-alley not much has changed. He was still Izaya, the stubborn bustard who thought that he knew everything even when he was utterly clueless. I still met him as always; however, after all of this, I didn't try to chase him, just wanted to talk, at least at first. I now knew how he felt towards me, I knew that he loved me, and to be honest even though I was petrified of having now even stronger emotions for him, I still loved him back. The whole love thing, although new to me somehow managed to have a peaceful note to it.

Yet, after a few of accidental meetings, it became clear to me that he didn't want to acknowledge what happened and it made me angry; thus, I still chased him out, although just to talk. Fine, I admit that it was with an angry expression and occasionally "I am going to kill you" shouted after him, but still, I really wanted him to recognize his feelings. So, I understand where he may got the idea that I still hated him, but I could never managed to grasp why he just wouldn't admit what he felt, at least to himself.

However, sometimes things went a little bit different, just like now. At first I didn't know how to behave my self when these things happened. And consequentially, I may have given in to my desires and did something that wasn't consistent with the plan of how to get Izaya to admit the truth. For instance, I may have one or twice (or many times over the 3 months that pasted since that day) indulged myself and "accidentally" fucked Izaya again. Don't get me wrong, he certainly wanted it, the same as me, but, he was in denial and that needed to be changed. For that reason, I should have had a better self-control, but in spite my strong arms, I have always knew that I had a weak heart, at least towards him.

So, today was one of those days when he would be waiting inside my apartment with no clothes on, casually sitting on the couch, like it was a normal thing to do. I had to admit, with how much it was happening, for him it became a normal matter most definitely; but I was not ok with it. It was just plain and simple wrong to keep laying to oneself, and if I wanted happiness not just for me, but for both of us, I needed to show him that. As a result, I tried to oppose to a casual fuck, as I have always done.

"What are you doing here, Izaya?" I said like it was not an obvious thing.

"My, my, Shizu-chan, what does it look to you? I am here to fuck, obviously."

"Obviously. Right." I answered. Like I didn't know that, but it is not happening this time, not until he admits that there is more to us than simple, old-fashioned hatred. "Not going to happen today, Flee. Get out." I said and lit another one of my cigarettes.

"How stupid of you, Shizu-chan, but you and I both know that you said that same thing many times before, so, just cut the shit out, and fuck me, like I asked you already."

"Not this time." I replayed calmly although I was very much aggravated with the whole thing. I knew that he was inside when I was a couple of blokes away from my apartment building. I had enough time to prepare myself, to try not to mess up the plan. But, what to say, I wanted to feel his warmth more than ever, and that wretched smell didn't help one bit.

Izaya

Stupid Shizu-chan; I bet that he gets of on me embarrassing my self. I bet that he would love for me to even beg for it. However, that is not happening; like I would fall so low to beg for a fuck. Actually, I was pretty desperate, and after a second thought it didn't sound that bad; I could later pretend that it never happened. However, he didn't have to know the extent of how much I wanted him. That is why I was waiting in his apartment in the first place. At least I am honest with my self. With this much hatred that we are feeling for each other, nothing else could we be but a casual fuck enemies. Consequentially, when I feel the need to have his dick inside me, I come here. Ever time he tries to resists, obviously because of the hate that he feels for me, but why change I good thing? At least, that was what I have promised my self to be the reason for these sporadic naked-meetings (certainly not my own want for the monster).

Fine! I admit it, alright? I wanted him, and I wanted him badly, ever since that first time. I dreamed about him, I thought about him, I jerked of with thinking of him... This whole new desire thing totally consumed me and I didn't like it one bit. But something needed to be done, and for that reason all these "naked man" séances started. Wanted or not, I had to admit at least that desire was something present in my mind. Not very God-like, and I honestly tried to fight it, but it was an impossible thing to do.

So, back at the story; I was sitting on his couch exactly 42nd time since that "incident", not that I was counting, and he was yet again rejecting me. Ok, Shizu-chan lets play this game again. You want me begging, I will beg, you will fuck me good, I will pretend that nothing happened, leave the apartment, come again in a few days, and so on.

So, I started, "But please, Shizu-chan, I beg you, put your dick inside me, I know that you want to..." I tried to give him the most dirty and yet innocent look that I could muster, but it seams that I overdid it a bit. He looked like he has been stroke by a lightening, with his big eyes and open mouth. The next thing that I remembered, he was in front of me, taking of his shirt, and that was it. Just like that, the victory was mine.