Name: Neutral

Summary: How would you explain an insane story like this?! But yes, GrimmIchi's there.

Author: - Kanon - Canon - 50 - 50 -

Disclaimer: I only have bleach that rapes noses.

OhOhOhOh

SLAP!

Grimmjaw suddenly sat straight, looking at the person who had slapped him. "Who the fuck..."

In front him stand a 5 foot tall girl, white tank top under a black, short-sleeved shirt. Black shorts on her legs and black sandals straps wrapped around her feet. She had a short hair, covered by a black beanie. A black-rimmed glasses adorned her face. "I abhor profanities, thank you." She replied, then squinting at him. "And name's Kanon."

Grimmjaw gritted his teeth, his hands reaching for his zanpakuto when he realized...

It wasn't there.

"Looking for this?"

He turned around to see her holding the zanpakuto. Grimmjaw stood slowly, reaching in to snatch away his weapon, only to stumble upon something. And fell. Hard.

"Ya won't need this, Grimmface. Ya ain't need Pantera to do anything." Kanon offered a hand, just to be slapped away. "Ow... What the hell was that for?!"

The teal eyed the zanpakuto.

She frowned, letting out a small 'psh' before giving him the sword. "Don't bother trying to hit me."

Grimmjaw stopped in his sonido. How the fuck did she know?

"A sneak attack won't work on me here, Grimmjaw Jaegerjaques." Her voice went slightly deeper. "Might as well sit down and listen to me, will ya? ...But of course, could always force you to sit down. Make your choice." She suddenly blinked, before shaking her head. "Ugh! I always change to Canon!"

To say Grimmjaw was speechless is an overstatement. He was annoyed. He felt a twinge of excitement on the deep voice before, but it was so short he shrugged it off as false alarm.

"Ah," Kanon turned around, staring at him. "Now that you're here, did you know how hard it is to type your surname without forgetting it? ...And do you mind if I call you Grimm? Grimmjaw sounds nice but sometimes I bit my tounge while saying the name too much... And I actually should stop talking right now."

And then Grimmjaw was speechless.

Kanon raised her eyebrow, her mouth opened before pausing and closed itself. Instead she wrote words that happened to left a trail for a few minutes.

Don't waste the reader's time. Stop being speechless, really.

"...Where am I?"

She frowned. The nice, neutral part of my imagination. You're in my story... I haven't decided the title yet though... So I let it go as Neutral, I think.

The teal-haired Espada went back to his speechless state.

She rolled her eyes. Ay Caramba...

"Isn't that from a human show?" He actually regretted asking that stupid and simple question as he saw a dangerous twinkle in her eyes. YES, YES, YES! It is! How did you know?! Did Aizen give you a screen to stare at when you guys are bored or something?

Jaegerjaques wanted to headbutt her head. He did.

"Oooooowwwwwww... Meanie." She kicked him, before shrinking into a ball as he yelled at her. "Hiee! Kanon's sorry! Kanon's sorry!"

Grimmjaw stopped yelling after a few minutes, "Explain."

"Why you're here? (Grimmjaw nodded) ...You see, I got this Aizen-like obsession over this... fan pairing." Now first of all, Grimmjow wasn't that much of an old man (thankfully), he understood what she was talking about. "So now I decided to make this fanfic of the pairing."

"So what does that had to do with me?"

"Well..."

"What?" He demanded.

"...The pairing is you and Kurosaki Ichigo."

"THAT SHINIGAMI?!"

Kanon curled up into a ball in record time... But then uncurled a few seconds later. "Wait... Shouldn't you say "WHAT?!" instead of "THAT SHINIGAMI?!"? ...Are you gay?"

That was the first time Grimmjaw had blushed.

"...I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!" She was dancing the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya ending... She seemed so happy she sang a ridiculously stupid song.

...Because this author wants to fill out the spaces, here's how it goes:

You watch gay porn every midnight

Get aroused by the body of hot guys

Masturbate and saw heaven's light

A hot guy in your pervert mind

(This song actually works! It's in tune with 99 Red Balloons!)

She wanted to continue, but it was delayed as Grimmjaw kicked her.

"What? It's so effin' true you can't freakin' deny it!" She shouted. "Besides, this story needs you gay... In fact, I could give you lusts for Ichigo."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep!" She was silent for a moment, before saying softly (with somehow this heavy intent),

"Imagine... Him squirming under your chaste kisses... Him calling your name... His slim body arching... His tightness..."

Grimmjaw felt his face flushing... He can't deny it, but is he so obsessed to the shinigami that he was aroused by lame words?

She broke the tension by screaming "Kyaaaaan!"

Definitely the tension break of the year.

"So you do have the hots for the Strawberry, eh?" Kanon said, giggling like a crazy women would. "Don't worry, even when you don't I can make you to."

The tealnette (rofl) ran his hand through his hand with frustrations. "How would you make me?"

She smiled a cunning grin, something that would even beat Gin. "You're in my story, and in my story I'm stronger than God."

End?End?End?End?

Thaaaaat's it! Yeah... I know, it's confusing you guys.

...Ah, screw this. Continue on.

End?End?End?End?

Whaaaaa?

"...Even Aizen?"

She nodded. "Even that handsome bastard." (No Aizen-bashing!) "Didn't I told you before? This realm is in my story. I'm the author, the controller here. The reason how you acted out of character, is because of me!"

No wonder. Thought the readers. The author's an idiot.

"HEY!" Kanon shouted to practically... No one.

Grimmjaw could feel hatred bubbling. "So why the hell are we having this talk? Shouldn't you make me do something?"

"I am, Grimmface." The black-clad girl answered. "Besides, if I'm not making you do anything, then why the hell 'talking' is an action verb?"

That was lame. Thought the readers.

"...This is why having an insane mind hurts." She whined. "Anyway, we're having this talk because I just want you to know about this story's main idea... So I can write less chapters and get on with my sorry life."

"Then what is the main idea of this story?"

"You meet me, the authoress, who told you that she somehow is going to do this weird collection of different but connected stories. It's like you travel to different worlds, you know... In fact, that is the main idea."

"So what the hell's the purpose?"

"Nothing! I'm just bored as freakin' hell!"

That was the second time Kanon got kicked. "Hey, at least you can get the shinigami get shinigasm or something."

THAT was also lame. Thought the readers.

The author banged her head at her table.

"But it's different in each world! Aren't you bored at Hueco Mudo? Aizen needs to get a life! Tousen will get his vocabulary reduced to one word: Justice! And Gin has permanent expression on his face because of surgery! It's amusing to think about but if you think about it too much, don't you get bored?!"

(end of proper exclamation abuse)

Grimmjaw did thought that was amusing, and she did made a point.

"Fine... But I'm only doing this to get away from boredom."

"That's a hella good excuse!"

"Will you stop talking?"

Kanon scowled. Instead, she typed the words. So now that we have the same intention, you ARE doing this, right? ...Not that you can refuse anyway.

"Yes, I am." The arrancar answered. "As long as I get the Straw-"

Where the hell did that came from? ...Oh yeah... The insane author. "Stop controlling me."

Too bad, Grimmface. I've been doing that since the start of the story.

"Get on with it."

...I didn't know your so obsessed! This makes me so giddy!

Grimmjaw sweatdropped. "The hell's this girl's problem..." He muttered. HEY! "When do we start?" He asked, ignoring the insane chatter Kanon started. ...I'm getting my imagination online, okay? Now shut up and wait.

She began typing in godly speed with her fangirl skills and obsession points.

(Skill 1: Words of Obsession – Weapon: Keyboard – A skill that has been passed down to generations of fanfiction authors. Increased typing speed.)

Kanon suddenly stopped typing. "I'm getting it online now. Now the landing won't be soft, so use your experience of Espada to safe yourself from breaking a bone, because you're not gonna be a hollow anymore in the first realm."

"No Pantera?"

"I'll get it there somehow. You can't live without it, right?" She got a nod. "God, it's soo much better when you're much more cooperative. Oh, and one more thing," Grimmjaw looked up. "You won't have Cero." The arrancar groaned.

"What? You're going to barbecue people? Oh no, you're not. I don't want to get you in jail or you getting weird looks from people."

Grimmjaw sat on the ground sulking.

"...But I think I could make it available in a more fitting attack-form or something."

The tealnette stopped sulking.

"...Dammit, I'm making you so OOC." Kanon groaned. "But yes, I still can edit it anyway so that'll come in easy."

She turned around and typed some more before pressing a large keyboard button with a loud TACK.

"Bye bye, Grimmface... Have fun with the shinigami."

And Grimmjaw was gone.

Author'sNoteAuthor'sNoteAuthor'sNoteAuthor'sNote

That. Was. Really weird. It didn't go as planned! Grimmjaw wasn't supposed to be so childish! (...He is some ways though.)

Here's a sneak preview... Or actually a part of this chapter that doesn't seem good when it's after the last sentence.

SneakPreviewSneakPreviewSneakPreviewSneakPreview

What the hell.

Double u, tee, eff.

Kanon was right, the landing was not a soft one. He was caught unprepared when he disappeared, and he now felt himself kissing the ground.

He quickly sat up and looked around. This is definitely not any realms that he had known. But it had a Hueco Mudo feeling.

Flying cars passed by.