Authors note: Well, he's part three, the final part of the 'lost and found trilogy', it's not the end of the story, I think there's going to be one more chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did, I'd be rich.

Bitter sweet memories;

Chapter four: Memories of the lost and found, part three.

Okay, Gaara was getting sick of this, he hated crying, and crying never got you anywhere! Why was he crying! He got the picture, his life sucked. He knew that. Not even his subconscious would give him a break. He…just needed…a break.

Crying on the floor next to Yashamaru, Gaara buried his face in his hands, why would Yashamaru do this to him? He was ordered to, right? He had to have been! Yashamaru wouldn't do this willingly!

"Why…why?" he asked through tears "Yashamaru, why did you…why?" Yashamaru looked on weakly "why?" Gaara continued 'Love is the spirit of devoting yourself to someone important and close to you…' Yashamaru's words rang through his head. 'It is expressed by caring for and protecting that person. Just like my sister' Gaara wept 'you are a person who is important and close to me, Gaara-sama' "you…you…I thought that you were…"

"It was an order. I was ordered to kill you. By your father…Kazekage-sama" Yashamaru mumbled quietly, Gaara's eyes widened.

Tears fell, hitting the floor with a dull thud "Father did…?" Gaara put a hand to his mouth in order to keep from throwing up "Father? Why? Why me?"

"You were born with the shukaku of the sand, and then observed like a guinea pig, Gaara-sama" Gaara listened intently, with tears still streaking down his face "But, since you could not control the power of the living soul, Shukaku, and were unable to manipulate the sand on your own…your existence was deemed a danger to the village. Before that happened…"

He said he was ordered to, right? Yashamaru probably didn't want to hurt me… "Then you did this unwillingly because father ordered you to…" 'Please, let me be right…'

"No, that is not correct. It is true I received the order from Kazekage-sama…but I would have refused it is I had wished to. Gaara-sama…" Gaara just stared mouth slightly agape 'I was wrong…' "Deep within my heart…I hated you. You took the life of my beloved sister when you were born. My sister's momento…I tried to love you by thinking of you as he treasured child…but I couldn't. My sister did not wish for your birth. She became the villages sacrifice, and she died cursing this village. After that, I carried a wound that could never heal."

Gaara couldn't breathe now, his mother never wanted him? Oh…god… 'Unlike a flesh wound there are no ointments to heal it and there are times when they never heal… a wound of the heart' "My sister gave you your name. This child's name is Gaara. An Asura that loves himself" More tears spilled, his mother thought him to be a demon… "Love only yourself. And fight only for yourself, by doing so you can continue to exist…your name carries those wishes, but my sister did not give you the name because she cared for you, or loved you. She gave you that name so you could continue to exist…"

"Because she hated and cursed this village as she died, and she wanted her deep hatred…to let others know of it. You were not loved." With that, Yashamaru pulled back the front of his shinobi vest to reveal explosive tags, too many to count and muttered "This is it. Please die." Gaara didn't move an inch before they exploded, the sand blocked his view as the smoke cleared and Gaara just sat there, crying into his knee's inside his protective bubble 'I believe that my sister always loved you, Gaara-sama. Love?'

"G-Gaara-sama!" Gaara didn't hear the voice calling his name as the sand fell to the floor, nor did he hear it as he let out and anguished sob 'The sand automatically protects you because of love. I believe that the will of your mother is inside the sand.' He began to cry louder 'it's love!' Gaara clawed desperately at the concrete floor, as if it would save him from the pain "Gaara-sama!?"

Oh god! No, no stop thinking! Stop thinking now! Please…stop… 'Please…'

Gaara looked up, completely broken, his brows furrowed as he let out and anguished cry, and flew around him in a whirlwind "Gaara-sama! Please!" he ignored the voice, he didn't care who it was, he wanted to be left alone, and alone he will be. The sand had created large arches just waiting for something to attack, soon Gaara calmed down enough, to stop the deathly flow, breathing harshly, he looked up as the weak arched crumbled to the floor 'love only yourself' "Gaara-sama?" the voice said again, still shaky 'And fight for only yourself' the word love had suddenly appeared upon his forehead, the visitor gasped and took an involuntary step back "G-Gaara-sama? A-Are you okay?" 'That is what Gaara is…me, I finally understand, I'm alone. I won't believe anyone or love anyone. I'm alone' his eyes narrowed on the figure, but they still seemed distant 'Yes, I am alone'.

He bought his hand up and the sand followed the figure, he now registered and recognised, it was Suki, sand shot towards her mercilessly, she didn't make a sound as she was encased in it, she just looked on, a sad smile on her face, she wished she could have been here, she wished she could have saved Gaara from this hurt, he was always hurt "What are you doing here…?" Gaara questioned cruelly.

"I heard lots of noises, and I heard you scream…I…I wanted to…save you…" Suki said, her eyes glistening with tears, a small red book still firmly within her grasp underneath the sand.

"I don't need saving! I fight for myself, I love only myself! Don't need anyone else!" Gaara shouted, still slightly teary.

"But that's what you are…isn't it…love?" Suki questioned sadly.

"No, there's no such thing…" Gaara stated through gritted teeth.

Suki shook her head slightly, frowning and he eyes glistening with sadness "If there is one thing in the world that exists…its love, Gaara-sama, you just need to look in the right places" Suki let out a pained gasp as she was crushed by the sand, she fell to the floor with a heavy thud, her red book and pen clattering down beside her.

She let a tear slip down her face as Gaara walked over, a cold expression on his face, her breaths were slightly laboured "t-thank you…Gaara-sama, today…was the best" she smiled as another tear slipped down her face. Confusion slipped onto Gaara's features "…I forgive you…you know" Gaara fell to his knees, he'd gotten carried away, he didn't want this, he liked Suki…

"…why?" he questioned almost inaudibly. Suki tilted her head to the right, to get a better view of him.

"Because…everyone…deserves a second chance…y-you…gave me…mine…" Suki smiled sadly "I just wish I…c-could have helped you…g-get yours…"

"I don't deserve a second chance…not now…" Gaara stated in a defeated tone.

Suki did her best to snort, but ended up coughing up a little blood instead "no one deserves a…s-second chance…more then you…G-Gaara-s-sa…ma" she coughed up a little more blood, it fell down the side of her face, matting itself in her brown locks…

"But-"

"Gaara-sama…p-please…m-my diary…please…keep it" she coughed again, more violently this time, she tried to push her small red book to Gaara…her hand only twitched "…it's so cold…" she smiled "t-that…sounded so…co-corny…b-but it's…so true" she tried to laugh.

"I-I'll get help…h-hang in there!" Gaara shouted making to stand.

"N-No…wait…j-just remember, w-what I said…o-okay?" Gaara reluctantly sat back down "y-you…are Gaara…t-that's what you are…l-love…" Gaara nodded waiting as she caught her breath, trying to continue "…j-just…remember…t-to…look in…the right…p-places…Gaara…" She coughed up a little blood, she looked to Gaara, happiness shining in her lavender eyes "…kun…" she breathed out with her breath. With that Gaara did what she said, picking up her dairy and her pen, tears falling freely as her final tear hit the concrete.

He looked on, eyes were dull and lifeless, se had the smallest of smiles on her face…she would have looked like an angel if she had not been covered in blood. Love…that's what Gaara was…hidden love…

He lay next to her, until morning came, as lifeless and as unmoving as the body that lay next to him…