A/N: So, there seems to be a definite lack of fanfictions on here lately. Is everyone still rewatching the premiere? Because that's the only acceptable excuse. Just kidding, but damn that episode was thrilling! Now, enjoy this little something. x
He was standing on a tightrope that stretched over the whole city. Fear was gripping his heart when he looked down and saw skyscrapers beneath him that seemed to be so much closer than the tiny people who hustled through their shadows who looked like ants from where he was standing.
Trying to move his body as little as possible he raised his head and tried to find the end of the rope. He had to get to the other side – it was important that he made it in time – so, shakenly he took the first step.
The whole rope started swinging once he was set in motion and his head was spinning by the mere thought of the height he was in.
He was frightened.
Scared of falling but that wasn't all. This fear was rooted deeper – it filled his every core and blocked every other thought. Still, he had to keep moving forward, he knew that with a certainty that should surprise him but that didn't because suddenly he could see her.
The small girl was standing on some platform on the other side of all of this – as high up in the sky as he was himself – and she looked at him. Her eyes were full of hope and childish wonder and if he had been closer he would've seen the smile on her lips that had formed once she had laid her eyes on him.
That was where he was going.
He took another step towards the outstretched hand and another and another, always trying to move slowly because with each step he took the swinging got worse. After the first five steps he could barely keep his footing but he couldn't stop now.
It seemed as if he hadn't gotten any closer and suddenly everything darkened. The sky that had been of a bright azure was suddenly filled with dark grey clouds. The clouds moved towards the girl menacingly and her bright face was pulled into a painful grimace when the first lightning stroke.
Not caring about the wind that had gotten stronger, and seemed to pull on his body, or the savagely swinging rope, he took the next step.
He lost his step and all of the sudden he was falling and everything around him went dark.
Kurt sat up with a start, his heart racing in his chest, his hands clenched to fists and his shirt clinging to his sweaty form. He was breathing heavily when he slowly managed to calm himself down and get up to change his shirt.
His mind was still whirling with the image of the little girl.
Taylor.
It was always Taylor that he tried to save but couldn't. Always the little girl who he left in the storm all by herself when he fell down because he simply couldn't reach her.
Once he had redressed in something that wasn't soaked in his own perspiration he slowly made his way to the kitchen, his naked feet padding over the cold floor. He got a glass out of one of the cupboards – finding the right door on the second try – and filled it with cold water twice only to gulp down the contents in seconds.
He sat the glass on the counter and tried the different breathing patterns he had learned over the past view years. Not from a psychiatrist but from his research on frequent bad-night's sleep.
It was the same dream that had him have his heart in his throat every time. Ever since Taylor had disappeared he had dreamed of finding her up in that sky on that rope and not once had he been able to reach her. Almost 15 years and he still hadn't gotten over his biggest failure.
And now here he was… New York City.
Kurt looked around his new apartment, his gaze moving over the still unpacked boxes and the factory-fresh furniture and wondered – not for the first time – what in the hell he was doing here.
Him becoming a special agent with the FBI when he couldn't even get over his childhood friend. When he hadn't even been able to save her. How was he supposed to save anyone when he woke from the same dream every other night soaking wet?
The tightrope underneath his feet was swinging dangerously and he held his breath when he looked down for the first time. He hated heights. He hated being up here without any way of controlling the outcome. He was scared and he couldn't bring himself to set one foot in front of the other.
It felt as if his heart stopped beating when he lifted his leg ever so slowly to take a step forward. For some reason he knew that he couldn't go back – he had to keep going, to get to the other side. It was important.
As frightened as he gritted his teeth and managed to take another step.
There was no one there.
Not on the rope and not at the end of it. He was all alone in this horror and he couldn't seem to reach the other end. No matter how many steps he took, the tightrope only seemed to be elongated so he could never get any closer.
He felt the find blowing in his short hair and under the thin clothes he was wearing. The wind was cold and it was picking up – trying to make him lose his footing, trying to make him fall but he didn't want that. He couldn't fall. He needed to reach the other side of this.
Suddenly there was a lightning bolt right in front of him, startling him and throwing him off balance. For a second or two he managed to keep himself upright – waving his arms to either side of him – but he fell nonetheless.
When he fell the wind seemed to be even more ferociously and the ground was closing in incredibly fast. He was turning in the air, automatically trying to grasp on to something – anything – but there was nothing.
Until his fall was stopped abruptly.
A safety net that he had never seen here before had caught him before he could hit the ground.
Kurt woke up to Jane's body curled around him, her hands cradling his head and soothing him. Slowly he started blinking, making her aware of his wakefulness.
"Hey" he greeted her hoarsely once he had opened his eyes and found hers staring back at him in concern. Pushing himself up into a sitting position, he wiped his eyes – only now realizing that his cheeks were wet.
All the while Jane's eyes had never left him and when he held his arms up for her to curl against his chest she moved over towards him only reluctantly.
"It was just a bad dream" he whispered when he had her in his arms and could pull her closer, inhaling her scent.
"Seemed to have been a pretty bad dream" she muttered, turning in his arms and looking up at him "Are you okay? I know nightmares… They can shake one up pretty badly. I could – I could get you something to drink or-"
He shook his head softly, leaning forward to their foreheads met. "I only need you" he said softly and when she didn't seem to believe him he raised his head slightly to plant a kiss on her forehead "You're my safety net. You saved me from falling. I love you."
The only thing he heard was her reply before she pulled him close and both of them into a sleeping position once more, her arms encircling his shoulders, his head resting on her chest.
He loved laying like that – hearing her heartbeat and feeling her fingers draw random patterns on his bare skin. This is where he belonged. With her. Always.
He would die.
He knew it the moment he saw what he had stepped onto.
Following Jane's lead had somehow lead him to a door and when he had gone through it, suddenly he was high up in the air, barely able to keep his balance and he felt his heart tighten in his chest when he looked down at the city beneath him.
There was nothing that would catch the fall that would undoubtedly happen.
Still, when he looked up and found another figure walking the same tightrope as he was, he knew he had to keep going. He had to catch her. So he took a step, away from the door and towards his – literal – downfall.
Jane was walking fearlessly in front of him. Her bare feet seemingly finding every small notch to grasp the rope and she never wavered, never paused – and never looked back. All he could see was her back.
He tried calling her name time and time again, asking her to wait up for him so he could catch up and finally see her again. He needed to see her face, needed to make sure it was really her.
"Jane!" he cried out once more but still got no response.
Taking another step and trying to move slowly on the swinging rope to get closer to her, he noticed how with every step he took the tightrope seemed to be swinging more – risking Jane.
That made him come to an abrupt halt. He couldn't risk her life, not even if that meant never reaching her.
"Jane!" Again she never turned around or acknowledged his voice.
And suddenly there was a storm on his side of the rope that didn't seem to affect her in the slightest. She just kept on walking while he lost his balance and he only managed to grab the rope with his left hand, feeling the wire cut into his skin.
"JAANE!"
He didn't know what it was that made her turn around but she did just when his fingers started to lose grip on the rope and he felt them slowly slip.
Then he fell and he felt his brain wanting to pull him back into consciousness but he refused.
This was the only way that he would see his wife's face and if that meant that he would have to fall down from this tightrope every night, then that was what he was going to do and he intended to make it last as long as he could.
When Kurt woke up he felt the emptiness of their bed more than the racing of his heart and the quiet in their bedroom more than his accelerated breathing. He felt the loss of her more than any other fear he had ever had.
Maybe he was destined to spent the rest of his life on that tightrope, hanging in the middle of nothingness, trying to chase her and failing every time.
Maybe.
Or maybe today would be the day that he finally found her.