I Should Have Known
Chapter Three
The next morning she spotted Naruto waiting for her at the fruit stand on her way to work, hunting for mangoes to keep himself busy until she got there. He looked haggard, obviously hung over, stubble on his face from not having shaved since yesterday. Still, he was there, ready to…what? Apologize? She felt like she had been slugged in the stomach; completely unprepared and doubled over. Her own guilt slammed into her like a freight train.
"Sakura-chan…" Naruto called weakly to her, and she slowed to a stop. She would have liked nothing more than to keep walking, to ignore the issue at hand and let it sink into the back of her mind until she was ready to tackle it. But this wasn't a simple matter of her being angry. It wasn't a matter of him apologizing, and her coming around. She had been an equal participant.
For just a moment, she had let him believe that he had won.
Her own indecision had caused this. That moment in the alley was not a time to be having second thoughts. Looking at Naruto and wondering whether he was the right choice after all? She had had years to think about that. And those tiny few minutes last night were just about the worst possible time she could have faltered. He may have been pushy, but she was every bit as much in the wrong.
The air was tense and two sets of eyes stayed fixated on the ground. Neither could truly face the other. She knew that if she so much as glanced at him, his desperate, anguished eyes would melt her into trying to put it past them. He clearly felt that their friendship was too strong to disintegrate over one event. In a way, he was right. But nothing would ever be the same now. They couldn't handle this.
An entire conversation passed between them before either spoke a word.
She slowly forced herself to raise her gaze to him. She could at least give him that much.
It was then she noticed that the corner of Naruto's mouth was smeared with crimson liquid, and the swelling of the area told Sakura that he had been punched, probably within the last hour. Sakura was too agitated then to wonder who did it, or why.
"Sakura…please." No suffix to her name. That special honorific was only dropped when Naruto was at the end of his rope. Naruto had the look of a man who would give up his dream of being Hokage just to take back what had happened. What he did. What he said. The boy was so sickeningly earnest, it made her want to cry.
"It wasn't just you, Naruto," Sakura spoke, and she fought to keep her voice calm and unwavering. "I'm not angry."
Naruto's face visibly relaxed in relief but his jaw still clenched. He ran his hand through his hair and looked up at her under his eyelashes.
"I…" He swallowed hard, and Sakura watched his Adam's apple bob a little. "Sakura-chan. I never...never meant to do that. Or say what I said. I don't know what made me get like that. And I never meant to make you feel like…instead of protecting you, you had to be protected from me." He let out a low, sour laugh.
"Naruto, I could have pushed you away much sooner than I did. My hesitation made it all a lot more complicated than it needed to be. I could have been clear from the start, but I wasn't." She exhaled sharply. "I can't be angry at you without looking at myself."
Naruto's brow knitted in confusion, and she prayed to Kami that he wouldn't ask what she meant by that. She didn't know how to sort out how she felt about anything right now. She could no sooner tell him to stay away forever than she could tell him to come closer. Her head was a jumbled wreck of emotion and thought and…
She just needed to get away and think for a damn moment.
"I…Naruto, I have to go," she said slowly. "I'll catch up with you later."
Had this been an entirely different situation, just a fight between friends, she might have broken her resolve and enfolded the blonde in a tight hug. She would have stroked his hair and whispered soothing assurances that it was okay, that everything would be all right and that she didn't blame either of them. But it wasn't okay. It might be at some point, but that point was not now.
She could see in his eyes that this was far from the resolution he had been hoping for, but he didn't push her. Despite the fact that everything was very not okay, when she silently brushed past him, she felt no resistance.
She knew that if she looked back she'd see Naruto staring after her, regret clearly visible in his eyes. Somewhere during the conversation, the fruits he held had dropped to the ground, forgotten.
"Sasuke-kun, what are we doing here?" Kirika asked as he walked to the old training grounds he remembered so vividly.
"Visiting old memories," he replied softly. Though he offered no details, Kirika understood what he needed.
"Okay, Sasuke-kun. I'll just wait over here, all right?" she walked over to a rather thick tree and settled herself at its base, smoothing her long baby blue skirt as she did so.
Sasuke watched her out of the corner of his eye before turning his attention to the stretch of forest before him, the small clearing surrounding it just as he remembered. The area was calm and sunny, and a light breeze drifted through, swaying Sasuke's hair and causing Kirika's skirt to flutter gently. He walked slowly through it, taking in the sights and smells and breathing in the fresh, clean air. Words couldn't say how much he missed this.
"Tenten, you dragged me all this way just to train?" Sakura's impatient voice carried through the grounds, and Sasuke scanned the clearing until he found her scowling at her friend while Hinata trotted behind like a shy puppy.
"You know we're both out of practice," Tenten replied dismissively as she dropped Sakura's hand. "Besides, I didn't bring you here just to train."
"Hinata, save me," Sakura moaned. Hinata just giggled and shook her head. She couldn't handle Tenten's energy and they both knew it.
"Oh, Sasuke! Good to see you," Tenten called, and she waved. Sasuke observed Sakura freeze with a little amusement.
"Tenten." He gave her a small nod of acknowledgement.
"We were just about to train," Tenten continued.
"I noticed."
"Well, would you like to join us?" the kunoichi invited.
"Actually," Sakura quickly cut in beside her friend, "he most likely has things to do to settle back into the village. I'm sure there's a lot of paperwork to be done and things to buy, right, Sasuke?"
Sasuke wasn't stupid; he knew Sakura was trying to get rid of him. It was tempting to stay around just to spite her, but he just wasn't that kind of person.
"I'm about to leave," Sasuke admitted. He just wanted to get a good look at his old grounds anyway. Perhaps the top of the old Hokage monument was next. He motioned for Kirika to join him, and she scurried over.
"Oh, well, then, you won't get to see how much stronger Sakura's become!" Tenten said slyly. He didn't miss Sakura shooting her friend a warning look, but Tenten was very purposefully ignoring her.
"Well, that's good that she has," Sasuke replied, not taking the bait. He raised a sardonic eyebrow at Sakura, and she clearly got the implication. He was thinking about last night. Her fruitless attempts to push Naruto away. Sakura's face heated in embarrassment and anger.
"Well, at least watch Sakura do one technique," Tenten offered. What was she trying to do? How much had Sakura said to this girl about the encounter outside the bar?
Regardless, he was a bit curious to see if Sakura had done anything with herself in all of the years he'd been gone. If she wanted to prove herself in some way to him for old time's sake, then he would let her.
"One," Sasuke relented. He smirked as if to say 'I'll humor you,' and watched as Sakura's aggravation grew.
"Okay!" Tenten cried happily. She whirled on Sakura. "Okay, show him that ground-punchy-thing you always do. It worked for Kakashi. Naruto told me about the look on his face!"
This time, it was Sakura's turn to raise an eyebrow. "First of all, that 'ground-punchy-thing' as you call it has too wide of a range. It could hit both Sasuke and Kirika-san. I doubt that would really impress them."
"One minute." Sasuke secured his hands around Kirika's waist and jumped up onto a thick branch. Kirika squeaked, but was for the most part unsurprised. After all, he'd taken her out of danger several times before. "By all means, continue."
Sakura glared up at him. He merely smirked back at her, deciding to entertain her. This didn't improve her look one bit.
"All right," Sakura conceded. "Tenten, Hinata, please stand back."
"And don't hold back, Sakura!" Tenten reminded her. "He should see the full extent of it." She clearly wanted her friend to show off. Perhaps Sakura hadn't put her up to it. Kami, matchmaking friends were annoying.
"Yeah, yeah." Sakura stepped to the middle of the clearing, and took a deep breath. In a moment of curiosity, Sasuke activated his Sharingan to watch her mold her chakra, and was pleasantly surprised. Her reserves had grown exponentially bigger. It was quite obvious that she'd trained extensively in his absence.
As Sakura exhaled, she drew as much chakra as the technique required, and maybe a little more, into her hand. It surrounded her fist in a bright gleam. It was a very fitting attack for her to use; it seemed to draw strength from her emotions, and right now her chakra was practically pulsing with them.
She raised her fist with purpose before slamming it into the ground, giving it one last spurt of chakra. The ground shook as her fist crunched right through the rocky surface, and suddenly the ground was filled with large, deep cracks. They raced from the spot, stopping only at the very edges of the clearing, some even traveling along the sides of the tree trunks. Then, the clearing collapsed into a shallow crater.
Kirika yelped and grasped Sasuke's shirt as the ground spilt open and the tree swayed. Sasuke's eyes widened at the display. Sakura did that? Being honest, it was hard to see how that much power could come from that girl's tiny fists. Sasuke grudgingly had to respect her for it, and seeing her furiously proud face glaring up at him brought an unbidden thought to his mind.
She's different. A woman now.
Sasuke shook his head, immediately irritated with her.
"Sakura-san, that was incredible!" Kirika exclaimed from their perch. Sasuke leapt down to the grassy area beneath the tree and set her on the ground. "I had no idea that a medic-nin could do that."
"If you have the right teacher and good chakra control, you can," Sakura replied as she walked up to them.
"Hopefully I'll have a teacher of my own, someday. It was great, wasn't it, Sasuke-kun?" She whirled to face Sasuke.
"Hn. Powerful, but not that practical of a technique," he stated with a half-smile. Sakura scowled.
"Oh, Sasuke, you're mean," Tenten scolded, but her eyes were playful. "Would you mind terribly if we took Kirika out to lunch? We haven't had much time to talk to her yet."
"I'd like that," Kirika said before Sasuke could reply. Still, she glanced back at Sasuke to make sure it was okay. He inclined his head to indicate it was, and a happy Tenten linked her arm with Kirika's.
"Come on, Hinata," she said. "Sakura and Sasuke probably have a lot to catch up on anyway."
Hold on, thought Sakura. You're kidding. The setup was so obvious!
"Guys. Seriously?" Sakura said, spreading her arms. Tenten only smiled sweetly, the same smile she always had when she was up to something.
"It's okay, we don't mind. We'll meet up around four, okay?" And she turned before another word could be said. The three girls headed down the road, Tenten easily filling the shy silence as they strode to Ichiraku's.
Sakura gave Sasuke a fleeting look to see his reaction, but he wasn't looking at her. He stood at the edge of the crater she had made, peering down at it with a thoughtful expression. She raised an eyebrow. "What?"
He returned her accusing stare and smirked. "You've completely destroyed our old training grounds. Good job."
Keeping herself in check lest she smack him for trying to get a rise out of her, she raised her hands in a gesture of nonchalance. "Eh. The cleanup crew will fix it in a few hours. They're fairly used to it by now."
Finding a comfortable spot on the grass at the side of the clearing, she sat down with her legs to the side. A shuffle of movement, and Sasuke joined her. Leaning back onto the ground, Sakura looked up at the brilliant sky and followed the clouds with her eyes, tufts of pure cotton drifting lazily overhead. They lay there for several silent minutes, each lost in their own world of thought, no sound save for the birdsong overhead and the babble of the creek. Sakura picked absentmindedly at the grass blades around her as she stared upwards, for once in a state of peace..
"I used to watch the clouds and wonder if you still ever thought of us out there," she whispered. She felt Sasuke turn his gaze on her, and he was silent for almost a minute, as though choosing his words carefully.
"I did," he admitted, finding the cloud she was tracking, the sun warming his face. "That was perhaps the hardest part."
Sakura propped herself up onto her elbows. "Why didn't you let us help you? We wouldn't have hesitated. If you had asked." Strands of her hair blew over her face, and she tucked them behind her ear.
Her old love was quiet again, but this never bothered her. He was always slow to respond, and she was patient. For when he finally did answer a questions, it tended to be something significant. Sasuke did not give throwaway answers.
"…It was my vendetta. It wasn't for you to shoulder."
"But we would have," Sakura said softly. "We would have for you."
Sasuke exhaled sharply.
"Perhaps…I should have let it happen. We accomplished much together." He shuffled to his feet and brushed off the grass, signaling that he wanted this conversation to end. "But it was best that you were left behind."
"Why, Sasuke? Why would you say that?" Sakura sat up fully and stared up at him. "You didn't seriously believe that we couldn't help you, did you?"
His unvoiced 'yes' spoke volumes. "I didn't want to leave. But you two couldn't have handled what I had in store for myself."
"Naruto nearly killed you when he went after you. You know he can handle himself just fine."
His eyes locked with hers. "Maybe he could have."
Stunned, Sakura's temper swelled as she realized what he was saying. "You…you left us both. Because you thought I'd be a hindrance? Sasuke, I may have realized my shortcomings a bit late in the game, but I have worked to better myself. I would have done anything to be able to help!"
"You're weak, Sakura. You can't help that."
Sakura's mind reeled from that particular blow. How dare he. After all this time, he had no right. No right at all to say that.
"You arrogant, selfish man," she spoke in a low voice, gathering her hands into fists. "You're not even sorry for leaving us, are you? Sorry for leaving me here when I begged you?"
Sasuke looked out at the trees on the training ground, unwilling to be present in the conversation. "Sakura, don't be annoying. I didn't want your death on my hands. And I didn't need your help or anyone else's to accomplish my goal."
"Really?" Sakura was furious now. "Because you didn't seem to mind running to Orochimaru for strength when you found out you were too pathetic on your own."
She noticed with satisfaction that he flinched, his face contorting with anger. When he looked at her, his eyes were steely and unforgiving.
"I had my reasons for doing what I did."
Sakura immediately saw that Sasuke was on the defensive. "If you remember," she sneered, "your so-called reasons led you right back here. Now that you're finished, you expect us to welcome you with open arms."
"I didn't want to leave," Sasuke growled in a low and dangerous voice.
"No one forced you to! If I recall correctly, a certain person offered to give up anything to get you to stay."
There was silence between them, a fury-laden quiet that neither could stand.
Sasuke stared at her, and for the first time he realized that Sakura was dry-eyed. There was nothing in her eyes but anger, and the Sakura of years ago would have annoyingly cried at the first hint of tension.
"Do you still feel that emotion equals weakness, Sasuke?" Sakura was almost inaudible now, but it was such an enraged whisper that for a moment Sasuke could not concentrate on what she had said.
"We've strayed off the point. I'm not arguing this any longer." Sasuke turned his back on her, but he had barely taken two steps before Sakura grasped his arm.
"Just answer the damn question, Sasuke!" she yelled, but this time there was a tiny amount of desperation in her voice. "Are you still so hard-headed that you refuse to feel anything for anyone? What about Kirika, huh?"
Sasuke's eyes widened at the mention of the girl. "Why bring her up? Are you jealous that I might actually feel something for her?"
Sakura released his sleeve quickly as though she had been bitten. She stared him straight in the eyes, hurt at his attack on her, betrayal evident in her eyes.
"Just think about it. I don't give a damn whether you care, or ever cared, about me. But Kirika doesn't deserve the unbearable, unfeeling personality you still have. She doesn't deserve you messing her up, too." She slipped past him and walked away, not bothering to see his reaction.
Sasuke sighed, irritated. What a day. What a fight, even, and with the person he least expected. He had come a long way from the boy he used to be, but he couldn't ignore what she had said.
Truth be told, he had thought that she would move on after he left the village. Shallow girls always eventually got over him and moved on to someone else, onto more healthy relationships. He hadn't imagined that she would suffer this much because of his decision. "She doesn't deserve you messing her up, too." He'd be an idiot not to notice Sakura's bitter, defiant exterior, the way she talked back to him, standing tall and unapologetic. He had caused all that? A part of him said, Good, she's grown up a bit, but he was beginning to understand the cost of what it took to get there.
He thought it would be best if she eventually forgot him. It was disturbing to finally discover just how wrong he was.
"So," Tenten asked Kirika over a bowl of miso ramen, "how'd you and Sasuke get together anyway?"
"Well," she replied, giving Tenten a small smile, "He saved me from an enemy ambush near Mist—"
"No, no," Tenten waved her hand, "We already heard that story. I mean the story of how you managed to snag the most handsome guy in Konoha…and out of the village too, most likely." Tenten wiggled her eyebrows at Kirika, and the girl blushed. "How you became his girlfriend."
Kirika's eyes grew to saucers as she realized. "O-oh! Tenten-san, Sasuke-kun and I aren't together."
Tenten's scheming smile dropped. "What?"
"I'm traveling with him because I feel indebted to him, and he's been very kind to me. I'm staying along until I find a place to call home and find a way to repay him, but I'm not…I'm not Sasuke-kun's girlfriend."
"Did you hear that?" Tenten said at Hinata with an odd smile, as if were the most outrageous thing she'd ever heard. "She just said that she's not Sasuke's girlfriend." Hinata looked at her strangely.
"I gotta go! It's been fun." Tenten dropped a few bills onto the counter, gave Kirika a friendly wave, and bolted out of Ichiraku, dashing down the street.
"SAKURA!"