NEW CHAP (5): "Turning Tables, Watch Them Spin"

When Pip finally woke up, he felt abnormally strange. It was as though a portion of his aches and pains had been sucked out of him. He rubbed his forehead a bit, smearing sweat across his face, then sat up. He frowned slightly. He didn't feel so terrible anymore.. True enough, he had had gory nightmares about dolls eating his face off, but he felt a whole lot better. Maybe his fever had broken.. Or maybe it was Seras's soup.. Or, maybe-.. Oh, who cares!

Pip leapt up off the bed, then cursed a bit as he felt a few sneezes coming. He turned his head and stifled them, then sniffled and blinked a couple times. His cold had severely lessoned, but was still hanging around. However, the good news was that he was well enough to get back to work, and get the heck out of his room!

The Captain of the Wild Geese hurriedly got dressed and dashed from the room, a bit tired, but otherwise feeling fine.

Alucard, however, was not quite as dandy. Ever since last night, had started feeling rather poorly… First, his head had started throbbing, feeling like it did when Integra had gotten into a bit of a fuss and whammed him in the skull 52 times with a silver ash tray.. Then, he started to feel a tad fatigued, tired almost, like he didn't get enough sleep… After that followed a strange, sandpaper feeling in his throat, sore muscles, and a loss of appetite. These, of course were fairly foreign to the No-Life King, who hadn't so much as felt anything near as strange as this in over some 500 years. Yes, he has experienced slight fatigue and maybe muscle exhaustion once or perhaps TWICE in his un-life, but NEVER as pronounced as THIS.. Ever since he had stared feeling so bizarrely uncomfortable, Alucard had taken the freedom of locking himself up in his damp, basement room.. Oh, how downright dismal of him, hiding away like this!… But if one thing was sure, and he was sure as sure it was, he would NOT be jovially skipping about until he figured out what was going on..

He sat there, in his chair, sawing a gloved finger under his nose. The naughty little thing had taken to getting very itchy lately, and the vampire had no clue why. He didn't BREATHE for goodness sake.. WHAT could be CAUSING this?.. What even was happening to him, anyway!?..

In an attempt to get rid of the irritating tickle, Alucard huffed a short breathe through his nasal passages. He snorted flinchingly as the prickle only furthered and got even more violent. Why, the gall of it! He was ALUCARD, MASTER OF EVIL!!! How DARE it taunt him! He tilted his head back, closing his eyes, wrinkling up his long, straight nose. What kind of torture was this, huh?.. Oh, it was Anderson, wasn't it..? Anderson, with some creepy Church machine made to torment vampires from afar.. Yeeeeeees… THAT was it.. He sniffled, then winced as the itch defied its host and ventured even further into his nose. GAH, it was MADDENING!!.. Ugh.. Alucard sniffed again, pawing at his nose in a rather undignified fashion. He scrubbed his wrist alongside it, wiped it against his shoulder and even pinched it for a moment, but his endeavors were futile.

Finally, in a wild frenzy to silence his anguish, Alucard snatched up his gun and pointed it at his own face. His sonorous voice reverberated off the walls of his room.

"If this doesn't stop it," he said, clicking off the safety. "I don't know what will."

Yet, as he said this, the tickle began to grow even more monstrous before, feeling like a tiny feather, stabbing at him, and some impulse unknown and forgotten to him, forced the No Life King to squint his eyes into ruby slits as involuntary breaths began to seize him.

".. Aahhhh.."

Alucard reached up with his free hand and pressed a finger under his nose hesitantly.. What was HAPPENING?..

".. haahh.. aaahhh.."

Alucard felt his eyes close all the way and he saw no more, only felt, what was going to happen. His lips pulled back in a grimace so that his large, white teeth sparkled in what light was there.

"… gaaaahhhhaaa…"

Alucard paused there, testing himself, feeling like he was on the brink of something. It was as though he were on the rim of a mountain, teetering off the side, waiting for something to either push him forward or pull him back… One small sniffle sent him over the edge.

"HAAAAHHHH-"

-------

Integra's head snapped up from her paperwork as a loud series of booms and crashes came from downstairs. She furrowed her brow, then stood up, and peered over her desk at the floor, where, about 4 levels below, Alucard's domain resided. What had happened down there?.. Did he cause something to explode?.. Throw a grenade?.. She gritted her teeth.. If he was playing catch with Hilda the Overweight Maid again, she would give him QUITE a punishment.. She blinked down at the floor a few times, listening for more as the thunderous cacophony subsided. Hn.. He was probably in a mood, or perhaps just rearranging furniture the "Kingly" way, as he liked to call it. Integra sighed and shook her head, going back to her desk. Alucard, she concluded, was one she would never understand.

NEW CHAP(6): "Denial of the Inevitable"

Pip and Seras stood together outside on the field, watching the troops muck about on their break. Tripping each other, pantsing the new recruits, and enjoying their job in general. The Captain of this sorry crowd was looking well and feeling much, much better. Pip had convinced himself that it was Seras's wonderful bedside manor that saved him from certain death, and told her this hourly.

"But, Captain! I didn't do anything!" Seras always replied, blushing and smiling. And Pip always replied, "Ah, mon cherie, you did more than you know.."

The two had drawn closer together since Pip's episode.. But not close enough.

POP!

"OW!"

"PIP BERNADETTE, YOU PERV!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!"

"Ah, but Princess! I am only being-"

"NO NO NO!! NO MORE!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

"Ho ho ho! But I only wish to t-"

"… AHHH!! PIP!!! WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!??"

POP!

"OW!!"

Ah, yes, my friends! Love is in the air! Sweet, sweet love… and annoyance… and perhaps some resentment… oh well… love's in there.. somewhere… deeeeeeeeeep down in there… Gah, who are we kidding?..

Alucard lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling with a VERY unhappy look on his pale face. He had been thrown back to the ground when the detonation had commenced, and was not a pleased un-dead man let me tell you. It just wasn't his day, he was presuming. He lifted his head a bit, grunting, and surveyed the room. Apparently, whatever friggin' explosion that came out of his face, had practically vandalized his room. The force of his sneeze had blown the furniture of his living quarters all to one side, like some huge gust had twirled about his residence. The only thing that had not moved much was his coffin, most likely because he had not been facing it when he had released that monster of a bodily function. If he hadn't been so baffled and humiliated, he would have taken pride in the fact that his sneezes could cause natural disasters. Vampires COULDN'T sneeze, could they?.. It just wasn't feasible!… was it?

Alucard growled a bit as he stood up, nose beginning to itch again. He took the edge of his coat and rubbed his nose to it in a relatively agitated fashion. He couldn't believe what was happening to him. A slight case of the sniffles was dragging him under.. In a matter of hours he could look just like that fool Bernadette..

All of a sudden, Alucard's eyes lit up. BERNADETTE! It was HIS fault he was sick! Alucard had ingested blood before, but usually from a healthy medical pack or a nourishing human walking through the night. He never thought about the consequence of drinking the blood of one whom was ill. Oh! How FOOLISH of him. He was surely doomed.

"ALUCARD!!!"

Alucard cringed as Integra's shrill voice sounded from upstairs… Oh god, not her.. She'd surely exploit his newly acquired weakness..

"ALUCARD!!!! COME NOW!!!!"

He groaned… how he hated his life.. Then, he phased away, leaving his room unoccupied.