"All the prophets were wrong! Do you know who was right? THESE FUCKING WALLS!" A deranged preist of the wallist cult shouted from the side walk of a busy street in Shingashina. "Yes, the sacred walls that protect us from the demons, they predict the future. All one must do is smash their head against the wall to receive a prophetic vision. Why, i smash my head so many times, i now live in a state of perpetual halucination. PRAISE THE WALLS!"

Mikasa and Eren were nearing one of the many gates of Maria from their small Journey to collect firewood.

"Better not tell mom what happened when we get back" Eren reminded his sister. "My ears are still scared from the last round of pinching!" He never got a chance to finish his rant when a tall Garrison soilder intercepted the children halfway through the gate.

"Heeeyy, Eren" the Garrison slurred.

"Oh look, an alcholoic ginger, what a suprise" Eren adressed the man sarcasticly.

The drunk raised a brow and leaned foward "That's not *hic* truuueee. I'm only half ginger.

"Even a drop is too much" Eren gagged at the smell wafting off the man.

"Ha, well excuuuse me. At leat my mother's history wasn't a family secret" The ginger retorted smugly.

Eren snapped to attention and glared at the man "What?"

"Your mama's past-oh, shit. Wait you dont know?" Hanes questioned.

A few lower ranking soilders seated behind Hanes at a table started laughing and jeering at Eren's ignorance. "Oh, snap! knowledge is about to get dropped!"

Eren ignored them and turned his attention back to the Garrison drunk. "Hanes, what the hell are you talking about?" He questioned demandingly.

Hanes simply sighed. "Eren, your mother was a massive whore back in the day"

"What?! no she wasn't"

Hanes sighed "Eren, i've seen titans, and they are scary as shit. But lemme tell you, none of them could match your mom when it comes to the sheer amount of human meat, that has been in her mouth"

And just to prove his point a dark haired, heavy set Garrison soilder came to stand at hanes side and chuckled. "Dude, can you imagine the amount of biomass that has been under her sheets? Ha, i'm no expert, but it's probably enough to kickstart a new Aqaurium society" The man stated.

And to make Eren's embaressment worse, that achoholic, ginger fuck just had to jump in and add to the conversation "Eren, back in the day, it wasn't just that your mama was good at suckin dick, it was more that she had it down to an industrial sized process" Hanes voice almost cracking with laughter.

...Worst of all, one of the druken men set up behind Hanes just had to say anything "Face it kid, your mother is such a whore, everey night she probably goes to sleep under the AIDS memorial blanket, HAHA!" The rude man belted out. The other drunken soilders busted out into retarted laughter behind them, sounding as if a herd of donkeys was having a brain anyerism.

Hanes silenced them with a look, they went on their way until it was just him and the two jaeger chidren. Ah, he supposed Eren deserved a full explanation.

"You know how your mom and dad first met? Well, he's a doctor, and he saved the town from a plague, but what you probaly don't know, was your mama was the cause of the plague" Hanes explained "He found her, and saved her from every STD known to mankind. She got free health care, and he got free succy succy whenever he wanted. It was match made in heaven." Hanes finished his explanation with utmost sincerity.

But Eren was going to have none of it "Thats bullshit!" He shouted. None of what Hanes was saying was true!

The soilder simply gave a condencending smile "Eren, your parents marige was built under the sticky foundation of vineral diseases. DEAL WITH IT, YA PUSSY!"

Eren simply stood where he was, staring at the ground with hatred, seething with anger.

Hanes reached out to a broken table a foot from himself and snatched a flask of whiskey, took a large swig. "HA, holy shit, can you even imagine what's flowing through your bloodstreams right now, kid? you are probably just riddled with syphalis!" Hanes shouted, throwing his head back and laughing to the point he was gasping for air.

"I AM NOT RIDDELD WITH SYPHALIS!" Eren finnaly snapped "I'M PERFECTLY FUCKING HEALTHY!"

"Says the child of a doctor. You know you only need a tetnis shot every few years, right?" Hanes questioned mockingly. "Those weekly injections aren't for stepping on rusty nails, if you know what i'm saying?"

Before Eren could say anything, Mikasa, who he had almost forgotten was there, grabbed his arm and forcefully dragged him past Hanes, and out the tunnel into the main courtyard, where they listened to the sounds of trolling, drunken men behind them.

"Ignore them, Loser" Mikasa gripped Eren's shoulders and made him face her "So what if mom was a whore?, that's her problem, not ours. Now, let's head home"