Little Bugger

Maureen was sitting in front of the television one night. She was watching reruns of Sanford and Son while painting her toes. Every so often the diva would check the door to make sure Joanne wasn't home from work yet. If the lawyer saw what she was doing, she would flip. Time after time Joanne told Maureen that if she wanted to paint her toes to do it in the dining room where none of the nail polish could get on the carpet. But Maureen's argument always had been and remained until this day, that she couldn't see the TV. What good was it painting your toes if you couldn't watch your favorite rerun of Sanford and Son?

"See Joanne just doesn't understand me…she doesn't realize how careful I can be! I'm not gonna spill anything!" Right as Maureen said that, a mosquito landed on her right ankle. The bug took a nose dive right into the fleshy part of Maureen's foot, sucking all the blood it could take on the way.

"Oh my gosh!" Maureen exclaimed as she felt the bug suck the blood from her ankle. The diva jumped three feet into the air, slapped the mosquito away from her, and watched as her nail polish dropped out of her hand and seemed to fall, in slow motion, towards Joanne's prized white carpet. Maureen dove towards the bottle hoping she could catch it before it fell to the ground but her attempts were futile. As the bottle hit the ground and little by little indigo nail polish poured onto the carpet, Joanne was unlocking the door.

"Honeybear, I'm home!!" the lawyer yelled from the front hallway.

Oh crap, Maureen thought to herself as Joanne made her way towards the living room, What am I gonna do!! That damn mosquito…ruined everything! Just then the mosquito was back. With the precision of an army sniper, the mosquito marked its target—Maureen's left thigh. Once again, it dove, stinger first, into the meaty flesh of Maureen's leg.

"Holy mother of…!!" Maureen screamed, jumping up again as the mosquito landed a second time, "You little shit…once I find you…"

"Mo? You okay in there?"

"No! Some stinking mosquito is in here and it keeps biting me!" the diva replied pouting as Joanne walked into the living room and kissed Maureen on the forehead. Maureen didn't realize it, but at that moment, she was standing on top of the spot of polish, making it so that Joanne didn't even notice it was there.

"Where'd he get you Honeybear?"

The diva pouted again, hoping now that she could get away with the stain by making Joanne feel sorry for her.

"He bit me on my ankle… and then on my thigh. Pookie, make it feel better."

Joanne smiled; sometimes Maureen could be such a child, "Okay baby, I'll go get some Benadryl spray for it okay and a Band-Aid and we will make it feel all better."

"Thank you Pookie…you always know how to take care of me." Maureen watched as Joanne disappeared into the bathroom to gather supplies to make Maureen feel better. As soon as she was sure Joanne couldn't hear her, she scrambled out of the living room into the kitchen to get some carpet cleaner. The diva quickly ran back and sprayed the foam onto the spot hoping that it would help it to go away but was greeted to no results. The nail polish just wouldn't go away…and all because of a stupid little bug.

Speaking of our pesky little friend, the mosquito was back for more. This time's target: Maureen's head. The mosquito aimed once again, and landed right in the middle of the diva's forehead.

"Oh my gosh!!" Maureen screamed as she was stung for the third time in 10 minutes, "Where the hell are you?! I'm gonna kill you, you little, little…ooh Pookie, you're back!"

"Uh, yeah…who were you threatening death to?"

"Stupid little bugger, it stung me again. Pookie, work that magic of yours! I'm itching like a mad woman over here!"

"Alright, alright…shoot I forgot the bandages…give me five minutes Honeybear and I promise I'll make it all better." The couple leaned in for a kiss before Joanne went back on a quest for some bandages.

Once again, Maureen tried to clean the stubborn spot while Joanne went to find coverage for Maureen's mosquito bites.

"Honeybear," Joanne yelled from in the bathroom, "How many times did he get you?"

"Ummmm," The diva said stalling for time as she tried scrubbing once again, "One…two…three…four…four, he got me four times." But our little friend couldn't just have Maureen walking around with only 4 mosquito bites, could he? What would all his friends think of him? So he went in for the fifth time and landed right smack on Maureen's arm.

"Crapsicles! Make that five Jo…"

"Okay…I'm coming back now!"

Maureen stuffed her supplies under the couch and sat on top of the stain as Joanne doctored her bites.

"Okay, so first we're gonna spray all of them with this," Joanne said holding up a bottle anti-itch spray, "and that should stop it from itching. But to make sure you don't scratch," Just then she slapped away Maureen's hand from scratching one of the newer bites, "I'm gonna put Band-Aids on all of them."

"Yeah sure, ok…just do something quick. I'm not gonna have any more skin left in a minute!!"

"Okay, okay, I'm working on it. Calm down." Joanne gently applied the spray to a cotton ball and wiped down all of Maureen's mosquito bites. Then she placed random bandages found in the cabinet on all of them. In the end, Maureen looked like a 10 year old who had just spent a day a summer camp—mismatched.

"Aww Pookie, you always now what to do to make me feel better."

"I do try, m'dear, I do try…"

"And you do a fabulous job! What ever would I do without you?"

"I really do not know!"

"Let's go to bed Pookie…that skeeter won't be able to get me with you protecting me!"

"Nope, I won't let that little bugger get you!"

And the happy couple stood up and began walking towards the bedroom hand in hand to spend a nice night together "sleeping". Yet before they made it all the way to the room, Joanne spotted a weird stain on the winter white carpet of her living room.

"Maureen, what the HELL is that on my goddamn carpet!"

Maureen's eyes bulged out of her head as she ran into the room to prevent the wrath of Joanne.

Duh, duh, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

A/N: okay, so this is terrible. I know. Please be honest in your reviews…not really sure why I even published this mess…but I did. So review. Please.