Chapter one: Birth and Infancy

The day you were born, the morning sun was very beautiful...

Hinata sat in her hospital bed, holding her new born son. "What do you hink of the name, Hikaru?" she asked her husband. Neji smiled and looked at her. "Hikaru... Hikaru Hyuuga. Sounds perfect." he said with a smile. Hinata kissed her sons head. "I'll raise him with all my love." she whispered.

My adorable boy, who came to me with the morning light...

My whole world is shining with happiness.

"I'll probably be late tonight, Hinata." Neji said, standing at the door. "Alright, but just don't train to hard." Hinata replied. A small whine came from down the hall and in their bedroom. They smiled. "Hikaru..." Neji said, looking back. "I guess he woke up." Hinata giggled. They walked into their bedroom, where a crib stood beside their bed. Neji peered into it, and the baby stopped crying, and looked up with his pale eyes. Neji leaned in and kissed his son on the head. "Hey, I'm off. Be a good boy, all right?" he said, smiling with pride. "Have a good day," Hinata kissed him on the cheek and he left the house. 'I'm so happy.' she thought, waving goodbye.

Hinata was cleaning the dishes, when the phone rang. "Coming!" she called, pulling off her dish gloves. She picked it up and smiled. "Hello? Oh, Sakura! It's been a while! You wanna get together later?" she asked. She paused. "Yes, we can meet at my house. I'll see you soon!" she hung up the phone when she heard Hikaru crying. She picked him up and smiled. "You're hungry, right Hikaru?" she asked, kissing him. "There, there." She picked him up and smiled. The baby wined even louder and leaned away from Hinata. "That's odd. The nursing book says to hold the infant while giving milk. But Hikaru crys more when I hold him..." she put the bottle to his mouth and he rejected it, crying even more. She put him on the bed and instantly he settled down. She popped the bottle in his mouth and sighed in exasperation. "Do you prefer drinking milk on the bed? It's easier for me, but I don't think it's good for you..." she mumbled, smiling at him.

"Sakura! Ino! Hello!" Hinata exclaimed, at her two friends at her door. They held their babies, and smiled back. Ino walked right into the house. "Wow! How spacious!" she exclamied. Sakura gasped at Hinata. "I'm so jealous that you have a three bedroom home in the Hyuuga grounds!" she rolled her eyes. "All Naruto and I have is a boring two bedroom." Hinata and he women sat down in the living room. "But I have to be pretty attentive. Like, I have to three kinds of dishes when he drinks, and I cant serve store bought food, or microwaved food. As a Hyuuga woman, that's expected of us. Sakura laughed. "That's nothing. I have to worry about Naruto, and his hyprness. When will that guy ever grow up?" she laughed. A loud sob came from the mat on the floor, and Sakura's son woke up. "Awww, Sasuke, you woke up?" Hinata smiled. It was nice of Sakura to name her fist born after her old love. Heck, sometimes, Hinata thought Sakura still missed him... Curse that Orochimaru. "You want milk, right?" Sakura cooed, picking her son up and hugging him, as he began to giggle. Hinata gasped. Ino looked at her. "What's wrong?" she asked. Hinata shrugged. "I'm just surprised that he doesn't mind being held." Ino looked at her oddly. "Well, of course not! No baby would reject its own mother." Hinata blinked. 'What?' She looked at Sakura. "Hikaru doesn't like being held?" she asked, sympathetically. Hinata shook her head. "Not always but.. he cries a lot, and Neji doesn't like it, so I moved the crib into the next bedroom.

But he really cries a lot...

Neji and Hinata woke up to crying, AGAIN. "Uhhggg! Come on, Hinata! I have to get up early for training tomorrow!" he growled. Hinata jumped and ran into the next room. She pulled the baby out of the crib. "I'm sorry, Neji. It's been getting worse lately." She looked down at Hikaru, sobbing. "If I hold you, you cry more. What am I supposed to do?" she asked herself. Hikaru sobbed louder. "AAAGGHHH! Shut him up!" Neji called from the bedroom. Hinata gulped. "Come on, swetie, let's sleep in the farthest room from daddy..." she whispered, walking down the hall.

The next day.

Hinata yawned. "He was crying till dawn. I'll take a nap while he watches TV." she said, as he settled infront of the television. She lay on the couch behind him and closed her eyes. She was out for about ten minutes, when she heard a sound. She opened her eyes. Neji's strict aunt stood infront of her, angrilly. "Hello. Since there was no answer, I let myself in." she said calmly. "Oh! Lady Kida!" Hinata fell off the couch. "My... you're doing nothing at home while my nephew is out training for a mission. She turned to the tv. Hinata got up. "I'm sorry. Hikaru was crying all night, and I didn't get any sleep..." Lady Kida clucked her toungue. "And the television! I can't believe you're letting this contraption baby-sit him!" she roared. "Hinata, you're cutting corners!" she yelled.

Kitchen

Hinata crossed her arms. "Spare key? Yeah, I gave one to her." Neji said calmly. "She's the one who hooked us up with one of the best houses in the residence, so we're kind of obligated to give her a key." he explained. "But she came over without calling, so she surprised me... I want some privacy!" Hinata argued. "Can you stop it already? It's not a big deal if she stopsby once in a while." he replied cooly. "But Neji!" Hinata leaned up against the kitchen wall. "Sheesh. She may be my family too, but she's closer to your side. I'm of the main house, so of course she doesn't like me." she answered. A loud cry came from down the hall. "Oh, maybe he's hungry." she said, looking. Neji got up. "I have to get up early tomorrow, so don't make him cry so much." Neji said, walking to their bedroom and slamming the door shut. She heard the click of the lock. 'He's colder than I remember... I feel like I'm a single mom... I mean, until recently, I thought his kindness would last.

Toddler park

Hinata walked into the toddler park, meeting up with Sakura and Ino. Sakura ran up to Hinata. "Phew! Once they pass their first birthday and can walk, it's a little easier." she laughed. Ino nodded. "It's so rewarding when they come to you saying 'mommy'." Hinata frowned. 'How nice for them...' she looked up. "Oh, well, Hikaru doesn't say anything yet, but he walks a little..." she replied, faking a smile. "Your boy's quiet, It might help if you talk a lot like I do." Sakura advised. Her son, Sasuke ran up and tugged on her pants. "Mommy! Mommy!" he yelled. "What is it sweetie?" she asked, picking him up and twirling him. "Do you getjealous when I talk to other people?" she asked, laughing. Sasuke higged Sakura and kissed her cheek. "Mommy 3" he smiled. A tear formed in Hinata's eye. 'It must be nice... for your child to look at you and call you mommy... and for you to be able to hug them like that... I would be so happy...' Hinata looked at Hikaru who turned away from her. 'He gets his coldness and nervous disposition from his father.' She giggled.

Hikaru... Mommy's waiting... For you to show your love... Please call me mommy...

The whistle on the clock began, signaling the 2:00pm time. Hikaru stopped and looked at it attentively. Hinata began throwing everything in her purse. "The whisple's blowing! Time to go to the 18-month exam!" she said, frantically. "I need the maternity notebook...the quetionaire..."

Hinata waited for Hikaru's tests to be over. When it was time, the doctor called her into the office. "This boy can't hear." sataed the doctor plainly. "WHAT!?" Hinata cried. She looked over at Hikaru, who was playing with the blocks on the floor. The doctor shook some bells, and there was no response. "See? I shook these bells next to his ears, but he walked away, showing no response." Hinata stood up. "That's because he was preocupied with the blocks over there. He loves blocks." Hinata said, in denial. "Then, can you call his name?" the doctor asked. "Uhh, sure..." Hinata smiled. "Hikaru... Look over here..." no answer. "HIKARU! LOOK AT MOMMY!" she called loudly. "See? I'llreferr you to a hospital. You should be glad you found his disability early." The doctor said bluntly. DISABILITY!? Hinata walked down the street, to the edge of Konoha, and entered the Pediatric Hospital.

She sat down with the doctor, and held her breath. He read the note from the previous one and looked at Hikaru, who was on the floor, playing with blocks. "He may have autism." he said quietly. Hinatalooked at him. "Autism... What's that?" she asked. "Have you ever seen the movie 'Rain Man'?" heasked. She shook her head. "I see...It's hard to explaine in words... It's a developemental disorder, and it's cause is still unknown. Autistic people have difficulty nteracting with others, nd they won't lok you in the eye. You may think they can't hear you." he stopped and slammed his fist on the desk hard, making Hikaru jump and look back, whimpering. "Sorry, I guess that was too loud..." The doctor said, smiling, sympathetically. He turned to Hinata. "He is not deaf. I'm not a specialist, so I can't give you specifics, but I'll referr you to the Konoha Welfare Facility, so please go to them." he said, giving her a booklet.

"Huh? Autism? A child can get depression this young?" Neji asked, looking at Hikaru. Hinata sat at the table. "I don't think it's depression. I'm not sure what it really is either... I'll go to the facility tomorrow, to learn more..." she said, quietly. Neji rolled his eyes and walked to the bedroom. Hinata sighed as Hikaru started up again.

"Here it is," she said to herself. They stopped infront of the Konoha Welfare Facility, and Hnata looked down at Hikaru. "Okay, let's get out, sweetie." she said, trying to take Hikaru out of the stroller. He began to wine a bit and fuss. "Why? Come on, let's get out. Our appointment's at 11:00am." She pulled. He cried. "Let's go, Hikaru!" she sighed and stood up, and looked at her watch. "11:10am..."

Hinata ran into the office, with a sobbing Hikaru. "Sorry I'm late! I'm Hyuuga, here to recieve counselling." she told the receptionist. A young woman with long blonde hair and a sweet smiled walked out of a small door to the side. "Oh, Hyuuga, hello, come into my office." she saidkindly. Hinata sped in. "Welcome, I'm Ari, the nurse/counsellor." she said, letting Hinata sit down. "I'm so sorry. He didn't want to get out of the stroller at the entrance." Hinata said, sadly. Ari smiled at her and looked down into a folder. "I see. You were referred to a hospital, then came here..." She said, quietly. "Yes... But I still don't understand what autism is." Hinata confessed. "Well, since he's only a year old, we can't say for sure. We need to look into it further." Ari said, closing the folder. "Please see a specialist to recieve individual guidance." she said, giving her a buisness card. "There, you should recieve adice from people who cangive psycological and linguistic guidance. Hinata was still confused. "And here... Please read through these materials. They explain autism." she gave Hinata some brochures. She smiled. "I'll make n appointment for next tuesday. Feel free to talk to me about anything."

Hinata wheeled th stroller down the road, ignoring the people staring at the crying toddler. 'They only tell me to go here, or there. In the end, there's no answer, because he's still young. I just want someone to take this fear away...'

When they got home, she put Hikaru in his crib to sleep, and she read through the brochures. "I see... There are 24,000 autistic people in the fire country... No single cause affecting the central nerve...This is hard to read." she read the list below. "Characeristics... Linguistic developments are slow. Even if ne can speak, they repeat what you say. There are cases where the individual may never speak. Incurable disorder." she stopped. "No!" She flipped through. "It's not true! Hikaru is not autistic.. But Hikaru is a normal child! Sooner or later, he'll call me 'Mommy'..."She stood up and put the brochures on the counter. 'What do those people know?' she thought, bitterly. The front door opened and Neji came walking in, smiling. "Hinata, how was the facility visit?" he asked, taking off his headband. Hinata smiled. "Oh, it was nothing. My hospital rounds are oer." she lied. "That's great! I have good news too! I'm going on an important mission, in two weeks. A ranked!" he said, taking off his shirt, and throwing it in the landry room. "Really? Wow! You've been woring so hard!" she chimed. He nodded. "Then to celebrate, you can have an extra drink tonight." she said, kissing his cheek. "Thanks, Hinata." he said, getting into his pyjama's. Hinata sat on the couch, and soon after, he joined er. It's been over 24 months since he's actually sat down with her. "Hikaru's not crying tonight. I guess we can sleep together tonight." he said. Hinata nodded.

Toddler park

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WWWWAHAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sakura and Ino looked over at Hikaru. Sakua looked at him sadly. "Aww, what's wrong with Hikaru?" she asked. Ino rolled her eyes. "He's throwing a tantrum... He doesn't like something." she mutered. "But I don't know what! I can't stand this!" Hinata cried, trying to confront her son. She looked down. "Oh, he peed in his pants." she picked up the wet quirming boy, and began to walk off. "I'll be back, girls. Come on, Hikaru. You need a change."

"Wow..." Sakura turned to Ino, who was whispering. "It's been on my mind lately. Don't you think Hikaru's a little odd?" Sakura looked at her. "What? Ino, what are ou saying?" Sakura asked. Ino frowned. "We've know him since he was a baby. Yet he still doesn't look at us. He's always running around, doing the same things. And I've never heard him talk. He'll never get out of diapers, like that." Ino pointed to Hikaru running from Hinata, and Sakura watched. "I wonder what it is..."

Hinata chased after her son all afternoon. "Oh, wait, Hikaru! Where are you going?" she yelled, as he ran away, not responding.

Sakua and Ino stood waiting in the park for Hinata. Morning!" Sakura called to Ino. "Look, Sakura, the kindergarten Ninja class." Ino pointed out. Sakura smiled, only a few months away. "Let's send the kids all together. We'll invite Hinata, too!" Sakura said happily. Ino looked at her. "What? I don't think so. Hikaru isn't even out of diapers, yet. And he's gotten worse." she said, angrilly. Sakura gasped. Ino turned around, to Hinata standing there with Hikaru. "Oh, Hinata!" Ino said, ashamed, and embarassed. Hinata turned around and stormed off down the other way, in tears. 'I know! I know Hikaru won't be able to attend, but she doesn't have to say it like that!' Hinata thought, sobbing along with her son.

"Hinata? Are you home?" Neji called, walking into the dark home. He flicked on a light to see Hinata laying on the couch, deep in thought. She sat up, and pointed to Hikaru, passed out on the floor "What were you doing in the dark?" Neji asked. Hinata shifted her eyes to the floor. "Nothing. Welcome home..." she said monotone. Neji looked at her, unimpressed. "I saw my aunt today. She said you changed the lock on the front door. She couldn't get in. She rang the doorbell, but you didn't answer." he said, a but angered. Hinata looked down. 'Well, I didn't want to see anybody... Especially your stupid aunt!' she thoht bitterly. "I'm sorry, I wasn't feeling well..." she lied. Neji shrugged. "Anyway... This Sunday is my fathers memorial service, so I need you to come with me. We're holding it at a temple, outside of Konoha, and both our relatives will be there." he said. "I need you to prepare my dark kimono." he said, walking to the bedroom. "Wait! I an't take Hikaru there!" Hinata exclamed, frightened. "Don't be so selfish. Everyone else can do it!" and he slammed the door. 'Neji doesn't know what Hikaru's like!!" Hinata thought, scared.

Sunday

Hinata filled up her little baby bag. "Blocks and a pretty rope. Everything Hikaru likes." She closed it up. "Ready?" Neji asked, opening the front door. Hinata nodded, and put Hikaru in the stroller, which caused Neji to look at her. "You know he's too little to walk all that way." she lied. Truth was, if he didn't get the stroller, he would cry.

Hinata and Neji stopped to a large Temple, just outside Konoha. She stooped down to her baby boy and unbuckled him. "Let's get out, Hikaru." she smiled. "UGGGHH!!" he cried. "No, come on, Hikaru, we can play with the blocks over there!" she said, pointing to the Temple. Lady Kida walked over concerned. "What's wrong, Hinata?" she asked. Hinata looked up at her. "Oh, hello, Lady Kida. Hikaru's just a bit upset." Hinata said, faking a smile. "Hikaru, sweetie, it's auntie, hello!" she said, bending down. Neji cleared his hroat. "Aunt Kida, you can talk to him later. We need to start preparing for the service." he said. Hinata looked at him saldy. "I'm sorry, I'll catch up." she said. Neji smiled. "It's okay, I'd stay too, but..." Hinata shooed him off.

Finally after a while, Hinata brought quiet Hikaru into the Temple. But as soon as the bhuddist chant started... "WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Hinata looked down at Hikaru. He was banging on his head, and stomping his feet. "Hikaru!" she cried, picking hi up. "Hikaru? What's wrong?" Neji asked, sweating. "Hinata, just take him outside!" Lady Kida panicked. Hinata jumped up and took Hikaru outside.

There they sat. Mother and Son crying in the courtyard. "Hinata. Why is he like this?" asked Lady Kida, angrily. "You have caused me and Neji shame." she spat. Hinata sat infront of Lady Kida, and sobbed. "Hikaru might have autism!" she cried. "Autism?" Hinata nodded. "They can't talk of interact with others. But I didn't want to believe that. It's a disorder with no treatment or cure!" Hinata cried. "But, Neji didn't say anything!" Lady Kida yelled. Hinata looked up at her. "B-because... He doesn't know." she admitted. She looked down. "All he does it train, train, train. He only comes home to sleep. He doesn't care about me or Hikaru..." And even ifI talk to him, he tells me to shut up!" she began sobbing again. "Don't blame it on my nephew. You can't even raise a child! You let the television baby-sit him! You don't dscipline him, and you cut corners. That's why Hikaru turned out so selfish!" Lady Kida smaked Hinata across the face. "THEY SAY CHILDREN GROW UP AS THEY WERE RAISED! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" she shreiked. Hinata looked at her in disbeliefe. "We're starting dinner, but please don't come. I'll tell the others you weren't feeling well." she said, turning to leave. Hinata looked up to see Neji standing by the bushed, infront of the Temple. He seen it all. He turned and left back inside the temple, with a 'Don't come near me' look. "Neji..." Hinata turned to Hikaru, who ignored the whole thing, and was playing with rocks.

Hikaru, mommy was blamed for what you did. I just wanted to raise you normally. Holding you in my arms, and loving

you every day. Teaching you words, and how to draw. Manners and discipline. I wanted to teach you everything I knew. But you

rejected me... You won't except me... You wont even look at me... I feel so pathetic. My son came to me wth the morning light...

My light of hope... But I'm always crying... and crying... and crying... Please, Hikaru! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?