Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much for far too long.
Looking back I could have played it differently
Won a few more moments who can tell
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know I know him well
Her entire body freezes, ramrod straight. She always had this reaction when his name was mentioned. Seeing his children, all with that familiar dark skin. Except the one... but who was to say Liir was Fiyero's, anyway? Everyone supposed the boy was hers. She couldn't comfirm it or deny it. That information was burried far too deeply to say.
But... if he was hers, that meant he had to be his, too. Didn't it? It would mean she had been able to take a little piece of him to keep for herself. Even after he was long gone, she still had a small part or him. A part that she was supposed to nourish, cherish, love.
She knew she wasn't doing a very good job. But she couldn't! It was too selfish to get to enjoy this.. this gift from him. She wasn't supposed to be a mother. It was asking far too much, to have a child's love. A child from the man she had loved.
She could've done so many things differently. Loved him better, or loved him less. Maybe she could've saved him. Protected him well enough for him to have survived. She knew she would've lost him eventually. He had a wife, small children, a tribe to lead. It was so horribly selfish to think she could've kept him, maybe. He would've had to leave her soon, anyway.
But he had loved her. That was his downfall. He had been so stupidly male and sweet. He wanted to protect her, even if he didn't realize he was easily in more danger than her. He was determined to be brave. He had loved her so much. That was what had gotten him... gotten him killed. It hurt to think that he probably would've been fine had it not been for her.
He deserved so much more than she could've ever given him.
No one in your life is with you constantly
No one is completely on your side
And though I move my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide.
Looking back I could have played things some other way
Learned about the man before I fell
Elphaba didn't hide her secrets as well as she thought she did. That much was obvious to Sarima. It hurt that much more. If that green... viper had been able to hide herself away, neither woman would've been in so much pain. If it wasn't so obvious that Liir was hers, hers and Fiyero's, it wouldn't hurt. She claimed to not know. But Sarima knew.
She knew her husband had been a young, handsome man. She knew she wasn't the girl she had been before she bore his first child. But didn't that count for something? She'd been dutiful. She'd been forced into it as much as he had. So why did she feel so guilty for denying him what he wanted? Why was she, of all people, guilty because her husband had taken a mistress.
She bore so much more than other women did. Not only had she been widowed with three tiny children, she had to see the mark of his infedelity. Why did this wretched woman, this woman who was barely a woman have to come to her? She meant well. She wanted to confess, she tried so hard.
But Sarima couldn't let her. If she didn't let her, in some way she didn't have to face it. If there was still some fraction of doubt, there was still doubt. She could pretend Fiyero had gotten into some sort of trouble, died in some horrible, normal accident. She could believe Elphaba had nothing to do with it.