I Should Have Known
Chapter Two
Sakura used to love it when Naruto went into one of his rare mature moods. Those times where he would get all quiet and contemplative, where Sakura could actually hold a respectable conversation with him without it ending in a solid punch to the poor boy's face. Oh, how she used to anticipate those moods. But after a while, Sakura caught on, and it became clear that his normally carefree attitude shifted only when Naruto had something to say that he deemed truly important. And usually, Sakura would not like what he wanted to discuss.
Over the years, these types of conversations rarely strayed from a certain theme. Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto and Sakura.
Why Sakura couldn't let go when Naruto was right there waiting for her.
Sakura wasn't the only one who had changed in the last six years. Naruto had grown tall and lean, and had a confidence and ability to lead that had the village when peacetime was no longer an option. He had become an invaluable partner and comrade in battle, and although he never outgrew his boyish charm, there was a certain weight to his expressions now. Settled onto his now broad shoulders was the responsibility of the village, and most importantly the responsibility of caring for Sakura.
His "promise" had changed; they had decided that one long afternoon filled with loaded silences and shifted gazes. Sasuke could not be brought back until he wanted to he brought back. Until then, Naruto had a new promise: that he would keep Sakura healthy and happy to the best of his ability.
The problem with this new promise lay in Naruto's feelings. His childhood crush on Sakura had gradually faded away when he began to accept that her heart would always belong to Sasuke. After he left, however, things changed. Sakura was now alone. There was a void to fill. And Naruto could not stand back and watch when he had the opportunity to fill that void.
They hadn't brought it up for a long time, but he had tried to kiss her once, after a grueling, sweltering day of training. Sakura had fought well, even landing a few hits on him, keeping her chakra in check so as not to cause any lasting damage. Naruto had marveled at her ability, her now feline grace and strength. Sakura slumped against a tree, her eyes closed, pouring water from a bottle over her forehead as the sun beat down on them. Naruto could not remember seeing a girl more beautiful than at that moment. And before she had even opened her eyes, he had knelt down level to her face and touched his hand to her cheek.
Sakura's eyes flew open and as he leaned in she twisted her face to the side. They stayed that way, cheek to cheek for a few seconds, and Naruto finally sighed. Standing up, he walked off toward Ichiraku's without a goodbye.
It was the smallest of moments, but from then on, their dynamic had changed.
Today was one of those times where he had a serious talk to deliver. Naruto stood in front of her with fathomless blue eyes, asking her to join him for ramen, and Sakura had immediately flinched, almost spitting out a hurried 'no' before even considering the matter. They were friends, but the last person she wanted to talk about Sasuke with was Naruto. There was nothing that she could say to him. Ichiraku had become more of a meeting place than a place for food, Sakura noticed. So when Naruto approached her with that "let's talk about Sasuke" look in his eyes, she knew she didn't have a pleasant afternoon to look forward to.
It had to have been something in Naruto's slightly defeated face that made her accept. She could never say no to that face, and she had a moment of weakness. She found herself striding silently next to him as he led the way to the ramen stand he still adored even after his childhood passed. They slipped onto the bar stools, and it was a few minutes before either spoke. This was enough time for the man behind the counter to place bowls of their usual order in front of them with a smile. Sakura mumbled her thanks and inhaled the familiar scent of broth and chicken.
"Sakura-chan…" Naruto never did drop the old habit of attaching that suffix to her name. "It's about Sasuke."
"I know it is," Sakura said softly, crossing her arms in a subconscious defense.
"This won't take long. I just have a few things I want to say, anyway."
"Okay." Sakura knew what he was up to. And as much as she wanted to avoid discussing her old love, she knew Naruto couldn't do that. They would have to deal with Sasuke's return sooner or later, and definitely before either of them saw Sasuke again.
Word had traveled fast in the village, and apparently some sort of reunion dinner had been set up, where many of the ninja of their generation were coming to catch up and demand answers. Sakura was sure there would be a large crowd, not because they felt any real connection to the boy but because most couldn't resist a good scandal.
"Sakura-chan," Naruto placed a hand over hers, and it was all she could do to resist sliding her fingers out of his grasp. But she owed it to him. He never mentioned that training day in the months that followed, and he had been an unswervingly loyal friend to her. Perhaps he had even given up on her.
"Don't turn into the person you were before. Don't go after him. You've come so far."
Now she did pull her hand out of his reach, suddenly angry. "I'm not some fawning fangirl anymore," Sakura snapped, not intending to sound so harsh. "Sasuke is in the past. Maybe you can remain his friend, but I can't. And no, it's not for the reason that you think."
She blew out a frustrated sigh. It was always like this; every few months or so Naruto would check up on her, to see how she was doing in a life without the avenger. What did she care? Why should she care, after that missing-nin betrayed them all, betrayed her?
"I'm sorry," Naruto mumbled in a quick retreat, obviously mistaking her sudden show of anger for defensiveness of her "still present" feelings. Please, she thought. He knew nothing about her anymore.
"No, I am," Sakura interrupted before he could add to his utterance, deflating a little. Naruto was concerned; he couldn't help that. "I didn't mean to take my frustrations out on you. I'm just…so angry, is all." She twirled one of the chopsticks in her soup between her fingers. "I didn't expect to be this angry."
"Sakura-chan, it's okay that you're mad. I'm pretty pissed too," Naruto admitted. "But he came back for us. He didn't come back with some kind of agenda. Things will probably never be the same that they were before, but we can all go back to being friends again."
He was so simple. She and Sasuke could never be friends again. "It's not that easy, Naruto. He left us. And you seem to think we should just accept him back with open arms."
Naruto frowned and looked out at the people strolling by in the market. "Of course it isn't easy," he muttered without looking at her. "But you can't shut him out just because of your feelings. That's not fair to anyone. We need the team back."
Sakura stood up sharply, the chopstick dropping out of her hands. "The team? There is no team, Naruto." He looked surprised, but still refused to meet her eyes. And she knew that it wasn't really about the team.
"Naruto, listen to me. Whatever feelings you think I have for him are gone. You don't have to get so protective. I would never hang on to someone who abandoned us."
"Right. Because from what I've seen over the years, you're completely fine and have no issues," Naruto said bitterly. "You're deluding yourself, Sakura."
In that instant, Sakura's temper flared. She wanted to slap him. Beat him until he took it back. Grasp his face in her hands and force him to look at her. He crossed the line.
"Get over yourself. This isn't about him, or you, or anyone else. And I don't care what you think you know about my feelings. I don't love Sasuke anymore."
Her friend finally turned to face her, but his gaze slid past her. She was about to shout at him again, to make him look at her and believe what she was saying, but his eyes were suddenly focused.
Slowly, she turned, and found an impassive Sasuke taking a seat a few stools down. Kirika was still standing, her mouth slightly open at what she had just heard.
Sakura's mouth went dry.
Kirika seemed to collect herself. "It's nice to see you again, Sakura-san," she said politely as she took the seat next to them. Though she seemed relatively together, it was obvious that Kirika and Sasuke had caught the tail end of the conversation.
"You too," Sakura managed to reply as she attempted to gather her wits, "Kirika-san…Sasuke." She didn't dare look at the dark man at the end of the bar.
"It's quite a surprise to see you here," Kirika said after showing a light smile. "Sasuke-kun said that his best friend often ate here."
That explained why they had shown up at the worst possible moment. "And so you asked if he could take you," Sakura finished. "Well, I don't much care for ramen myself, but we always met here in the old days." She glanced at Sasuke and it was only then that she finally caught the intense stare he gave her. Her eyes widened. She hadn't expected that. Suddenly the air became a little too hot.
She returned to her seat, giving Kirika a halfhearted smile, and felt a guilty twinge for yelling as the girl looked kindly but warily back.
"Sorry about my little outburst there," she said to both Kirika and Naruto. Naruto, after letting his jaw hang open at the ill-timed appearance of the couple, quickly shut his mouth.
"It's okay, Sakura-chan," Naruto responded dismissively before taking a large gulp of his ramen broth. "You were trying to make a point."
Sakura was about to go further and mention that there were better ways she could have handled the situation, but she had already apologized, hadn't she? Frankly, she was tired of apologizing. It seemed to be all she did these days.
She pushed away the rest of her ramen. She didn't feel all that hungry anymore. "You know, I think I'm done with lunch. I'm going to head back home. Thanks for taking me out, Naruto." She tossed some money down onto the bar to pay for her own bowl and tried to ignore the fact that Naruto still wasn't looking at her. "I'll see you all at the reunion dinner tonight." Firmly ordering herself to plant one foot in front of the other, she stepped out of the stand.
"Sakura," Sasuke's voice stopped her in her tracks, as if Kakashi had just taken hold of her leg from the ground below in that jutsu he loved so much.
"Yes?" she breathed, turning around but not enough to actually face him.
"It's good to see you again," he said simply. A final sentence. There was nothing more to add, and nothing that she could say in response. Sakura gave a brief nod and regained her ability to walk. That dinner. Yes, she would see them all then. She just couldn't deal with this right now.
The dinner was a much more comfortable event than Sakura had dared to hope for. It was held at a large restaurant in the main district, by the Hokage tower. Though the lights were dim and inviting it was clear that this place was intended for large, cheerful gatherings. The tabletops were wooden with a cherry finish, and almost everything was colored a deep red, from the napkins to the wall hangings to the bar positioned in the far corner of the building. The air was humid and dank with the heavy smell of smoke and alcohol as men laughed and clinked mugs of beer or puffed on cigars at the bar. The tables were clearly meant for a community gathering as there were only three and stretched from one end of the room to the other in rows.
Sasuke and Kirika were too busy being reintroduced to old friends to speak to Sakura properly. Actually, they had managed to say only a few words of hello to her before the crowd of people outdid her in vying for the couple's attention.
"Wow, Sasuke, you picked a very nice girl."
"So shy, though. Are you okay, Kirika-san?"
"Hey, Sasuke, Shikamaru wants to talk over drinks at the bar."
"Oh, Kirika-san, you remind me of someone, but I can't put my finger on it…"
The conversations went on for hours, much more than dinner was supposed to last. Sasuke's "old acquaintances" turned out to be pretty much everyone in Konoha within a few years of his age, and then also a few teachers and mentors to add to the crowd. The rush of people never stopped. How long did Sakura have to stay before she could slip out unnoticed?
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto called happily as he plopped down next to her, their earlier fight apparently forgotten. He swung a mug in his hand, the alcohol clearly loosening up his concern for his former teammate. That lazy grin she was so used to seeing was plastered back on his face. 'Plastered' was actually a very appropriate word to use in this case, Sakura noted. The faint red stain on Naruto's cheeks told her that much.
"Naruto." She cautiously slipped her fingers inside the handle of his mug and took it from him with a smile. "One of these days you're going to hurt yourself," she teased.
"Sakura-chaaan, I needed that!" Naruto whined. "It tasted so good…"
"Which is exactly why I'm not letting you have this," she stated firmly. "Any more and you're going to fall on your face. Go talk to Sasuke, okay? I'm going to leave now."
As she stood up, Naruto caught hold of her arm. Sakura whirled to face him, prepared to smack him lightly on the head, but something in his face stopped her.
"Stay," he croaked, his fingers closed around her sleeve. "If not for Sasuke…for me."
Sakura was not in the mood to decode that statement. Wordlessly Sakura looked at him, then gave in and slid back into her chair. She had disappointed him enough today. Naruto smiled at her and put an arm around her shoulders. Sakura leaned forward and put her chin in her hand, his arm still around her, and listened to more of the drone of the crowd. Sasuke and Kirika had moved to the opposite side of her table, a few yards down, and she could hear the onlookers clearly.
"Kirika-chan, I can buy you a drink if you'd like…" One man slurred.
"She doesn't want to." This time, the voice was Sasuke's, cold and firm.
Kirika pouted at him. "Sasuke-kun, I can handle one drink," she insisted.
"Not from him."
The corner of Sakura's mouth upturned in a smirk at Sasuke's protectiveness. Even though the time had long passed when he was protective of her, she still had to appreciate the intimidation Sasuke still had over the rest of the men in the village. She was sure Kirika would be left alone now. The dark-haired girl shifted uncomfortably, a pretty blush across her cheeks. She clung to Sasuke's arm for the entire duration of the meal, and Sasuke did not pry himself loose. Sakura had to marvel at this. Him not pulling away was the equivalent of a public display of affection in Sasuke terms.
Sakura felt so detached by the scene that she wished she could pick up an imaginary remote and change the channel. Or, better yet, if she could turn it all off entirely. This was pathetic. Watching the couple was more than she could stand.
"I'm sorry, Naruto, but I really want to go," she insisted once more. "It's been over two hours."
Naruto gave her his sulking face, but let her go. Quietly, she slipped away and walked around the busy tables toward the door. She barely noticed Sasuke turn to look at her over his shoulder over the crowd as she closed the door behind her.
Sakura made her way around the back of the restaurant, past the garbage dumpsters and past the fence she used to spy on Kakashi from when she was still on a quest to view his face. It was odd how many memories she had in this village, and even odder that Sasuke hadn't been there for most of the ones she remembered. Being gone for so many years could do that. The bitterness returned, but also a lingering sadness.
Beneath her hurt, she had missed him. And she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out before she said something to Sasuke. She wasn't sure whether she would explode at him and pound him for deserting her, or whether she would break down and admit that his disappearance had changed her, and not all of it for the good.
Sasuke was like a tornado to her. Violent and intimidating, a force that she kept her distance from but couldn't stop from returning to observe. Then without warning she was sucked back in, entirely out of her control.
"Sa…" Sakura sensed someone stumble drunkenly behind her, and snapped out of her thoughts. "Sakura-chan…"
"Naruto?" She swiveled to find him clutching the white fence for support. His ever-present smile was absent.
"Don't…don't go," he mumbled as he peered at her through tired-looking eyes.
"Naruto, what are you doing?" Sakura asked with a sigh. "Go home."
"Sakura-chan." The way he said her name was a bit unsettling. It resembled a mixture of worry and desperation, both at once. "Stop leaving."
Sakura smiled, amused at his incoherence. Naruto was fighting for balance as he trudged over to her, coming closer and closer until practically invading her personal space. He's completely done, Sakura thought, leaning away. "Your breath is awful."
"You always leave," he accused, ignoring her comment. "Every time Sasuke is nearby, you always leave me, and you go seek him out." His words were a bit slurred, and the situation became less funny.
Sakura's brow furrowed. "I'm not going anywhere this time," she assured him, grasping his shoulder to steady him. "I know Sasuke coming back has made you worried. But really, Naruto. That's all in the past now."
"You will. You always will," Naruto said, his voice gaining strength. He staggered into her, and Sakura instinctively took a few steps back, only to meet a cement wall. "You'll always leave me for Sasuke."
Sakura gasped loudly when Naruto's palms slammed into the concrete on either side of her head, preventing her from moving as he closed in on her. "Sasuke always comes first…"
Everything around Sakura grew hazy as she processed what was happening. Naruto was much too close to her. One of his hands lifted from the concrete to tangle in her hair. His body was pressing into hers, and his face was so close that she could almost taste the alcohol in the air from his breath. Oh, God. She hadn't seen him this hammered since the last Christmas party when he had climbed one of the beams in the restaurant and promptly fallen on his head.
"Naruto, I don't know what's going on. I need to get you home," she said, attempting to move away but finding herself utterly caged.
"You don't know how things have been for me," came the reply, and she was struck by the accusation in his words. "I've done so much to help you, to be the one you turn to, your best friend. Sakura, I want to be the one you look at. Not him. Never him."
Sakura paused her escape plans as his words hit her. For so long she had hoped that he had just moved on. She'd thought that he had accepted that she wasn't for him, wasn't for anyone, and had maybe even turned his attentions toward Hinata. Hell, she hadn't even seen him much in the past month due to his missions and her time at the hospital.
That one second was all he needed. Sakura started to say something, but was cut off sharply. Now she really could taste the alcohol; his mouth slanted over hers hungrily, his hands pressing her up against the wall. Any will she might have had to speak intensified tenfold as she struggled to free herself from him. But it was too late; his grip had latched around her back, molding her small frame to the muscles of his chest.
"Na…Naruto-!" Her sentence was something he eagerly took advantage of, and his tongue swept past her lips into her open mouth. This didn't make sense at all. She never expected this from him. It was as if his mind said, I'm tired of sitting here waiting. Just kiss her and be done with it already.
"Naruto," she pleaded between kisses, her forearms on his chest in an attempt to block him while she spoke. "This has to stop. This isn't like you."
At her words, he paused, and pulled back enough to scowl at her.
"You don't understand, Sakura-chan," he growled, holding her tight. "I would never leave you. I would be here for you no matter what happens. He can't give you what I can."
She was still as his words sank into her. He was right. Naruto was a breath of fresh air in a world that had gotten far too depressing. He was always beside her when things were tough. Pushing her on when sparring became so intense she wanted to collapse, encouraging her when Tsunade made her heal for hours. Made her laugh over stupid things when she came to him with every intent to cry.
Naruto would never leave.
As much as it would have been for the best to just sharply push him away with chakra-enhanced strength and tell him in no uncertain terms how she felt, there was just a brief second of guilt. A brief second of doubt, where she thought, What if? What if this is actually what I need? Rays of sun rather than cool, detached darkness?
"Hinata…"
"Forget about Hinata, Sakura." Naruto's eyes bored into hers for a moment, and Sakura's struggles ceased. "Think about me. Don't ever think about Sasuke. He isn't ever going to be the kind of man that you need."
The weight of that sentence hung in the air. And the moment passed.
He seemed to sense her hesitation, and his grip softened. Sakura closed her eyes as he kissed her again, softer this time. His strong hands slid from her back to her neck, less of a restraint now. Sakura sighed into the kiss, thoughts wiped from her mind. Maybe this, this was what she needed. Maybe she could just forget about everything else and just let this happen.
An image of Sasuke flashed through her mind.
She gasped and struggled out of Naruto's grasp. Confusion clouded his face, but the moment he realized she was pulling away his arms became a cage again.
"I can't do this, I can't," she spoke rapidly, brushing her hair out of her face and staring pleadingly at the ground. "This isn't fair to you and I can't just let you—you can't—I can't—"
Naruto's sharp exhale relayed his frustration without her having to look up. He was angry again.
"Sakura! Why him? Why can't it ever be me?" He was shouting, anguished and furious. "I've been there for everything! Why can you still not accept that?"
"Let go, Naruto!" She was crying now, her hot tears streaming down. Naruto was everywhere, accusing her, pointing out her weakness, and exposing that was more than she could bear.
"He's done nothing for you!"
"Naruto, get off of me!"
"Oi."
That voice was very familiar, so familiar in fact that Naruto froze. Sakura's panicked eyes, if it were even possible, widened further.
"I don't think she likes that very much," Uchiha Sasuke spoke again, looking for all the world like the man who had stepped in front of her to save her in the Forest of Death. Her breath caught.
Naruto glared. "What do you know?" he hissed. "Do you know anything at all about her, Sasuke?" The friendliness, the eagerness Naruto had shown upon Sasuke's arrival at the village was nowhere to be found now. Instead, it was replaced with an icy tone that made Sakura shiver. It was the tone that Naruto's enemies heard right before they met Rasengan.
"I know enough to tell that she wants out of that wall you've shoved her into," Sasuke deadpanned. His eyes drifted over Sakura's hands on Naruto's chest, halted mid-struggle.
"What would you know?" Naruto demanded again. "You've been gone so fucking long that she's completely changed. She isn't the same Sakura-chan," he added, his voice growing softer and sadder. His glare snapped up to meet Sasuke's again. "And it's because of you!"
"That's enough." Sasuke's uncaring attitude had changed to coldness, his own anger seeping into the air. "Release her now before someone sees you, and I can bet you won't become the Rokudaime after that."
Naruto glared, and after a long stare, relinquished his hold on Sakura's arms. "Bastard," he spat. "You defect from this village and you threaten me? You don't know anything about what just happened." He took one step toward Sasuke, but seemed to think better of it as Sakura reached forward to catch his arm. His expression was blank as he tugged his arm back.
Slowly, he staggered out of the alley and turned the corner, out of sight.
With trembling hands, Sakura pulled at her clothing to straighten it, hastily attempting to reclaim her dignity before the stoic Uchiha. He did nothing but stand there, waiting for her to finish.
"Can you get home?" he asked her.
Humiliated and wanting to lash out, Sakura could only draw herself up and give him a defiant stare. "Yes. I'm sorry you had to witness that."
Sasuke walked over to her slowly, never tense, never hurried. His ability to keep calm in any situation had always slightly unnerved her. He scanned her face, and she suddenly lost the ability to breathe. His eyes were searching, and she wondered what he saw there.
"Your makeup is running."
Her face burned. Regaining control of her legs, she pushed past him, not trusting herself to speak.
She was almost out of the alley when she heard him call after her.
"You're still weak."
Slowly she turned to face him. She hated him. Hated his impassive face, hated his indifferent demeanor. This man was the reason everything she had was gone.
"Screw you. You know nothing about me," she bit out, echoing Naruto. She turned again, clutching her shirt as her heart pounded.
The back door to the restaurant creaked, and Sakura heard someone hurry out. "Oh, thank goodness, there you are!" Kirika exclaimed, the light and noise from the restaurant filtering through the opening in the door behind her.
And there was Kirika. She had forgotten there was a Kirika.
"I've been looking everywhere for you, Sasuke-kun…" she trailed off as she spotted Sakura, and Sakura could see her taking note of Sakura's messy hair and rumpled clothing, and of the sweat that trickled down the side of her face. "Are you okay, Sakura-san? Did something happen?"
"I'm fine," Sakura said automatically. "I've had too much to drink, and I'm just heading home."
She watched as Kirika looked her over worryingly, and suddenly realized exactly how this looked. Sasuke and herself, alone in an alley, her in complete disarray. She was amazed that not a trace of suspicion surfaced in Kirika's expression.
"Oh, do you need help getting home? Where do you live?" the girl asked, hurrying forward to assist. Sakura waved her off.
"It's okay, really, Kirika, I'm fine." Go away.
"At least let me heal you a little so you don't get a hangover tomorrow. It's not much, but I can at least do that," Kirika insisted.
"I'm a medic-nin, I don't really get hangovers. My system heals itself overnight." Kirika looked so downcast at being useless that Sakura softened. "Are you training to be a medic, too?"
She almost kicked herself for asking the question, when she just wanted to run home, but Kirika was going so far out of her way to be nice. The good girl that was still somewhere in Sakura demanded that she try a little harder to be nice to this girl.
Kirika beamed excitedly. "Yes! It's been put on hold for a bit since I had to leave my country, but I'm getting there. Hopefully I won't just be healing, though."
"You're training to fight, too?" Sakura really couldn't see this slight, frail girl on a battlefield. She would be crushed.
A fire lit in Kirika's eyes, and Sakura knew something had happened to her to make her want to gain strength. Perhaps when she was fleeing her village. She knew the feeling well.
"I've sat by, unable to do anything. And people have died because of it. I'm pretty fragile myself, but I have to try. At least this way, I can try my best to protect all of my important people."
A determined glint shone in her eyes.
"That way, I won't ever be weak again."
Sakura threw a sharp look at Sasuke, who hastily averted his eyes. She saw guilt there. He knew what she was thinking. And she wasn't even going to try decoding the implications behind his choice in companion.
This nice, sweet girl Sasuke had brought home was just like Sakura had been before he had left, standing here with her fists clenched. The same shyness. The same vulnerability. And above all, the same determination to avoid the word that had plagued her during her darkest months.
She saw a replica of her old self.
It was right then that Sakura decided.
She hated this girl.