The Case Of 'The Ripper'.

By AnimeNutsy

Disclaimer: I do not own any Fruits Basket characters. They belong to Natsuki Takaya.

Warnings: Mild Language, and lots of sillyness. Oh! And a little reminder for all peoples, animals and other life forms to wear gas masks when reading this. Thankies!

A/N: Thanks to Dukoro-chan for reviewing. I actually didn't think anyone would bother with this one. Well, it just goes to show that my humor does get appreciated!

Part 2

Shigure groaned, and reached out for the phone that was ringing. "Hello?" Shigure said, yawning. "Shigure, hi. It's Hatori. We need you to come by the Sohma Estate, ASAP." Came the drone of Hatori's voice.

"Why? You woke me up. I was dreaming of high school girls." Shigure replied, giggling. "Get serious! We have a MAJOR problem here." Hatori shouted, finally getting Shigure's full attention.

"What? Akito? Is he alright?" Shigure asked. "Akito's fine. Unfortunately, Kureno isn't. He's dead. We found his body lying in his room. He was…gassed to death. By…The Ripper." Hatori replied, choking back sobs.

"What? Huh? Kureno's dead? Who is this ripper?" Shigure asked the doctor. "The Ripper is the person responsible for the stink-out at the banquet. God, I feel like I should have done something more! Dammit!" Hatori shouted.

"Alright, take it easy. Have you anything on the perpetrator?" Shigure asked Hatori. "Not a thing. Except a note." Hatori replied. "Well? What does the note say?" Shigure asked, eagerly.

"I'll tell you when you get here." Hatori spoke. "Okay, I'll be there around noon. I want to get back to my dream." Shigure replied. "Shigure…if you do not get here now, I'll give you the biggest needle this side of Japan. Is that clear?" Hatori said, and hung up the phone.

"Aw…fine!" Shigure scowled, and hung up. He then got out of bed, and clothed himself in a loose Yukata, then set out for the Main Sohma Estate.

Main Sohma Estate

Shigure stood, mouth agape, as he read the note. The note said……

Beans Beans,

The Magical Fruit.

The More You Eat,

The More You Toot.

The More You Toot,

The Better You Feel.

Beans, Beans With Every Meal.

"What kind of monster would write such a thing?" Shigure asked, looking at Akito, who shrugged his shoulders. "As a practitioner of psychology, I can only say that this man or woman must be in need of medical help." Said Hatori, who walked into the room.

"You think? Poor Kureno…" Shigure cried out, sobbing into a tissue. "Speaking of Kureno…where did you put the body?" Akito asked Hatori. "We had the body locked away, to avoid contamination. NASA is scheduled to launch the body into the sun sometime tomorrow." Hatori replied.

"No, no! Better to launch him into a black hole! If he were launched into the sun, the ass gas might set off a Super Nova Explosion!" Shigure pointed out. "Hmm…Good point. I'd best call NASA to do that, instead." Hatori mumbled, and left the room in search of a phone.

"Yuck! I can still smell the stench of butt fumes in my nostrils." Akito growled out. "Well, we can't just sit here, we need to do something!" Shigure pointed out. "Yes, I know. But what?" Akito said, sighing.

"Never fear, Ayame the Beautiful is here!" Cried out Ayame, who swooped into the room. "And what are you doing in my rooms? Have you forgotten to knock?" Akito grumbled.

Totally ignoring Akito, Ayame stood before Shigure. "In light of certain events, I have put together a crack team of certain individuals, to battle this farting menace!" Ayame said, with a big grin plastered on his face.

"Oh, such as?" Akito asked, yet again being totally ignored, as Ayame only had eyes for Shigure. "Who's in this team?" Shigure asked. "Momiji, Ritsu and Yours Truly!" Ayame replied, batting his eyelashes at the dog.

"Talk about the blind leading the blind!" Akito shouted out, angrily. Ayame finally faced the young master. "Oh? Akito? You're here, too?" Ayame asked. Akito went blue in the face.

"Of course I'm here, you stain on the underwear of life! This is MY room!" Akito screeched like a banshee at the silver haired man. "So? What do you think?" Ayame faced Shigure, ignoring Akito yet again.

"I think it's fine. Akito-sama? Is it okay?" Shigure asked the young man, who was sulking in the corner. "Sure, whatever. It's not like any of you care what I think." Akito replied, in a whiny tone of voice.

"Then it's settled! Pretty Boys Are-GO!" Ayame said, giggling, and skipped out of the room. Shigure faced Akito. "It was nice of him to offer his assistance." Shigure told the young master.

"What crap. They're likely to do more harm than good." Akito replied. "Yes…but at least it'll keep us entertained. Popcorn?" Shigure asked, grinning as he held out a bucket of popcorn to the boy, who took a handful and nibbled on some. "I have a bad feeling about this…" Akito grumbled.

Yuki was down in his secret base, planting some more leeks to torture Kyou with. He heard a crunch, like feet walking on grass. He turned around, but the sun was in his eyes, so he didn't quite see the figure that smiled evilly at him.

"Who…are you?" Yuki asked, trying to shield his eyes. "Oh, I have a name…but you can call me…The Ripper!" A harsh voice hissed, before the stink of butt fumes encased Yuki, and he fell to the ground, coughing.

The figure walked over towards Yuki, until they were standing over the small boy. "Are you dead yet? No? No matter. The stink sometimes takes a while to kick in, then it's curtains for you." The figure said, laughing.

Yuki opened his eyes and stared up at the figure. "Y…You? But…I…" Was all Yuki had time to say, before his eyes rolled back into his head and he stopped moving. With a harsh laugh, the figure walked away into the forest.

To Be Continued

A/N: So? Has the toxic fumes got to anyone yet? –laughs- Oh, well. Read and Review. Thanks.