Cornucopian Dreams.
"Good work today, gentlemen."
Yes. Mission accomplished. Finally, moment of glory – moment of hibernation is here. I smiled as I packed my stuff. It has been pretty quiet for half a frigging year already. Ever since Duo Maxwell had become a liability, "peace" reigned in my world, in my life. No more visited porn sites on the web, no more bugging me to go out at night. No more Duo. He was fired because he has been a pain in the ass. He is careless, clumsy, always doing what he likes, tactless, not worthy of the job. Okay. I exaggerated on that last one. But in the whole six months of his nonexistence, there were times that I will find myself looking up at the empty chair beside me; he left so many memories, memories that refuse to go along with his exit. I see myself back when he used to be my partner. I looked over his table and found something white – it looks like a picture. The words "me with my best bud on earth" was written in dirty penmanship. I flipped the paper and there I saw our first picture together during a mission sometime in December, which was the first time that stupid punk took this shot. He was smiling, and me, too? Was I really smiling at that time? He made me look ugly in that picture – he revealed the true me.
I sighed and returned the photo back to where it used to be. Sometimes, I don't understand myself. When he used to be here, I would drive him away, like not minding him when he got something important to ask. But now that he's not here, I feel a certain part in me missing him. NO. I didn't mean to think that. Why would I miss someone so annoying, so loud, crazy and sociable? Maybe, well, just maybe, there's this other person inside me who appreciated him the way he should be appreciated. Geez. I'm not going back on those words. I didn't notice it until now. Where in the hell is he anyway? I looked at my watch, and it seemed to tell me that it's time to go home. Goodbye, Duo. I left the room and hurriedly drove up. Usually, at this point in time, Duo would insist that we should eat ramen at the park, and I would not be permissive, but the story doesn't end there. He would keep on bugging me until I finally lose my temper and submit to his request just for the sake of making him stop all his actions. Stupid me. I stopped at the convenience store, bought a couple of ramens because I am quite hungry, and then, my feet brought me somewhere I never thought of going to – the park. Well, maybe I could relax a little here. No work tomorrow so it's definitely okay besides the fact that I can protect myself, the view is a prize. After eating the ramen and wandering for about ten to fifteen minutes based on my calculations, I lay down at the Bermuda grass, and closed my eyes. I don't know what to think but it seems that my body instructs me to just do whatever my brain tells me to. And so I did.
I was awakened by the sound of a clearing throat.
"Eherm…"
I looked up and opened my eyes. DUO. How long had he been standing there?
"Hee-chan? Is that you?" he asked. I saw his eyes covered with perplexity.
I got up, faced him and shot him with a blank and cold look – the Perfect Soldier look.
"Well, what's that funny look on your face?" He scoffed.
Funny? Do I really look funny? I thought girls like it this way. But I don't care about that thought. Good thing it's midnight, he can't see tiny red spots glowing in my face. I looked away. Before anything else might happen, I decided to take a step away from him.
"I'm going home," I said and turned my back from him.
"Okay, well, be safe…" I heard him say.
Be safe? Is that all you can say? You won't try to follow me? STOP. What the hell am I thinking? Why do I want him to follow me? I am hallucinating. I just continued walking, pretended that I didn't hear him. I went inside my car and stopped for a moment to re-evaluate things. Okay. The first thing that happened is that I went at the park to eat ramen then, he showed up from I don't know where and now that I've seen him, I just left him and he didn't try to follow me. Has he changed? Have I changed? I scratched my head in confusion.
……………
Twenty minutes have passed; still I cannot move a muscle. That's it. I'm done. I impatiently went back to the spot where I left him. I was expecting to find a braided boy lying on the grass there but all I saw was just the perfectly beautiful moonlight's reflection across the lake in front of me. No signs of Duo. I looked left, I still didn't see him. I looked right – no, there's no one already. The park is clearly vacant. Then, as fast as the speed of I don't know -- just something so fast, I felt a lip speak to me in my right ear --
"Looking for me?"
I turned to see his lips almost half an inch away from me. He was smiling. Blast beating filled my system. I was shaking. I took a gulp and moved my face away. I liked it. I must admit that I really liked it.
"Why would I look for you?" I said in a dream-on voice.
"Then, why are you here? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he teased.
Shoot. What the hell am I suppose to say?
"I left something,"
"Hahahahaha! Stupid! The Perfect Soldier could make a better excuse than that," he laughed.
And then, there was silence. Silence that is deafening in the ears in a way that your heart screams more than your mouth could ever do.
"I'm going home…" I said for the second time, for the second scenario.
As I walked away, I placed my hands in my pocket.
"Hey! I thought you left something?! Why don't you tell me what you really want to say? It's not like I don't know you!" he shouted.
I stopped, walked back and kept a distance of two inches. It's much safer that way.
"I got nothing to say," I said.
"Do you miss me?" he asked.
I was shocked at that question. I brushed my hair up.
"I waited everyday of my life to see you again, Heero. I go everyday at this place, hoping to see you again after I got kicked out of the job, I wanted to see you so bad, Heero."
Why Duo? Why?
"I don't care." I said.
Please feel the irony of it. That's what my heart says. I don't know why. This is the first time something like this happened.
"It's okay. I know it. Have a good night, Heero. Till the next time we'll see each other again," he turned his back from me and ran fast.
I stood there. After some time, I sat down on the bench beside me. My cellphone beeped. Relena's calling me. I don't feel like talking to her. I just wanna run after this guy who made me feel real, who made me bleed for the whole six months of missing him. Then, it hit me. It was really Duo who made me feel special, no pretensions, no scripts, no nothing. Every time I try to hurt him, he would simply smile and make me feel guilty. But this time, he bruised me so bad. After all those longings for someone or something that can make me happy, it was this mistake… No, this person who proved to me that I belong in this world, how beautiful earth is, and how he'll wait for me… He's all I ever needed.
I got up, and run as fast as I can towards the other side of the park. I hit the road and looked everywhere for him. People started to get thicker and thicker like threads of colors being woven in thick canvases.
I pushed all the people out of my way, hearing angry yells after angry yells. I'm sorry, but I got to find my happiness. I reached L2. Still, no Duo. My feet got tired. I held my knees to surrender. Then, tiny tears went out of my eyes and streaked down my cheeks. .I have lost it. I have lost my happiness. I have lost… him.
I sat down and bowed my head. Goodbye to the one that I love. Goodbye to my everything. Goodbye to my sanctuary. Goodbye Duo.
"You don't have to run so fast… You know, no matter how hard you try to push me away, I'd still meet you halfway. Only this time, I was a little late…"
I looked up. He offered his hanky. I embraced him.
"Don't leave me. Just… stay. Bear with me, even only for tonight." I said.
"Who said that I would leave you? You're the only one who saw me without preparing to meet your maker, because I will never leave you." He said.
"I'm sorry, Duo."
"Love is pain, Hee-chan. It'll always be okay with me to feel the pain…"
"Not anymore, koi…"
I said those words and kissed him in the lips.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"Huh? You don't know that?" I asked.
"I know it, but, what was that for?"
"It's a pact… a pact to never leave you again, and…"
"And?"
"To stay with you and bear the pain with you…"
"And?" he asked again.
"I love you, shinigami-kun,"
I sealed his lips with a kiss.