Disclaimer: I do not own Betelgeuse in any way. I am poor so please don't sue me...

Betelgeuse lounged comfortably on the couch with a huge tub of out of date sour kraut and a spoon, eyes plastered on the TV. "What kind of shit will they think up next?" he asked himself once he was over a fit of laughter. The news was on and another kid had gotten hit by a bus that day. "You think it'll get old the next time you hear about it, but…" and he couldn't even finish his sentence through his own giggles.

The poltergeist's merriment was cut short when a phone rang from somewhere in the house. A frown creased his features as he got up from the comfort of the sofa, trying to follow the sound to its source. Damn girl was probably calling to check up on him. It had been a couple hours since their 'little lovers spat' as he decided to call it, and she still hadn't returned from her outing.

He followed it to the entry of Lydia's bedroom and paused. He could feel the Lydia vibes warning him away from her most hallowed of places. It would be pretty rude to just barge in and snoop through her stuff, especially her panty drawer…

"Brenda's Whore House, this is Rodriguez speaking," Betelgeuse voiced in the most horrendous Mexican accent he could think of while holding up a black lacy thong to his face. A woman apologized profusely and hung up on him just before a stray bit of sour kraut fell from the corner of his mouth to land neatly onto the miniscule crotch. The ghoul chuckled at the innuendo before wiping it off and placing the black lacy treasure back from wince it came.

The phone rang again. "Dammit, who is it now?!" he growled as he clicked the phone to talk and placed it to his ear once more. A nervous voice came from the other end, "Hello Lydia, this is Jim." An eyebrow arched on the poltergeist and he changed his voice to match Lydia's. "Hello…erm…Jim. What do you need?"

"Oh umm…I was wondering if we were still on for dinner…erm…tonight?"

A cheeky grin worked its way onto Betelgeuse's face. "Sorry Jim, but I'm a cold hearted ice queen that wouldn't know a good time if I came home to him on my couch. You'll have to bang another girl. Bye bye." He replaced the phone back onto the receiver and strolled back out of the room whistling happily under his breath. Payback's a bitch.

XXXXXXXXXX

Lydia quietly locked the door behind her and crept through her house to the bathroom. It was getting dark out. She couldn't believe the time had gone by so quickly just from walking central park. What she could believe was that she needed a shower badly.

She carefully checked the entire bathroom before relaxing, starting up the shower, and pulling her clothes off. Betelgeuse must be gone again. She stepped into the steaming water and let it rush over her head, face, and shoulders before grabbing her shampoo and lathering her hair.

Her lips curled into a sneer at the grimy dirt ring left in the bottom from BJ's endeavor. Oh well, better there than on her couch. She sighed and closed her eyes to let the soap run down her face.

"Wow babes, with a body like that; no wonder you have guys calling your house morning, noon, and night…" Betelgeuse grinned, peeking his head through the curtain on the far end of the shower. The goth screamed before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around herself in the rushing water. "Betelgeuse, get out!"

The poltergeist shrugged and pulled the curtain back into place, seating himself contentedly on the toilet to wait on her. "And what do you mean, guys calling me? B, you didn't use my phone today did you?" Lydia poked her head out of the shower when she received no answer and saw a hateful smirk smacked across his face.

"Nope, just Lydia and Jim," he said, polishing his knuckles on his suit. It brought infinite pleasure for him to see the woman's eyes grow wide in panic. "Oh God, what did you say to him?!"

He shrugged once more, trying to keep the smugness from his voice, "Just that you weren't interested in his little dinner. Married women can't go foolin' around on their husbands you know." He took the moment to look up and see Lydia's hand smacked over her eyes.

"You idiot! I am not screwing around with Jim! He is one of my most important clients, and you told him I wasn't interested!" Exasperated, she heaved herself heavily down onto the cold tile of the floor. Betelgeuse gritted his teeth together and got up to leave the very uncomfortable atmosphere of the room to a homier atmosphere, a brothel perhaps or maybe just a sleazy bar. "Oh, well then…my mistake babes! So I guess I'll let you have a minute to cool off and I'll be back…"

XXXXXXXXXX

It was about four in the morning when the poltergeist decided to head back to his new Hell. He had roamed all over New York's seediest areas but not found anything worth his immediate interest. Life on Earth started to appear a little over rated. Besides, he could feel his sleaze senses urging him back to the apartment.

"Babes, your one and only's home," he called once he was inside and could see the lights in the living room was still on. The girl was probably still moping about her stupid client. It caught the ghoul totally off guard to find the goth hanging off the couch, lids sagging and a stupid grin splashed across her face.

"Beej, howya doin man, ghost, whatever…" Lydia snorted, taking a swig from a brown paper bag. The poltergeist's jaw dropped off his head. "Babes, I didn't know you drink! Maybe you aren't an ice bitch!" Lydia's head swayed one her shoulders a moment before answering with a loud belch, "I don't drink silly. This is just how dad handles Delia sometimes…ThoughtI'dgive itta try!"

The gothic young woman knit her eyebrows together and fell forward onto the floor, crawling over to her dead husband to pull herself upright. When she succeeded after several minutes she pulled him close and looked into his eyes. "Whyam I maddat you again?"

Confusion from the moment combined with the smell of fresh whisky wafting from a woman muddled with the poltergeist's mind so much he told the truth. "You lost a client…?"

Huge tears formed in Lydia's eyes, bursting down her cheeks as she shoved herself away and slammed her fists into her coffee table. "Half my salary…I'm done…I'll starve…I'll have to move back to my parents…"

Betelgeuse watched unimpressed as the girl sunk down to the floor again and buried her face in her hands to weep. "Get a grip. Shit, you've ruined clients fo…" An idea struck him mid-sentence and the ghost smirked, lowering himself carefully onto the rug next to her.

"Aw, it's ok Lyds. I'm here for you…" Betelgeuse pulled her close to him trying hard not to gag himself. Lydia wrapped her arms around him and continued weeping, unperturbed. This was gonna be easier than he thought. "If there's any way I can make you feel better…"

Before she could respond, he scooped her up into his arms and laid her on the couch, positioning himself next to her. She gave him a watery smile and closed her eyes, troubles forgotten for the moment. "You know, you aren't so bad when I'm drunk…" she whispered.

She couldn't see the thick fog of lust devouring the poltergeist's eyes when he spoke once more to her relaxed form. "Oh, you'd be surprised how bad I can be babes. What do ya say you get a little closer and find out?"

Lydia giggled, "BJ…are you…trying to seduce me?" Betelgeuse shrugged. This kid was smarter than she looked, even drunk. But before he could think of a sly way to answer her and still get into her pants he heard her voice.

"OK…"

All control was lost and Betelgeuse's head went spinning out of control while he fumbled with his belt and fly. The fact that he was taking advantage of a young woman simply because she was drunk just added to the pleasure. His belt buckle unlatched easily and he quickly pulled his unsuspecting victim on top of him. All the movement made Lydia's head rock and she promptly barfed all over the poltergeist's stomach before passing out cold in her own puddle of puke.

Oh, so close BJ...lol

Well I'm still having lots of fun with this and I think I'm going to write a cartoonverse fic too. I keep getting ideas for both verses. I love the reviews I have gotten! They have helped me soooo much! Thank you all! I think it has kept me on track with keeping them in character.

Thanks to: Mywickedlyweirdnature, Aisyy, WitchyWanda, Keegan Eavan, BunniGirl, and Shadow for reviewing and helping me with great tips.