A/N: Yo! This is actually DaysOfTheNight speaking, not Day'sOfTheNight's Friend. Lol. She told me to tell you guys that the entire Chapter Six portion that was on Chapter Five that is already posted, is revised. That'll be all for my surprise visit/announcement. :D

NEW CHAP(6): "Denial of the Inevitable"

Pip and Seras stood together outside on the field, watching the troops muck about on their break. Tripping each other, pantsing the new recruits, and enjoying their job in general. The Captain of this sorry crowd was looking well and feeling much, much better. Pip had convinced himself that it was Seras's wonderful bedside manor that saved him from certain death, and told her this hourly.

"But, Captain! I didn't do anything!" Seras always replied, blushing and smiling. And Pip always replied, "Ah, mon cherie, you did more than you know.."

The two had drawn closer together since Pip's episode.. But not close enough.

POP!

"OW!"

"PIP BERNADETTE, YOU PERV!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!"

"Ah, but Princess! I am only being-"

"NO NO NO!! NO MORE!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

"Ho ho ho! But I only wish to t-"

"… AHHH!! PIP!!! WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!??"

POP!

"OW!!"

Ah, yes, my friends! Love is in the air! Sweet, sweet love… and annoyance… and perhaps some resentment… oh well… love's in there.. somewhere… deeeeeeeeeep down in there… Gah, who are we kidding?..

Alucard lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling with a VERY unhappy look on his pale face. He had been thrown back to the ground when the detonation had commenced, and was not a pleased un-dead man let me tell you. It just wasn't his day, he was presuming. He lifted his head a bit, grunting, and surveyed the room. Apparently, whatever friggin' explosion that came out of his face, had practically vandalized his room. The force of his sneeze had blown the furniture of his living quarters all to one side, like some huge gust had twirled about his residence. The only thing that had not moved much was his coffin, most likely because he had not been facing it when he had released that monster of a bodily function. If he hadn't been so baffled and humiliated, he would have taken pride in the fact that his sneezes could cause natural disasters. Vampires COULDN'T sneeze, could they?.. It just wasn't feasible!… was it?

Alucard growled a bit as he stood up, nose beginning to itch again. He took the edge of his coat and rubbed his nose to it in a relatively agitated fashion. He couldn't believe what was happening to him. A slight case of the sniffles was dragging him under.. In a matter of hours he could look just like that fool Bernadette..

All of a sudden, Alucard's eyes lit up. BERNADETTE! It was HIS fault he was sick! Alucard had ingested blood before, but usually from a healthy medical pack or a nourishing human walking through the night. He never thought about the consequence of drinking the blood of one who was ill. Oh! How FOOLISH of him. He was surely doomed.

"ALUCARD!!!!!"

Alucard cringed as Integra's voice boomed from upstairs. Oh god, not her.. Anything but her… If there was any possibility of this little accident getting out-… He just might kill himself.. again..

"ALUCARD!!! NOW!!!"

The No-Life King winced once more, giving another growl to pair it with. He hit the door with his shoulder and turned the knob, slipping out like silence… Or, at least, it would have been silence if he had not begun to cough. He stifled them with his elbow, then swallowed, and frowned at the burning prickle that slid down his dry wind-pipe. He put a hand to his neck, rubbing it. This was going to be a long day.

He sauntered his way up the stairs, feeling too tired to try and fade through solid objects. Each step took more effort as confidence and arrogance slipped away like sand between his fingers. How did humans DEAL with this?!… It was literally self-deprecating, as well as torture. Alucard felt a nearly non-existent pang of guilt of treating Pip so badly whenever he had been ill… It soon diminished, however, when he reminded himself that it was the French-pig's fault that HE was now infected. Screw the fact that he had drugged Pip, snuck in hi room, and feasted on him. The Captain was the one to blame here, not him.

"ALUCARD!!! GET IN HERE!!!"

He moaned at that one, it being so close.. He kicked the door open, holding his temples.

"WHAT, MASTER!? WHAT!!!??"

Integra blinked at her slave, faintly surprised by his sudden entrance… and.. Was that-?.. PAIN on his face? He was in PAIN? For a man whose emotional expressions varied from indifferent to disturbingly amused, open irritation and tenderness was a new one. She raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, finally.. Alucard, I need you to take Victoria and a few brigades out to the west side of-… what are you doing?"

Alucard flicked baleful, ruby slits to his master, his left hand clamped over his nose and mouth like a white, silken mask..

"… waiting for you to order me around.. What does it LOOK like I am doing?.."

In reality, he had begun to feel a familiar itch in his nasal passageways. He was not entirely used to the prospect of sneezing, but it certainly was recognizable, and as far as he was concerned, unavoidable… Oh, how right he was..

Integra looked unimpressed, then just rolled her eyes. She could care less what the vampire's motive was. As long as he wasn't causing trouble.

"Whatever.. Just take Seras and troops down to the-…"

Alucard stopped listening at that point as Integra kept on talking, beginning to focus on his nose. Why?.. Why must his un-life be as complicated as his living one?… WHY!!!?… He made a slight squeak as he fought to keep the sneezes down. He was not exactly embarrassed by it, but he'd much rather do this sort of annoying thing in private. ANY one would do better than his own master.

"Alucard, are you listening?"

He jumped a bit, looking up, then hurriedly putting both hands behind his back. He tried to put on a menacing grin, but it turned out to be more of a weak grimace.

"What else could I be doing?" He cleared his throat, voice cracking. Ugh..

Integra laced her fingers and sat back.. She was suspicious..

"Alucard.. Is there something you want to tell me?"

He scowled, quickly turning his head to cough. He squinted his eyes at Integra as he looked back. "What are you STARING AT?.."

Integra, who was halfway out of her seat, lost any concern she had for her servant after his baritone voice snapped at her. She plopped back down, beginning to look over paperwork.

"Nevermind.. Just get out of my sight and be ready tomorrow night for Millennium."

Alucard bowed rather clumsily then got the HECK out of there. He smashed a wrist to his nose as he slammed the door behind him, beginning to feel involuntary air being drawn into his lungs…

"Aaahhhh..gaahhh…."

Again, he paused, the bothersome tickle floating around for a moment before attacking him completely..

"HHHRRAAAAAAACHHTT!!!" Alucard was propelled backward by the sheer vigor of his sneeze and hit the wall, sliding down it. He rubbed the back of his head, moaning. Oh, how he wanted to kill someone..

Until he looked up…

Then he wanted to kill himself… again..

Captain Pip Bernadette stood there, right hand clenched onto a half-eaten burger, and his lone green eye widened, staring down at Alucard's hunched form. His mouth was slightly open. No one said anything for close to 3 minutes. Then…

"WHAT ZE-" .. Pip followed this up with a string of colorful phrases, some of his own creation. Alucard's pride was chipped away at each one, but his hate grew impossibly more monstrous. He had made up his mind.. The French man WOULD die.. There could be NO WITNESSES…

"-CAN-OPENER!" Pip finished anticlimactically, dropping his lunch. "WHAT WAS ZAT?!"

Alucard pushed himself up off the floor, buckling slightly when his vision swam. "Get out of here before the very depths of all evil reach your girly, little body.."

Pip, who normally would have fled for his dear French life, cocked a grin.

"And if I don't?"

Alucard's black, frazzled head jerked upward, eyes glowing dangerously.

"I do not think you want to venture into that dark corner, mortal.."

"What are you going to do?.. Zneeze on me?" The Captain gleefully began to laugh at his own joke… Until Alucard seized him by the front and yanked him up to meet his height.. Pip was less than an inch away from Alucard's fangs.

"Speak a word of this to anyone, and I truly WILL see you dead, even if it means my own well-being. You can BET on it."

The No-Life King slammed Captain Bernadette back down harshly, then swept down the hall, regaining his diminished arrogance. Pip rubbed his throat.. He was grinning..

"… I would be careful about making ze betz… I can call a bluff when I zee one.."

And with that, Pip jovially bounced away… to find a certain little British vampire… and tell her some things he had recently found..