I think I would have to eat whatever words I promised to myself. Because honestly, Dylan's making it really hard for me to stay on buddy lane.
Apparently Daoming si's birthday doesn't only consist of party extravaganza. The man of the hour himself must look the part. And he literally took over the part.
Dylan right now is looking so fine in the navy blue suit & tie. I almost choked on my own saliva when I saw him walked out from the dressing room. It's bad enough that he had the aura of Daoming si. He also had the looks for it. When God showered physical attributes, this kid must have been out there with his mouth wide open, inhaling whatever forms of beauty thas was being given.
Dear self, wake me up when this all ends. My brain is experiencing system errors since it had crashed a while ago. My goodness, I'm a lost cause. Because not only do I work with him looking like the real life manga character, we also have to film a kissing scene tonight, of all days we could have filmed it. F!ck my life.
We were huddled together since it was so cold. We had to film a scene where he lifts me up as I try to touch the stars.
"You ready for this, Yue?" Dylan asked me.
"Yeah. I'm always ready." I said smugly. Ready my ass. My heart's beating a mile run, probably having a marathon.
"Well my arms ain't ready." He teased. I elbowed him.
"Well you're just weak. Excuse me for being so heavy." This is what I really needed right now, our ritual banter. It erases the awkwardness, serves us our warmup, and my personal wake up call from any delusions I might have.
"I'm just kidding." He lifted me up and there goes my heart. Having another lap. Great. We tried to finish the part as quickly as we can. Afterwards, I saw him shaking the tremble off his arms.
I sighed then went to him to massage his arms.
"Sorry about that Dy." I said feeling sorry for him.
"Nope. It's not that you're heavy, it's just cause my arms fell asleep. It's so cold out here and they're are starting to get numb." He complained while staring at his hands. We were covered in thick winter jackets but still the cold really bites. I brought my hot tumbler where we tried to warm our hands.
I made sure not to let my hands brush his. But he surprised me when he offered me his left hand for me to hold. It was a common thing for us, but it was completely platonic before. I made sure my face was clear of the uneasiness that I felt, then grabbed the hand that he offered. I felt the butterflies resonating deep within me.
That was when I realized that it was no longer an ordinary thing for me. The platonic actions suddenly had a new meaning. Because right now it's different. Right now it fills me with the familiar tingle of satisfaction and happiness.
I don't know whether to be glad or disappointed of this development. I am completely beyond the borderline of buddy lane. The even sadder part? Dylan is still on the other side. Clueless and unaffected.
"Okay time for the kissing scene. Move it guys! Shancai, Daoming si get to your places." Ms. Angie ordered. She instructed us of the angles she wanted to take. The cameras were now on standbye.
Goodbye brain.
Dylan smiled at me quickly before getting into his role, I on the other hand 'appeared' completely in character. Inside? I'M DYING.
He stepped forward then placed his lips on mine . I felt the electric buzz throughout my body. Whatever instructions were given to me went out the window.
I actually kissed his character back. It was an endless worth of minutes when we broke apart. Both dazed by the kiss, both confused by the outcome. Which was caused by yours truly.
And I didn't know who I was trying to kiss. Was it his Daomingsi or Dylan himself? Because I know for a fact that wasn't Shancai, I resurfaced the moment his lips collided with mine. Bravo Yue!
"Cut! Shancai you're not supposed to kiss him back. You're just starting to like Ah si on this part." Ms. Angie reminded me. I nodded and sighed. Well Shancai is, but I already fell deep.
I was in a daze when I felt Dylan touching my hand.
"Yue, are you alright?" He asked with concern. I pulled my hands from his hold and saw him frown.
I then cleared my throat, as if it will erase whatever feelings I have. "Yeah Dy. I'm okay." He was staring at me trying to figure out what my deal is.
We were able to get the perfect angle for the kiss on a few takes. Dylan was still stealing glances at me. I looked at him and faked a smile.
He frowned even deeper, then returned with scrutinizing me. We bid our goodbyes and were on our way back to our hotel rooms, when he cornered me on the elevator.
"What's your deal today? Is something wrong? That smiled you gave me awhile ago was totally fake. I know you enough to notice that." He asked.
I shrugged. "Nothing's wrong. Just tired I guess." I tried to convince him.
He was back on checking up on me. Raising his hands trying to check my temperature, that was the final straw. I can't bear to feel any of his touches right now. It's too much and my heart aches just even more, knowing he's just concern for a friend. I slapped his hand away.
"For god's sake Dy! I told you I'm okay. You don't have to fuss over me all the time. You're always hovering around me. I'm not a kid okay?!" I snapped at him. He stepped back, aghast by my outburst.
We reached our floor. We went and he turned to me, eyes filled with hurt.
"Well I'm sorry for even caring. I'm sorry for fussing around because I actually am concerned for your wellbeing. Don't worry I won't bother you next time." He placed his hands on his pockets and walked away. Leaving me alone in the hallway.
I felt tears run down from my face. Great, I ended up pushing him away because of this stupid feelings. I didn't want our friendship to be compromised. But that's where it seemed to be headed. I brushed the tears away with the sleeves of my shirt and ran back to my room. I slammed the door and collapsed on my bed.
"Stupid Yue! You're so stupid. Idiot. Moron." I told myself while I kept on hitting my head.
It's bad enough that I'm starting to feel awkward around him, now I'm going to lose him if I don't control whatever this is. I lost it awhile ago but this couldn't keep on happening. I'd rather hurt everyday than lose him. Tomorrow I'm going to fix this.
And tomorrow turned into a few days. Because he was technically avoiding me. I will arrive early on the set but he comes just a minute before it was our take. And whenever we finished filming he'll ran out of the set and goes to god knows where. Add to the fact that I have no scenes to film with him on the next few day.
I was getting frustrated because I really missed him. Every night I sleep wearing his hoodie just to feel his presence near me. He was only three doors down, but everytime I try to knock I end up hesitating and ran back to my room. I don't really get what I'm feeling anymore.
I just finished filming on the milk tea shop with Jiaqi. It was dinnertime and I had no appetite. So I ended up pressing the floor on the rooftop to get some air. I was suffocated by our situation. I actually had the answers but I was afraid of confronting him. I was afraid I'm still not ready to face him again.
When I walked to the usual lounge, I saw his familiar profile leaning on the railing, his arms resting on top of it. He was smoking once again. And by the amount of stump discarded on the cup beside him, he was doing it for awhile.
I quietly ambled towards him. He didn't even turn when the elevator dinged upon the arrival of another person. He was deep in his thoughts.
"Dylan..." I quetly said. He jumped at my voice but didn't look at me, instead he continued puffing his smoke.
I tugged the bottom of the back of his hoodie, tears were once again running from my eyes. I looked down then leaned my head on his back.
"I'm sorry Dylan. I didn't mean to snap at you. I was just really frustrated about something really personal. I ended up taking it out on you." I said to him while sniffing. He didn't need to know that it was because of him.
I heard him sigh then turned towards me. I let go of his hoodie, I felt his hands brushing away the tears from my eyes.
"It's okay Yue, I also overreacted. Sorry. What has been bothering you for you to snap like that? Did I do something wrong? I've been beating myself up, thinking why you would react that way." He finally spoke to me.
I was so happy and sad at the same time because I can't explain it to him. Ever. So I just sobbed. Hoping against hope it will be enough of an explanation.