A/n hey all… Here's what happens when I decide to take a break from writing everyday. The muse gets bored and this is what she comes up with. So lesson learned, no more breaks for me! This is the first of two chapters and is my take of "The Sleeping Beauty." It's a parody of sorts, so enjoy!

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An old tale retold

Once upon a time… In a land called Nevada, and a city called Las Vegas, a young king and queen lived. They were very happy together, and had everything they needed. At least, they thought they had everything they needed. If you asked their friends, there was something missing…

Then, one day in the early autumn, when the leaves of the trees began to turn red and gold, a prince was born to them. They named him Spencer and all the land rejoiced in his birth. That is everyone except the most evil warlock in the land.

First of all… they hadn't invited Lord Quagmire to their feast of celebration when the young Queen had given birth. All of the other sorcerers, and wizards, in the kingdom were invited. It was the custom to bestow gifts on the first born of the ruler.

Then, the royal messenger had come to his mansion, and told him that no gifts would be accepted from Lord Quagmire or his employees.

After raging up and down in his dungeon, and breaking several old crystal balls, Lord Quagmire decided to crash the party.

"But sire… do you think it wise to -"

Lord Quagmire turned his terrible glare on the smaller hunchbacked man. "You dare question me Ivan…"

"No mi lord, I just think you should sit down and have a nice café latte. There's a great movie on HBO about these two women that go on a road trip together. I think they even commit suicide together at the end. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Don't patronize me…" Lord Quagmire growled, looming over Ivan in a most menacing way. "I don't have time for HBO!" He shouted.

"Your Lordship… I was only trying to -"

"Shut up and go warm up the limo…"

Ivan bowed out of his Lord's dungeon and went to fetch the limousine, grumbling as he climbed the stairs to the main floor of the mansion.

"King William won't be happy about this." He muttered to himself.

--

The party was well under way when Lord Quagmire arrived. He'd disguised himself as an old cousin of the king. King William hadn't seen Lord Percival in fifteen years and it was easy to fool him.

The food was delicious and the dancing lame. It seemed that Queen Diana really liked disco and no other music was allowed at the party. Everyone was in the middle of the "Hustle," when King William's secretary called everyone to order.

The subjects bowed when King William stood at the microphone. He wore a simple black tuxedo and no crown, for he told the Queen that crowns were too heavy to wear and passé. Queen Diana had patted him on the cheek, and adjusted her diamond tiara while the baby nurse dressed little Spencer in his party clothes.

"My loyal subjects, it's time for Prince Spencer to receive gifts from the most powerful wizards and magicians in the land."

The people clapped and cheered while Mary the baby nurse brought Prince Spencer into the large ballroom. He was sleeping, and looking very cute in the tiny, handmade tuxedo his father had insisted he wear.

The baby nurse placed him in the cradle that stood at the north end of the room, in front of a large bay window. The stars were visible tonight and the weather calm. The baby wriggled a bit in the gold satin sheets, but then he calmed again.

The first wizard to approach the King, and then Prince Spencer, was Gregory Goodlook. The tall, dark haired man smiled down at the baby and addressed his parents. "I give the Prince Spencer the gift of beauty. All who look upon him will do so with awe and reverence."

The second to approach was the greatest Magician in all the land, 'The Great Mateo…' The man was red haired and green eyed. He was short, and plump, with a round, kind face. "Prince Spencer shall be given the ability to charm others with his feats of magic and illusion." He declared.

The third man to bring a gift to the Prince was Barry Brilliant. He was the smartest man in all the land. He was medium height with blond hair and blue eyes. He was very thin with a narrow face and heavy eyebrows. "To Prince Spencer I give the gift of great intelligence. He will surpass even me in knowledge, and true wisdom."

Lord Quagmire watched nine more wizards give the young Prince various gifts. When they had finished he stepped forward, letting his disguise fall.

"Your Majesties… You insult me by not inviting me to the party."

"Seize him…" The king ordered.

The warlock pulled his magic wand from the inside of the suit he wore and pointed it at the small Prince. The baby slept on, undisturbed by the chaos and the shouting going on around him.

"I can't miss at this range… Your Highness." He sneered at the King and Queen.

"What do you want?" The King demanded, motioning his guards back.

"I can't undo the magic and gifts my fellow wizards have accomplished." Lord Quagmire bowed mockingly at the others. "But… I can do my own magic… Yes… the young Prince will be handsome, but his intelligence will make him the target of bullies and women will be intimidated by him. He will be nervous and shy… In his tenth year, you… the great King William will leave him because Queen Diana will become mentally ill. In his eighteenth year he will be forced to put the Queen in an institution for the rest of her life. One day he will join the BAU at Quantico and many terrible things will happen to him there. On his twenty sixth birthday, he will drink a potion at his birthday party and fall into a deep sleep forever." The man cackled and the queen fainted. "Oh yeah… he'll be clumsy and will spout off statistics and facts to everyone that will listen." He added as an after thought.

Lord Quagmire threw down a vial and black smoke billowed into the room. All the guests began to dance uncontrollably to country western swing music, which began to blast out of the entertainment system. He disappeared into the crowd, never to be heard from again. King William had all of his property seized and poor Ivan was thrown into the deepest dungeon in the land.

--

Twenty six years later, the young prince Spencer worked for the FBI in the BAU at Quantico. He was all that the wizards of Las Vegas had said he would be. Lord Quagmire's entire curse had also come to pass. He was now known as Spencer Reid.

His friends had decided to give him a birthday party one cold October day. The sun was out, but its warmth was elusive. The inside of the building, where the prince and his friends worked, was much warmer then the windswept woods that surrounded the military base.

A man, dressed in Marine fatigues, stepped out of the shadows to meet a shorter dark haired man. "Is the potion in place, Melvin?" He as the man with the twisted face, who's left eye had a white cataract cast to it.

"Yes sire… I put it there myself." He bowed low to the large man in front of him.

"Good… Any minute now the Prince will drink it and my revenge will be complete." He laughed loudly and startled several birds over his head, which flew away squawking indignantly at being disturbed.

Lord Quagmire took one step to the left and slipped on several leaves that had fallen to the ground. The storm the night before had made them very slippery. He fell with a yelp that drew the attention of a lone Marine running the obstacle course through the woods. He turned toward the noise in time to see a very large man fall, and hit his head hard on a large rock.

"Hey…" He shouted at the smaller man.

Melvin flinched and used some of his master's special transportation powder to escape. He disappeared in front of the Marine, who stood staring stupidly at the spot for five minutes before remembering that another Marine was in trouble.

He called for help and the evil Lord Quagmire was taken to the base infirmary and then the hospital. Unfortunately for him, the blow had given him amnesia and he turned into a nice guy after that, who wandered DC handing out pamphlets for the Salvation Army. He never saw his servant again as the travel spell had sent the other man to Borneo, where he ran a fowl of the natives and was forced to marry the chief's daughter.

--

Meanwhile…

The birthday party was in full swing. JJ had kept up tradition by giving Reid another chocolate birthday cake. They sincerely hoped to be able to finish the party this year. The young prince didn't know that he was in danger of a revenge driven warlock. He'd always assumed his mothers warnings of this birthday were the ravings of her paranoid mind.

"Hey Reid… it's time for cake." Morgan said

"No trick candles this year," Reid asked.

"Can't fool you three times," The older agent said.

Reid ignored his friend because JJ was passing him cake and a cup of fruit punch. "Sorry there's no rum in it," She winked.

"We can't drink on the job anyway. Did you know that there are one hundred and twenty two people fired every year for drinking in this state alone?"

"I'm not surprised, this is a political town." JJ responded dryly.

"Hey Reid… Heads up for your toast man," Morgan yelled. Most of the other agents in the room were standing around staring at Reid who was going red in the face.

"Alright… Get it over with Morgan." Hotch ordered

"Well there isn't much to say. We all know about all your amazing talents. You got a great job." The team groaned and the others laughed. "Okay… so it ain't that great, but it pays the bills, sort of."

"Get on with it Morgan." Rossi said. The others agreed.

"So here's to hoping some hot babe takes pity on you this year and you get some lovin'" Morgan shouted above the laughter.

Emily went upside his head with her hand and Hotch said, "Morgan…"

"Okay… Seriously man… Happy Birthday!" Morgan raised his glass.

They all drank, including Reid who was trying to hide behind his cup. And that's when a voice shouted from the crowd. "No son… Don't drink that!" The man, who was an older version of Reid, tried to push through the agents, but Reid had already downed the drink.

"Grab him," Hotch shouted.

It was too late. Garcia screamed when her friend swayed and fell to the floor. She tried to revive him but he didn't move.

"What did you do to him," Hotch yelled at the former King William. "What did you do?"

TBC