Chapter 1
The day was pleasantly warm, with a brilliant sun and an endless blue sky. Birds sang cheerfully from their hiding spots amid the tall grasses and the surrounding landscape was unblemished by a single shadow since the tree line started a good half-mile away from the 'Gate. The 'Gate, itself, was perched on a gently sloping hill that gave a fair view of the surrounding field without forcing anyone to hike up a vertical side to reach the top.
Colonel John Sheppard knew that if anyone could ask for a perfect location, this would probably be it. Well, this or a white sandy beach. But since they had yet to come across one of those, this was close enough to perfection. It was a shame Teyla hadn't been able to join them, since she would have loved this, but she was getting a bit big for long-distance hiking. Besides, Dr. Keller had been on her back about taking it easy. At least the Athosian was inclined to listen to the good doctor.
A loud sniff brought Sheppard's attention back to the present. He looked over to his right to see Rodney McKay scowling at the surrounding landscape while he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket.
"This planet is a nightmare," McKay grumbled through the cloth. "I can barely breathe."
Sheppard rolled his eyes and settled his arms casually across his P-90. Okay, so it was paradise to almost everyone.
"Come on, Rodney, this place is beautiful. Even you have to admit that."
"Oh, I'll admit it. But that doesn't mean that I have to like it." Rodney shot back. He underlined his point by blowing his nose, seemingly as loudly as humanly possible.
"You sound like you're about to blow your head off." Ronan grunted from Sheppard's other shoulder. Sheppard flashed a grin at the Satedan and looked back at Rodney in time to see him flash a look that he no doubt thought was scary and tough. Ronan simply bared his teeth in one of his more intimidating smiles.
"It's my allergies." Rodney pointed out, but he stuffed the handkerchief away, anyway. "No doubt, in a few hours, I'm going to be feeling like my head's about to blow up."
"Now that I'm gonna have to see." Lorne mumbled from behind the trio. Sheppard focused on the ground at his feet, hoping Rodney wouldn't see his grin and use it to fodder his fire of complaints.
"Ah, buck up, Rodney." Sheppard said, allowing only a trace of a smile to show on his face. "You've never had problems on the other planets we visited."
"Yes, Colonel, but you are forgetting that we've never visited Planet Hay fever, either." Rodney pointed out. Sheppard nodded seriously.
"Oh, right. How could I forget? You're right. We should turn around now and block this planet from the database so that no one else may suffer through the horrors of headaches and blocked nasal passages."
"And dry eyes. Don't forget the dry eyes. And may I add—ha, ha. That's very funny. We'll see who's laughing when we get back to Atlantis and I've got a full-fledged cold on my hands."
"I'll laugh." Ronan grunted. Sheppard and Lorne both snorted loudly in a sorry attempt to stop their laughter, while Rodney glowered darkly at all three men.
"All right, all right. We're sorry, McKay. Aren't we?" Sheppard raised an eyebrow pointedly at Ronan. The Satedan grunted and Sheppard flashed a smile at Rodney. "See?"
"Oh, yeah. Like that was an apology." Rodney huffed.
"Look, McKay, can't you just enjoy this? It's a bright, sunny day; the birds are singing and we aren't being attacked by a single Wraith dart, Genii strike force or Replicator warship."
"Oh, way to go jinxing us, Colonel."
"Rodney—" Sheppard growled warningly and the scientist flung up his hands in surrender.
"Fine!" he shouted. "I get it. I'll stop complaining."
"That'll be a first." Lorne muttered under his breath. Rodney turned to glare back at him.
"And why are you here again?" he snapped. Lorne smiled blandly.
"Because I missed hanging with the guys. You and I never talk anymore, McKay."
Rodney opened his mouth, no doubt to counter Lorne with some scathing remark, but Sheppard blocked his attempt.
"McKay…" he said warningly. "Major Lorne has joined us because his team had nowhere to be today and we're missing Teyla."
"Who says 'Gate teams need four people?" Rodney asked. Sheppard rolled his eyes.
"So everyone has a date for prom, McKay. Who cares? Lorne wanted something to do so I invited him along."
"Why didn't you invite Zelenka, then?"
Sheppard sighed. This was turning out to be a much less pleasant trip.
"Dr. Zelenka didn't want to come."
"Well, then, what about—"
"Rodney!" Sheppard glared at the Canadian. "Look, do you have a problem with Lorne or did you just not get enough coffee this morning? What is wrong with you?"
McKay's mouth snapped shut and he turned to face forward.
"Nothing." He said quickly as he marched through the waist-high grass. "Never mind. Sorry."
Lorne blinked in surprise.
"Did I just hear McKay apologize?" he said, sounding genuinely amazed.
Sheppard looked over his shoulder and gave Lorne a pointed look. The major got the hint and strode over to Ronan.
"Hey, Ronan, let's go on ahead. Those trees look mighty interesting."
Ronan glanced at Sheppard before he grunted, "Sure. Why not?"
Lorne and Ronan picked up the pace, leaving Sheppard and McKay walking side-by-side several steps behind until the two groups were just out of hearing range. When he was certain that they were as alone as they were going to get, Sheppard rounded on McKay.
"Okay, Rodney, spill. What's eating you? You just aren't your usual charming self today?"
"And when have I ever been charming?" Rodney pointed out, though his response sounded strangely subdued. Sheppard, though, wasn't going to take the bait. He just raised an eyebrow and waited. As he had suspected, Rodney cracked beneath his silence. The man just couldn't stand silence and always tried to fill it—even if that meant giving up his own secrets.
"It's nothing. Really. I just haven't been sleeping well." Rodney snorted. "But that's nothing new."
True, Sheppard agreed, it wasn't anything new. With their record of frequent near-death escapes and disaster-averting events, few people got a full night of decent rest. Rodney was the worst of the lot since he seemed capable of functioning easily on four hours of sleep—half that during a crisis and none when he was in full-blown panic mode. The only time he got a full eight or nine hours of sleep was when he was sick… or in a coma.
"Sure," Sheppard said slowly. "But usually you're not so… um… bitchy."
Rodney raised both eyebrows.
"Bitchy? Did you seriously just call me bitchy?"
"Fine. How about… confrontational?" Sheppard shrugged. "Better?"
"Much." Rodney grumbled.
"Whatever you want to call it, McKay, you were sort of picking a fight back there for no reason. I thought you liked Major Lorne."
"I have nothing against him." Rodney said—which was his way of saying he liked him. "It's just…"
"You're not sleeping well." John supplied when Rodney seemed unwilling to continue. Rodney grimaced and nodded. Sheppard sighed.
"Well, have you gone to see Dr. Keller about it? If it's becoming this much of a problem she could probably give you something to help you sleep." He should know. How many times had he gone to the good doctor for something to keep away the nightmares? Not that he would admit that out loud to Rodney, but the scientist wasn't stupid. They both had enough reasons to be having trouble sleeping.
Rodney didn't answer. He just kept walking and seemed to find the grass suddenly very interesting since he didn't look up. Sheppard sighed and lowered his voice—though Lorne and Ronan were far enough ahead now that he would have had to shout to get their attention.
"Rodney, is this about Carson? Look, I told you, that wasn't your fault."
Rodney looked up sharply at the mentioning of his lost friend and Sheppard could see the pain in his eyes. No matter that several months had passed since that depressing episode. The grief was still as fresh and real as it had been the day of the explosion.
"Actually," Rodney said glumly, "this has nothing to do with Carson. But thank you for brining that up. I'll certainly sleep better tonight."
"Rodney, I didn't mean—"
"I know." Rodney said softly and his shoulders slumped, as if he was suddenly weighed down by something that Sheppard couldn't see. He wished he could because he would have gladly transferred it to his own shoulders if it would have made his friend happy. As annoying as the astrophysicist could be on most days, he was still the closest friend Sheppard had ever had. He had been surprised by how well the two of them had gotten along at first, but it seemed a potential one-way trip to another galaxy really helped to forge strong friendships. When that had eventually faded away, the constant battle for survival and pulling each other's asses out of the fire had done a lot to cement their relationship. Not to mention that they actually had a lot in common, which was just embarrassing. John had spent most of his life as a closet geek and now here he was watching reruns of Dr. Who and The Batman with a Canadian astrophysicist allergic to… just about everything. Now everyone knew.
"It's Elizabeth."
Rodney spoke so softly that at first Sheppard was unsure that he had even spoken. He looked at McKay.
"Elizabeth?"
Rodney gave Sheppard his best don't-ask-stupid-questions look.
"That's what I said." He snapped.
"Sorry. Go ahead. What about Elizabeth?"
Rodney's mouth tightened and at first Sheppard thought he wasn't going to continue. Finally, though, he sighed.
"I've been having dreams. About Elizabeth."
"Um. Okay. Well, that's probably normal—"
"No." Rodney groaned and managed to sound horribly aggrieved by Sheppard's total lack of intelligence. "No. I only just started having dreams about her. Only after we ran into, uh, ourselves."
"Oh." Sheppard replied brightly.
"I know I spent most of my time with, um, Replime, but I managed to talk to Elizabeth—uh, other Elizabeth, too. Before… you know."
"I know." Sheppard said grimly.
"Anyway, I know you probably already know this, but she told me that Oberoth had told her that the real Elizabeth Weir—our Elizabeth—had been…" Rodney's voice trailed off and he suddenly looked like he was going to be sick. Sheppard nodded.
"Killed." He said softly. "Yeah, I heard."
Rodney swallowed and cleared his throat. Sheppard stayed silent, giving McKay whatever time he needed to recollect himself.
"An—anyway." Rodney stumbled as he tried to regain his composure. "Ever since that whole… episode, I've been having dreams. About her."
Rodney shook his head angrily.
"I keep having dreams that she's alive and trying to tell me that she's still alive." He blurted, as if trying to get the words out in a hurry would make saying them easier. "Except I can't—I can't find her."
Rodney choked on his words and fell silent. He had returned to his examination of the grass they were currently wading through and didn't meet Sheppard's gaze. Sheppard didn't make any attempt to change that. He took the ensuing quiet to think about what Rodney had said.
Sheppard knew that having dreams of dead friends and family being found alive again, whole and healthy, was normal. He'd had enough dreams of that sort to last him a lifetime and they sure weren't quitting now. He doubted this was the first time for Rodney, either. The scientist had seen enough death in the last three years to cover all the years he had been holed safely away within the walls of Area 51, totally oblivious to the outside world.
"Rodney," John said slowly, "dreams like that—"
"I know. I know." Rodney sighed heavily. "Dreams like that are normal. It's just… John, these dreams are different."
Rodney's use of Sheppard's first name got his attention. The only time Rodney acknowledged the fact that Sheppard had a first name was when he was deeply, deeply worried—usually about Sheppard, but it wasn't limited to that. No, that was the warning that said that Rodney was more than just worried.
He was scared.
Sheppard stopped immediately and grabbed Rodney's arm, pulling him up short and forcing him to turn and face him. He needed to be looking at Rodney, needed to make that contact. The trouble with Rodney McKay was that when he got frightened he always hid himself behind layers of invisible walls. Physical contact usually helped weaken those walls and allowed people to see inside. Sheppard was sure that was why Elizabeth had constantly been touching McKay (though he was also sure he wasn't supposed to have noticed). A pat on the back, a brush across the arm, a nudge with the shoulder. It was her way of letting him know that she was there and that he didn't have to be afraid. At least, that he didn't have to be afraid and alone.
"I'm listening, Rodney." John said, making sure he made eye contact. "Different how?"
Rodney looked uncomfortable and mumbled something unintelligible. John tightened his grip—not enough to hurt but enough to get McKay's attention—and forced his eyes back up to his.
"Rodney. Different how?"
McKay bit his bottom lip and shook his head. He wasn't refusing to speak, however. He honestly couldn't think of a way to describe what he was trying to say—a rare moment in Rodney's world.
"I—I don't… It's weird." Rodney said lamely and he shook his head again. "They just… feel different. Like it's not a dream. They are so real that it's not that I think Elizabeth is there, but that I know Elizabeth is there. Like, like…"
Rodney growled in frustration and trailed off. He hated not being able to get his thoughts across through words. Things had been so much simpler when he had been super-McKay (outside of the nearly dying thing). Then he could have just… well, transmitted the memory of the dreams to Sheppard.
Maybe. He'd never actually tried doing that, but he assumed he would have been able to.
Sheppard shook his head.
"Okay. Forget that. Trying to explain it isn't helping." He pointed out honestly, knowing full well that Rodney had figured that out. "Here. What are the dreams about?"
"I told you." Rodney frowned. "They're about Elizabeth still being alive, except I can't find her."
"Well, that means that she's lost."
"Of course she's lost, Colonel." Rodney said and Sheppard was relieved to hear some of his old disgusted-with-the-stupidity-of-the-world tone in his voice again. "Hence why I can't find her."
"Yes, thank you, McKay." Sheppard said dryly. "Look, I'm just trying to help."
Rodney sighed.
"I know."
Sheppard gave Rodney's arm a comforting squeeze. He started to walk and Rodney fell into step beside him. Lorne and Ronan were long out of sight by now, no doubt relaxing in the shade of the trees and wondering what the hell was taking them so long.
"Okay. So you're dreams are about Elizabeth being alive and you trying to find her."
"Putting it succinctly, yes." Rodney nodded.
"So… how do they go?" Sheppard asked. By this point he was genuinely interested. Not only did talking seem to help, but he was hoping that in getting everything out in the open Rodney would finally be able to start sleeping again—and go back to being himself. Also, all of them needed the chance to mourn and that wouldn't happen when they were still looking around every corner trying to see someone who wasn't there. He needed Rodney to forget this. Elizabeth had been his closest friend—maybe even closer than Sheppard—and he needed to be able to mourn for her death. Every time someone McKay knew died, a little piece of him went with them. This time Sheppard wanted to give that biggest piece back.
"Oh, like most dreams it begins with one of those improbable situations wherein apparently the entire city of Atlantis has decided to go on a unanimous coffee break and I'm the only one left in the control room." Rodney began to go off on a tirade about why this was improbable—and thus ridiculous and highly insulting that his dreams should be so inaccurate—but Sheppard wasn't in the mood. He gave Rodney a look that said, quite clearly, "Back on track, McKay." Rodney's jaw snapped shut in mid-sentence and he cleared his throat. "Um, anyway, I'm in the control room by myself when the Stargate activates and I get an incoming video message. When I open it, there's Elizabeth."
Rodney paused and this time Sheppard didn't motion for him to hurry it along. No doubt this was difficult for McKay and the Colonel was willing to give him some leeway.
"Of course, I end up saying something about as intelligent as what you would come up with—"
"Hey!"
"Which is, 'Elizabeth? I thought you were dead!'" John was surprised he managed to say it without stumbling on the word. "To which Elizabeth promptly responds, 'No, Rodney. I am very much alive.'"
Rodney waved his hands impatiently, like he was trying to hurrying himself along to the point.
"Conversations ensue until, at the end, the transmission starts to fade out. Before it breaks up I ask her where she is, so we can come get her. But right before she can tell me the Stargate deactivates and the 'Gate address is wiped from the memory core." Rodney shook his head in frustration. "So I have no idea at all where she is; just that she's alive, somewhere, and is waiting for us to come find her."
John walked along beside Rodney for several moments without saying anything, mostly waiting to see if Rodney was going to continue. He must have been finished, however, and taken Sheppard's silence as a negative thing.
"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" he asked morosely. Rodney sighed heavily. "If you do then join the club."
Sheppard looked at Rodney in surprise.
"You think you're crazy?"
Sheppard's quip had the desired effect. Rodney gave him a thunderous look that promised that, had Sheppard been one of his underlings, he would have kicked him out of the lab so fast he would have skipped halfway down the hall on his butt. John had to fight hard to bite back a grin at the image.
"No, I don't think I'm crazy." Rodney seemed to consider adding more to that statement, but he must have thought better of it. Instead he shook his head and growled something under his breath. John was pretty sure it was another dig at his intelligence so he let it slide without comment.
"So is the dream the same every time?" John asked, deciding he could safely steer the conversation back to the original topic. Rodney nodded.
"Yeah. Pretty much."
"Well… if it's the same every time, why don't you just ask her where she is before the transmission breaks up?" John asked casually.
"Oh, you think I didn't consider that?" Rodney snapped. John raised an eyebrow.
"Did you?"
McKay's mouth snapped shut and he looked thoughtful.
"Actually, no. I didn't. Huh." Rodney sounded surprised and he nodded approvingly. "That's very good, Colonel. Usually I don't go for that whole 'controlling your dreams' thing because I think it's just a load of shrink-therapy crap… but then again, that was before the whole killer dream-Sheppard incident."
"Oh, thanks, Rodney." John grimaced. "I really like remembering that."
"It taught you to stop touching random things, though, didn't it?" McKay pointed out. Sheppard refrained from telling that no, it didn't stop him from touching stuff. It just made him a lot more careful about the stuff he decided to touch. Glowing blue things growing on trees—no touchy.
"Anyway." Sheppard growled. "Weren't we talking about your dreams a minute ago?"
Rodney humphed, but didn't argue. Instead he shrugged.
"So I guess if I have the dream tonight I'll try what you suggested and hope it works. Knowing you, it probably will." Rodney grunted, shading his voice with enough sarcasm so that it wouldn't sound like an outright compliment. Anyone else would have been insulted, but Sheppard knew McKay too well to be fooled. He grinned.
"Elegant in its simplicity, huh?"
Rodney snorted.
"No. Just stupid enough to work."
Well, so much for compliments. John sighed and nodded toward the tree line, which was now only a few yards away. He could see Lorne and Ronan—mostly Ronan—standing idly in the shade, waiting patiently for the two men to reach them.
"Well, we still have a mission to finish up, McKay. I'm assuming you can hold off for another few hours before your desire to go to bed overwhelms you?"
"I assure you, Colonel," McKay responded dryly, "that my need for sleep is no greater now than it was ten minutes ago."
"Just checking. And remember," John glared over the rim of his sunglasses, "play nice with the other kids."
"I'll try to remember that fourth grade playground rules still apply to planets in other galaxies." Rodney responded, but his attention was already on the data pad in his hands. "I'm picking up a power spike—it's minimal, but worth checking out."
"That's why we're here." Sheppard responded. He met Lorne and Ronan at the tree line. "McKay's got something. Let's get this party started."