Chapter 4

Grissom woke to empty arms. Sara was in the kitchen putting out breakfast. Grissom moved to the entrance of the kitchen and watched. After stealing away a few moments of just observing her, he stepped slowly into the kitchen. "Hey."

Sara turned and looked at him, smiling. "Good morning." She carried a couple of plates and set them on the table. After ridding herself of the plates, she walked over and gave Grissom a quick kiss.

Grissom grabbed Sara's waist and held her in front of him. "What do you want to do today?"

Sara brought her hand to the back of Grissom's neck and combed through his messy morning curls. "Hang out here with you, then maybe check out one of the ski hills." Grissom dropped his hands from her waist and moved towards the table.

"Sara, have you ever skied before?"

Sara moved to sit at the table beside him. "A couple of times in college. I spent more time in the snow though." She began to spread cream cheese on her bagel. "What about you?"

"No," Grissom stated, peeling his banana.

"Never?"

"Never."

"Well, that's okay. I wasn't thinking about skiing. I thought we could check out the lodge, sit by a fire, drink hot chocolate, or maybe chai lattes, eat lunch." She took a bite of her bagel.

"As long as there is no skiing."

Sara smiled. "No skiing, just the atmosphere around it."

"I'd love that." Grissom nibbled on his bagel.

They finished breakfast and moved into the living room with their tea. Grissom sat on one of the chairs facing the fireplace, while Sara perched herself on the floor in front of him, leaning against his chair. They read silently for about an hour before moving together to one of the sofas. Grissom laid down on the sofa and tugged on Sara so that she lay facing him. They laid, staring at each other, running their fingers over each other's features, stealing soft, intimate kisses, not speaking, but communicating solely through touch. As lunch time arrived, they stood up and bundled themselves in their parkas, hats and mitts. They drove to Zephyr Cove, then up to the ski hill.

The lodge sat perched on the side of the mountain. It's rustic, log finish complemented the atmosphere around it. Outside, on the patio, picnic tables were adorned with heat lamps to warm skiers on cold days. Inside, wooden tables and benches filled the large, open room, giving off the appearance of a cafeteria. In the middle of the room sat a pit with an open fire. More wooden benches formed a circle around it. In one corner was a place to order food. Upstairs was the bar. It had its own grill. The traditional wooden benches and tables remained, there were also bars and bar stools and booths. There was a small clearing that Grissom guessed was for bands to set up and play at. The room was well lit by the sunlight streaming in through the massive windows.

Grissom and Sara ordered their food from the bar and sat down on a bench by the window. As they sipped away at their chai lattes, they looked out at the mountain and took in the scene. Grissom thought about how he would describe it. The lifts, slow, pausing with each pick-up, chairs gently rocking as they ascend. The lines moving mechanically. Skiers moving onto the lift, skiers entering the line. Down the hill, snow boarders carving effortlessly, skiers moving gracefully. Young children, skiing without poles, fearless, helmeted heads pointed directly down the slopes. Beginner skiers, legs spread, toes and skis pointed in, poles out, slowly descending, taking wide turns, falling at the attempt to cut around. The better snow boarders, grabbing their boards as they fly over jumps. The better skiers jumping spread eagle into the air before landing crossing their skis at their height, and finally landing. When reaching the bottom, all moving again to the end of the line, to wait, shuffle and once again seat themselves on the chair that will lift them skywards.

Lost in his thoughts, Grissom was interrupted by the arrival of his food. As he took his first bite of his sandwich, he looked around the lodge. Teams of people were laughing, smiling, enjoying beers and fries on that beautiful day. Friends met and shook hands through gloved paws. Twenty-something boys drummed along to the music as Tom Petty played over the speakers. Grissom smiled and looked over at Sara. He grasped her thigh as she took a bite of her tofu rice bowl. He relished the change of atmosphere, where, at that moment, there was no grief, no hatred, no crime, only the joy and beauty of friends and family retreating to the comfort of the mountains.

Sara smiled and placed her hand on top of his. She clutched it in her own as she took another bite. Her eyes widened as he pushed his fries away and moved his leg and straddled her so that she rested in between his legs. Letting go of her hand, he shuffled towards her and placed his now free hand around her waist. His other hand moved to grasp the hand he let go of. Sara turned her face to his. He grinned as he dipped his head down to her rice bowl. The scent of curry rose up to his nose. Sara dipped her fork back down, picking up the curry, rice, tofu and beans. She lifted it to his mouth where he captured the fork. Slowly, she pulled the fork from his lips. He swallowed and quickly sprung forth to seize Sara in a kiss. As they broke apart, they looked out the window. Skiers skillfully navigating the slope, rhythmic in their turns, until they move to the back of the line, wait and shuffle mechanically, following the mountain's rhythmic, steady pulse.

After finishing lunch, Sara wanted to explore outside. They looked up at the majestic mountain. The peak, away from the slopes, held smooth snow undisturbed, untouched. Brown/grey rocks cut through the snow creating a contrast, dark and light. Further down, the snow still smooth glistened in the sun, disturbed only by the tracks of animals, signs that the place, with its lodges and lifts, was still in the heart of the wilderness.

Glancing past the lodge, Sara saw a sign that read "Snowshoe Loop." Excitement welled up. "Hey Gil, they have a trail for snowshoeing. We should see if we can rent snowshoes and talk a hike along the trail."

Grissom looked at Sara and noticed her excitement. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, come on."

"Okay." Sara took his hand and led him to the rental shop. They picked out a couple pairs of snowshoes and fastened them on. They made their way to the path and strolled side by side.

The path they trod upon was flattened by the previous trips of previous snowshoers. They strolled side by side through the long and narrow path. The trail cut through snow covered pines and firs, white on green, dipped down, then up again across a clearing. The sun glistened off the undisturbed powder. Through the clearing, they saw a trail left by deer. Grissom reached for Sara's hand, but soon discovered that walking in snowshoes while holding hands is not an easy feat. Instead, they moved slowly, side by side, creating their own rhythm, their own pulse.

Looking at all of the powder around her, Sara was tempted to pick up a snowball and throw it at Grissom. Wearily, she looked at the smooth, untouched, undisturbed snow and decided she did not want to be the one to disturb it. She let the thought pass. Noticing her pensive look, Grissom glanced over at her. He raised his eyebrows as she shook her head and laughed softly. He considered saying something, but her soft laugh and easy movements stirred something inside his heart. Not wanting to ruin the beauty of the moment, he smiled and unconsciously repeated the same soft laugh and shake of the head.

Just past the clearing, they came upon a log bench, cut in half to form a flat surface for sitting. The other half of the log formed the back rest. Sara continued to walk by the bench as Grissom sat down. He called out to her. "Sara."

Sara turned and looked back at Grissom. "Time for a rest?" She cocked her head to the side and grinned.

"Yeah."

Sara turned and walked back to the bench. She took a seat next to him and faced him. Her gloved hand fell to his thigh, palm up. He took her hand in his as she leaned against the back rest. Grissom turned to face her. His free hand found the back of her neck. He pulled her head towards his and closed the gap, kissing her softly. The continued to give each other short, deep kisses. Grissom released her hand and brought his arm around her shoulder. She sighed and leaned into him, closing her eyes. He tightened his hold. "Sara, I'd like to take you to dinner tonight."

Sara chuckled. "So you want to eat out?"

"No, I mean, I'd like to take you out on a date. We've never been on a real date before."

"Oh, okay."

Grissom frowned, not receiving the reaction he'd hoped for. It occurred to him that she might not have known how to answer him when he never really asked. He swallowed and tried again. "Sara, would you accompany me to dinner tonight?"

Sara smiled. She turned and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "I'd love to."

Grissom returned her smile and stood up, pulling her up with him. They continued to make their way down the trail.

Looping around, cutting through the trees, they came upon some disturbed snow. It looked like an animal had burrowed itself there. Grissom continued to walk past, but the thought of pelting Grissom with a snowball lingered in Sara's mind. She smirked and bent down. Scooping up a handful of snow, she packed it together and formed the perfect snowball. She lifted her arm to throw. As she released, Grissom turned, noticing her presence was no longer beside him. The snowball hit him squarely in the face. Sara's eyes widened. She gasped, then laughed, trying to apologize. Grissom brushed the snow from his face and moved to run back toward her. Tripping on his snowshoes, he landed right at her feet in the patch of disturbed snow. She tried to stifle a laugh as she extended her hand down to help him up. He grasped her hand, but instead of getting up, he pulled her down to the snow with him. Slowly, he took his hand and swept the wet hair from her face, pushing it away under her hat. Rolling on top of her, he pinned her and began kissing her passionately. She grabbed at the sides of his parka as he propped himself above her. As she tugged at his waist, he lowered himself and deepened their kisses. Breathless, he broke the kiss and realized that while they were alone on the trail, they were still, very much, in a public place. Reluctantly, he stood and pulled her up. They stared at each other with great intensity before quickening their pace back to the lodge and finally, their cabin.

They ran up the stone walkway as they exited the car. Quickly shedding their jackets, mitts and hats, Grissom pulled Sara in for a kiss in the doorway. His foot came up to shut the door. Sara's hands pulled Grissom's sweatshirt from him as he backed down the hall toward the bedroom. She followed, pulling his t-shirt over his head and throwing it on the floor. Inside the bedroom, Grissom followed Sara's lead and stripped her of her shirt. He leaned down to kiss her neck, removing her bra at the same time. Her hands fumbled with the button and zipper of his jeans, but one she released them, she moved her hands to her own jeans and pulled them off, following with her panties. Grissom finished removing his pants and socks before lifting Sara into his arms and laying her gently on the bed. Slowly, he crawled up beside her, removing his boxers in the process.

Sara laid on her back, waiting for him. She bit her lip as he hovered over her. Dipping his head to hers, he kissed her deeply, passion and longing seeping out of him in full force. Carefully, he moved over her, propping himself on his elbows and entering her. After satisfying his hunger, he rolled off and held her in his arms, running his finger over her smooth body. She shivered and tucked her body further into his. His hand attempted to comb through her hair, but found itself caught in the knots that formed from lying in the snow. Her skin was suddenly cold under him. Slowly, against her pleadings, he moved off the bed and into the bathroom. He began drawing her a hot bath to warm her cold body. When the water finished running, he returned to the bedroom. Sara was curled up and huddling under the covers. Her eyes were full of tears. Grissom's heart stopped as he realized that he had left the bed, almost immediately after making love to her for the first time in months. Worse, he had left against her pleadings. She had needed him to stay and hold her. Slowly he kneeled down by her side. His hand smoothed the hair, sticking to the side of her face, away. He kissed all of the places where the tears rested. "I'm sorry."

Slowly, Sara lifted her face to look at him. He stood up and pulled the covers from her. Placing a kiss on her forehead, he lifted her and carried her into the bathroom. "I was drawing us a bath." Slowly, he stepped into the tub and lowered their bodies into the water. He pulled her to his lap and tightened his arms around her. Her fears calmed, she looked up at him and smiled.

"I should have known you wouldn't leave me. It's just that after not seeing you for so long and not making love for so long, I thought maybe you were disappointed, or…"

Grissom cut Sara off with a kiss. "Sara I shouldn't have left you, or at least told you where I was going. You could never disappoint me."

Sara snuggled deeper into Grissom's chest and turned on the jets. He reached for her shampoo and squeezed a drop into his palm. Slowly, he began working the shampoo through her locks, massaging her scalp. Sara moaned as his fingers deftly worked their magic. Carefully, he slid her from his lap and eased her forward. He grasped her shoulders and lowered her head into the water. Holding her with one arm, he rinsed the shampoo with his free hand. Gently he lifted her from the water and pulled her back into his arms. Sara leaned against him shoulder and handed him the conditioner. As he lathered her hair, he placed short, tender kisses on the back of her neck and shoulders. Sara slid under the water to rinse and flipped herself over. She pulled herself up and sat on her knees, between Grissom's legs. She brought her face up to his and gave him a kiss. He stroked her wet head. "I'm sorry for leaving you in our bed. I never thought about how it would look. I just wanted to surprise you with a nice warm bath."

Sara silenced him with another kiss. "I overreacted. I'm sorry."

Grissom smiled and turned Sara back in his arms. He held her tight and closed his eyes. "I'd never leave you."

Sara knew his words were meant to be comforting, but they reminded her that she had left him. A single tear formed in her eye. She brushed it away and quietly whispered, "I'm sorry." Grissom never heard her.

Grissom took his cloths to the other bedroom so that they could get ready separately for their date. He buttoned up his shirt, put on some slacks and waited. In the other room, Sara rummaged through her bag, but couldn't find anything she wanted to wear on a date. She sighed, settling on grey slacks, deep blue long sleeve shirt and a grey sweater with a large V neck. She fastened a necklace, fixed her hair, letting it fall down curly, and applied a little make-up. Grissom was waiting for her at the entrance. He smiled warmly when he saw her. He picked up her keys and led her to the car.

They drove to Stateline for dinner. There was a nice restaurant in one of the casinos. The restaurant also came with a dinner show. Sara perused the menu and settled on seafood, while Grissom chose a steak. They were just about finished their meal when a young woman came on stage and began to sing slow, melodious jazz tunes. Grissom shuffled his chair around the table so that he was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Sara. He grasped her hand beneath the table as they watched the young woman cry out her haunting lyrics. When the show finished, they drove back to their cabin.

Grissom lit the fire in the living room and uncorked a bottle of wine. He set out cheese and crackers on the rug and returned to the kitchen to make stuffed mushroom caps. As they finished baking, he returned to the living room where Sara sat cross-legged, sipping her wine. He laid down beside her and propped himself on one elbow. He picked up a mushroom cap and brought it to her lips. When they were full of wine and snacks, Grissom reached behind him and pulled out a notebook. He began reading her poems from Cummings, Wordsworth, Pablo Neruda, and so on.

Sara moved so she lay against him. "Where did you get that notebook from?"

"Over the last four months, every time I thought of a poem that reminded me of you, I wrote it in this notebook."

Sara turned to face him. She took the notebook from his hand and skimmed through it. "It's full."

"I thought of you a lot."

Sara leaned forward and kissed him lightly. He smiled. His hand rested on her hip. When she smiled back at him, his hand moved under her shirt to the small of her back. He gave her a gentle pull and she wiggled in tighter against him. He leaned forward and began giving her slow, deep kisses. He rolled her onto her back, his hand on her waist again, and leaned down. He kissed her passionately. Suddenly he felt a push against his shoulder. Confused, he lifted his head. "Griss, stop." Fear filled his eyes as he scanned hers, worried that she didn't want him, that he was pushing, or that maybe she was afraid he'd leave again when it was over. She eased his fears. "Bedroom. Not on the rug."

Sara stood and took his hand. She pulled him up and led him to the bedroom. As she pulled him into the bedroom, she climbed onto the bed, kneeling in front of him. Her hands reached up and grasped his collar. She pulled him onto the bed with her, and pushed him onto his back. Slowly, straddling him, she unbuttoned his shirt, kissing her way down his chest with every new piece of skin she exposed. Shirt unbuttoned, she slid it over his shoulders. He moved to grasp the bottom of her sweater, but she shook her head. Her hands found his belt buckle. She undid the buckle and slowly pulled the belt through the belt loops. She shifted back until she stood on the floor, undid his pants and pulled them from his frame. Climbing back on top of him, she removed her sweater and shirt. Grissom's hands moved to her waist and slowly up along her sides up to her breasts. As she stared down at him, his hands moved around her back and unclasped her bra. It fell to the bed as she leaned down to kiss him. Her hands skimmed down his chest. She rolled off him. Carefully, Grissom rolled on his side and pushed Sara onto her back. He undid her pants. His hands moved down her legs, slowly, sensually, taking her pants with them, before sliding back up her legs to her panties. He repeated the same movement, removing her underwear. As his hands glided back up her legs, she moaned. He grinned and crawled back up onto the bed beside Sara, tenderly kissing his way up her form. He paused at her chest, licking the space between her breasts while his hands gently kneaded them. Sara's hand pulled the hair behind his head. She thrust her chest up, leaning into his kisses. Her desire caught up with her. Quickly, stealthily, she flipped him on his back and pulled off his boxers. Her hands moved up his legs, gripping them as they slid up. He stifled a moan. She slid up his chest, leaned down and caught Grissom's ear in her teeth, licking the lobe. She brought her face to his, grinning down at him. As he moved his head up to kiss her, she rolled onto her back, and waited for him to take her.

Grissom's thumb caressed her cheek as he slowly entered her. He stared down at her with each thrust, willing her to see the love and promise in his eyes. After climaxing, he fell to her body and rested his head in the crook of her neck. She gently stroked his back until he rolled to his side and pulled her into his arms. He held her tightly and kissed her temple. "Sara, will you marry me?"

Sara pushed him onto his back. She rolled so that her arms were resting on his chest. She looked into his eyes. "I believe I already said yes."

Grissom took his hand and pushed her hair behind her ear. "I never really asked before, more like suggested. I wanted to ask. I also didn't know if you changed your mind when you left."

"Gil, this isn't insecurity talking is it? You will never lose me."

He shook his head and stroked her hair. "It isn't insecurity. I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I will marry you." Sara leaned against her arms and looked up at him. "I know we are going to be separated again soon, but please believe me. I'm not changing my mind. I still need to work through everything, then I'll come back and marry you."

Grissom closed his eyes. "Sara, I'm ready."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm ready to leave the lab. I'm ready to follow you."

Sara pushed herself up to sitting position. She turned her back to Grissom. "You can't leave the lab. It's your life. I can't ask you to do that for me. It's too much and I really don't believe you're ready."

"I am." He stared up at her back and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Sara, you followed me to Vegas. You stayed for over seven years for me. It's my turn to follow you."

Sara shook her head. Grissom squeezed her upper arm. "When we first became intimate, I used you as a distraction from the lab. I thought of this as an affair, and it was wonderful. Then it became more, we became more. These past four months, work became the distraction. I used it to try to stop thinking about you. I can be distracted by work anywhere. I want to be where you are. It's time for a fresh start. Let's ride off into the sunset together."

Sara turned and studied him. She laid back down and rested her head on his chest. He stroked her hair. "Sara, please, marry me. Marry me tomorrow."

"What?" Sara shot her head up. "Tomorrow?"

"We can get a marriage license tomorrow and have a private ceremony, right here, on the back patio, overlooking the lake. What do you think?"

"Okay."

"So tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow. We'll have to hit town early to make all the arrangements."

Grissom pulled her close and kissed her part. "So we'll use the morning to work everything out, and we'll get married here in the evening." He smiled and tilted her chin up, kissing her. "I can't wait."

Sara snuggled into his arms. As he spooned her, he traced lines on her arm. Leaning his mouth to her ear, he whispered, "I love you." He kissed her upper arm.

As he held her tightly and drifted into sleep, he heard her soft reply. "I love you too."