Disclaimer: Really, if I owned anything, I would shout it to the world. But I don't...

A/N: Hey everyone :) Thanks for the nice reviews, I guess this fic caught on quick. Now I'm under too much pressure to be funny... (j/k).

Chapter 2- Why Not to Anger Short People

When the train had come to a stop, the three boys got off into the warm morning sunlight of a new day. The wall to the Seireitei and its gate loomed stories above them.

"Isn't someone supposed to meet us here?" Mizuiro asked. They looked around and spotted, on the other side of the platform, an angry-looking boy with crazy silver hair holding a sign above his head that read, "Soul Reaper Academy Students". They approached him.

Ichigo, with a forced smile, jovially greeted, "Hi! Your sign depicts us." But, as he looked closer, he noticed that it wasn't a boy after all, but just a human-size cardboard stand shaped like a boy. They looked at it, confused, then startled by the sudden message that sounded from it.

"Hello, academy-bound students. My name is Toshirou Hitsugaya and I don't give a rat's ass about you, which is why I made this replica of me to greet you instead of the real me. Please press the green button to continue."

They looked down and noticed two buttons. A red one read in words above it, 'Press me.' A green one, on the other hand, read the words, 'DON'T press me.' The three looked at each other in confusion. Finally, Keigo raised a brave finger and cautiously pressed the green button.

Suddenly, a boxing glove on a spring shot out and hit Keigo square in the jaw, who went flying through the air, saliva flying from his mouth. As he hit the ground, a referee stepped in from the background and shouted, "Knock Out!", stole Keigo's wallet from his pocket, and ran away.

"That was strange..." Mizuiro commented, pushing the red button. Another message began.

"Did you enjoy that? Yes, that's how much I hate you and the rest of the world. Now take these tickets and show it to the man standing by the gate." Three tickets rolled out of the mouth. Ichigo nervously tore them out.

The now conscious Keigo joined his two friends, who stepped off the platform and approached the guard. He was ridiculously and impractically large like that other loser (what was his name...? Jidanbo). When he saw these tickets, he opened the gate and they stepped through.

Inside the walls of Seireitei, a sign pointed to a meager shack by the wall, reading, 'Entrance to Academy'. They entered. Inside there were no windows and it was completely dark except for a single torch on the wall. Under it sat Mayuri Kurotsuchi. His wide eyes shifted to the three as they entered. In a low, raspy voice, he said, "Welcome to the lair of the demon." He shrunk down into the darkness and rose back up in front of Ichigo, towering over him and demanding, "Are you frightened, little girl?"

He was responded with a yawn. "So you're like, what, the janitor?"

"The janitor? How dare you?! I am Captain Kurotsuchi! Tremble before me as fear creeps over your bodies!" Ding. Suddenly he went from dark and demonic to cheerful, with a big smile on his face and a pink aura surrounding him. "Ah! Cookies are ready!"

The entrance then opened. Kurotsuchi announced, "Well, these must be the last four students I was expecting." Standing before them in the doorway were Chad, Orihime, Tatsuki, and Uryuu.

"Wait, hold on!" shouted Rukia in the middle of a game of twister at Urahara's shop. "Uryuu would never become a Soul Reaper."

Yoruichi flicked the spinner. "Left foot green! Hey, wait a minute... why the hell are we all playing Twister now?"

Uryuu, who was twisted in a knot below Rukia, replied to her question, "Yes, that's common knowledge, isn't it?"

"I know but I thought somewhere in some part of the universe... or even another... it was relevant information, ation, ation..."

"Welcome to the lair of, ah screw it no one ever gets scared." A light switched was flipped, revealing a plain white room with an oven in the corner. Kurotsuchi put on a pair of oven mitts and pulled the cookies out of the oven.

"Does anybody want any cookies?"

Silence.

"They're shaped like Konjiki Ashisogi Jizou."

Silence.

"I used gummi candy on some parts of the cookie to make it more colorful..."

Silence.

"Well, whatever." He pulled a switch on the wall, which opened the floor and dropped the students into darkness into a roller coaster. Somehow the managed to fall in such a perfect formation that they landed two to a car but they were still in complete darkness. "Please keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times," said Kurotsuchi over an intercom as the roller coaster began to roll and speed up through the darkness.

They all screamed like little girls as the coaster whizzed around on twists and turns and loops. Finally light could be seen, and the coaster shot along the track into an open plaza and came to a screeching halt. Their hair was all messed up and Keigo was in dire need of a change of underpants, but they stumbled their way out of the coaster and regained their barings. As they did so, they began to introduce themselves to each other. My name is bla bla bla I'm from who cares and I hope to yada yada you get the point.

So they found themselves in front of the massive Soul Reaper academy. The plaza was bustling with students and random other people walking in, out, and around the school. They started walking towards the front doors. On the way, Ichigo noticed a stand on the side with various bowls of Jello. A sign above read, 'Free for students.' "I am pretty hungry I guess." He approached the stand.

"Hi, there!" called a particularly happy student also approaching the stand. He wore a wide smile and was waving at Ichigo. "What's your name?"

"Uh... Ichigo Kurosaki. First year."

"Really? That's such an awesome name. I'm Renji Abarai, by the way. Second year. You have orange hair!" He laughed jovially.

"You have red hair!" Ichigo said, suddenly feeling happy himself, and matching Renji's laugh.

"Those are both uncommon hair colors for Japanese people!" They laughed together. "Ah, boy... good times. Ichigo, I feel like you and I will be best friends forever."

"Well, that's just awesome." Ichigo took a bowl of green Jello, dumped it all in his mouth, and swallowed. "Ah... tasty." When he looked back at Renji, he saw that the wide grin had melted into disbelief. "Did you... just take the last green Jello?"

"Uh... yeah, sorry. There's a blue one right there, I'll get it for you..." But as soon as Ichigo grabbed the bowl, Renji had produced a sword from somewhere and smashed the bowl with it. "How dare you even offer me such an unnatural color of Jello as... BLUE?! You die now! Roar, Zabima-"

He was suddenly hit in the back of the head by something. When he keeled over, Ichigo saw it was a short, black-haired girl standing behind him who had smacked him. "I'm sorry about Renji. He's a dumb ass. It's not his fault, really, it's a hereditary thing I think."

"Right... and you are?"

She took out her zanpaku-tou and held it in a samurai-like pose. "I am Rukia Kuchiki from the Kuchiki family, second year. My area of specialty is kidou and I like long walks on the bleach."

"Uh, don't you mean the beach?"

"Right, what did I say?"

"You said... never mind. Hey, what the hell? Was that some kind of stupid callback to the show you're writing a fiction about, in the fiction? How retarded is that?"

Suddenly a woman's voice boomed over the plaza from what must have been an intercom or megaphone. "Attention all students! This is Soifon speaking. GET YOUR ASSES IN THE LECTURE HALL BEFORE I SKIN YOU ALL ALIVE!!! You have two minutes, and for every second you are late, I will give you ten years of detention. Also, the countdown started one minute and forty seconds ago so MOVE IT! That is all."

With that, all of the students in the plaza got up and scrambled quickly through the main doors.

Well that's Chapter 2. Uneventful but the next one will be better, check my profile for details if you so choose... reviews greatly appreciated! Show me da love.