Im peeling the bitter skin from your favorite fruit, with the juice wetting my sticky fingers.
Do you love me now?
I feel your eyes tapping on my shoulders, begging me to look up at you.
Do you love me now?
I take the knife, and cut off a piece in once brisk stroke.
Do you love me now?
Nothing could stop winding around in my head that day, the silence was almost too much. And occupying your mouth was becoming too much of a task. All I could think of was to keep mine shut, and don't ask questions. If theres one thing I've learned from loving you I cant ask questions because I know there is no defined answer with you.
Nothing about you is defined. I could pull any shirt I wished from your hamper and each of them would have another perfume from another pretty woman. Maybe they are livelier than me, prettier, or much more womanly. But I don't see any of them sitting beside you now, my little wounded animal.
They only see you as a horse with a broken leg, I can hear them now "He's good for nothing now, might as well shoot him." Or maybe im being sadistic. I want to wring him by the neck, how long have I loved him, and how much have I got out of this?
"Colonel." My voice sounds harsh, and I cant take the way he's looking at me now, like he's expecting me to tell him he has two weeks to live. "How long?" I asked him, gritting my teeth, "How god damn long?" For a minute he looked puzzled, but his expression soon softened ready to take my next blow of words.
"I just want to know how long you've known." His mouth turned up at the corners, "Known what?"
"I don't need you to be a bastard right now, its cute any other day, but-"
It was his turn to interrupt me.
"I just want to hear you say it."
"How long-"
"How long…"
"Have you known I loved you?" I hate looking like this, my eyes are probably glossy, and my face has probably turned a light red. Im biting the inside of my cheeks now to keep from crying out in frustration, im loosing it, and he's never seen me this way.
"…."
I want to kill him, "Im going." I stood up, my face hot from embarrassment, I hate being treated like a god damn child. "If you leave now you'll only wonder." I hate how he makes me look back at him, but he knows exactly what to say to keep me listening.
"How you tell me thanks but no thanks?" I quickly dabbed the corner of my eye, trying to stay more angry than upset.
"No, that's not it."
"Then what the fuck is it Roy?!"
"Well, I was going to tell you something."
"Fuck you im leaving." I hate saying that to him, but im done, im so fed up being always coming in second to some one night stand.
"Come here."
I took one step closer to him, and his finger motioned me to come closer until our faces weren't but an inch away.
"God damnit Roy, how long?"
I could hardly take it anymore, his hand, still brittle and burned from the accident rose up, and touched my face. I drew back, trying not to want it. He pulled me in towards him pressing his lips against mine. I pressed my mouth hard against his, angrily, full of frustration for all those years. Our lips parted.
"You're killing me roy."
"I've known since you got transferred to be my lieutenant"
My hand found its way to his collar, where I clenched tightly digging my fingers into his skin. My forehead resting on his mouth, "Was I not pretty enough, strong enough? What was it?"
"What if I told you, every woman before this has been just another stair in the case to get to you?"
"I'd call you a dirty liar."
"We all want what we cant have."
He chuckled softly, laying a trail of kisses down the nape of her neck.
"Want to hear me say it now?" He said, I was still angry, but more confused.
"Say it."
"I love you."