Spring Break, Baby

By Hemel Lassie

Part Three

The team hears first word of Charlie's upcoming spring break trip and weigh in with their views. Some may argue this doesn't advance the story much, but that is the way the story told me she wanted to be written. In my house, there are two rules. Obey the Cat...and obey the Muse. SMB

Once the brothers had enjoyed thoroughly their leisurely lunch at Europane, Charlie and Don returned to the Cal Sci campus.

Charlie had frankly been a little frustrated that Don had turned aside every effort he made during the meal and, even, the return ride to the campus to bring talk back around to the data he had compiled and organized for Don and the team.

On the brief drive back to campus, Don had remarked. "Next time we go to lunch at Europane from here, I think we will just walk…so long as it isn't raining. Speaking of rain, though, Chuck, don't forget your rain coat and umbrella when you go to England."

Charlie grinned. "They call the umbrella a 'brolly' in England. And a lot of British weathermen like to advise everyone – "Why not totally screw up our forecast, ladies and gents? Be sure to wear your Macs and/or carry your brolly and it won't rain a drip; no matter how carefully we predict the weather. Doppler's be damned!" "The latter part had been done with a very passable British accent imitation.

Don grinned. "So, in your mathematically scientific opinion, does that work?"

Charlie glanced from side to side, as if bothered to admit it, but, finally, said. "Oddly? Yes. If I have a raincoat or umbrella with me…even packed away in bag or briefcase; it never seems to rain on me when I am in England. Weird, huh?"

"Ever run the numbers on it?" When Charlie just gave him 'that look', Don grinned hugely. "Ever ask Larry to explain the science on that one?"

"I've asked several serious scientists. They've all done their own homework, their own experimentation and come back with the same results as mine, but …well, there is a reason we still talk about the 'mysteries of the universe', Don."

"Sounds like a case of, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Does it work here, you think?"

"Ah, no. Definitely doesn't work here. Although it seems to work to a degree when I am in San Francisco or northern California... Don't ask me why." Charlie shrugged and opened his classroom door. "Now can I go over the data with you?"

"Sheesh, Chuck. What's the big rush? It's a corporate fraud case that had been going on for months…no actual humans are being harmed. I wanted to prove to myself I could take my brother out to lunch without picking his brain for work purposes for a change. Turns out it's my brother who has a hard time relaxing, while he is digesting. You don't always have to talk about FBI stuff to me, kid."

"I know. I mean, I don't. When you are over at the house and we are watching a game or something…look the reason I keep coming back to the data is SOME ACTUAL HUMANS are being harmed. Poor, older and disabled citizens who can't afford to lose their Social Security checks are getting ripped off seriously by these bank officials and NO one is doing anything about it. I mean, some of these people have died, Don."

Don ripped his sunglasses off his face. "Are you serious?"

Charlie hit a button on his now open computer and a group of obituaries began to scroll across the screen, complete with pictures, obviously mostly drawn from other sources.

"Damn Chuck…I give you a molehill to dig in, you produce the freaking iceberg that sunk the Titanic! When's your next class…can we do this at the war room for the whole team?"

"I'm actually done for today. I had to give my afternoon class a day to work on their papers once I explained where their initial efforts had gone wrong. I would have told you that before we came back here, if you had given me half a chance!" Charlie was exasperated, but triumphant. "Every time I tried to tell you anything about the data…"

'I know…I know. Come on…let's head back out. So, we wasted a little time, got some extra exercise…"

"And wasted gas…don't forget the wasted gas, Don. Not just my tax dollars, but yours and Dad's plus everyone else's go to pay for that gas, don't forget."

"Yeah…well, there is that. But this is California, my brother. Wasting gas here is sort of an oxymoron, you know?"

"Doesn't make it any less moronic!" The professor retorted with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go. I can't fit the stuff I have to have with me in your Prius, you know?"

"I hear Governor Schwarzenegger is having his Humvies all converted to run off used vegetable oil, Don."

"Uh-huh. I can see me bringing up that suggestion at the next budget meeting with Merrick…as if." His older brother advised, with a poorly hidden shudder. "I don't think converting our gas guzzlers to used vegetable oil is high on the local AD's To Do, list, buddy."

"It really should be." Charlie muttered. "The money we could save and the pollution we could reduce."

Don threw his arm around his brother, impulsively. "You know, there are times when you really show you are the by-product of hippy parents, even if you came along after their hippie-dippy days."

"Yeah, so…what does that say about YOU?"

"That I am definitely a member of the Me Generation?" The FBI agent suggested with a facetious grin. "Besides, what does biodiesel smell like? Burnt vegetables?"

"Some people say the smell makes them think of French Fries."

"Oh, great…so every one in LA would be in a permanent Big Mac frenzy. That would make the healthy eaters groups go nuts." Don advised. "See, every solution can create a dozen more problems."

Charlie laughed. "Permanent Big Mac Attack. That's one worthy of Colby, Don."

Don just grinned. "Got everything you need for your show and tell at the office, Chuckie?"

"Don't CALL me that, Donald."

"Hey, I am not a duck."

"And I am not a knife-weilding doll from a horror movie."

"Nerd."

"Jock."

"Okay…let's get this show on the road, Math Man."

"Okay, G-man. Let's hit it."

Don grinned and began humming the old Batman theme from the Adam West TV series.

Charlie shook his head at his older brother's sudden playfulness. "If you think you are getting me in a pair of tights, you have another thing coming, Don." But his grin easily equaled his brother's as they headed off to take down evildoers elsewhere.

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During a break in the mega-marathon brainstorming session at FBI headquarters that seemed to add agency after agency to the list of those involved, Charlie was joined in the break room where he was making himself an herbal tea by Megan and David, on a quest for more info on an aside Don had tossed out about his upcoming trip.

"So, England is great this time of year." David opened the inquest.

"England's great any time of year." Megan agreed. "But, Sue Berry, again. How's Amita feel about this?"

They achieved the desired squirm factor from the younger Eppes. "Look, it isn't like that. Well," He decided to go for honest. "At least, it definitely isn't like that on my side. There is no romantic interest left there. I have Amita now…and she admitted she KNOWS that, so I am sure she doesn't have any ulterior motives in that direction. I'm kind of worried about the first thing she said."

Megan gently advised him. "Charlie, 'I don't have much time', can mean an awful lot of things and to assume only the negative ones will only make you worry needlessly."

"Yeah, man…" David suggested. "She writes books about…well, among other things, sex and pleasure and the brain, right? Maybe she is working on a book about the mind-pleasure connection and she wants to pick that fabulous brain of yours about whether you have developed a line of thought in connection with your cognitive emergence theory that could play into it, but she has a deadline with a publisher she is pushing up against." He pulled that one out of thin air, so he was surprised when Charlie's expression seemed to alter to suggest he might be on to something.

"You know…she did send a whole bunch of e-mails for a time exactly along those lines, but they stopped and I figured she discarded the thought. But why would she want me there for that? I mean, we were e-mailing about it…we could do that just as easy by e-mail and phone, as in person."

The profiler part of the FBI team suggested, thoughtfully. "Yeah, but think about this. Selling the concept to a publisher who may be balking would be easier if YOU were actually present to expand on the math-y parts."

"Math-y parts?" Charlie almost snorted his tea out his nose. "You mean those related to my work, I gather?"

Megan grinned. "You should see Larry's reaction when I call his shuttle stuff the Spacey parts."

Colby had wandered in amidst the discussion. "Old girlfriends, adventures in England, intrigue…what would your friends at the NSA say, Whiz Kid?"

"Probably ask him to bring home some fish and chips. Go to the right places, Charlie, the fish and chips over there are great." David remarked.

"Oh, I love well done English fish and chips! And I know lots of good places."

"No way. A really good English meal is roast beef with mushy peas and Yorkshire pudding. " Granger retorted. "Now, that is a meal!"

"You actually like mushy peas." David looked at his partner like he had gone permanently around the bend. "I mean, what's the deal. They mash a bunch of peas. How is that anything special? It's like baby food, for pity sake. "

"Just keep me away from the steak and kidney pie. Shepherd's pie though, now that is good." Colby went on.

"So," Don walked into the room mug in hand for his caffeine refill. "Treasury department guys and the folks from the US DA are going to get the bank examiners into the act. This is a really big deal you've uncovered, Charlie. Way to go. And what is this…Hell's Kitchen wanna be's. I mean you are talking in here like there is such a thing as decent English cooking. And, I'm not saying there isn't. I've been to that one pub in Burbank a few times with Charlie and Dad and I rather like the Sunday Roast Beef dinner with all the trimmings myself. Just don't mention haggis around me, man."

"Technically, haggis is a Scottish dish, Don." Charlie elaborated. "And the vegetarian version isn't bad at all."

"Yeah, well probably because it doesn't actually involve eating a cow's stomach." Don remarked. Colby and David both made faces while Megan laughed.